Hi folks. Sorry this is late. I was distracted by this season’s edition of the New York Yankees turning into last season’s edition of the New York Yankees over the last 11 innings of two games against the Red Sox. It’s easy to forget that it’s a 162 game season and that even the best team in the league will occasionally turn in some turkeys. Just hate when they do it against the Red Sox while revealing some very obvious weaknesses that they need to address prior to the post-season.
On the plus side, while late, I did not plagiarize any of this. It’s just straight stream of consciousness.
Based on the above gif, (looks like it’s from something called ‘Get Yarn’, but is also an outtake from one of the ‘Police Squad’ movies, and ultimately is a combined production of Juliette Lewis’s parents, her nutrition and work-out programs, and her bra. Congratulations to all of them.), you might think we’re drafting great busts, and you’re right. Sort of.
We’re drafting bad busts. Bad draft busts that is. Someday, (and this has been suggested before), we’ll do a draft of, um, “desirable” chests, shall we say, but that day is not today. Nope, today it’s draft busts. Rules are simple: NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA. Four major sports, all have drafts. Pick a person who, for whatever reason, was drafted and just never quite panned out.
Your commissioner for today’s draft is the large-and-in-charge Tony Mandarich. (Yes, you can still draft him)
Mandarich was definitely a bust when drafted with the second pick by Green Bay, but I made him the commissioner because, credit where credit’s due, he picked himself up and came back with the Colts, having what I recall as several productive if not All-Pro seasons. He’s also apparently now something of a skilled photographer. Anyway, he seemed like a good candidate to oversee this draft. Please don’t tell him where I live.
Speaking of the Yankees doing disappointing things, with the first pick I take Brien Taylor. Taylor was the Yankees first pick in the 1991 draft, and first overall pick as well since the Yankees were truly terrible at baseball back then. He spent two years in the minors pitching to an ERA over 5, then injured his shoulder in a bar fight and never pitched above AA. I just learned this today, but he did three years for possession of cocaine from 2012-2015, so that’s, uh, not good. I’ve had a hard time finding much about what has ultimately happened to Taylor, but post-arrest he apparently went back to the house he bought for his parents with his bonus money, and as far as I know he still lives there.
The rest of you are on the clock.
Final pick: Archie Griffin. Only two-time Heisman Award winner. Average NFL career stats.
Back in ’12 the Celtics picked two Sillycuse players in Fab Melo and Kris Joseph. It was a Double Bustamundo.
(George Harrison voice)
Long time ago when you picked Fab.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVu6nPTVbBQ
Unrelated
https://twitter.com/AliExpressES/status/1546426571572932608?t=iF-vD2z66pwiKUuBkAaIAw&s=19
Besides the obvious, it also could pass for a bong.
You want to put your lips on it? Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Don’t be ridiculous. All I want is to inhale the stuff that’s coming out of it.
A bong with a frenulum
4th round selection:
Lawrence Phillips, RB, Nebraska
https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/14562908/former-nebraska-cornhuskers-star-lawrence-phillips-found-dead-jail-cell
3. Ryan Matthews. Drafted #12 overall by the Chargers, managed FIVE fumble in just 158 carries his rookie season. Only broke 1000 yards twice and was out of the league after just seven years. Not the biggest bust in history, but really sticks out in my mind because I listened to some fantasy “expert” who insisted he was going to blow up the NFL right out of the gate.
Do we pick on the Browns some more? Sure, why not-Trent Richardson was picked 3rd overall and went on to have an unsparkling career.
He inspired us all to fall forward one inch at a time.
Or was that fail forward?
“Some took that lesson to heart.”
-Deanna Favre, looking at her husband, snoring on the couch
Harold Miner. 2 slam dunk crowns and all that hype but flamed out in less than four seasons with single digit averages for points per game.
Hey what does my avatar look like now? Is it not the mongoose anymore?
I see the mongoose.
