Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. [in bed]
Marilyn Monroe

Not even sure what to say about this one. Still works tho.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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BASTARD took Ms. Witt from me, but I looked it up and Alex Morgan was indeed an Olympic medalist. So…Alex Morgan. Current is fine, makes the age difference slightly less creepy.
King Hippo

ballsofsteelandfury

(to clarify for any Trestmans out there, my pick is pictured on the right)
King Hippo

/Windowless van careens off the road and smashes into a pole
//sad horn
Horatio Cornblower

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TRIGGER WARNING

I’m not gay and I’m not completely comfortable with transgenders (I’m where I was 10 years ago with homosexuals: “I don’t get it, but you do you and I’ll do me.” so there is a chance for growth and change), however if it pisses off Trump and his balllickers and assuming she goes to the Olympics, I’ll willing to take Lia Thomas out for drinks and a movie as a Supplemental 5th Round Draft Pick.
Redshirt

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NHL hocky WISELY not going up against the ratings juggernaut that is the WNBA draft tonight.
herodotus450

Gary Bettman is an international disgrace.
WCS

You spelled ‘intergalactic’ wrong
Horatio Cornblower

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😃 🍿

Don T

“That’s SO much juice!”

-E. Manning
SonOfSpam

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Stop by the local erotic bakery and pick up a penis cake for dessert, it’s appropriate because Easter is all about Jesus rising again
Doktor Zymm [ from the back channel, too good nawt to share]

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Found a funny;

“there’s no word that contains all the vowels in order”, I said facetiously
rockingdog

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I promise my Wednesday columns will be with me in a better mood. I have spent the last two days interviewing for jobs I am clearly overqualified for. Honestly, I don’t care about or need the pay. I want the knowledge in my brain to outlive me. As we all are, I know shit no one else knows. Please, place the Star Trek brain sucker onto me and make your company better. Or go fuck yourself.

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Changing the channel on this game with 5 seconds left in the period, surely won’t miss anything back breaking in that time.
herodotus450

“You and me both, baby-high five! Oh shit….”

-Ryan Shazier
scotchnaut

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Blake Shelton had completely neutered Gwen Stefani for me, something that I’m sure will keep her up at night on her bed made of money.

I forget where I first heard this phrase, but while it’s not mine it’s a perfect description of Blake: Weaponized Blandness.
Horatio Cornblower

Somewhere, Joe Flacco looks up from his plain oatmeal and white toast breakfast
LemonJello

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One of my fondest memories from high school was going to a track meet at Sunny Hills HS. I have no idea what event I competed in but I distinctly remember the hot athletic blonde OC girls wearing Dolphin shorts.

ballsofsteelandfury

That may have been me. I had great legs and a mullet.

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City’s been very pedestrian. Ay Atleti!
Don T

This has been like watching paint dry. On a dead rat.
King Hippo

Speaking of ded rats…vaminos Luis Suarez ahora!
King Hippo

♫ He bites who he wants! ♫
♫ He bites who he waaaaaaants! ♫
♫ Luis Suarez, he bites who he wants♫
Sharkbait

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Note the number of this partcular episode of this fine Wednesday series (in the full http link above). I think we’d all agree that Jake be doing a nice jerb.
King Hippo

To quote one of my favorite George Carlin jokes:

Actually, I prefer a 71. That is a 69 with two fingers up your ass.

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Waiting for confirmation, but it’s looking more and more like the Ukrainians have sunk Russia’s flagship the Moskva.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

 

Sharkbait

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two questions [on the USFL]:
Is there a pool for this?
Can we pick how many weeks this thing makes it?
Game Time Decision

The most important question is how many games do they play so we know if Jeff Fisher will go 7-9, 8-8, 7-7…
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This is from the first USFL. I’m not sure if this iteration of the Birmingham Stallions is using the same logo or colors. Guess we’ll find out this weekend!

