Trying to Tip Toe Around THAT – Monday Open Thread

Good evening, how are you? I’m personally ecstatic: enjoying the summer breeze from my new rental. It sure is nice having a view that does not include two residential ruins just asking to be condemned. Although I liked the way the afternoon sunlight caromed off the exposed rebar. And you would be surprised how effective rotting, bloated wood blocks light—any kind! Shoutout to the rats and roaches over there: it’s your turf, I was just interlopin’ all these years.

I’m just kidding. The neighbors were wonderful. Truth is, I loved that shithole.

Of course, sensible folks—i.e., strangers to these whereabouts—would advise to celebrate the good only, and that’s it. These rational, mythical creatures would elaborate that putting down folks or places is unnecessary to enjoy, say, a new relationship or body part. But when you are a sports fan… Psht. Putting someone else down is part of the joy!

Every sports discussion has a winner and, therefore, a loser. If stats are the measure, context is antagonized—and vice-versa. All favorable free agent signings are judged by their former employers, and what troglodytes (the wrong NFL kind) they are. For sports fans,, it’s not enough to celebrate victories. Someone else has to suffer.

Sports fans have a natural affinity for the hate-listen, indulge in hate-reads from rival teams, and are virtuosic purveyors of hate clicks. Bleakness is the skin of a sportsfan, so I’m confident that last Friday will not break anyone’s will. Yeah, opening up the oil reserves would be fine. I would settle for opening the bile reserves.

NFL NEWS

-Texans are sued for enabling Deshaun Watson.

-Deshaun Watson has a discliplinary hearing at the NFL tomorrow. Many report Watson faces “Indefinite Suspension”; this one’s from si.com.

-Tyreek Hill says he got death threats after saying that Tua Tagovailoa was a more accurate passer than Patrick Mah—

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central. Slur free, as always.

GRANDES LIGAS

Atléticos (Blackburn) @ Y*nk*s (Montgomery) – 6:05

Piratas (Yajure) @ Nacionales (Fedde) – 6:05

¡Dato divertido! Nacionales was the name taken by the military Fascists in Spain back in 1936 for the Spanish Civil War. The Nationals were the Franco boys, whose greatest hits were Federico García Lorca and the town of Guernica (ft. La Luftwaffe). SCOTUS doth honor the ballclub’s name.

Medias Rojas (Seabold) @ Azulejos (Gausman) – 6:07ish

Mellizos (Gray) @ Guardianes (McKenzie) – 6:10

Marlina (López) @ Cardenales (Wainright) – 6:45

Patrulleros (Pérez) @ Reales (Bubic) – 7:10

Doyers (Anderson) @ Balboas (Kuhl) – 7:40

Medias Blancas (Giolito) @ Angelinos (Syndegaard) – 8:38

Orioles (Wells) @ Marineros (Kirby) – 9:10

 

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Argentina

Atlético Tucumán hosts Godoy Cruz Antonio Tomba – 7 PM

Paraguay

Tacuary hosts Sol de América – 7:15 PM

Per Wiki P, Sol de América is one of the mainstays of the Paraguayan top division. In English it’s “Sun of America”, which sounds more like a casualty insurer or bond company.

BTW, here are my most interesting bonds ranking:

6. Performance

5. Barry

4. Payment

3. James (Connery + Craig)

2. Bobby

1. Bastardy

Didn’t say better, but more interesting bonds. And now that the XVIIIth Century is HAWT again in the Free World, hells yeah bastardy bonds. North Carolina Bastardy Bonds is a book available on Amazon for $39.00—or! You could read it here. If clicking on the last link, note the last sentence of the first paragraph: “It is asked that in reading this material, the reader do so with love and understanding of the problems of these men and women”. That kind of understanding would have been too much for six current Supreme Court Justices.

FINALLY,

protest. Be heard. Resignation and complacency is their path to power. Maybe it’s a me-situation, but I’ve never met anyone who thinks “You know, I should have been more heeled and courteous”. Diplomats can get fucked.

5 6 votes
Article Rating
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
Subscribe
Notify of
76 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
rockingdog

Last funny;

supreme court: we’re nOT DONE DEPRESSING U YET [airhorn noises] get rrrrrrrrreadddyy forrrr west virginia versus E…P…….A [jock jams Are You Ready for This starts playing]

Fronkenshteen

I live about 2 hours from D.C. Wife’s on vacation Friday thru Sunday. I guess I’ll go get tased or tear gas bombed or some fucking thing at some point this week. God, I have to get this family out of the USA.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

For the record, I would try to make her day.

