Your Petronel/Horatio (Niners/Cowboys) Darby and Open Thread

We’re shouting out to the ladies on the site by throwing a different kind of Derby hat on the banner pic. <Sarcasm Alert!>There’s so much bad blood between Petro and Horatio already, I just hope things don’t get out of hand in the comment section today! Mods, keep your bannination fingers at the ready!

To The Game!

Niners/Cowboys:

-The 12-5 Dallas club led the league in scoring and yards gained but quite a few yakkers felt that those losses were letdowns and shouldn’t have happened. I mean, were they supposed to go undefeated? When this team is on there’s very little to stop them. Full stop.

-I guess we’ll find out when the season ends what the true extent of his injury (injuries?) is/are but the two-time rushing leader just doesn’t have the zip that we’ve seen in the past. It’s amazing to me that he hasn’t run for 100 since wk. 5. You’d think he’d get to triple digits just by falling over. But to talk solely about him is a disservice to Pollard, who chipped in with 700+. The ‘Boys running game is just fine.

-Jimmy’s Last Stand? What with the amount of draft capital expended to grab Trey Lance, he must be the starter in week 1 next year or John Lynch will be laughed out of/bound and dumped into the Bay. So what does Jimmy bring to the O? Competency. Boring, dependable competency. He can hand off with the best of them. I’m just a bit fearful of a Deebo/Lance/Mitchell backfield next year and will be fading the hell out of Kittle in fantasy.

-Speaking of, Deebo is the first of his kind (a South Carolina kid, no silly, a wr) to put together a season of 1,770 all-purpose yards in the way that he did. Much props to Shanny Jr. for increasing his touches by 5-9 per game. We’ll be seeing much more of this across the league for sure.

-Of all the games played this weekend this one is said to be the best for an upset, what with San Franny coming in on a roll. Stop The Narrative! What of the Cowboys winning 5 of their last 6 with the only loss being a three point shortfall to the Cards?

Tap away.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Who betrayed the family of Anne Frank?”

I’m guessing it was a time-traveling Madison Cawthorne.

King Hippo

THAT’S FER KILLIN’ JESUS YEW LIBTARD CUCK!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Well, if you’re relying on Cawthorne to be a stand up guy that’s really your own fault.

Redshirt

According to Trump and his Kookie Kewl Kult, it was probably Biden and his Liberal Masters.

LemonJello

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makeitsnowondem

KILL THE JERRYTRON

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of my favorite Madden stories is about how he was coaching the Pro Bowl in the Superdome and Ray Guy asked if it was okay for him to try to hit the jumbotron. Madden initially said no, but then was like “what was I thinking, it’s the Pro Bowl, of course he should be trying to hit it” and then Ray Guy did.

hippofant

Get fucked Jerrah

Spur

Double Js TV got in the way.

Horatio Cornblower

Just the dumbest fucking stadium

WCS

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King Hippo

Huge, dumb BLEERGH, Non-Gendereds go three and out. WOMP WOMP

Doktor Zymm

Dak slides like a Catholic

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Think he pulls out like a Catholic?

Doktor Zymm

Ineffectively?

Spur

#53 for San Fran is walking home if Dallas wins today.

Horatio Cornblower

Roughing the kicker is Dallas’s best offensive play of the half.

King Hippo

oh noes, Tomsulas. You ain’t wanna do THAT

Doktor Zymm

Considering the current amount of pro-Dallas commentating while they are behind, thank Glod it isn’t Troy

Gatoraids

Nantz worried he wont be allowed to go to the Masters again just for promoing the halftime show

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Zero chance those “slime hats” weren’t promotional materials issued by Nickelodeon at the stadium

Spur

Maybe at FedEx Field they are.

Doktor Zymm

Radiators – dogs with squeaky toy noises without having a dog or a squeaky toy

Dunstan

Been hearing a lot of talk today about “eye discipline.” I don’t know why that phrase irritates me so much, but it does.

herodotus450

Do your eyes blink too much? Try slapping them around a little.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And the women can do all 50?