Gumbygirl

Catherine the Great’s favorite team!
LemonJello

“Fuck it”

–CtG being all literal about the mascot
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I can’t wait to watch 5 minutes of this [USFL] and then forget it exists.
Horatio Cornblower

Nods head, wonders why his pants are soaking wet
-T. Green
LemonJello

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Those Ukrainian farmers are at it again

Sharkbait

CAPTAIN: “How’s the situation, comrade?”
CREW: “Good news, sir! The flooding put out the fire!”
CAPTAIN: “I see. How’s the flooding?”
CREW: “Um . . . not good, sir.”
Brick Meathook

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Russia’s strategy in every war it has ever fought.
Doktor Zymm

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Perfect timing [ on the Naval themed COTW post], as today’s Request Line has a naval theme!

DUJOUR MEANS SYNERGY!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Got it, will begin looking for belly button songs.
SonOfSpam

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Found a funny;

Jesus: So this is the day I was nailed to a cross and murdered. We should have a name for it. Terrible Friday or something like that
rockingdog

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Watching them change the tire on my flight’s 737. Pretty neat, and heavy tailwinds mean we’ll still get to Chicago on time!
Doktor Zymm

“Heavy Tailwinds” is a good name for a plump exotic dancer
herodotus450

Also describes the morning after Taco Tuesday.
SonOfSpam

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(grabs the Intervention Chair; sits down next to Hippo)

As a member of the Bengals faction of the site, I saw Ryan Finley play up close. He’s just not good. I know what I’m talking about, and I done exactly what you’re trying to do. I’ve tried to see good in questionable QBs. Neil O’Donnell. Paul Justin. Gus Frerotte. Pre-Crisis Ryan Fitzpatrick. My God, I even tried to see good in late career Scott Mitchell for BLEERGH’s sake

When he replaced a faltering Andy Dalton as starting QB in 2019, the offense somehow got worse. When you are less aggressive at running an offense than Andy Dalton, that’s remarkable. When he came off the bench to replace a freshly maimed Joe Burrow in 2020, the offense just completely shut down entirely. I know part of it was watching the franchise’s sides of his upper and lower leg touch, but most of it is who’s behind QB.

His one shining moment was Monday night against the Steelers, and the gameplan was to keep Finley from throwing the ball! They played the Broncos’ Tebow Offense and hoped the Steelers would implode. That’s how much faith the Bengals had in Ryan Finley. They were betting that Ben Roethlisberger, who spent a whole career treating the Bengals and Browns stadium like a bar restroom, would mess up rather than tell Ryan Finley to win the game.

I’m the biggest homer in lost football causes, but for the good of your soul and your liver, Hippo, give it up!

Redshirt

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Can’t these imbeciles figure out that aerial crosses don’t work if you don’t have a single player over six feet playing up front?!? The crosses need to be along the ground!
Cecil Rhodes

I think this weekend the crosses need to be upright and arranged in threes.
Horatio Cornblower

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Granit Xhaka is like COVID-19. No matter how hard you try, he will find a way into your starting 11, and hurt everyone around him.
Cecil Rhodes

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Mr. Ayo

WCS

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Wait you guys are actually watching the USFL? Blink twice if you need to be rescued.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

To be clear, I’m not going to rescue any of you, but I think we should keep track.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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/wifey and I are cooking together

Wifey: “Alexa, play…”

Me: Please don’t say Jack Johnson, please don’t say Jack Johnson

Wifey: “…Jack Johnson.”

Me: [under my breath] “Fuck sakes! Again?”

Wifey: “Hope you don’t mind. I really like him.”

Me: “It’s fine, whatever.”

Narrator: “As Sun Tzu once said, ‘Pick your battles wisely, husband’.”
scotchnaut

Scotchnaut: “Can we listen to something different? Just this once.”

Wife: “No problem, honey! Alexa, play Ben Harper.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wife: “Alexa, play Sam Smith.”

Scotchnaut: “Ugh. I’m going for a hunt. Er, I mean, a walk. Going for a walk.”
WCS

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Found a funny;

it’s so funny how santa only gives presents to good kids but the easter bunny is like i don’t give a shit what you did, i just need to offload these fucking eggs
rockingdog

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I have to share one of my favorite stories about the ex.

We drove from LA to Fort Worth Texas for my grandfathers funeral. It was a long trip. Hard on all of us.

On the way back, we’re in Arizona it’s late at night and she’s driving her leg of the drive.

