So many fixtures, so many tWBS scorelines. Perhaps his ghost is dancing in the stands with the Senegalese support.
First, the distasteful White Devil preliminaries. NBC/USA is paywalling the City/Chelski brekkie match (7:30, Peacock). Kind of a dick move, especially when trying to get viewership used to the new channel and such. Could be a good match, though in reality – ain’t nobody in Pep’s orbit this season.
USA will begin its day…with Barcodes/Trashbirds (10:00). Yeesh. Streaming options blow goats as well.
I am very torn during the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC). I hate Villa manager Slippy G with every fibre of my being, but I really want Lucas Digne to come good on his debut, and make Useless Fuckweasel Bentiez look like…the Useless Fuckweasel that he is. Rolf Ragnick’s United still look a hot mess. I have no idea what to make of Wakey’s Red Devils.
Spurs/King’s Afrikan Water Pistols highlights Sunday Funday (11:30, Peacock), so of course it is paywalled AND cuts into NFL playoffs. Jesus Tapdancing Christ, schedule better.
LC: (Mighty Whitey plays Bristol City (again this week). They thrashed Reading 7-0 this week, it was awesome)
Anyway, back to Afrika! And hopefully, we will have the pleasure of Cecil Rhodes’ two shillings/Krugerands in the comments…
So, how is your Afrikan Euros participant doing so far?
Hippo: After the fuckery of round 1 – TWO pennos being awarded to the home side, in a 1-2 defeat, Burkina Faso needed all 3 points against “had no idea that was a nation-state” Cape Verde…and got them. It wasn’t easy, with the balance of play being roughly and surprisingly equal. But it should suffice to send the Burkinabe through to the knockout stages. A draw against Ethiopia would almost surely suffice, and would be very disappointing given how bad Ethiopia have looked. My prop bet on “top scorer” is pretty much ded, though. That Cameroon dude has an insurmountable lead.
Litre_Cola : Well the Atlas Lions eked out a small victory in their first fixture. They dominated play and should have been up a couple. Today they dispatched the Comoros Islands handily and they are on to the next round. It’s pretty simple to move on in this tourney as they push through 4 3rd place teams. Just don’t really suck and you should make the playoffs.
I have some Morocco stories if they go further in the tourney. French is useful!
Balls: Côte D’ivoire a gagné le seul match 1-0. Le tWBS est forte dans le tournoi.
How much ass can BeIn’s coverage eat?
Hippo: Oh Christ, ALL THE ASS. BeIn prioritizes meaningless regular season broadcasts from the unwatchable French Ligue 1, and even TURKEY over this badass continental torneo. Their streaming service is also an absolute nightmare. There have also been technical issues out the wazoo, often leaving the viewer without the on-scene, live match commentator. NONE of the Saturday fixtures are being televized live.
Litre_Cola : It’s truly horrible. Give me the English Africa stream from Nigeria, Zimbabwe, Rand McNally, anywhere. The announcers clearly aren’t there, they have zero vibe and whoever the fuck they have voice overring at halftime is the worst. Also, if you are going to be the service provider maybe show every game. One game out of four today? I would think it has to do with French rights for Ligue 1 or some other stupid shit. My computer already has many diseases due to not having a gambling addiction and wanting to watch Nicaraguan 3rd div so I will find a way. Am I happy that finally this tournament is being televised over here? Yes. Should they do better? Also yes.
Balls: You guys know I have no problem with eating ass, right? The problem with BeIn is that they lost La Liga and only have Messi and PSG as prime attractions. According to them, everyone else can suck it.
Surprise packages (Buddy Cole signal sent) so far?
Hippo: Sierra Leone and their stone wall of a keeper, Mo Kamara. Ask Algeria, and especially Riyad Mahrez, if this dude has the goods or not. Really bitching kit, too.
Litre_Cola : The zaniness of this tournament never disappoints. I did not have a referee calling a game 5 minutes early then early again on my bingo card.
The lack of goals surprises me. I had anticipated a goal fest because the futbol is so chaotic but alas is has not happened.