Dunstan

No, but I did have a lazy eye as a child. Had to do “eye exercises” every day. Hmm, maybe you have uncovered the trauma at the root of this.

herodotus450

Now might be a good time to mention my rate, $200/hour with a 5 hour minimum. I don’t take insurance, cash or Diner’s Club Card only, please.

Dunstan

The thread about hookers is that way.

Don T

Me: [fretting over home made fish nuggets]

The Toaster Oven / Air Fryer:
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King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO STORY! My air fryer has stayed in the packaging over a year, because I am too intimidated at learning how to use it.

LemonJello

-also feeding instructions of Andy Reid.

Dunstan

Someone re-gifted me one a few months ago. It’s fine for what it is, which is basically a miniature convection oven. The term “air fryer” is kind of misleading.

Mostly it sits in my closet, because counter space is at a premium here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My brother in law badly wanted one, so that was his Christmas gift from me. He’s quite excited about the wings he made.

Dunstan

I’d say it’s fairly useful for wings. I actually like oven baked wings just fine, I don’t think they’re any worse than deep fried. But of course they’re still not exactly health food.

Don T

Everything that comes outta an air fryer is an accomplishment.

Of self deception!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My wife wanted to give our air fryer to our nephew for his dorm room. Seems like a sensible idea and not a fire hazard at all.

Doktor Zymm

My freshman year one of the dorms had to be evacuated when a dude set up candles all around his mattress to try and seduce a lady, succeeded, and kicked some of the candles over.

Dunstan

My college dorm was notorious for false fire alarms. Drunken idiots (or perhaps sober ones, too) would pull them, and the entire 1000+ residents would have to evacuate. I think one time we had 20 in a single month.

We all got so jaded that when I heard the alarm go off, I would start brewing up a thermos of tea to take out with me, and put on some winter clothes. You had a good 10 minutes before the RAs would start hassling you to get moving. And since the fire department — who for understandable reasons HATED our dorm — would keep us waiting for an hour or more outside, you had to plan ahead.

Petronel

Ours has changed our life. Seriously. Yours will come with a booklet with times and temps for various foods, which makes it really easy.

Ours has produced the best, crispiest wings I’ve ever had.

King Hippo

Good Motivation Hustle, Mr. and Mrs. Nel!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Ours is awesome too. I use it as a mini oven to make things in half the time it would take in a regular oven. Plus, it’s the best for reheating pizza and other foods that used to be crispy.

litre_cola

Our is on our balcony and we use it all the time. Even in winter out there it keeps on ticking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We sent him to live with a nice CFL family.”

Dunstan

Did Romo just say that the 49ers not calling timeout was “actually good for both teams”? Because with rare exceptions (glares at Chargers) not applicable in the playoffs, football is a zero-sum game.

King Hippo

Fair catch free kick?

/nvm they made the first

LemonJello

Coach Blue Bunny really has a “light are on, but no one’s home” look about him.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh it’s not a look.

Horatio Cornblower

Part of me loves that JJ’s Palace of Hubris is blinding is own players and causing easy catches to fall incomplete.

And part of me is really pissed off, because who fucking builds a stadium with glass windows to the west and doesn’t see that coming?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

‘sup?

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Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I still love that he’s so dumb.

rockingdog

Shit. Big Bosa is hurt.
Hopefully it’s not too bad and can come back in 2nd half.

Last edited 2 years ago by rockingdog
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Counterpoint: fuck that guy

Horatio Cornblower

This. If there’s a guy I wouldn’t mind see get badly hurt in this game he’s it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If someone used up all the wish power I’ve been saving for Tyreek Hill I’m gonna be righteously pissed.

Doktor Zymm

Why are there so many places called Arlington? Who the hell was Arling? Whatever, I will find out after gin o’ clock

ThePirateSloth

I know the answer, but you won’t like it.

Brick Meathook

I’m from the real Arlington

ThePirateSloth

The Wench just left to get another tattoo – time to book my online hookers and coke delivery!

litre_cola

Make sure you check reviews!

ThePirateSloth

Why do you think I’m booking them! Positive reviews with negative std test results!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of hookers and coke has anyone watched The Righteous Gemstones?

