Ahhh, this is more like it. Choices! We have actual choices to make regarding footballing. Although UCONN football is involved so that kills my argument right there. (which begs the question, “Does Horatio apply clothes pins to his nipples while watching in order to increase the pain?”)
Tuesday is the dreaded cutdown day in the NFL, where camp bodies that think they have a legit shot at making the 53 or the practice squad are asked to bring their playbook to the position coaches office and are given the unfortunate news. “But hey kid, buck up, there’s always the waiver wire!” Some (semi) big names being bandied about regarding The Big Turk include:
-the Ravens Marcus Peters-about 10 mil in cap savings would be had.
-the Bills O.J. Howard-the word is that he’s been passed on the depth chart by a youngster for the spot behind Knox. Remember when Howard was going to be the next big thing? That was some time ago.
-the Packers Sammy Watkins-this should be done before he gets injured. Plus, it would upset Qaron and upper management seems to like to do this in a passive-aggressive way.
-the Texans Rex Burkhead-32 yr. old, single-use running backs are not long for this world.
-the Chiefs Ronald Jones-why does this guy get talked up every preseason by fantasy folks. He’s just a guy, jeez.
-the Raiders Clelin Farrel-gotta wash some of the Mayock/Gruden stink off this team in order to move forward.
-the Giants Darius Slayton-he’s not come close to the numbers he put up in his rookie season. He was so promising but eventually slid back into his 5th round pedigree.
A Horrible Symmetry-I do go on about the Giants injury woes, I know this. But I do feel it’s worth mentioning that the day wide receiver Colin Johnson tore his Achilles tendon was the very same one whereby wr Sterling Shepard returned to practice from the torn Achilles tendon that he suffered last year.
It’s Official-My 25 (is it 26?) yr. old fantasy league (two of them-both snake and auction) has passed away. We had the obligatory obituary email thread, going over the highlights, the spats, the bold predictions that fell flat. One guy recounted taking a bus after work to the restaurant that was our home base in the early years, specifically to hand-deliver his O.J. Santiago waiver wire request. It really was a fantastic league for about 15 years or so. [sheds tiny tear]
So, because I’m a lazy fella today I’ll just list the teams that are playing-you’ll have to parse out who’s playing who. Fun! So we’re talking Commies, Falcons, Titans, Colts, Rams, Jags, Ravens, Cards, Broncs, Browns, Fins, Bucs, Eagles and Bears.
Be yourself or someone else of your choosing in the comments.
G’devenin. Mighty Whitey, we do not speak about that, Cavs FC rain delay missed the win, went to a killer dinner tonight sans child! It is all about equilibrium.
LOOK: Ravens mascot carted off field after suffering injury during halftime of NFL preseason game – CBSSports.com
Injury Update:
BAL: Poe (Mascot) – Patella – Doubtful to Return
Will he be back? Quoth the Ravens- nevermore.
Po Poe
Thank gawd the cheerleaders are safe.
Getting up in less than 6.5 hours, so just poured myself a glass of the maple whiskey Litre sent me.
Sugar booze. Nice.
That sounds good, and I don’t like whiskey. I’d use that for a hard sauce on bread pudding.
That sounds delish, you put in the carcinogenic cherries? Or is that just fruitcake?
No. Occasionally I’ll wild out and put raisins in, but I’m pretty traditional when it comes to bread pudding. No need to reinvent the wheel.
Bills cut punter Matt Araiza after rookie is accused of gang rape in graphic civil lawsuit – CBSSports.com
The Punt God has been deicided.
The gang rape is on one of those scumbag’s iPhones I’ll bet. This story is gonna get worse and worse.
Has there ever been a fantasy footall league where 3/4ths of the participants didn’t give up and stop playing 2 weeks into the season?
The auction league I’m in is an exception. you can roll over budget and sell players so if you’re out of it by week 4, you can fire sale and roll into next season with a ton of cash
Our TWBS mem lge seems no one gives up. All you get is a Big Turk and shitty vodka for winning. As he would want it.
I was in one before Covid. Fucking Covid.
Gumbygirl did pick Ottawa! Good job!
2 and 2 this week. Apparently I took another flyer. And what the fuck, BC?!!
