Monday Morning Mock Draft: Let’s All Cool Off

People, it is hot here in Connecticut. We are at 91, but through some combination of atmospheric conditions and alchemy, it feels like 97. Sure, that’s laughably cool to you West Coast types, but to us pale, pasty New Englanders it is the 2nd Circle of Hell type weather. On top of that, it pretty much stopped raining several weeks ago, and now it hurts to walk barefoot across my lawn. Again, our idea of a “drought” is laughable to pretty much anyone from Colorado to the left as you look at the map, but the world revolves around the East Coast, and goddammit our whining will be heard!

That said, we need to do something to cool things off around here, and frankly the planet as a whole. Since it’s pretty clear no one in government is going to do it, I’ll have to do it through the draft. It’s the only power I have, and on this occasion I will use it for good.

Or at least to kill time during a Monday.

This week we’re drafting cool characters in entertainment. They need to be fictional, but it can be any form of media, be it stage, screen or, if you’re a real nerd, even literature. An actor portraying multiple cool roles can be drafted multiple times, but only once per role. A repeating character in a series of books, however, can only be drafted once.

The commissioner for today’s draft will also be my first pick, as I think it would be grossly unfair if I took him off the board by naming him commissioner, then took the character I had in mind for the first pick. And that’s just not cool.

Your commissioner and first pick:

It didn’t end all that well for him, (spoiler alert, I guess), but they don’t get much cooler than Luke.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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WCS

Another late-round ultra-mega steal:
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Ron Fucking Swanson

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
SonOfSpam

2nd Val Kilmer pick…Nick Rivers from Top Secret

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

6. Oh, I forgot literature! I’ll take Molly from Neuromancer.

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Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m going with Ty Webb:

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ballsofsteelandfury

He and Danny were the whatever is PC equivalent of Eskimo Brothers, so they already had that in common.

I think it was more, “I’ve made my life choices and they’ve led me down this path. You need to make your own choices and be better than me.”

Doesn’t mean he isn’t cool.

BeefReeferLives

Going with Quint. He might have been kinda crusty, but he was pretty damn cool.
(well, until the very end)

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scotchnaut

“At the end he was damn tasty though.”

-Bruce

scotchnaut

It was far too busy to participate today so I’m doing it in one shot

Charles Bronson in Hard Times
Lee Marvin in The Dirty Dozen
Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe
Lisbeth Salander
Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web
Baloo from The Jungle Book
Rudyard Kipling’s Gunga Din

/Dok grabbed The Pink Panther, which was the very first character I thought of before scrolling

scotchnaut

Damn, I only saw Sam Spade.

scotchnaut

At the risk of Double Blair Witching myself, I’ll swap him out for Sherlock Holmes.

Brick Meathook

“Riff Raff” from Underdog:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwYj9gQoaug

BeefReeferLives

Going with Ellen Ripley. Talk about keeping cool under pressure…

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BeefReeferLives

Thanx! Was amazed she was still on the board, as she is one cool customer.

BeefReeferLives

Bender Rodriguez.

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Last edited 2 years ago by BeefReeferLives
ballsofsteelandfury

Now THAT is a quality pick!

BeefReeferLives

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Brick Meathook

Matt Helm

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SonOfSpam

I try to live my life by Tyrion’s teachings

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pffft. You don’t know things.

SonOfSpam

I said I TRY.

Brick Meathook

Sheesh. How much can a midget possibly drink . . .

WCS

The Exceptional Thief, Hans Gruber.
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BeefReeferLives

Eric “Otter” Stratton.

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Sharkbait

That was Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. He was damn glad to meet you.

LemonJello

Is he pre-law, or pre-med?

Game Time Decision

Frank Moses from RED. Played by Bruce Willis.

yeah right

Seth in From Dusk Till Dawn.