Doktor Zymm

NOOO

Gumbygirl

Gumby just watched the new Hotel Transylvania movie. He sez two snaps up!

Gumbygirl

.

il1fx.jpg
Petronel

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ETA: Whoops – great minds, etc.

Last edited 2 years ago by Petronel
Brocky

If AT&T was really committed to giving their customers the best, wouldn’t taking full advantage of Lily’s attractiveness be part of that?

Doktor Zymm

Reacher? Would rather watch Reacher Around

makeitsnowondem

Aiyuk runs like he would give up thirty yards for a 30% chance of gaining thirty yards.

Spur

The 49ers offense appears to be based off the principles of calvinball

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Doktor Zymm

Fun and containing subtle social commentary!

litre_cola

I appreciate any Calvin reference. Well done.

rockingdog

That’s Rockingggg

Doktor Zymm

I appear to be in the target demographic of many ads. Little do they know that I only buy things targeted at people 25 years older or younger than me

Doktor Zymm

When a company bugs me I use the most expensive search words I can think of and click on their ads

Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
Spur

Come on INT from Janeane

Spur

I bet that actor dog has a higher IQ then C Tates.

Gumbygirl

Dak is like a Rockette!

Doktor Zymm

I thought he was taller than 5’10.5″? Probably should drop a few pounds too

Horatio Cornblower

I was saying Cooooooooooper

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Spur

Good job Coop and Dak. Finally something positive for Dallas

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think Romo needs to keep reminding me that an offense run by Mike McCarthy isn’t rocket science.

ThePirateSloth

So we bought some wall mounted cat furniture for our cats, with some window shelves as well. Every few hours I’m treated to a cats version of cirque du soleil. It’s highly entertaining. Especially when the cats miss their jump.

Doktor Zymm

Set up a livestream, I’ll watch

Spur

throw in some catnip and you got a cat version of Jackass

Last edited 2 years ago by Spur
Gumbygirl

.

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Horatio Cornblower

OK, I’m back. Did Dallas win?

Doktor Zymm

Win what, exactly?

Horatio Cornblower

Your heart?

litre_cola

To win Zymm’s heart you have to be a cross between the most interesting man in the world and Jason Momoa.

Petronel

Momoa is now single…

Doktor Zymm

Poor guy was born in Hawai’i but raised in Iowa

Horatio Cornblower

Seems like the worst lateral move one could make.

Doktor Zymm

Never!

rockingdog

Alright. You all convinced me.
Gonna watch this Nickelodeon stream for a bit…

litre_cola

There was a good point below about choosing to listen to Romo.

King Hippo

Really good book, written by a North Cakalaky author.

rockingdog

Found a funny;

Red Rover was the best game because it combined popularity contests, feats of strength, hostage extraction and stockholm syndrome

King Hippo

Jeebus, when did Aiyuk get…good??

Spur

once FFL ended

Doktor Zymm

As long as it is in time to embarrass cows I am down with it!

King Hippo

Dunno if we covered this before, but Deebo is indeed nicknamed after the “Friday” bully character.

BugEyedBoo

That Young Sheldon show looks hilarious! I should watch it sometime.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
litre_cola

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Petronel

Waitaminute…that’s not how you spell his name, is it?

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(Narrator: It wasn’t. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leighton_Vander_Esch )

Cecil Rhodes

“I don’t see the problem here”
—Ray Charles

herodotus450

Leighton Van der Esch is:
1) Rich Manhattan socialite daughter of some hedge fund president,
2) Interpol’s 41st most wanted terrorist, accused of smuggling guns into Latvia, or
3) San Franciscan Forty-Niner

Doktor Zymm

Yes

Cecil Rhodes

You forgot one, my good man!

4) An elderly Afrikaner from Bloemfontein who wishes South Africa would reinstate apartheid.

Horatio Cornblower

g) A guy who was really good two years ago but now is an example of why you shouldn’t play linebacker with a broken neck.

King Hippo

I guess we will see if Kyle has learned anything about playing with a lead.