Let’s keep it moving, shall we?
To The Games!
Lions/Broncos:
Javonte! I’ll be happy that if Gordon does play-he seems to be trending that way-that he’ll be on a pitch count so my guy can duplicate near to what he did last week. Denver sits at 6-6 and has Cincy, Las Vegas, the Chargers and the Chiefs the rest of the way so a W is vital here and I’ve no doubt they’ll get it. Should watch their kneecaps though…
Giants/Chargers:
Oh boy. This has beatdown written all over it because, though they are inconsistent the Chargers do tend to beat up lesser teams. The statue behind center that goes by the name of Glennon gets the start today. Why do teams have backup qb’s that are nothing like the starter with respect to skillset? You’d think the Giants would have signed a more mobile fella so that they could accomplish some of the same things on O. Instead, this concrete-footed ungulate is going to watch his o-line collapse in slow motion and he’ll not be able to escape pressure.
Niners/Bengals:
This one’s a curious inter-conference affair that I don’t know what to make of. So, umm, weather? And why was Mixon semi-stymied by the Chargers laughable run D last week? Burrow has a great future if he gets rid of the ball when pressure comes. Too many times this year I’ve seen him take the sack instead of throwing the ball away.
Bills/Bucs:
Buffalo gets another spotlight dance and they’ll likely collapse once again. They don’t look remotely like the team that busted out of the gate in weeks 2-5. But looking back they beat a Fins team before the latter got its shit together, a reeling TEAM with no competent qb, the Texans and a Chiefs team that just hasn’t been that impressive this season. The Bills O is far too reliant on Allen because their run game is such a travesty and there’s no indication that anyone is doing anything to improve it.
As you were.
Yay, Hendrickson is hurt.
Looking forward to nigh-exclusive coverage of Donks/N-F Lions (of course, the competitive game), because I really, really hate myself.
Mike Evans and RB Fournette both with TD’s for the Bucs
That’s Rocking!!!
It’s really strange to think about how people in Akron probably envy people who get to live in Cincinnati
I mean, still in Ohio.
What about the people in Dayton!?
They just complain about how much aviation fuel prices have increased since the Wright Bros had their workshop there, it’s really tiresome
This is NAWT a superb owl preview. This is why roe v. wade must be upheld.
Wait- would the coaches in abortions of a game be subject to arrest in roughly half the states if R v. W is overturned??
Huh. Way to find the silver lining in tragedy!
Texas is offering a bounty for anyone willing to sue over this game.
Sean Payton and Gregg Williams raced each other to the courthouse.
Look, Susan Collins assured me that Roe is safe.
Hey, things are going well in Freezer Vodka!
[checks old money league]
You are projected to lose 108-58, shithead.
Old money? Did you use to tie onions to your belt as it was the style at the time?
I assume he’s playing against the Astors and nawt those upstart Rockefellers with their tacky ballroom
I refuse to open that score page again.
A bald Mike Glennon looks like a freshly shaved penis.
Boo-urnley manager Sean Dyche would like a word
Is he bald to deter poachers? Kind of like how they remove the horns on rhinos?
The Giants are playing the Chargers? Well, the Bengals did lose to the Chargers, so I guess I’m now a New York Giants fan today.
(cut to outside of DFO Clubhouse)
Helen Hunt jumps out a window – YouTube
Damnit, I want to watch the Bill game but CBS’s stupid login page won’t work right, and I’m sure as fuck not going to go outside and get the antenna.
You’ve seen Brady fellatio before, just replay that in your head and you’ve got it. “gee, maybe Gronk will catch Brady’s 700th TD pass!”
Cincinnati Bengals: Better Lucky that Good!
The best part about playing on Thursday night means I can just kick back, relax and watch football.
Who am I shittin’? I’m in the kitchen cooking my ass off.
As it should be.
Oh, seriously?
Chase got Megatronned
Oh, or not, that actually was a good call and now he has a real catch
That’s what I get for paying minimal attention to the games while making jokes about inflation on social media
I’m not your pal, GUYton!
Oh fuck off, Herbert to Guyton. Helps my fantasy squadoo but that’s incredibly bad defensing by the fuck Giants.
JaMarr Chase still knows how to catch?!
Narrator: “Its going to be overturned.”
Nice catch (dammit)
…maybe not?
Nope
LOL, that one counted though.
I see Shad Khan trending but in is an odd year futbol season so I know it ain’t about Fulham
It’s actually about the fish, shad. There’s been an underwater coup and their democracy has been overthrown in favor of a tribal government ruled by a Khan, the Khan of Shad, or Shad Khan the First, fertilizer of roe and eater of larvae
Evader of harbor seals
Joe Burrow is shunning Ja’Marr Chase so hard, even Scientologists thinks it a bit too much.
This has not aged well.
BLEERGH will disagree
EVANSDOWN!
