I’m barely aware it’s Monday because multiple days off tend to confuse the hell out of me. So there’s that.
Fallout:
-TEAM’s Jonathan Allen took a swing at a buddy yesterday and called it a “brotherly disagreement”-no word on whether Hulk Hogan has been flown in to mediate.
-The “Clinchers of Division Crowns” phase of the regular season has begun. The first two entries are the Chiefs and Cowboys. (spits)
-Panthers owner Tepper has sounded the death knell-he’s been quoted as being ‘tremendously supportive’ of qb-swapping aficionado Matt Rhule.
-Burrow’s 525 yard throwfest came within two yards of 2nd-place on the list. There are two guys at 527 (not looking, I swear) and my guesses are Warren Moon and Dan Marino. Woo! I was correct with Moon but the other guy was fookin’ Matt Shaub. C’mon!!!
To The Game!
Fins/Saints:
-Combined, these teams are 7-7-7-7.
-Ian Book gets the start tonight. (despite the Saints reaching out to Brees?) I took a very shallow dive into a few of his draft assessments and positive phrases such as ‘good in the pocket’ and ‘can throw short and intermediate’ bubbled to the surface. Other worrisome words included ‘unpredictability’ and ‘throws a lot of 50/50 balls’. So… Taysom Lite?
-With 86 grabs Jaylen Waddle is within reach (hah!) of Anquan Boldins record of 101 catches for a rook. (anyone recall the latter’s first game in the NFL where he went for 217? That was bananacakes)
-Tua has shown a bit of improvement over the last six weeks (last week excepted) but he seems to be on a career track as a boosted game manager at best.
-If the Fins win they will be the first team to have followed up a 7 game losing streak with a seven game win streak and will have captured the #7 seed in the AFC playoffs. I’ve no doubt that on Xmas morning coach Flores said, “What’s in the box???”.
Keep on typing.
We’ll, that was certainly a football game that happened. It would seem like that should be it for the Saints. The Dolphins could sneak in with the seven seed though if they win out, they can move up to at least the six seed by virtue of winning two against the Patriots.
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Davante Parker getting shut out means I’m in the FF championship game!
New Letterkenny. Guess it’s time to subscribe to Hulu for a month.
There’s only six episodes, you can get through it in two and half hours. There’s some shady streaming sites I can direct your way if you’re interested.
There’s only six episodes, you can get through it in two and half hours.
Sounds like someone wants to jerk off while watching my childhood seizures.
That’s what I appreciates about you
Eh, it’s worth the $7 to me. Plus I can catch up on some other stuff or rewatch older ones.
If you got any leads on unlocking the DRM on amazon videos though I’m all ears
https://twitter.com/AshleyGWinter/status/1474737900407324672
I wonder how many antivaxxers would convert if this were a more common side effect?
How many of them still have their testicles?
Between this and Ivermectin supposedly causing infertility, I say we just play it out
Oh yeah? Then explain this:
Fun fact – that image was taken from this article:
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/11036277/john-elway-son-pleads-not-guilty-assaulting-woman
It doesn’t cause EQUINE infertility, unless you consider the fact that dead intestinal worms can’t reproduce
Run the fucking ball
A friend of mine from back east is flying in tomorrow. We’re going to spend an ungodly amount of money on fancy restaurants over the next week, starting with Sons & Daughters tomorrow. I appreciate that they are unwilling to accommodate vegans. https://www.sonsanddaughterssf.com/eat
Holy fuck that looks awesome
I will take pictures
I think it would be more fun if they were unwilling to accommodate kids.
I have a patent pending on that dreamworld.
Probably true in practice!
They should have a kids menu where everything on it is more expensive than the most expensive adult entrees. Like a $250 plate of fish sticks or something.
I like Waddle because he makes me think of the Duck Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
Since I’m toast seasonally I decided to watch the Big Fat Quiz of the Year. I think I chose wisely.