The Senegalese have been disappointing for being the highest ranked team in Africa. I don’t think they will win this thing with the way they are set up. Playing Mane up top is not his preferred position as he is a lethal weapon for Hippo’s best mates down the road from Goodison Park when he plays the wing. I think the Gabonese are going to surprise people at the end of the day.
Balls: I’m honestly shocked we haven’t had a story yet about witchcraft or black magic being used. Maybe they’re waiting for the knockout round. That’s what I would do…
p
This is UConn’s big (literally) recruit lining up for the tip at the start if a recent game.
https://twitter.com/TravisBranham_/status/1482153315823759369
No word as to whether he won the tip.
Anybody else watching NC State at Dook? I don’t recommend it. If you’re super bored, maybe just slam your wing-wang into the car door a few times, as a MOAR painless alternative.
Let’s see what happens if I…
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FJF9WtWX0AU_zg7?format=jpg&name=large
Ah well.
I hate Villa but watching United implode pleases me.
Absolutely love Lucas Digne getting off to a good start, though.
Watching men wearing bras under their kits is the only part that I don’t enjoy. Unless I’m watching porn. I don’t like to mix up my viewing pleasures.
*Manziers
The Bro!
it MOVED, Jerry!
Wrexham is up 2-0!
5-1 now. I’m jizzing way too much this morning.
Just saw the announcement from Tottenham motherfucking Arsenal for having canceling tomorrow’s game and I have to say…I agree with them. I thought it was straight Covid, not Covid, some guys playing in AFCON, some guys hurt.
Sack up and play the game, Water Pistols. DANCE AND ENTERTAIN ME!!!!
It’s not like anyone 21 or under isn’t automatically eligible to play – whether registered in the “senior 25 man roster” or not.
Military groups in Africa use child soldiers all the time! I see no reason why the King’s African Water Pistols would be any different.
break ’em in early, before those neddlesome consciences kick in!
Is there a banner for replies?
over/under on ded shirtless motherfuckers in WNY tonight?
I’ll take “not enough”
I just walked outside my house without a shirt, because my wife dared me to and, more importantly, because I’m an idiot. Current conditions, (in All-American Fahrenheit), are 13 degrees, feels like -3 on exposed skin.
I made it to the grill, about 10′ from the door, and ran back in.
And now, the SEXY TIME since you proved ur a REEL MAN
Need to get rid of my daughter.
Send her out for cigarettes, that worked for Internet Dad!!
/sobs into pillow
It warmed up to -15C here (5F) without the windchill
We’re happy Everton lost, right?
I am led to understand we are to root for whatever gets Benitez out of there faster, so yes.
What these posts look like to me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM
Watford with the kind of header that will not only tie the match, but will also get the bone saws revved up!
When the Earth decides to stop using subtle methods like Covid to send a message:
https://twitter.com/NWSHonolulu/status/1482259099458932737
I cannot bring myself to say “Hunga Tonga” without feeling like I’m saying something very racist.
It’s like that world creature in The Eternals ripped a huge one.
but did it happen at 3 am??
True Fact: It’s also known as “The Blair Witch Volcano”.
https://twitter.com/SneakyRoland/status/1482185369684627462
If only I were still single.
sigh
She would win the steak eating comps at steakhouses in the midwest.
But what about her shoulders?
Hippo
Sissoko just blew a wide open chance against Newcastle, but on the plus side it’s better to put 1 million rials in your pocket than it is than to be dismembered by a Saudi hit team.
Inshallah!!
/also, PRAY FOAR HIPPO – need Trashbirds to hold on against Useless Fuckweasel
“Today they dispatched the Comoros Islands handily….”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comoros_national_football_team
Not the Coelecanths!
5-2 in the 1st half. MITROOOOO with a hat trick. Do you see that TWBS??? Mighty whitey has scoed 12 goals in 3 halves.
Greetings, future empire builders! The AFCON matches have been particularly entertaining so far — this year, I have had the privilege of watching them on my new moving-picture box that my manservant Ndugu picked up from the local Chinese merchant here in Salisbury. Here are my thoughts on the matches that have played out during the first phase of the group stage (do put on your reading glasses for this piece!):
Cameroon 2 – 1 Upper Volta: An exceptional performance from Cameroon étoile Vincent Aboubakar against the squadron from the Land of Dishonest Men (don’t get me started on this country’s approach to the gold trade!). The Indomitable Lions shouldn’t have too much trouble the rest of the way if the home officials remain on their side.