Thanks. Blaxabbath is trying to gaslight me, apparently.
I meant from the original image you had used.
No it’s the mongoose still.
Tim
Nice
I don’t remember Tim Davenport.
Tim Chesterfield?
Tim Sofa-King Bad (at the footballing)
Tim Recamiere.
Timothee. If you think I’m going to look for accent marks, you have made a Grave mistake. (See what I did there?)
Jerry Jones was convinced that Quincy Carter was going to be the replacement for Troy Aikman and took him with his first pick in the 2001 draft, 53rd overall.
Jones was wrong.
Redshirt, kickball, grade school.
Susie Derkins was right there!
This you, Redshirt?
Lenny Bias!
Ouch.
Every mock needs a little meanness!
A well timed drug bust could have saved him from being a draft bust
Maryland Department of Corrections would have ruled the penitentiary league!
Major League Baseball drafts are weird, but, I’m taking Bryan Bullington. Dirt Stillers took him #1 overall in 2002, and everyone, even themselves, said it wasn’t a great move.
And people wonder why they’ve been so awful for three decades.
Nutting. Nutting is why.
Gumby says Gabe Rivera, bust for the Steelers. Don’t remember him? EXACTLY!
Don’t drive inebriated, kids.
Hint: That was the year they could have had Dan Marino.
Not sure you can call him a bust when a bunch of PROFESSIONAL ADMINSTRATORS renewed the man’s contract en route to him murdering the conference.
Here’s a pic of Rick Mirer with his son and future draft bust.
3rd round needs some DUUUUUVVAAAAALLLLLL!
Blaine Gabbert
Draft Me The Flow! – Lemon J.
I am SHOCKED that Alexandre Daigle is still on the board.
https://i.prcdn.co/img?regionKey=CqYsBboQIb1Mh5DK9jwhNg%3D%3D
Blair Witch, white courtesy phone. Blair Witch. White courtesy phone.
Ahhhhhh fuck. I have brought dishonoUr and shame upon my family.
Since Horatio reached for Trubisky like the Bears reached for Trubisky, I’ll take the slam dunk Bears QB bust pick, Cade McNown. This sums up how I felt about the pick at the time, when it was revealed he was using an ADA parking placard in college, every time he threw, and when his wife got arrested earlier this year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtw1UvQ2oJ4
Don’t keep us waiting. What did his wife (allegedly) do?
Being a dirty thief: https://www.tmz.com/2021/12/07/cade-mcnown-wife-arrested-stealing-bags-jewelry-sydney-holland/
https://www.tmz.com/2021/12/07/cade-mcnown-wife-arrested-stealing-bags-jewelry-sydney-holland/
Didn’t realize JFF was already taken. BACK ON THE CLOCK!
Solid pick. Williams was good, but not “trade your whole draft” good.
Not so sure when you consider what the DC DANS did with those picks.
I mean, being drafted to CLE, it feels like an easy pick but, hey, Steve Keim is a millionaire because he built a team so bad that no one was allowed to pick Kyler Murray before him.
Heather was also absurdly overdrafted as a wilderness guide
Mitchell Trubisky.
Not only was he a complete bust for the Bears, they traded up one spot to get him, with a team that was never going to draft him, and on top of that I CALLED THE BEARS DOING THAT, AND I’M AN IDIOT!!!
You just wait until he redeems himself with the Bills, I mean the Steelers, I mean a Canadian team of some sort!
USFL…no, wait! XFL!
/ checks wikipedia
Perhaps it is Virginia Marion Halas McCaskey (born January 5, 1788) who is is the idiot!
Horatio Seymour, 1868 Democratic Candidate for US President.
Which Detroit WR was worst? Charles Rogers? I give him the nod since he was picked over Andre Johnson.