Found a funny;
My thoughts going into 2022
Fin’s Kicker Postgame News Conference SPOILER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC8zz95rm8s
“This is the ’90s. We’re gonna sue ya.”
HAIL SHANK’LHOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
Ha, this game should not be called football after this season.
Lawyerball? delay-challenge-refball?
Can’t successfully put a ball through the uprights with your foot ball?
catch?ball
Do you think he feels iced?
Look, I might be drunk, so just bear with me.
Absolutely, Mr. Halas.
*cue music*
It’s time for…WHAT IS CATCH?
*music swells*
NEW YORK WANTS TO REVIEW THIS
I hate antisemitic conspiracy theories
Is it just me, or did #TransformerNuAIDS perk up Sean Payton’s tits a little?
Kevin James went The Machinist diet to play Payton.
I learned about a new adorable animal today. This is a honey possum.
I’m thinking breaded, with a… Jalapeño mayo dip.
Tiniest wings ever
Do you get their honey be squeezing them? Or does it require a full squishing?
I think you have to make them puke it up
Unlike honey badgers, they do give a fuck.
I see your honey possum, and I raise you a baby platypus!
How great would it have been for Kaep to come in at age 47 or whatever and light up a few teams as a COVID replacement?
I would pay cash money to support this
Lady BFC is making chili and I’m chugging beer, so…watch out neighbors
Any forward passes attempted by Miami the rest of the way are, like Phoenix, a testiment to man’s hubris.
Great, keep the ball away from Parker
I can think of very little I’d like to watch less than an ESPN+ original fellating of Tom Brady. A Tucker Carlson defense of Hitler? A Donald Trump play by play of the pee tape? Those are really close calls.
Ben Shapiro fellating Tom Brady while Jordan Peterson dry humps him from behind and it’s actually all an informercial for antivaxxer essential oils that you shove up your butt?
I might still prefer that.
The essence that the oil is of is Brett Farve?
While Peter King dances around in assless chaps and a ball gag?
I saw a guy in a suit at Griffith Observatory at like 9 a.m. and was like “I wonder if that’s Ben Shapiro.” Then I realized the guy was taller than 5’4″ and realized it was just some other douchebag.
Nice “LACES OUT” license plate joke there. Its reminds me of the movie trying to pass Sean Young as a man dressed as a female and also a great joke that hasn’t aged well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFhvobbKPEc
My mother swam with a Dolphin in St. Thomas, she didn’t say what position it played
Did the Dolphin let her right through to sack the QB?
Did she share that dolphins also have sex for pleasure?
but do they know how SHAMEFUL that is??
Just ask Claire Marino
I own many AC adapters that I don’t know what they’re supposed to power. I cannot get rid of any of them, because as soon as I do I will want to power whatever they go to.
This is the NFL’s fault for taking away a week of Preseason. The Football Gods are punishing them by randomly replacing roster spots with Preseason Week 4/5 roster placeholders.
Good lord, why would Book’s parents come to see this live?
To be close by to identify the remains?
I love how, on the tweeter, when you shit talk some asshole, they instantly show up on your list of accounts to follow.
That’s because Twitter knows that most people are on there expressly to shit talk assholes.
It’s pretty much their business model
American society has been mulched.
If you loan Alice a wheelbarrow he’ll take care of it this weekend.
This is what his whole career would have looked like, if Notre Dame ever played anybody.
P’shaw. Their schedule is loaded every year.
Not as loaded as the ambulances below the scissor lifts.
Welcome to the NFL, Book the Rook!
Poor Ian Book.
Should have retired after he hit his first pass.
The outcome of my Over 37.5 will become evident in the next five minutes.
Alan Kamara?
oh shut up, Griese. Like YOU know about “taking the next step as a QB”
Babe Ruth pitched one game in 1930 and another in 1933 for the Yankees. Both were complete game wins. Fucking amazing.
Well sure, the league didn’t have any tape on him.
There will be no downfield passing tonight. Pretend there is fun weather.