Abyssinia 0 – 1 Green Cape: As expected, the Abyssinians have problems with starvation — this time, it’s in the goals department. The Portuguese Green Capers appear to be more than just a garnish. Look for them to surprise taste buds all over the continent later in the tournament.
French Senegal 1 – 0 “Zimbabwe”: It is only just that an imposter nation should lose its first match, The merchants of Dakar are notoriously ruthless, and I should expect all of their étoiles to have strong tournaments.
Guinea 1 – 0 Nyasaland: For me, this match was by far the most disappointing, as I expected the British fortitude of Nyasaland to shine through here. Unfortunately, those uncivilized Guineans had other plans. Is it any surprise that I despise the French?
Atlas LioUns 1 – 0 Gold Coast: Another example of a situation where I expected that British superiority would loom large, but alas, it did not! The Gold Coasters are clearly not implementing our footballing advice! A strong match for the LioUns, who are always a very spicy side (if you have spent much time in the main bazaar in Marrakech, you will know what I mean).
Cumorrah 0 – 1 French Equatorial Africa (Gabonese Quarter): Perhaps you have heard the hypothesis that Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith derived the name of the hill that he found the golden plates on from the name of this island nation (for those wondering, the capital of Comoros is Moroni — interesting!). Nevertheless, the magic underwear did not work in this contest, as the French imperialists exerted their will. Shame that Water Pistol talisman Aubameyang was not able to play due to his broken heart.
Blood Diamond Prospectors 0 – 0 Fennec Foxes: Thanks to handiwork of the Sierra Leonean keeper (who not only is named Mo Kamara, but deserves Mo Kamara), the foxes were out foxed on this day. That said, this will likely be their only slip up of the tourney.
Nigeria Protectorate 1 – 0 Sultanate of Egypt: Since this match involved two fine British possessions, this match did not really have a loser. It was quite clear that the Nigerian scammers were under the skin of the referee from the very start, and the Egyptians crumbled just like their ancient civilization. Highly entertaining!
The Sudan 0 – 0 Portuguese Guinea: Khartoum is a lovely spot when the primary language is English (rest in peace, General Gordon!). That said, this match was anything but lovely. Fortunately, thanks to the help of some Bulawayo brandy, I slept through most of this one.
Tatooine 0 – 1 Timbuktu: The sand people did not have much luck against their colonial cousins from Timbuktu in this match, despite being up a man. From my reading of the post match notes, the man of the match for Mali was Adama Traore (not the wolven one) — however, since Mali had TWO Adama Traores on the pitch (both of whom were midfielders), you’ll never guess who played the better game!
North African Irons 0 – 1 The Gambia: The Gambia, which I believe is the place where GAMBLOR is the deity of choice, were rewarded for their luck against Mauritania. At least the residents of Mauritania have something to be happy about — they have lots of iron! I shall be opening an iron mine there in a fortnight.
French Equatorial Africa (Equatorial Quarter) 0 – 1 Ivory Coast: Unless it’s an adult moving-picture-show, French on French action will always be dull. Not much to say here!
I must say I enjoyed this more than when my family traded fire water for land!
I wish I could give this more plus ones.
I’m not saying this was the best thing EVAR written on DFO, but I’m certainly not NOT saying it, either.
I would download the Guv’s app
Well yeah; you’re self-employed.
This is perfect
“Spurs/King’s Afrikan Water Pistols highlights Sunday Funday (11:30, Peacock), so of course it is paywalled AND cuts into NFL playoffs. Jesus Tapdancing Christ, schedule better.”
Nope, postponed due to #nuAiDS.
https://twitter.com/Arsenal/status/1482359687681122316?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet
Jesus, what are they compensating for with the size of that picture?
If forced to socialize, I’ll take scotch
With coconut water.
I will take two questions.
My answers:
“no”
“why the hate?”