Yeah that tracks:
https://lionswire.usatoday.com/2017/04/06/combine-of-sorrow-final-charles-rogers-vs-mike-williams/
Though the fans on that site chose Mike Williams over him, the (forgotten by me at least) fact that the Lions successfully sued Rogers to get some of his salary back based on his weed habit seals that pick for me.
https://www.cbc.ca/sports/football/lions-sue-rogers-for-6-1m-repayment-1.808319
I’ll take Brady Quinn… and likely regret it… but I won’t be alone.
Eric Lindros
I know his carrier was cut short with head ouchies, but I didn’t think that he lived up to the hype even before that. And the whole not going to the team that drafted him originally was bad too.
Tough one. I think he produced enough to be considered less than a bust, and concussions buried him, (and his brother), but he certainly didn’t live up to the hype.
Here’s a rare non-crying pic of Adam Morrison
He looks like every boy in my high school who went half of each day to the regional Vo-Tech.
2. Rush Limbaugh. The Selective Service really blew a pick with that one. I imagine they had wonderful visions of using his disgusting corpulent ass as a human shield, but he never even made it as far as training camp.
Eh, I’ll allow it.
Because it reminds me that Rush Limbaugh is dead, you see.
Sticking with the Donks…
Tommy “Dan Reeves can eat shit” Maddox
That’s XFL Legend Tommy Maddox to you
We did an XFL fantasy football league and I won because I had randomly picked Maddox as my QB.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byi9EqiiCsc
How dare you, sir! Pistols at dawn.
Is it Vince Young time? I think it’s Vince Young time.
2nd round pick: Greg Oden, center, tOSU
To be fair, he was 42 when he was drafted
With the knees of a 72 year old.
Who grew up on the International Space Station.
And was deprived of any Vitamin D
This pic was taken after a butterfly brushed his knee
Could do a whole section on USC QBs, so here’s Matt Leinart.
Which school has the worse NFL QB output; USC, Oklahoma or Notre Dame?
Yes.
Montana came out of ND. And Carson Palmer did not utterly suck. Given that Sam Bradford and half-a-season Kyler Murray are by far the class of Oklahoma’s contributions, I’m going with the Laters
UConn’s own Donnell Marshall. He signed a 9-year rookie contract for over $42 million which, combined with his subsequent underachievement, probably helped bring a rookie salary cap/range to the NBA.
Not all bad for Donnell. He went on to make $72 million over a 17-year career. Apparently he’s coaching in the NBA development league now, but recently I know he was coaching for Central Connecticut. The true Blue Devils of college basketball. Still, when you’re drafting a guy 4th overall and he turns out to have a ceiling of “in contention for 6th man of the year”, you probably missed that one.
I am fully aware that his name is Donyell, but autocorrect is not.
Tim “Foreskin Collector” Tebow.
Quality pick, and solid reminder that Josh McDaniel is an idiot who had Tom Brady bailing his dumb ass out.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTm10x4U8AAdoeY?format=jpg&name=medium
I refuse to learn our image rules!
“Is it too early to select Johnny Manziel?”
Yes, Cleveland Browns. Yes it is.
Hugh Jessiman. The 2003 NHL draft was one of the best in history, and the Rangers whiffed badly. He played 2 NHL games, none with New York. Players taken after him include:
Dustin Brown (picked immediately after)
Brett Burns (immediately after Brown)
Patrice Bergeron
Zach Parise
Corey Perry.
Can I take Matt Millon as the Lions GM? While not technically drafted, he was chosen for the job and failed at it for years, YEARS
if Not, I take Sam Bowie.
Sam Bowie it is. ‘Shitty GMs’ would be a different draft, and Millen wouldn’t get past me.
Darko Milicic
The photo…/chef’s kiss
Andre Ward. First round draft pick, Heisman winner, six starts, couldn’t throw left.
Not everyone is an ambithrower
Crossover Alert: Jenny McCarthy. If not for her boobs, she doesn’t pose for Playboy and doesn’t get famous. Anti-vaxx bullshit is not mainstreamed prior to COVID. She lives out a pleasant flat-chested life and her body count remains comfortably below Henry Kissinger
Yes, I know by this logic Kissinger’s body count is far higher AND he probably has bigger boobs by this point.