Mr. Ayo

Funny story, it turns out I’m all that she wants, but sadly she doesn’t know me yet.

Mr. Ayo

lol

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I can’t remember who the fuck was at my college as a performer. I definitely remember I helped set up and tear down the stage on the low steps. And one of the performers climbed up a ways to roof while singing. Watched the whole thing from the rear and can’t remember the singers or the songs. Thought it was 50 cent but this was in the late 90’s before his time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is there such a thing as too many library cards?

rockingdog

Found a funny;

girls get nicknames because of affection and terms of endearment. guys get nicknames because they took french onion soup to a super bowl party one time

TheRevanchist

I miss watching games with people. COVID is spreading fast again here, but more mild symptoms. Maybe next year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I want to meet a girl named Boofer

blaxabbath

Figured out today that I have a leak in my hot water line in my slab. My wife picked an absolute lemon. From 1970 too! The era in which American quality was cut so low that the only way to get cheaper was China.

I’m gonna call the home warranty company on this. I hope they just run the lines through the attic and don’t make a fucking deal of this. The floor right there is already done and tiled.

I am not optimistic they will be cool.

Dunstan

So apparently the witness for tomorrow’s “surprise” 1/6 Committee hearing is a former aide to Mark Meadows.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wonder why they are in such a hurry to get them on the record. Perhaps there have been attempts at coercion, and they don’t want to let those escalate/succeed?

SonOfSpam

Kinda underwhelmed, until I read that she’s already testified for 20 hours, which is a lot. So she might know a few things.

Dunstan

I mean, Meadows was apparently the point man for most of these efforts, so if she was a key aide to him, she may have witnessed all sorts of phone calls and meetings.

SonOfSpam

And she’ll have notes/emails. She might be better than Meadows, since he’d still try to lie or at least equivocate.

SonOfSpam

Oh and she also recently got new attorneys. IS IT YOU?

WCS

comment image

blaxabbath

I’m officially out. Everyone knew trump and the gop were all dirty and the response was unreasonably neutral.

In going back to my libertarian ticket. We may have been wrong about the successful drug wars and even letting the government have a day one way or another in abortions but I’m just too damn rich to care this much about people who don’t want to win.

Last edited 2 years ago by blaxabbath
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m thinking about high school sports and the only time I remember anyone praying was when late in our state tournament semifinal we fell behind 1-0 in the state tournament to a team we should have dominated. Some kids on the bench started praying with maybe two minutes left.

Didn’t help. We lost.

Dunstan

Well, I think we can all count on high school coaches not to abuse their authority.

SonOfSpam

“You bet”

-D. Hastert

Dunstan

“Did somebody say something? I didn’t hear or see anything.” — Jim Jordan

SonOfSpam

so WEIRD that it’s always the party that accuses everybody else…just so damn inexplicably WEIRD

herodotus450

Hmm… I’m gonna guess you were playing… basketball?

SonOfSpam

Well, he grew up in a white area, so…yeah the score tracks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Soccer. The team was really good that year. Almost every starter was back from the team that had won the state championship the year before, and for a little while the team was ranked #1 in the entire country.

blaxabbath

Now tell us which country.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, right, I forgot there are other countries. USA.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If ever overturn the legality leaving a watery shit in a Connecticut rest stop, I am done for

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll dig a hole by the side of the road and shit in that before I used a CT rest stop.

SonOfSpam

What if it’s at least 40% santorum?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m sad Roe vs Wade was overturned because my local Planned Parenthood had all the good Dum-Dum lollipops

blaxabbath

I watched the abortion it’s always sunny last night.

They ain’t gonna make ’em like that anymore.

Brick Meathook

After an evening of shooting crap I locked off a camera (an iPhone 12 actually) on a car roof while I walked off and got handjobs from carnies. I missed the beginning of the teardown and it stops early because storage was full of a lot of crap shot earlier. But the middle here is okay.

https://vimeo.com/724704297

Mr. Ayo

That was informative!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This evening I found a young woman’s wallet on the sidewalk, and fortunately she had some business cards in it so I was able to return it.

