That’s right. Tonight could be the greatest night of our lives. It is in the interest of Les Clippers du Merde and That’s Rikki’s Raiders to do nothing but take knees tonight. A draw gets both into the playoffs. And people’s heads would goddamned explode at the audacity. Look, George Carlin basically raised me as a third parent. I am 100% an entropy fan, and this would be the most entropic story ever told.
All thanks to Dakota Jeebus, going into Duuuuuuvvvvaaaallll as a 16.5-point favoUrite, and shitting himself magnificently. Hey, he should have known that’s a side effect of horse de-wormer.
My blessed fantasy vision is especially desired, because otherwise The Ben will make The Playoffs. And he’s really behind on his Call of Duty missions as is.
Banner image courtesy of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, law abiding Raiders fan (allegedly). His bandana and wing-wang are no doubt poised and ready. Pill up, crack a beer, and enjoy. We will miss this garbage when it’s gone.
How good would Low Commander’s Chargers have been over the last 5 years if they had Justin Tucker?
Ha, no tie for you!
I am conflicted about the winter Olympics. On one hand, I really enjoy watching winter sports. On the other, fuck this Chinese government.
Enjoy the Olympics and continue to hate the Chinese government, about which you can do nothing.
What about Chinese Democracy ? – A. Rose
“Meh” – the public
“The Chinese government is wonderful. I am saying this of my own free will, and not because they will kill my family.” — Peng Shuai
“Sounds about right to us.” — NBA
Pictured: The Santa Clara 49ers had a brief stint as a baseball team in 1875
Bob Saget is the latest victim of the Full House death curse.
It was foretold when Rebecca Romijn left John Stamos for the fat kid from Stand By Me.
I thought it was when Candice Cameron married the wrong Bure brother.
Pavel was RIGHT THERE
IIRC, Pavel was RIGHT IN ANNA KOURNIKOVA.
Ah. Then he did the right thing.
(also, I remember when Jim Rome on the radio referred to her as “Anna Pornikova” and I honestly did not laugh and now feel slightly better about myself)
WHY NO FRIENDS??/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/44168240/Bolt_vs_Predator.0.0.jpg)
Rikki wing wang status: Erect
Jimmy Fallon is the Lumineers of comedians.
I think it’s a bigger insult for the Lumineers? Either way, yes.
Found a funny;
[dying and finding myself in heaven in front of god]
me: woah hey m-
god: shut up. why are u guys drinking milk from cows. what the fuck did you guys start doing that for
Related
It’s probably not a great idea to go to Iran and Yemen (even if it’s just Socotra) in the year before I need to renew my passport, right? Or maybe it’s a great idea because I won’t have the visas in there very long?
Probably the second because you’re going to get a LOT of questions afterwards.
I’m big home-stayin scaredy-cat, but I woulda ended that sentence at “Yemen” and also I am too fat too fly that far.
Just claim you’re doing some covert sales calls for Raytheon and you’re good.
DZ,
I have friends who go to Soqotra every few years – it’s not been a problem for them, but they do take security with them. Lucky you! Going there is on my wish-list.
Klay Thompson is back
For the warriors
That’s Rocking!
As a Raiders fan, I have learned to truly expect the worst at all times.
If they lose, how many Raiders will be arrested for DUI in the next 24 hours?
Half? More?
Cris:
Did y’all know that professional athletes do workouts?
This is glorioUs.
I’m tumescent.
Goodell isn’t worried about a tie, because if there are any owners you can trust with the game’s integrity it’s the Davis & Spanos families.
Bob Saget did apparently do a lot of drugs? Think I remember him mentioning that in his delightfully dark stand-up set.
He sucked dick for coke.
At least in half baked.
Which was nonfiction if I remember right
Matt Damon is not only a shill, but also a useless fat fuck like Fatthew.
I am caffeinated to the gills, since my completionist ass needs to know the seedings/Wild Card bitches! matchups.
ALL THE FLAGS!
FLAGKAKKE!
I’m just here for Most GlorioUs Draw.
And the promotion of the Al Davis Memorial Flame to the Accidental Murdering Pyre.
Save Blax and the Fam., O Litigious One!
The Raiders didn’t get the memo. Bastards.
THESE RAIDERS I CALL THEM THEIR PLAYERS BECAUSE THEY’RE MORE LIKELY TO GET FUCKED UP AND CRASH A CAR THAN DO WHAT WE WANT
I am HOPING AGAINST HOPE that The Shield just warned them to make it look semi-legit before settling into a DRAW. Scripted, like rasslin’
We can’t have nice things. Except for your Tits, obvs.
That was a good game! Culley and David Mills are growing on me.
They fight, that’s for sure. And I’m starting to wonder if Mills might actually be…good? Not great, but better than The Legend of White Mac, who is already better than the four “can’t miss” guys.
Sorry I’m late, I’ve been nerding out and playing around with my new 3d printer.
I got 9mm ink cartridges
Did you make a sex toy? You can tell me, I won’t tell the others!
dm me when you find out as usual
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Also, yes.
Did I mention to y’all that I’m visiting Iran for 10 days at the end of May?
Jealous. So jealous.
