2022 Post-Plague Madness – Thursday Session the First

Hey howdy, imaginary friend-erinos!  Have you enjoyed the last few weeks of sportsball respite?

FUCK NO, YOU DIDN’T.  Neither did Hippo.  And especially not Other Hippo obvs.  Let’s look into the first orgy of basketballing matchups, shall we?

(also Happy Alcoholism Day, if y’all happen to be Irish)

11S Michigan (-2.5) v. 6S Colorado State (12:15, CBS)

Hey, look-y loo.  First fixture of the non-play-in round, and first glaring seeding error.  If your pool is weighted for “seed/upset bonus” points – AS IT 100% SHOULD BE – you are pretty much locked into Meechigan.  As distasteful as it is to back Juwan Howard.  Fuck’s sake, he made Wisconsin hoopsball a sympathetic figure.  Hope you enjoyed the trip anyway, JV hardwood RRRRRRRRAM IT!!

13MW South Dakota State (+2) v. 4MW Providence (12:40, truTV)

Vegas saves Hippo from himself, as I always, ALWAYS love the Jackrabbits.  And they never, ever end up winning.  This ain’t enough juice to get me on the SDSU moneyline.  Sad Hippo, but saved $50.  Cooley High Harmony onto the Round of 32!

9W Memphis (-2.5) v. 8W Boise State (1:40, TNT)

Penny Hardaway’s Memphis is fools’ gold.  Like watching a car crash or some shit.  They’ll fold at the first sign of adversity, just a question if Smurf Non-Turf can provide same.  Likely not betting here, neither.

16E Norfolk State (+21) v. 1E Baylor (2:00, TBS)

We all know BayBay ain’t gonna ask for no permission, but Nor-FUCK ain’t gonna offer much resistance anyway.  I suppose mixing in one shit-kicking in with three close matchups is good tournament scheduling.

14S Longwood (+17) v. 3S Tennessee (2:45, CBS)

So many double entendres, so little time.  So little time because the Lancers (heh) will be gone before you even notice.  Rick Barnes has the Vols cooking with gas.

12MW Richmond (+10.5) v. 5MW Iowa (3:10, truTV)

This is a lot of RESPEK for Team Cornpone, or a lot of shade thrown at the Spiders.  I will leave it up to the viewer to decide.

16W Georgia State (+23.5) v. 1W Gonzaga (4:15, TNT)

You will watch maybe 45 seconds of this game, and want all 45 back.

9E Marquette (+3.5) v. 8E U*NC (4:30, TBS)

True, I dislike Shaka Smart.  Very much.  But he’s Hippo’s Stalin against the Hitler that is the inbred jackass dickmonkey Tarholes.  PLEASE DO A GOOD, FOR HUMANITY’s SAKE.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Redshirt

Eli Apple returns to the Bengals because they still hate their fans.

scotchnaut

His mom can play corner almost as well as he can-just ask her.

Redshirt

Based on the results of the Super Bowl, I can’t imagine Apple being as good as his mom.

SonOfSpam

Plot twist: His mom is Fiona.

Horatio Cornblower

Georgia State’s going to get worn down on fouls, but goddamn if they aren’t making a game out of it against the traditionally overrated Gonzaga.

scotchnaut

Yeah, they’re gonna run out of guys.

scotchnaut

Although they did manage to outsource a player from China.

Horatio Cornblower

“They’re taken our jerbs!”

Horatio Cornblower

My son is taking my daughter out for dinner and just told her she shouldn’t wear a hoodie to where they’re going, which he won’t tell her.

So now she’s upstairs looking for her prom dress and is planning on walking in and saying “is this too much?”

scotchnaut

“Connecticut: Our incest numbers are climbing!”

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

Gonna start rooting for the hobos.

Redshirt

No, no, let’s wait if Horatioson is simply enforcing a strict dress code or if he trying to My Fair Lady Horatiodottir.

Either way, if you have to choose, side with the daughter. Its 2022, either tell the lady exactly why she can’t wear wants she wants or shut the fudge up.