Anyway, she says “I can get us home. I just need to stop for coffee”

Huge coffee drinker she was.

She has this big ass plastic refillable cup that she fills up with coffee and grabbed some creamer and sugar.

If you’ve ever made this drive on the 40 there is literally like 2 curves in the entire drive.

She waits until she’s going into one of the only curves in the entire drive to add in her sugar and cream into her coffee.

I’m tired as shit and say “Can’t you wait until we’re not in a curve before adding that shit in? ”

She gives me the total stink eye and then proceeded to throw the entire cup of coffee into her own face.

After I stopped laughing I told her to find the next motel and we spent the night in Gila Bend Arizona.

To this day I have no idea what her point was but I still find it hilarious
yeah right

[RIP former Mrs yeah right]

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An oldie but a goodie:

BeefReeferLives

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From what I’ve seen, the USFL games don’t seem so bad, though I question why they didn’t open their games to fans.

What? The games are open to fans? Well, that’s very worse.
Redshirt

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Jalen_R Writes:

See? How good does it feel to have no debt? How does it feel to have the security of not owing anyone a cent (property taxes, inflation, yeah yeah…)? And, tell the eye-rollers out there, is that feeling part due to your age and life experiences?

I see these kids on Instagram reels like, “cash that equity out of your home and buy whatever passive income stream because the government never puts moratoriums on paying rent and wells fargo never illegally forecloses on homes and the value of real estate only goes up always so you’re a fool not to be as successful a debt machine as Donald Trump (I mean, after his bankrupties,, of course).”

You know, Yeah, the older I get the more I appreciate security. Hustle for the sake of hustle is for youth. That’s why they can fight the wars for ExxonMobil. If you told me I’m very much likely to have a roof over my head — not just any roof but MY roof from MY home — until the CTE tells me to take my own life (and I after I do pull the trigger, this CA real estate is just part of the intergenerational wealth I can leave my children and their heirs, who I no doubt love very much) and the lost opportunity cost is that I can’t take probably more than three trips to India for the rest of my life — well, sign my ass up.

Then again, if you’re gonna eat vegan like this, just kill me now and let the creditors fight over the estate.

blaxabbath

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I don’t have any debt, other than my brand spanking new mortgage that I’m about to make payment # two on this week, yay? I guess it beats being homeless!🛒
Gumbygirl

[shrugs]
“Sure, if you like being tied down to one place.”

– Jim Tomsula, leaning out the side of a boxcar, the wind blowing through his hair
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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[looks both ways, quickly slides 17 pound prime rib into the oven]
“Yeah, that vegetarianism thing…it, uh, seems interesting.”
scotchnaut

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Coincidentally, The Parts I Got Right is also the title of Dr. Frankenstein’s autobiography [ from the Sunday gray post].
scotchnaut

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NASCAR is racing on dirt? Baseball won’t play through rain and football won’t play in the mud or play the Super Bowl in an outdoor cold weather stadium but NASCAR is running Bristol on dirt?!
Redshirt

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Florida rejects several math textbooks from schools citing Critical Race | CNN (https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/17/us/florida-math-textbooks-critical-race-theory/index.html)

Florida has outlawed Algebra and Calculus because unknown variables and continuous change are tools used by Satan apparently.
Redshirt

“At the time, Gov. Ron DeSantis said that allowing critical race theory in schools would teach children that “the country is rotten and that our institutions are illegitimate.”‘

Well, a hateful shithead like Ron DeSantis is the Governor of and a known Medicare fraudster like Rick Scott is the Senator of the state of Florida. So, yeah, the country is rotten and our institutions are illegitimate. Q.E.D., Rick, you lil fundy-pandering fuckstain.
BeefReeferLives

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I have never really paid attention to the Aussie wine regions but find I generally enjoy Aussie wine. So I should.

How’s the tasmanian stuff?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cold climate. Pinots are fucking AMAZING. So under rated.
litre_cola

Why I love my wife story.
In Sydney and I have honestly searching for this Tassie Pinot. 70 bucks, reserve 95 bucks. I was going to buy the normal and she stopped me.
“How many years have you been wanting this again? Spend the xtra 30b bucks and buy 2 you Scot”

Love her.
litre_cola

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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