It’s all part of my plan to quit my job at the end of April. I’m booking 2 months of travel so I can’t wuss out, and also cause I want to do kickass trips.
So far away?
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door!
There are easier ways to get the namesake cat or rug.
Shouldn’t be crazy hot in May, right? Lol, we’re in the process of buying a place in the desert, and I’m bitching about heat already!
Hope you like black!
At least Artie Lange‘s still alive and kicking.
/hoping he’s got a li’l Keith Richards in his genetics at least
And that includes these non-tie seeking bastards!
.
We can still hope for a glorious tie.
Is David Carradine the patron saint of ties?
I think he has belts.
Both teams can feel free to beat the everlonging piss out of each other, just NO DRAW FOR THE DRAW GODS.
What sagebrush desert is within 300 miles of New York?
The ethical companies section of Wall Street.
Anything in New Jersey.
Giants Stadium is the equivalent of a sagebrush desert, from the perspective of Jimmy Hoffa.
I watched ‘The Irishman’ and the one thing I took away from that, besides how overhyped it was, is that its version of Hoffa’s death, (shot in the head, bodied burned to ashes), makes the most sense, even if it is sort of boring.
Oh, yeah, spoiler alert. Hoffa doesn’t make it.
I am disappoint. This game might have…*sniff* points
I hit the under hard.
Best of luck sir!
“Me too!”
-Matt Gaetz
You sounded like Jim Irsay just there.
The dream is dead. No need to watch!
Hey, they have to make it look legit or Goodell will find some way to nullify the results
Boo not kneeling!
Tie still beneficial for both teams?
Yes, the forces of the universe have so aligned.
Folks
Seriously, how is Nick Folk still in the league?
I bet that freeloading asshole in the Hyundai commercial also steals sugar packets from streetside tables when he walks past restaurants.
Yeah, go buy a water or something, moocher.
“Just Wings, Baby.”
“Ha ha, good one, Coach Reid. The usual, I take it?”
No, I made a resolution to cut back a little this year. Just the right half of the menu tonight.
(See because that’s where the entrees and desserts are)
“Yeah, but I think I’ll do a lemon pepper for the sixth pound instead tonight, thanks.”
Carrie’s shoulder pads are big enough that I think she’d fit right in at the Black Hole.
Not sure if y’all saw this earlier, but Bob Saget just died. Goddamn it all.
He’s right now telling God one hell of an Aristocrats joke.
Do we know the cause?
Not yet. He was found dead in his hotel room.
All I saw was he was found dead in a hotel room.
So either a heart attack, OD, or he was working on his David Carradine impression.
Damn it! You never go full David Carradine!
I wish someone would have let me know that sooner – M. Hutchense
I know he had some unusual condition- scleraderma I think?
Nope, I’m wrong. His sister had it, he was raising money for it.
That sucks. He was a funny guy.
Control Room: Ratings are through the roof!
(first play is not a kneel down)
Control Room: Ratings have dropped 95%!
Time to go grill my steak and chicken for tacos! WHOOOO TACOS
[runs through clubhouse with a tortilla wrapped around his wing-wang]
Horatio (changing the channel): Again, how hard is it to BUY A GODDAMN LOCK!!!???
I’m watching Grand Crew and they just went to The Roost in LA, which was one of the bars that hosted the DFO Pub Crawl!
They used to use the Griffin as the establishing shot for the bar in New Girl.
Just Kneel, Baby!
If they don’t play for the DRAW (assholes), then I might want the dumb Clips to win. Just to avoid another BUF/P*ts matchup.
My entropy-summoning candle circle is now officially lit for tonight’s game.
“Just Win Baby” is also a very, VERY unsettling corner of the Dark Web.
I’ll take your word for it.
When do we get to go to the dark web?
I do look forward to that Tomsulas/Non-Gendereds matchup.
MRSA getting the mostly-ded Iggles can go eat all the shit.
It’s a long shot, but I’m hoping the Boids take MRSA Dreamboat down with them
A nice crippling would be awful sweet. Gonna be hard to pick a rooting interest – I’m with HER obvs, but N-GCp could very well beat MRSA. RRRRRRAM IT!! would shit its dick, but if AZ beats LAR firstie, then I can safely root for Santa Clara.
Kneel, KNEEL LIKE A NUN IN A GLORY HOLE CONFESSIONAL
LOOK: Jacksonville Jaguars fans stage ‘clown out,’ wear rainbow wigs and painted faces at season finale – CBSSports.com
Its official: Jaguars fans are always down to clown.
I’m rooting for Rikki’s Raiders because that will just draw him back in as a Raiders fan for next season.
I think he’s already renewed because of their spirited run to the end of the season.
Tonight is all about the wing-wang.
Yeah. “Tonight”
I’m certain that the copious swelling of the right knee is nothing to worry about, goddamnit.
Used the homeopathic treatment of standing in the kitchen to make chicken piccata as one is compelled to do.
Fucking delicious.
Ice, ibuprofen, heat, and then ignore it and hope for the best. It’s the over 50 way!
Or, just hear me out…DOPE! In nice, legal pill form.
Sigh. The answer is weed. It’s always weed.
DFO Clubhouse praying for The Intentional Draw:
Buddha Zeus God Satan! futurama – YouTube
Not all of us.