WCS

Let’s not forget it’s the anniversary of Charlie catching a leprechaun with a stomach full of paint.

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scotchnaut

Gonzaga got them some nervous tics.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

>You will watch maybe 45 seconds of this game, and want all 45 back.

Couldn’t have been more wrong about this one, though. This game is fun as hell.

herodotus450
Mr. Ayo

Speaking of upsets, way to go Toffees.

WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hot damn! Six for six, including three upset picks!

Horatio Cornblower

Same, although the chalk bracket isn’t looking that great right now.

SonOfSpam

lol UNC is playing in Dickies Arena

Also Marquette may be bad?

Also all those people saying watch out for Iowa…is it possible the BIG TEN 14 didn’t deserve 9 teams?

Horatio Cornblower

The Big 10 always gets its clock cleaned in the tournament.

Horatio Cornblower

That travel call was certainly something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These announcers are really pissing me off. Instead of being excited about a potential upset, they’re moaning.

Horatio Cornblower

I love a good upset too, but the officiating in the last five minutes was brutal, and their missing that blatant foul on the 3-pointer had a massive effect on the game. It should be called out in real time, too, because the officials have zero accountability and aren’t going to have to answer questions after the game.

Don T

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Gumbygirl

Teddy celebrates St Patrick’s Day
Watch “Teddy Bear the Porcupine’s Pot of Gold” on YouTube
https://youtu.be/6bT-QNM_ZY4

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These announcers are very salty about that missed foul on Richmond.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s refreshing to see shitty officiating getting called out in real time. Needs to happen far more often.

And it seems safe to say that this crew has called their last game of the tournament.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it was a bad call to be sure. But it’s clear that the annoucers are not thrilled that their brackets are being blown up.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure, I might have taken Richmond in my non-chalk bracket. Not for any basketball knowledge mind you, but a combination of recalling that the Big 10 is alway overrated and really liking the nickname Spiders.

blaxabbath

My son is watching some Spiderman stuff now. I think it’s pretty good that the like main insult these villas have for him is to call him Webslinger.

WCS

60% of the time, they win 100% of the time.

WCS

During Truth Biscuit’s intro presser, he said he, “can’t wait to drive around and see the sights in (Pittsburgh).” We know what that means.

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Don T

Carbs do the Lord’s work in the curvy parts. Praise Jehivah.

blaxabbath

Wonder what PIT is gonna do with the #1 overall pick in ’23….

Gumbygirl

I got my huge shoulder cyst cut out today, so I’m gonna lie in bed and order Gumby around for the rest of the day, like a fucking lady!

SonOfSpam

Are those edible like a placenta?

Gumbygirl

It looked kind of chewy.

litre_cola

When offered the placenta from Decilitres birth I looked at the nurse who was presenting it to me like a 94 Chateau Petrus.

“Get that pan the fuck away from me.” You could hear a pin drop after that.
“Ok then, I will take it away.” She was so pleasant.

Gumbygirl

You should have smeared it all over your face and stormed through the maternity ward holding Deci over your head like the Lion King. Hakuna Matata motherfuckers!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, even I’d have second thoughts about that.” – Andy Reid

Horatio Cornblower

Like Andy Reid was ever in the delivery room for his kids’ birth.

Gumbygirl

He just bought us tickets to see War in May, woooooooo!

WCS

You don’t have to wait till May. You can see War in Ukraine right now!

Gumbygirl

Will they be doing Cisco Kid? Lowrider? Why Can’t We Be Friends?

SonOfSpam

Good God. What is it good for?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We’re looking to excise some unwanted living matter ourselves.” – the Houston Texans

SonOfSpam

Allen Robinson to RAMMMMMMMIT

Odell still a maybe

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo! Three games in the books and my bracket remains fully intact! And that includes two upsets!

