Are you on the cusp of getting into the playoffs in a few leagues as I am? Are you depending on the likes of Jeff Wilson, KJ Osborn (he came through!) and Jalen Guyton to get you there? I pray that you’re not my kind of stupid-otherwise I wouldn’t be special anymore.
To The Games!
Ravens/Browns:
Baltimore is digging into their practice squad and beyond for some, any, kind of db help because they are about seven guys down at this point. It’s the perfect time for that secondary to be exploited by a competent qb but fortunately they’re facing Mayfield.
Jags/Titans:
“You’re tearing me apart from the inside out!” is what a certain franchise would say if it had a mouth hole and was coached by a narcissistic asshole the likes of Meyer. As per the usual this week he lied about the Robinson situation, undermined players and coaches alike and made a fool of himself. It’s very telling, the amount of info that’s being leaked from the organization.
Raiders/Chiefs:
This sure looks like a ‘get right’ game for K.C. as Las Vegas (losers of 4 of 5) are reeling just as everyone and their mother predicted. I’d be stunned if the Raiders turned things around at this point.
Saints/Jets:
Kamara’s Back! Fantasy owners needing a win to get into the playoffs (sounds familiar…) dance in their sweat-stained underwear. Wives cover their children’s eyes and pets try to hide under the couch as the dreadful spectacle unfolds.
Cowboys/TEAM:
Washington has won 4 in a row and the D looks formidable again. Dallas can land a crushing blow with a W and finally separate itself from the dross that is the rest of the NFC East.
Falcons/Panthers:
A sub .500 team might just make it into the NFC playoffs and it may just be one of these two teams if either one can put a stop to their respective skids. Nah, I was kidding.
Seahawks/Texans:
Seattle might just win back to back games for the very first time this year today. But t’will mean not a thing. Houston is angling for that #1 overall pick so they’re not interested in putting up any resistance.
Who do you need to go off today? Let me know.
When the Raiders D takes the field the music played should be “Send In The Clowns’.
I hate and loathe clowns, but no need to disrespect them that much.
Lamar! is OUT!
/starter for the 3-10 team who is still heavily favoUred to beat me because I am JUST THAT AWFUL AT ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE
I started out 0-7 n that lge Hippo. Won’t make the playoffs but beating Scotchy for 7 wins on the trot would be…..nice.
I tried playing fantasy football once, but when I found out I couldn’t draft Susan Sarandon or the girl who used to let me dry hump her and make out high school I realized our fantasies weren’t aligned
The ole BYU dry hump.
Dallas pass rush owned that 1st half
Pathetic FG award unlocked!
Congrats Raiders!
The refs trying to get the Raiders back in this game is ridiculous.*
*completely unbiased opinion
They’re not, they’re just padding the stats so the Raiders penalty stats don’t look so lopsided.
The non-gendered cowpersons are pimp slapping the team.
I needed another Coop score
It seems like the score should be a lot worse.
Usually when you perform this bad at Arrowhead, Squanto just asks if he can do you from behind instead
Goddamn snowflake NFL with their taunting penalties
If I ran the PA at a game, every time one was called I’d play a soundbite of an old man yelling “Get off ma lawn!”
dog be all like “I won’t, but I could – just remember”
cat be all like “don’t display weakness but oh fuck”
That cat better hope the dog does not fall asleep and dream of catching tennis balls.
Cowboys D teeing off on Heinicke as though they were Elin Nordegren chasing Tiger down the driveway.
/2009 callback
On one of them 60+ yard FGs, could you leave two dudes back and try a cheerleader flip to block the kick?
That would be great to watch. But just like the wood sport, that’s goaltending and not allowed.
I’d do it anyway, just as fan service.
These long field goals are impressive, but it’s really width that counts
And the motions!
Width, Depth, or Circumference?
Yes.
Except during anal.
Goatse would like a word
He’s like the wide mouth can.
The Raiders are letting the Chiefs pull a train on them like Baylor frat boys on a passed out coed.