I have 3 psylocibin capsules in my gun (weed) safe. I’m this close.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn4lJqbv7So
Any youse got young children? If they get into Blippi or Roblox, smack their fucking lips off. You’re welcome.
Also if they get into Trestman’s van!
Chick-Fil-A’s chicken tortilla soup looks good to me. That doesn’t mean I hate gay people, does it?
No, silly. Hate the SIN not the SINNER smh
Going through my cable box. How many extra HDMI cables is too many extra HDMI cables?
These goat cheese and red pepper potato chips are delicious.
And no, I haven’t made any progress on work, why do you ask?
/opens another beer
Work? What’s that?
It’s what your identically-clad minions perform within your tropical island/volcano lair, Dok.
AH, but zat ist ein labour of love!
It’s NEVAR too early to get pre-depressed for NEXT Monday.
Next Monday is New Years Day Observed!
Hey! You’re doing a great job and deserve a couple more beers! Gud jerb!
I messed up and scheduled a day to donate blood during my week off work. I cost myself a night I could’ve spent drinking.
Just use somebody else’s blood?
That’s your solution to everything!
At least you’ll be a cheap drunk after donating!
…and so will the person getting my alcohol-filled blood.
I need Kamara to produce a -3 to win my playoff matchup.
Fuck.
He IS the backup QB…so maybe??
I’m prepared for anything to happen in this game. I’m expecting a team to run a triple reverse tonight.
SARS-CoV-2-O: “Nice little year you’re having, Bengals. Be a shame if something could happen to it.”
https://www.bengals.com/news/brandon-allen-darius-phillips-placed-on-reserve-covid-19-list
“I don’t need to pay for them if they get COVID, right?”
–Mike Brown
Ok I have about a dozen “360 reviews” to complete this week, so I’m popping another beer to plow into those.
Looks like either Spam or Rev will be getting a plastic bottle of shitty vodka for winning the TWBS mem lge.
I need A.J. Brown to travel back in time and score 5 points. That way I’ll be in the money in two leagues.
He’ll have to ask Grandpa Emmitt if he can borrow the DeLorean first.
I need Davante to get knocked the fuck out before he can score more than 9 points in PPR
I need MIA’s defense to score less than 67 points.
I need nothing, which is good for this Nihilist Era.
Kelce being injured and my inability to start Burkhead after picking him up last week will cost me the championship game despite having far and away the most points in the league.
Say what you will, at least it’s (not) an ethos.
Yahoo apparently thinks that there’s a 1% chance of the New Orleans defense outscoring Jaylen Waddle by more than 70 points tonight.
Not going to lie, I kind of want to see that happen.
Matron Saint showing a shoulder Hippo. So sultry.
https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/2022-nfl-draft-garrett-wilson-chris-olave-among-buckeyes-stars-to-opt-out-of-rose-bowl-vs-utah/
The Buckeyes are taking quarantining a bit too far.
As though something called a Buckeye knows what it is doing. It doesn’t even know what it is!
It’s a delicious treat in the shape of a ball, made with peanut butter and powdered sugar, coated in melted chocolate.
Its also a poisonous nut, so please don’t go running to a Buckeye Tree thinking it drops balls of chocolate and peanut butter.
“Tomato, tomahto”
-My dog.
Unless you voted for Trump or don’t believe in vaccines, then eat as many of those delicious tree nuts as you can.
I have no idea what day it is anymore. I used to rely on the NFL for that. Thursday, Sunday, Monday. Last week fucked me up with the Tuesday games and there is no Thursday game this week?
Guess they didn’t want to compete with the JV bowl….
/v-8 flies out of nose
I confirmed Schaub’s yards was against Jacksonville, but to be honest, in our hearts of hearts, we all knew it was the Jaguars.
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/201211180htx.htm
Back in the glory days of Chad Henne and Cecil Shorts!
That sounds like a punishment when time travel gets invented.
“The defendant is sentenced to be a fan of the 2012 Jacksonville Jaguars.”
(while being dragged away) “NO! KILL ME!!! KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!”