Can You Smell It? – PRESEASON Monday Open Thread

You know those Pats fans who switched to the Bucs because of Brady? I bet devil worship is integral to their tailgates. But no; this 666 BBQ has to be the work of other fans. Availing of sausages to invoke the number of The Beast itself, Lord of Treachery, had to be done by those Packer fans who left with Brett—first to the Jets, later with

MinnesoUta.

It ended badly, but in my heart I know there would’ve been no pandemic inside the wormhole that would’ve opened if the Vikes won the Owl with Favre at QB.

Still, this reality is getting to the good part, praise Gamblor. I’m psyched–but not amped, gotta say. Just quietly enjoying the season getting nearer and fretting about where to draft Devante Adams. To the folks in my league, allow me to gauntlet your faces with my Yahoo Mock Draft grades:

Cs. Gentleman’s Cs. It’s YF, not that diploma mill over there at espen fantasy.

Ok, no more reminicissings because there’s

NFL NEWS!

-Josh McDaniels, reneger-in-recovery, said the Raiders have “no desire” to trade Josh Jacobs. So there: Jacobs’s eventual trade will be a moral imperative, a motivation frowned upon in Las Vegas.

-Very good article from espen: the NFL demands officials “to focus on illegal contact fouls” this season:

“Illegal contact refers to prohibited contact by a defender when the quarterback still has the ball and remains in the pocket. It is a 5-yard penalty and results in an automatic first down.”

The item notes that, in 2021, there was a drop in IC fouls. For 2022, the NFL asked refs to identify the contact first and then confirm the position of the QB:

“The committee encouraged officials to move more quickly from the contact to the quarterback, in order to better enforce the foul.”

[Googles NFL refs]

Huh. Unless someone has been screwing with Google Images results, NFL refs seem generally fit. Pft. Never again will I pre-fact check a fat / lazy joke.

BONUS: The article also notes that the NFL now uses the term “focus” when addressing refereeing and dropped the “point of emphasis” phrase. This saddens me.

“Point of emphasis” is as colorful as legalese gets, and has the finger-on-the-scale vibe that got the Clots their first win over the Pats in the AFC Championship. (A pox on both their houses!, but I digress.) The issue back in ’04 when GM Bill Polian banged his shoe at Committee Meetings? Illegal contact.

-Teams are starting to release depth charts. Here’s Dolphins, Titans, and Hellbound.

-This afternoon, QB Jameis Winston left Saints practice with foot injury. In medical terms, “tweaking his foot”, per Dr. Dennis Allen. His backup is Andy Dalton—hold on.

I’m getting word from, uh, “Peedro”. Let’s go to the Right Compound for a live feed:

YR: Taj, please. Dalton is a better than average backup. With playoff experience!

DJT:

-Attention dynasty FFers: Justin Tucker signs an extension until 2027. By the end of his career, Tucker will remain the only player, in NFL history, to have never been drafted in the correct place (source: every draft chat room).

-House Organ enefel dot com posted its running back rankings. Well, this is the sort of non-event at which I bristle because it’s naked pub—OMAIGAAAA TRACTORCITO NÚMERO UNOOO [coughs] wooOOOOOOO

It’s an interesting piece written by Maurice Jones-Drew, who used to run like a greased bowling ball set on fire. I trust his judgment. Jonathan Taylor is #2. My guess was that most touts would put Taylor over Derrick Henry [puts Enemigos notepad behind machete].

What surprised me was Kamara at #6 and McCaffrey at #10. This is debatable. Kamara has a pending suspension and McCraffrey… yeah, it’s better to sit out the rest of the sentence for Week 1. Don’t wanna risk it.

Now that I think about it: I did swear to never speak about or debate on rankings and best / worst opinions because those are not News. And yet… This is written words, not speech. Hah. Suck it, integrity!

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central. As always, slur-free.

GRANDES LIGAS

Azulejos (Kikuchii) @ tWBSs (Lyles) – 6:05

Rojos (Dunn) @ Mets (Bassitt) – 6:10

Nacionales (Sánchez) @ Ositos (Thompson) – 7:05

Angelinos (Suárez) @ Ases (Irvin) – 8:40

Piratas (Beede) @ Serpientes (Gallen) – 8:40

Gigantes (Wood) @ Padres (Snell!) – 8:40

Y*n*k*s (Taillon) @ Marineros (Gilbert) – 9:10

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Argentina

Tigre hosts Rosario Central – 6:00

Brasil

Coritiba hosts Santos – 6:00

Ecuador

Gualaceo hosts 9 de Octubre – 7:00

DEGENERATES’ KRNR

Argentina 2^nd Tier (Primera Nacional)

Atlanta hosts Chacarita Juniors – 7:10

Colombia 2nd Tier (Primera B)

“First B”. Carlin would’ve loved that one.

Barranquilla FC hosts Leones – 7:15

FINALLY,

I found out there’s a sports book here in PR. Quitting cigarettes has left me with a vice void that nicotine alone does not fill. Much less, [snickers] virtu-

Anyway, Imma gamble. Because, heh, I know the NFL, I can has suxesss! Win differential and Superb Owl odds are the type of action that fills me with the irrational optimism of a lonely Tindernaut. And spreads in games and parlays, duh! I could swing $100 a month,

[checks if RTD fainted at the largesse]

Yeah. That seems like an amount fit for publication. What do you gamble on? Share! The more debauched, the bettah.

Banner via @SkotArmstrong; all gifs via giphy.com.