Tough but fair.
PJ Harvey time in Charlotte!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzwG3r9_L9o
You left out the part where she fell on to the tree and started crying. #ripoff
#ThePauls might be as stupid as the Jaguras. Keep striving towards Everton-calibre, fuckadoos.
I am very impressed by how you turn on a team, well done sir!
mah rage knoweth no bounds
They could get the same level of back-and-forth as The BLEERGH Zone Channel
It’s the yellow festival!
Coach Parcells has left the chat
Former president has entered the chat.
“See, honey, language like this is why we were the only family that the Wongs didn’t invite to their Lantern Festival last year.” – an exasperated Judith Goss in 1997
Josh Gordon…score?
/immediately is tested, positive for weed.
Come on Taysom Hill
Start being Rocking!!!
That’s like asking Coach Reid to only eat one serving of broccoli in a super meat buffet.
Any updates on Lamar? Is he residing in the house of Robert Griffindor?
He die. No idea what #ThePauls were thinking, throwing the ball up 17 on Tyler Goddamned Huntley.
NC State/Purdue line has dropped from 15 to 14.5!!!
Yeah, Cincy gonna win this division.
Patty with the saucy underhand pass at the goal line!
Tight end Hooper gets the score-at least one of us thinks that’s rockin’.
That’s Rocking!!!!
Gooooo Hooooper! 💪
[Njoku pouts on the sideline]
Can we swap teams? Chefs/Boys and Team/Vegas? Keep their scores too.
Parsons doesn’t seem to bothered by the WTFs lineman.
That’s My Chiefs!
I am loving this game.
Bahahahaha!
“Fix Muh Infrastructure Biden!”
-Kentuckians, probably
these people have elected (or worse don’t vote at all) for 2 of worse senators in living memory. fuck them
Even I know that from afar!
Kinda of funny seeing heinicke imprinted with grass stains after Parsons give him a pile driver
I mean at least the Raiders lost this one quickly. Last time they played KC I still had hope even after halftime. I’ll be over this before the game is even over.
Watching on my phone’s 3 inch screen like it’s the colorized 1940s. Doesn’t make Team’s play look any better
So much shit this window. Shit upon shit, with a side of shit.
NFL games, or German porn? You decide!
Trust me, both is also an option.
I’m transitioning to the Texans and hoping for the upset.
/banner quote is holding up nicely
Evergreen for the early window, at least!
Clyde Edwards-Hillaire-Belloc gets the score!
Damn, I don’t even get a FOX game this morning. I’m going to have to switch to Netflix or something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxR7RYuF2fU&ab
WTF WFT?
Wow. Davis Mills is 11 for 11-maybe there’s something there.
Or, and hear me out, he’s facing the formidable HOX! defense.
Oh my
Lamar is injured
Shit
MIcah Parsons just killed a QB!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea that dude is Rocking!
Seems like if you see him on the field, you oughta account for him.
More like Dedly LAMAR!
“Hooker with a personal foul-taking money out of my wallet while I was in the shower.”
-Ref, in Cowboys game with the TMI call
Is Team going to pick a name? Or are they just sticking with Team? I haven’t been paying attention.
They are being quite coquettish about it.
“Croquettes‽ Croque Monsieur‽ Yes please!”
-you know who
Snyder waiting out for an AAF and XFL team gear to on clearance
I hope they stick with Team. Or go with the Fillibusters
The Bishops of Bleergh be busy.
thank you Jesus. Zack Martin is back in.
Is baker mayfield gonna throw it to TE Hooper? Cause that would be rocking!!!
NO! not Zack Martin! Take Dan Snyder instead
I miss fat punters…
Amazon can go straight to hell. The piece of shit fire stick that I’ve used all of 3 times is now broken and preventing me from watching football. Switching to old laptop as soon as it finishes updating
This tune might cheer you up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7SvtikTkrM&ab_channel=theclashVEVO