That’s an entirely different draft, Rev.
1. Anthony Bennett, Cleveland Cavaliers.
For my first pick, I’ll take Brian Bosworth.
I had no idea that was the Boz in those commercials, now they are actually slightly funny
Yes, but *which* Al Davis era first round pick should I take?
I know, I know, there’s some gems from the Gruden/Mayock era as well.
No, taking Raiders is too easy. I’m going to handicap myself (plus avoid a bunch of heartache).
I’m sure the rest of us will pick up the slack
[picks up the slack]
[immediately drops it]
– Darius Heyward-Bey
/to be fair to Darius (and Mike Mitchell as well) they had respectable NFL careers. They were obscenely overdrafted, but they weren’t really genuine busts.
That’s former Stillers Darius Heyward-Bey and Mike Mitchell, thank you.
San Diego Padres drafted first overall and selected Matt Bush. Justin Verlander was also available.
Bush never made the majors, blew out his elbow and is currently in prison for a felony DUI manslaughter charge.
Sorry Low Commander.
I should have added that the Yankees took Brien Taylor instead of a local high school slugger named Manny Ramirez.
Parliamentary Inquiry to the Commissioner: Does an injury play a part in a player being a bust, or just performance and attitude?
RG3 gives Redshirt a healthy dose of side-eye
RG3, Ki-Jana Carter, Robert Edwards. Hell, if you’re going by unrealized superhuman potential, Bo Jackson could be the steal of the draft.
Bo Jackson was a 7th round pick for the Raiders and 4th by the Royals. Pretty hard to be considered a bust at that level. Tampa Bay might have some concerns but if I remember my 30-for-30 correctly, they also may have deliberately set Jackson up with a free plane ride that destroyed his baseball eligibility in the hopes that he’d play for them, so they deserved it.
Agreed, but I’m going by unrealized potential. If he doesn’t get hurt, who knows what he could’ve done in MLB or the NFL?
Fair point, but as a draft bust I don’t think he makes it simply because the Raiders and Royals took him fairly late for the production he did give them, and Tampa Bay deserved it.
Strictly performance.
(Mandarich picture won’t post because it’s too large, which is funny in its own right)
So you’re taking Curtis Enis off my board? There goes a whole morning making rhymes.
No, if they’re a bust because if injury you can still take them. I read the question as does it have to be injury. A more clear answer would be “reason doesn’t matter, just if they were a bust”
(evil laughter) My time has come!
Akili Smith: Immaturity. One year college starter, training camp holdout, didn’t try hard in practice, flew to San Diego too much to party. Lost job to end of career Scott Mitchell. Sitting for rookie season behind Jeff Blake or Neil O’Donnell may have helped, but unlikely without work ethic. Bengals cheapness didn’t help either; this was the final years before the Dark Times.
Wasn’t all bad though. Akili Smith was able to get his head on straight and continue to stay in coaching as a High School Coach, plus own up to his part of being a bust. Also, the Bengals franchise crashing and burning allowed Mike Brown to start to change how he did things and the franchise went from perpetually below average and perpetually under achieving.
Jeff George. Never trust someone with a first name for a last name
Ryan Leaf
Yeah, he was awful, but as someone who has substance abuse issues, I can relate to how much it will ruin A LOT.
I’ve got to take Alexandre Daigle at number one. Since in his own words “Nobody remembers who is number 2”.
Who went #2 overall in the NHL draft after Daigle? Oh just some plug named Chris Pronger.
Who did jack squat in Hartford, I might add.
The first four from this listicle are all contenders, but I’ll take Mr. Purple Drank himself: https://www.gq.com/gallery/national-football-league-nfl-talented-qaurterbacks-slideshow/amp