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blaxabbath

Country Mac

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Brick Meathook

Cardinal Richelieu (1585-1642) from Monty Python:

https://vimeo.com/618019538

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BeefReefer has opened up the Burt Reynolds element, so I will take Paul Crewe (non -Adam Sandler edition)

BeefReeferLives

Bo “Bandit” Darville.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is this the first Burt Reynolds pick? I was wonder when one of his characters would go off the board.

Gumbygirl

.

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ArmedandHammered

James Rockford

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. Kyūzō of The Seven Samurai

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Game Time Decision

Katy From LetterKenny.

/ pretty much any of the main characters from the show, except McMurray.
// and Bonnie is the only characher with a first and last name from IMDB

SonOfSpam

Only logical answer

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LemonJello

4th Pick: The Daywalker, Blade!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

In the spirit of blax’s “what really defines cool” comment, I’ll take Judge Harold T. Stone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is that the guy that sentenced Paris Hilton to jail, and then sent her back after the corrupt sheriff tried to release her to house arrest?

Ha ha, just kidding, even after all these years I still remember that it was Harold P. Sauer who did that.

Sharkbait

You could take Sorvino, he’s gotta be cool enough by now

Brick Meathook

Paul Vario was the real-life mobster that Sorvino’s character was based on (and really all they did was change the name). I’m reading “Wiseguys” right now, the book the movie was based on.

BeefReeferLives

John Winger.

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blaxabbath

Soo many good Bill Murrary options here.

ArmedandHammered
blaxabbath

Wait! What round is it?! I’ll take Andy Dufresne. Very fucking cool character.

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Game Time Decision

Can I have the guy from the Old Spice commericals?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lisa from Weird Science

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Literally the only cool person in that whole film

blaxabbath

/Trades up with Mike Ditka, taking his third for an ashing joint.
//Takes Omar Little.
///Is a better drafter than Steve Keim.

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Last edited 2 years ago by blaxabbath
BeefReeferLives

Jeff Spicoli.

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Doktor Zymm

Late round value: Ash from the Evil Dead movies
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Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
blaxabbath

What truly DEFINES cool? Success over obstacles? Doing it your way? Serving others? Getting laid? Making it rich? How much water does that ‘quiet cool’ hold?

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blaxabbath

Very good. Very cool.

2Pack

Cues up Shock Me by Kiss… LOUD

SonOfSpam

The guy from Cocktail. NAWT TOM CRUISE.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, you gotta order [hic] at least three…” – Blackout Brett Kavanaugh

King Hippo

Dave/Devjeet from Flight of the Conchords

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGoivhJ2pn4

2Pack

In the 4th round I select Emma Peel. Now if you’ll excuse us… Gonna mentally peel Emma outta that little number there…

2Pack

Ouch

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ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent pick!

TheRevanchist

For my first pick, I choose Lt Commander Rick Hunter from Robotech.

Last edited 2 years ago by TheRevanchist
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Were you perhaps thinking of someone else?

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Yeah. Rick was a spaz. Roy Fokker or Max Sterling.

BeefReeferLives

For my next pick: The black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks.
I’m talkin’ ’bout Shaft. Can ya dig it?

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BeefReeferLives

but I’m talkin’ ’bout Shaft…

Gumbygirl

Right on!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of late round value, Bueller? Bueller?

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Redshirt

Since I fouled my last pick, I’ll take Garak from DS9. A complete monster, affably nice, honorable, and a magnificent bastard all rolled into one.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
LemonJello

3rd Pick: Tony Stark

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Senor Weaselo

Tony Stank is still on the board!
https://youtu.be/cL0IDYp5bJ0

Senor Weaselo

Fourth pick, four words: Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez.

BeefReeferLives

As opposed to the Bennie with a Mohair suit and electric boots?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, can a Jet *ever* be cool?

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Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

Only when not in a Jets uniform.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. Stay thirsty, my friends.

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Game Time Decision

Magnum muther fuckin PI
Edit:
Oh the old one with Tom Selleck, not the new one, as it just occurred to me that there are 2

Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
BeefReeferLives

Frozone. Figuratively and literally cool.

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Senor Weaselo

Quality pick.