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

Sharkbait

Im sure mine are already dead, since I spent about 30 seconds filling it out, picking teams at random

rockingdog

LOL

Rex Chapman looking like the Kirklands Signature Brand Scott van Pelt

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2Pack

LongWOOD… all the way baby…

/ knows nothing about them
// doesn’t care because : Long. WOOD.

herodotus450

I hear the pool is gonna be closed all summer this year at Longwood, but they raised our membership dues anyway!

Gumbygirl

Stop pooping in the deep end, Spaulding!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

>They’ll fold at the first sign of adversity, just a question if Smurf Non-Turf can provide same.

Oh dear are we going to have to change it from King Hippo to Prophet Hippo?

Horatio Cornblower

South Dakota State needs a better strategy than “fling it up from 30′ and see what happens”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know, I’m genuinely happy for Matt Stafford.

ArmedandHammered

Same here, I always equated it as working at a place where I loved my coworkers but hated management and the company, but had no choice but having to work there. Fuck you Quintiles.

WCS

Goes to show good things can happen to fat people.

Gumbygirl

Besides the all you can eat breakfast buffet at Shoney’s!

blaxabbath

Meghan McCain is rich and she’s epitomizes fat-fat-fatty-fatty-boo-ba-latty.

Redshirt

.

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yeah right

Hi Everyone! Guess where I am?

That’s right! I’m at work. How did I get here? Took the freeways of course. Took the 110 North to the 405 North right up here by LAX.

Why yes, the tournament was just getting started when I left for work and it’s Saint Patrick’s Day too.

You can piss off now and thanks for asking.

WCS

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

WCS

You and Fozz should get together and have some bourbon. That may be enough HAET to solve the mystery of nuclear fission!

Horatio Cornblower

This has been kicked around on Twitter by some of us, but the Chicago Bears posted an image today changing the green Chicago River to orange, (the coloUr of Protestant Ulster), and saying “that’s more like it” and it is going just great for them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh my God that is fantastic.

Gumbygirl

Assholes. My great- grandfather fought in the Irish Republican Army. My grandfather and his siblings spoke Gaelic to each other, they had to learn it in secret because it was against the law for them to speak their own language.

Horatio Cornblower

My maternal bog-trotting ancestors came over in the 1880’s-1890’s and the grandmother worked for the Vanderbilts or Rockefellers, (according to her, but she was a well known liar), where the man of the house would pay a “penny a pinch”

My paternal potato-eating ancestors made it over in 1830-1840 and lived in NYC.

We don’t ask any questions about what they may have gotten up to in the Civil War draft riots.

Gumbygirl

My mother’s family got here in the 1890’s. Long line of Irish cops. My paternal grandfather came in the early 20’s. He taught math at Trinity college. Came here and could only get a job bagging groceries at the A&P because Irish catholic. He found someone to sponsor him for medical school at Pitt, and graduated first in his class. His wife was also an immigrant, she died when my dad was 10. He was the oldest of 5, and when his mother died, his aunt and uncle moved in with their 7 kids. Every sperm is sacred.

yeah right

My great, great grandfather was Jerushia Kennedy and migrated here in the 1880’s.

Yep, descended from the Kennedy clan.

Redshirt

I’m related to the French aristocracy that escaped during the French Revolution, maybe the Wright Brothers and distantly to William Wallace.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m descended from the sort of courageous pioneers who arrived in NYC and immediately headed east.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My uncle once thought he was St. Jerome.

WCS

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SonOfSpam

lol gay lick

blaxabbath

I hope the THE PAULS run the Taysom Hill/Jameis Winston QB platoon next season.

Redshirt

UPDATE: Cleveland and Mayfield are stuck with each other.

Redshirt

Not yet. Probably between Atlanta and New Orleans. Cleveland is out of the running.

Horatio Cornblower

Thank god. Progressive sure as hell didn’t want to start an ad campaign centered around DeShaun Watson.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now I’m picturing an “At Home With DeShaun” commercial opening with a young woman driving up to the stadium and taking a portable massage table out of her hatchback while ominous music plays.

