That’s right. Tonight could be the greatest night of our lives. It is in the interest of Les Clippers du Merde and That’s Rikki’s Raiders to do nothing but take knees tonight. A draw gets both into the playoffs. And people’s heads would goddamned explode at the audacity. Look, George Carlin basically raised me as a third parent. I am 100% an entropy fan, and this would be the most entropic story ever told.
All thanks to Dakota Jeebus, going into Duuuuuuvvvvaaaallll as a 16.5-point favoUrite, and shitting himself magnificently. Hey, he should have known that’s a side effect of horse de-wormer.
My blessed fantasy vision is especially desired, because otherwise The Ben will make The Playoffs. And he’s really behind on his Call of Duty missions as is.
Banner image courtesy of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, law abiding Raiders fan (allegedly). His bandana and wing-wang are no doubt poised and ready. Pill up, crack a beer, and enjoy. We will miss this garbage when it’s gone.
Chargers
imprisoning me
all that I see
absolute Chargers
they cannot win
they cannot lose
trapped in LA
here’s another holding callllllll
I’m torn – the agent of chaos in me wants the tie, but my heart says “Fuck the Spanos clan”.
Zis is KAOS! We support ties here!
Yinzers punching holes in the dry wall.
Nwosu is demy man of the match. He’s playing like Lawrence fucking Taylor.
Oh for the sake of fuck! That’s a fumbaroo! Curses!
Me, watching this with Princess Fiance, who doesn’t care about football in the slightest (artist’s conception):
I turn the game off, it gets interesting.
Keep the TV off. You can watch replays on NFLN.
I have so done.
If this goes to OT? These two teams are gonna play SUPER conservative. This could happen!!
You almost have to.
That’s not fair. Goddammit I can smell that.
I’m licking my screen.
Yes! Chargers following instructions!
?v=1585604819
cruelly, hope remains alive (until kickoff)
Just realized the Raiders don’t retire numbers. Saw #32 and would have thought they would have retired Jack Tatum’s or Marcus Allen’s number. I guess they do have a lot of hall of fame players.
GO FOR ONE!! KICK IT!!!
OSZ showed up? I guess this game isn’t fucking worthless.
worthless? no. hopeless? certainly.
I am impressed that the ass blood hasn’t dried up. Good platelet hustle!
A Red Cross blood drive sign is easy to fake, turns out
Goddamn right!!!
Looks like tears will be dousing the candles at the Regal Beagle tonight.
1990 AFC Divisional Playoff – CIN @ LA [FULL GAME] – YouTube
Barring a Most Glorious Draw, may the upcoming Raiders-Bengals playoff game end the complete opposite as the previous one, with a Bengals win and no superstar athlete being crippled.
DOOOO IT
Call me old fashioned, but I much prefer the double Windsor than some of those newer knot styles
That’s the knot my dad taught me. There’s no other need. Its so good, people thought it was a clip-on. I tried a Single Windsor and it just felt cheap.
I think the Chargers went wrong when they opted not to upgrade themselves to USB-C
fuckin cheapskate Spanos’s keeping 5W chargers around
I thought the Chargers fired Anthony Lynn. On the bright side, the Chargers don’t have many fans to disappoint.
TIE TIE TIE
my darling
I actually do want the tie. Both these teams would be more entertaining than Pitt, the human beer farts.
So say we all.
If only the Chargers weren’t the Chargers, they wouldn’t end up Chargersing.
You’re not wrong
The moral: If you’re playing a Prisoner’s Dilemma game with the Raiders, defect as fast as you fucking can
Cowboys-Niners gonna air on Nickelodeon.
JERRAH’S HOOKER GETTIN COVERED IN SLIME TWICE!
I heard that.
Tie back in play.
-Michael Hutchence, spent but considering options
Im not liking the effort here gentlemen. STOP SCORING POINTS
I hope Maxx Crosby names his kid Maxxx
Or Mmax.
Or his adopted child Betamax.
Not accusing anyone of anything, but it must be extra tough for an opposing QB to spot raider DBs in black jerseys against an all-black background. Kinda genius.
It just makes it all the worse that the Jets have done so poorly despite blending in to the turf with green unis and white numbers
Yet another dimension to our shittiness I had not yet considered.
[sobs]
Charles Woodson is awesome.
Helluva vintner too.
Well shit.
I’m just here for Rikki-Watch 2022: The Burstening (with joy, you see)
I wonder if the Dr. Mrs. warned the neighboUrs??
I saw a bumper sticker today that read “Boy Mom: Surrounded By Balls”
Was I right to be horrified??
I wasn’t there.
Dammit.
Yes, even if they meant lacrosse balls or some shit like that they should KNOW BETTER
Didja get her number?
-P Manning
I guess the emphasis is on the Merde part of the nickname tonight.
Marriora rushing play for negative-1 yard. Last former Duck I seen go down before breaking the plane that really was Ashlii Babbit.
Are you at the game?
Nah. The opener was all i needed
Oh hey, one of my friends was at the PIT/BAL game!
I just now realized that this was the battle of hairy, smelly body parts, pits v. balls
These are the worst victory formations I’ve ever seen
Bengals are hosting NE or LV in the curtain jerker for the playoffs (Sat 4:30)
Which leaves the Chefs hosting Sunday Night
Get ready for Al and Cris to jizz all over Big Ben and Mahomes.
Long as BEN’s career ends that night in humiliation, all good.
Cincinnati hosting the earlier Saturday game
Bengals’llwinthistime.Bengals’llwinthistime.Bengals’llwinthistime.
bart simpsons fetal position gif – Bing images
JERRAH hosting 49ers middle game Sunday (4:30 EST)
Tampa hosting Philly early Sunday (1:00 EST)
Buffalo hosting Saturday Nite
Rams-Cards MONDAY NIGHT Y’ALL
Technically a tie could still be in the offing
I just went on a half-mile walk in my living room and kitchen because my watch told me I needed to burn 160 more calories.
Someone kill me, please.
I wish that insane playcall had been a little more expensive for the Chargers.
Episode #22 of Now That’s A Hat!
Air Force General Curtis “Bomb ‘em into the Stone Age” LeMay:
“Fuck them kids”
-M. Jordan
-C.LeMay
Applebees bogarting the Cheers theme makes me mad enough to plant pipe bombs.
Mrs Sloth practically said the same thing.
Tell her to start watching Taliban YouTube videos, we get to work tomorrow.
It’s hard for a kicker to make a tying field goal when Goodell’s assassin’s laser sight is blinding your vision.
Oh, NOW you show up Shank’lor!
Shank’lor says “no ties”
Do we have a God of Ties? Are they feuding?
Not that I know of, but that don’t mean much. I’d name it after McNabb but I’m awful with naming things