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

I would be suspicious of anyone who still carries business cards.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was a young woman – they weren’t really business cards, more business circles that advertised her nail services.

Dunstan

I haven’t had to use them much during the pandemic with almost everything being done remotely, but lawyers still use them here — the court clerks want them when you check in for a hearing.

SonOfSpam

“bur lawyers still use them”

Right, suspicious.

Dunstan

Can’t believe you would say such a thing!

hutz.jpg
rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

herodotus450

I say we create our own Supreme Court. Pepperoni and Sausage are a given, but what about green peppers, do they make the cut?

King Hippo

BANANA PEPPERS are the way to go.

Mr. Ayo

Point of order. Cheese is the first ingredient. Your dissenting opinion on this matter makes you ineligible to provide further input.

Green peppers make the cut.

Redshirt

Objection! Sauce is the first ingredient. You mess that up, the whole pizza is compromised.

Mr. Ayo

Sustained. I assumed it was part of the crust in my argument, when in fact, it is mostly definitely not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, pepadews!

comment image

SonOfSpam

No.

No reason for bell peppers to exist.

Black olives and lots of em.

And more meat.

TheRevanchist

As a side, always have sliced and pickled jalapeños. If they are pickled with carrots, they taste even better.

But that is really any meal.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I donated to my local abortion fund today and am trying very hard to convince lady BFC to let me go picket outside Clarence Thomas’s house

Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d rather go draw inverted pentagrams around Amy Coney Barrett’s house and do weird creepy shit that makes her think we’re casting spells on her.

Let’s call Christine O’Donnell and see if she has any tips.

Redshirt

That woman has brought great shame to the sacred name of “Coney”.

scotchnaut

That island will never be the same.

King Hippo

hobo continues masturbating under the boardwalk, but sadly now

blaxabbath

I’m not saying Clarence Thomas is a house slave… but you explain him then.

Brick Meathook

Last night:

comment image

scotchnaut

A Love Letter To Everyone That Makes Hot Italian Sausages-

For the love of Luigi, lay off the goddamn fennel! It’s a HOT ITALIAN SAUSAGE, not a HOT LICORICE STICK. Fuck Sakes! Hot red pepper flakes, smoked hot paprika, regular peppercorns-embrace that. Dial back the fennel 75% AT LEAST. It’s a perfect complimentary flavour in an Italian sausage that makes all the other spices shine, not the star of the fucking show. I can’t believe that someone that is 50% Scottish/English has to point this out to you.

Regards,

Scotchy

Redshirt

Speaking of Luigi and love:

4494F866-971E-4ACA-BB67-CE5EB35BC471.jpeg
Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Gumbygirl

Counterpoint: Fennel and caraway seed are delicious.

7f0a3cc887aaba0f5f8a9210f3cbcd97a969861fe5498e1b8c51f361e6c7981c.jpg
ballsofsteelandfury
Redshirt

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/columnists/paul-daugherty/2022/06/27/cincinnati-bengals-owner-mike-brown-friends-life-and-reading/7725130001/

(hopefully not behind a paywall)

This is the best inside look at Mike Brown and who he really is. And yes, he is a cheapskate.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m thinking it was like debating a Supreme Court justice.

I’d say there) a 2/3 chance that Mike Brown was vastly more logical and coherent in his justifications for his choices than any current Supreme Court justice you might happen to debate.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

Because God sent him to do the bidding?

Horatio Cornblower

Everything about this is awesome. The band’s name, the fact that their Finnish, that they’re doing AC/DC using a banjo and an anvil. Great stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Ao-iNPPUc

scotchnaut

“That banjo guy has a future.”

-Steve Martin

Redshirt
Horatio Cornblower

Joe’s a stand up guy.

Except during the regular season, when that swinging door of an offensive line will make that impossible.

Redshirt

Playoffs! Don’t forget playoffs! Even with an average offensive line, they would’ve won all four games not at the last second, with Burrow having clean jerseys and MRIs.

King Hippo

Tell me this guy runs for Senate when he retires from FITBAW.

Redshirt

It’s possible. Ohio has voted before for a guy in a wheelchair who led people out of a Great Depression.

blaxabbath

This is why DFO exists.

Try and get that shit over at….I dunno, SI.com or whatever.