Actually on FuboTV Belin is covering Nigeria/Sudan live but that is the only one till the Egypt fixture later today.
It is infuriating. If you are going to cover a tourney then fucking cover the tourney!!!!
My channel guide (cable b/c OLD) has the titantic AS-Settiene/RC Lens match live instead. Both Afrikan tilts on tape delay, like it’s 2005 or sommet.
Lazio… who ya got?
Todays “action” Salernitana takes on…
Hippo would do absolutely anything she told me to.
Eat your pasta, you are all skin and bones. Mange, mange!
But she does sorta look like she’d lay a mean striper whooping on both of our sweet little Lazio girls.
Sir, I likes the way you thinks!!
Don’t ask me to choose between this lovely lass and the ghost of Karen C. like that!!
My Dad drove cab as a part time job to make ends meet when I was a kid. He had Karin C as fare one night with I think it was her manager. Said she swore like a sailor… not at all a lady. In other words… Our kinda gurl!
Bet she didn’t leave crumbs in the backseat, neither!
Oh my!
I just live bet on Zambia’s Prison Leopards, because how could one NOT?
They’re Shanktastic!
Late winner, break out the finest vintage terlet wine!!
Where is this “Zambia” that you refer to, my regal friend? I have never heard of it. That said, we do use leopards in our prisons here in Northern Rhodesia. More efficient (and less expensive) than the electric chair — you just need to make sure that the leopard is hungry!
The illustrioUs Hippo and I put our Krugerands on Southern Rhodesia and they have no back line sir.
Holy crap:
https://mobile.twitter.com/US_Stormwatch/status/1482229220415721475
I read Storm watch and thought it was a Jehovah tweet.
I’ve convinced myself that I felt the shockwave, thought that’s probably bullshit.
#TransformerNuAIDS wins the North London Derby!
So I think my wife has made it a permanent date when we take wee man to Ninja Gymnastics. Just walked by and asked me if I will once again be donning my classiest track pants to go to Wild Rose brewery.. The answer is yes, yes I will be.
/this is the polite, Canadia way to humblebrag that they has relations in the brewery’s loo
Mrs. Cola would not be down for that! It’s that we have no family in this city so have to take every oppo for having an adult date.
I will get you a shirt from there Hippo for next Cavs care package with Beef Jerky!
How tall is the Warped Wall?
Update;
Kevin DeBroom gets benched
He was legit
Gundawin is now on
Yea man city probs got this.
I’m gonna go read my book.
LOL
I love when cops put out stats like “Over 300 officers died in the line of duty this year. We salute their sacrifice” and then the specific causes of death are like 250 covid, 23 from stepping on a rake and tripping down the stairs, and 14 from not chewing their food all the way
That last one gets the chef’s kiss from me.
Luton beating Yeah Right’s Cherries would be delicious.
And the Cherries equalize. Fuck.
LUTON AT THE DEATH!!!!! Absolute scenes. Suck it Scott Parker!!!!
Update;
Pulisic is benched. He did ok.
And then 10 secs later
Kevin DeBroom scores.
Man city 1-Chelsea 0
Uttt Ohhh 😬
The Brooooom!!!!
Huzzah, DEATH STAR!!
Found a funny;
normalize women naming their daughters after themselves. we need some susan jrs around here
Braxxtynn and Chorall need no seconds.
We could call her SuJu, for short.
JuJu Smith-Schuster nods in agreement
Former Chiefs defensive tackle Saousoalii Siavi was found dead in prison recently. I had no idea he’d recently been adopted by Andy Reid.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/33068495/former-nfl-player-saousoalii-siavii-jr-43-found-dead-federal-prison
The guys in the banner pic spelled ‘ENEMA’ wrong.
/Why would they be cheering for Enema at a footy game?
Chelski and Man city still 0-0
Coffee and donuts make early morning soccer Rockingggg!
Gooo Chelsea!
OOOh I would love some doughnuts.
I have missed all Afro Euro action due to work. ‘Twas a good week at the office / dinner table tho, but I’m all ‘bout Senegal next Tuesday.
Cabo Verde has 3 points woooo!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CWeXOm49kE0