Buttholes Extra Puckered Lesser Footy Open Thread

I am writing this on Thursday, 5 May – since I will be away from my ‘puter almost all of Friday.  Thank fuck Everton aren’t playing.  I am tense enough as is.

Oldest HippoSpawn graduates university.  I am proud of her, so I will go.  I will make no emotional displays, which HippoSpawn graciously accepts.  I will be around hordes of people, a likely plurality being “barbarians at the gate” genotype.  I expect MAGA hats aplenty.  Fuck y’all, my Mersey Royal Blue EFC cap will judge you.

I recall the salad days when we assumed 35 points would keep one up.  Then Team White Lives Matter and Ted Lasso’s Leeds decided (at various points this Spring) find some form out of left field.  Everton have beaten Men Untied AND Chelski, but remain on very shaky ground.  Even the magical 40 points of old?  Might not suffice.  Everton, that.

You also have various relegation and promotion playoff thingamabobs happening in May.  I love that shit.  SO INTERESTINGLY TENSE (for the neutral).  I may get into that more in the night thread.  Depends on how tired I am Saturday (this) afternoon.

Real Cuntfaces of Madrid and Mass-Ejaculate-Recipient Redshite can both eat shit and die.  This mammal won’t be watching the Shempions finale.  It’s like a Superb Owl where both teams are quartered backed by MRSA Dreamboat.  Don’t give Ginger Hammer any goddamned ideas.

Samuel Alito seems like the kind of douchebag who WOULD watch, with one of those puppy abortion (pun intended) “half and half” scarves on.  Ass licking sumbitch.

If I am reading NBC’s wonky website correctly (caveat emptor), then we don’t have ballgames until the 10:00 window, with only Chelski/Wolves (USA) on teevee.  Which is good, as I don’t have the stomach to even glance at White Lives Matter against Villa (Peacock).  Yes, every Bitter Blue expects Slippy G to throw this match, to fuck the Toffees over.  He is a bell end of Hall of Fame calibre.

Other streamables are dead rubbers.  Trashbirds host Men Untied (12:30, NBC) in a most questionably selected Spotlight Dance.  Oh well.  Spurs actually have “chasing 4th position” to play for, but they’ll still lose to the dirty suckers-of-Satan’s-greasy-cock at Anfield (2:45, USA).

Sunday.  Jesus Christ, Sunday.  Three games at 9:00, with Everton away to Leicester (USA) and Leeds visiting the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (Peacock??) leading the way.  Oh God, this is gonna suck.  Arsenal at least also have 4th/Shempions bid to chase, and will be rested and HOPEFULLY focused.

My colon is already spasming, just thinking about it.  Bonesaws did fuckshit to derail the Shite last weekend, but watch them take sommet off Emotionally Devastate City of Men (11:30 Sun, USA), just to complete the shit sandwich.