I’ve been doing little else for the last month other than following the progress of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Paying such close attention to man’s inhumanity to his fellow man isn’t good for my mental health, so I leapt at the opportunity to take over for the Right Reverend Electric Mayhem and handle tonight’s open thread as a welcome distraction so I could check back with what’s been happening in the NFL. Let’s see…
It appears that Qaaron Rodgers has signed a fat new contract. I mean, I think he’s a piece of shit who led more than one of his idiot comorbidity factory fans to an early grave by helping them justify their idiotic decision to forgo a lifesaving vaccine, but it’s not like he’s been bombing maternity hospitals.
Oh look, in a move that reunites old No Means Fresno! castmates, That’s My Raiders! have recast the role of “Wide Receiver #1″…
And finally…the Factory of Sadness finds out that if you translate the term “crippling international sanctions” into Russian, it becomes “opportunity to show your true colors”. I remember when Hue Jackson brought Art Briles in as a consultant for one day and it was enough to fuel my disdain of the Browns for multiple years. This one will probably cover things for the rest of my life.
If you don’t already follow friend of the site DrawPlayDave on twitter, go do it now.
There’s probably sports on tonight, maybe like professional basketball or something? Or that other sport, you know what I’m talking about, the one with the goals? Ice-ball, maybe? Now get to commentin’!
Watching The Hunt for Red October. Awaiting Brick’s commentary on whether it’s a load of shit or not.
It is 100% accurate
Gumby sez “Down Periscope” with Kelsey Grammer is the best submarine movie.
Yeah but what’s the best movie about something that’s long, hard, and full of seamen?
Operation Pettycoat
He likes that one too.
Sounds like most of my interpretive dance class.
On patrol we would sometimes have a festival of old Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea episodes (the TV series). The more poorly made the better. Kowalski was the only enlisted man with a speaking part so he did everything on every watchstation. He was “highly qualified” as the saying goes. The only way to watch this stuff was during movie call on the mess decks, theatrical style. The audience participation was great.
Joe’s make the best audience. MSFT3K has nothing on 30-40 Joe’s.
On one of Gumby’s boats, they had a group of Seals riding with them for mysterious reasons. They wanted to watch the first Rambo over and over. Gumby and a buddy unspooled it, compacted it, and shot it out with the trash.
So not Operation Pettycoat?
I’ll watch that why time its on.
I just pulled it off On Demand. I think it was BBC America. With commercials, but the price is right.
It’s no Das Boot.
There was actually a sitcom called “Nick Freno, Licensed Teacher” but I wanted to work the yes/no angle.
Speaking of Fresno . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_79SiaBYudA
This starts a little slow, but just keeps on until it is fabulous.
I remember this show! Carol Burnett was great in it.
Ernest Shackleton/Endurance documentary on the History channel right now. So they do show actual history stuff still!
Remember when it was the Hitler Channel? All Nazis All Day!
Also, some hilarious fallout from the NHL trade deadline involving Scotchy’s Sensators: apparently they traded a guy but didn’t mention his No Trade Clause, so the trade is/will be voided by the league.
And yet, that will not crack the top ten list of Douchiest Moves By a Senator This Week, what with the Judiciary Committee and all.
Hey, the Ice Giants were up 2-0 in the 1st, I should check the score…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va5_rn3vG3A
Alternately, replace Yankees with Rangers and half with period.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xdTYVxzEwI
“Hey, *I’m* the real McCarver here!” – scotchnaut
I actually watched the whole thing because I’m a masochist. I’m rewarding myself with more booze.
If the entire team forgetting to do that hockey costs Igor the Vezina… (also the Hart but let’s be real, not gonna happen)
I have $5 on Igor at +300 to win the Hart
Local Hockey Team game featured two fights between the same two players from each team, all precipitated by one of them grabbing some guys gold chain necklace and breaking it earlier in the game. NO GLOREE JEWELRY BOYS HERE
Before we get too far on the Baker trade talk, just remember that at some point the league will suspend Watson for 6 games, which will get knocked down to 4 games, and they will need a backup to take over those games. So, a trade may happen once Watson serves his two game suspension, but probably not before.
I love what you did there.
Just how it’s going to go.
*sigh
Going to be a long season rooting against the Raiders and for Carr & Adams.
Also on that note, for anyone in the Fresno area (insert cricket sound here), the FresYES festival is going to be happening this Saturday at Tioga-Sequoia Brewing. Food trucks and beer. Should be a good time time had by me, unless the wife decides I am the DD.
Quickly go out and get a DUI right now. Then you can’t DD that event!
grumble grumble i thought your wife was the one with the double D’s grumble grumble
The movement in the NFL is nothing if not exciting thus far. So many things I love…let’s see…
Already pumped for next season. Let’s just keep the lock button on the WMDs so we can enjoy it!
.
It will be so fun to see if the stupid “at home with Baker Mayfield” ads next season refer to how nobody wants fuckshit to do with him. Maybe he has rancid cabbage gas?
I think Pittsburgh should trade for him. Give Cleveland one of those 3rd round picks back and have Mayfield around for when it turns out that Trubisky and Rudolph simply cannot play.
I guess if you wait for him to be released, you can pay him veteran minimum?
So did you guys see that the Pitt QB increased his hand size from 8 1/2 to 8 5/8 inches through stretching exercises?
So I was wondering whether that was truly a Trumpian hand size. For all QB-hungry teams, my hand measures an unimpressive 9 inches (same as Joe Burrow!)
Starting QB with the biggest hands? DangeRuss at 10 1/4, although if QAron ever gets hurt, backup Jordan Love would be the winner at 10 1/2.
Can’t believe I got through this comment without making a single Favre/dick joke.
https://gfycat.com/energeticblindboaconstrictor
That was deffo one way Charmslinger got around the height skepticism. He has hands like steam shovels. And Ciara is no doubt…a very satisfied lady.
/Hippo goes there so Spam ain’t gots to
So, Mrs JPP gets one in the pink and nothing else?
So kind of like a mini van but different?
“Has this kid got a sister?” – Bob Kraft
You gotta love this new competitive spirit of the Bengals. The Bengals countered the Browns dick move of trading for and paying top money to a (alleged) Serial Predator by re-signing OT Fred Johnson and then firing him about an hour later. They hired and fired a guy inside an hour!
Your move, Pittsburgh and Baltimore.
There’s rumors swirling that if/when Baker is released, the Yinzers will pounce.
Truth Biscuit, Mr. Flo from Progressive, Landry “FREEDUM!!!” Jones, and former first-round draft pick of Dan Snyder DEwayne Hopkins all in the same quartered backed room. DONT BE ALL JELLY
Well, fuck.
If true, Browns needs to trade him out of the division for anything. They already have a healthy Lamar and a protected Burrow. They don’t need to have a pissed off Baker to complete the trifecta.
At least now no one has to look over their shoulder when they’re in the washroom. There’s an upside.
I read a theory that they did it so they could shove a little extra cash at him. Sounds like Mike Brown is currently the victim of demonic possession, if true.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/tk9lqc/cincinnati_bengals_release_offensive_lineman_30/i1p1py3/
He’s been bodysnatched. He’s a pod person! Now I’m a little skeered!
Not sure about possession but it does support my “Weekend at Bernie’s” and “Dave” theories.
I fully expect that Mike Brown has some kind of “Weekend at Bernie’s” clause written into his will for tax purposes. I have no idea how the accounting behind it works, but it will somehow save his estate money.
But you got Murder Guy*, who I have always wanted in Denver.
*It has been like 7 years since the original joke, but Murder Guy is La’el (The’the) Collins.