Redshirt

“Bar Rescue with Ben Roethlisberger”
“The Continental with Bill Cosby”
“Crazy Ex-Boyfriend” starring OJ Simpson

litre_cola

“Parking Lots with Lt Winslow”

Horatio Cornblower

Greg Hardy for Ethan Allen couches

Gumbygirl

Eli Manning for Toys R Us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re all good but the OJ one is pure gold.

ArmedandHammered

The remake to “Don’t Go In the House”?

ArmedandHammered

Throw hot water over them.

Redshirt

(registers “Juwan Howard’s Punch Out” with US Patent Office)

Redshirt

You’re overthinking it. The final boss needs to be Coach Woody.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wEVJyf0ft3I

Spur

When is Juwan Howard gonna punch the opposing team’s coach?

Horatio Cornblower

2290.jpg

He’ll probably punch her out

Redshirt

One of the comments was probably from WVa. “Look, it’s not like you can unbang your cousin.”

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
blaxabbath

blaxito is in a Spiderman phase right now so I guess I’m all in on Richmond as well.

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Horatio Cornblower

Should’ve been you, Guardians.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My nephew really wants to go there. He got in but it might not work out financially.

blaxabbath

State school.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

>…and good enough for your mom.

Yes, yes, we all know how low your mom’s standards are.

ArmedandHammered

Her standards where low?

Gumbygirl

That’s a whole lotta white girls.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is…not going well for Michigan.

Redshirt

Keep it up, Not Michigan!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QAFqqB3-HJU

Sharkbait

Lunch beers wooooo

Redshirt

Still here, at least until the Reds trade me.

SonOfSpam

You’re welcome!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Of course not, that’s why they tell you exactly who they are, and why they are notable.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, do you not get your haircuts from a burly Latin American who lives in his car?

Pity.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Fancy car-livin’ Latin Americans…” – Jim Tomsula, grumbling about the class war

Redshirt

I’ve given up trying to figure out who celebrities are. It feels like they’ve added half of dozen levels below C-list Celebrities.

litre_cola

For rooting interest who here has what almond matter?
Horatio – UCONN
Spam, Balls -UCLA
Blax – Zona
Spam the banana slugs or something like that.
Scotchy Cuse
Hippo, TWBS (rip)- NC State

Horatio Cornblower

Guilty as charged

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I too am UCONN because I’m from there and they delivered this, which is something I’ll put on when I really need cheering up:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=edylGVZXIQc

Horatio Cornblower

Never get tired of watching that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s hard for me to turn it off even though there is literally live basketball that I’m interested in on TV right now.

Redshirt

OSU for me and by extension whoever is playing Michigan.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
ArmedandHammered

I am NC State as well.

Gumbygirl

UAB baybee!

Col. Duke LaCross

This is the first year that I can recall that there are no Utah schools in the field.

/didn’t go to any of them anyway
//NAIA Hoopz 4-Lyfe!

Last edited 2 years ago by Col. Duke LaCross
LemonJello

I spent 3 years drinking my way out of the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign before deciding that joining the Marines sounded like fun*.

*80% chance I was drunk when I decided to enlist

SonOfSpam

I feel like you’re mocking the proud Anteaters’ name by calling us the Banana Slugs.

WCS

Let’s goooooooooooooooooooooo Mountaineers!

…oh, wait

Horatio Cornblower

If Michigan loses, what’s the O/U on how many CSU coaches Juwann Howard tries to punch out?

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

This might be the greatest two days in sports each year, not including World Cup footy.

I did two brackets this year, one with legitimate picks, (not legitimate based on actual knowledge mind you), and one straight chalk. Which will do better?

litre_cola

Agreed, I normally book these two days off but am going to World Cup Q game next weekend!

Spur

this is my annual “spring break”. I never miss it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Four days, you mean.

Horatio Cornblower

For some reason the weekend doesn’t do as much for me. I think it’s missing that all-important “blowing off work” component.

Spur

Saturday is detox for me and knowing I have to work on Monday kills the mood on Sunday.

Spur

Buenos días motherfuckers!