I take back nothing I’ve said about Br*dy though.
Jack White is going on Tour!!!
That’s Rocking!!!
I’m going to Wichita
Fucking liar.
I like how NYG are playing all chilled out now. Like, we scored at least, our jerb is done here.
That giant that suffered a home invasion at the hands of that Jack kid ended up dying from hypertensive issues. Los Gigantes are determines not to replicate his fate
ppl forget that!
/am being constantly reminded of just how humoUrous and smart Dok be
Do you think football players wear thongs to avoid panty lines?
Yes, but they call them jock straps.
Only difference from a banana hammock is the pocket for a protective cup.
Do they still wear tail pads (or whatever that one’s called)? If so, the thong might not work well with it.
Now I’m looking and see plenty of panty lines.
I think some of those are just how the pants are stitched, but nawt sure
DEE-BO’d
that keeps me barely alive in FF
JEEBUS CHRIST, DONKS
If there was a rule that said you got to replace one player on your team with whatever the team is named, that would be pretty useless for most teams, but would actually work really well for Washington, as they could replace one player with a competent football team
I mean it would have worked really well for Cleveland in the 30s and 40s.
If they could somehow teach a Bengal tiger to hold a football, they’d win at least one of those Super Bowls they played in.
I don’t know why you’d assume the football team was confident. What if it was like a monkey’s paw thing and the team was the Raiders or the Jets or the Jaguars?
Fair, but probably still an advantage having almost double the players on the field
To be fair, the Giants are completely out of their element here.*
*playing a football game against another NFL team
So the Bills are frauds eh?
es verdad
Clown frauds!
They’re as stable as a folding table.
Their fans are more legit than them.
They’re gonna end the day one game in front of the Raiders, so I should say yes, they are absolutely frauds.
Seen at Home Goods yesterday (no, I did not buy it).
THE BEN was 3-d, so even more terrifying from the side. (We put the sign on the left by it in case anyone else had the same reaction.)
And to think, they paid money to have those manufactured
I feel like that…uh, thing would be a great “trophy” for a fantasy football league. Maybe the loser has to put it on their bedstand looking at them every night for two weeks?
Okay, who greased the pigskins in Cincy?
*breathless Andy barges into the clubhouse*
Laura PalmerDOWN!
Multiple dropped passes and 2 dropped punts. This Bengals team has some fundamental football issues.
It’s exceedingly shallow but now that Justin Herbert no longer looks like a walking Clearasil ad I find him more likeable.
Nobody likes the visually unpleasant. It may not be right, but is universal.
Corollary: successful uglies are robotic go-getters.
That hippie still needs to get a haircut.
and shave those sideburns!
NC State led #1 Purdue by like 13 points with 5:00 to play. They lost in OT. By ten. Because fuck everything associated with Hippo.
Giants score!
/ensuing kickoff is out of bounds, Chargers start at the 40.
Good use of Spotlight Dance! And yeah, they’ll fuck it up again.
The entire 49ers team frantically signaling they have the loose ball. The entire Bengals teams frantically signaling for medics due to injured player.
Yep, its going to be one of those games.
Why would you push fournette INTO the end zone? Get it over with?
I needed that score badly. YAY HORNY FOURNY
The Bills don’t get out of Tampa without eleventy billion penalty flags thrown against them.
Is that what were calling MRSA now?
Has Urban Meyer been fired yet?
No, Khan wants to grind out this season with him.
Based on his record, pretty sure he quit back in week 1
Really hoping Fournette and Mikeeee Evans have big games vs da Billlls
That’s would be Rocking!
The only way Buffalo has a shot is if everyone watches something else. Any attention loosens their bowels worse than visine in your drink.
Found a funny;
Women are like candles
They are hot
They smell good
There are a lot of them in Target
They’re a good place to dip your wick?
FOUR?? FOUR GOD-DAMNED YARDS?
HEY URBAN:
Yeah, I had him too.
Eight gosh-darned rush attempts.
Gordon hurt. Fuck.
He’s back
Everything else today has gone to shit, I expected the worst.
FINISH HIM!
So 95% of the nation gets mrsabills?
Last minute fantasy advice:
I’ve got 2 recibers playing Monday night, (Hopkins and obj) and I’ve got Murray starting Monday night
But I’m thinking of switching out Murray for Tom Brady and Emmanuel sanders for one of the wrs, thoughts?
Brady is going to murderkill the Bills. So do that switch.
I am officially out of the LDB challenge as of five minutes ago due to the radio on in the car. FUCK.
Afternoon, you fine folks. The Grey Cup awaits.
I’m still in, but that’s probably because Gumby and I are pretty much skipping Christmas this year. We’re (allegedly) closing on our condo a few days later, so we have enough on our plate. Didn’t even put up the tree.
48-9 Emo Scorigami!
That’s My Raiders about to get Cowboy Bebopped.