They’re a different team now that the QB is hurt. They may drop a bunch in a row…
I and my bro in law love how in to the league you are.
It’s awesome! I can see all the games on ESPN+, which helps a lot.
Vanderbilt…might not be great this season, y’all.
Yes! The Bengals beat the Rams in a game that doesn’t count, which, by my calculations, undoes the last Super Bowl loss, the Reds’ 1995 NLCS sweep and me getting bullied in front of my first crush ever in 7th grade.
Yes, I’ve been drinking a little. How’d you guess?
Um, it’s Saturday.
BRB undoing the 2014 Final
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt3KgOuWMPU
I just saw a Yankee pitcher went on the DL…for an infected tattoo?
That’s why you never get a discount tatoo
Or why you go to Ohio State. Shit is real there.
Herve Villechaize never wore a condom-I’m not surprised at all.
Other than the Beaver in the throes of puberty, have you ever seen a greasier mofo than old Herve? Slippery little git!
Hello. I survived.
Did you collect lots of thanks for the genetic variance? Did you call teh supermarket bigwig “Dad?”
That was an autocorrect typo earlier.
Her dad is actually an ex-Pennsyltucky state trooper, which is as terrifying as it is horrifying.
So, probably asked you to say “Daddy” instead
Uncle Daddy.
How’d you figure out my BDSM handle?
Err, I mean, nothing. Nevermind, carry on…
I’m from Western Pennsyltucky myself! There are…hillbillies. Scary hillbillies.
Look at Gloria Gaynor over here.
D-O-N-K-S!!! Playing so well to offer glory and honoUr to Russell Wilson and CHRIST!!!
VAR hates the DONKS. WOO!!
VAR has always been against God’s will smgdh
Oh, you sweet summer child! Winter is coming, pardon my mixed metaphor.
Everton’s reality has forced me to live deeper in denial otherwise. Is just science.
Embrace the relly battle. Will see you there shortly.
Today I bought a California-legal Glock G19 Gen-3 semi-automatic pistol, chambered in 9mm parabellum, a fine addition to the small arms locker in the command center of my fortified compound.
I have to wait ten days, then I’m gonna’ pop a cap in some homie’s ass.
Well, I would if I had any bullets. I don’t even like shooting guns; I only like to disassemble, clean, and reassemble them, all the while whistling and admiring my handiwork with a self-satisfied smirk.
Pictured below: the “piece”
Take away a man’s foot and he starts amassing arms
As long as I don’t shoot off my right foot I’m cool with it all.
Oh my God, that sounds like a banner to me!
Hold it sideways, like a boss?
Pictured below: me (in 10 days)
Back in reality:
(cat not included)
Shit just got real.
Can I at least pet the kitty?
Pew pew pew!
Cap away.
Oh damn, you’re dead to me Charmslinger. That defense won you the one ring you own, and you threw away the other one.
He forgives you. Turns and offers the other cheek Liek teh GRATE selfless Xian leeder he is!!!1111
Holy shit. The Ottawa REDBLACKS have scored 3 touchdowns in a half for the first time since forever.
On second thought, maybe these gummies ARE actually working.
Narrator: Maestro just woke up from the bestest nap ever
Did I pick them? I may have, I know I had one reach.
Awright you assholes! Which one of you got my doctor to provide a live shot of my femoral artery for the banner photo? You never heard of HIPAA?!?! You’ll be hearing from my attorney!
[holds banana to ear]
[dials air fryer]
[drums fingers impatiently]
“Hello, Trent Green Attorney At Potato! How may I purple dishwasher you today?”
Elizaberth Barrett Browning is a camp arm FOAR the Bungles??
He’s what you get when you combine Joe Burrow’s confidence with Brandon Allen’s talent. Its cute really. Its the comic relief part of preseason.
My hotel plays Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet on a loop in the elevator and I kind of love it, although there are only 3 floors so you never hear that much of it. Goal tonight is to stay up late enough (like past 5 pm) to check out the Whiskey LIbrary downstairs. If you live in Singapore you can get a membership with your own whiskey locker. I guess you could even if you don’t live in Singapore, but I don’t know why you would.
New thought of the day; it is fucking bullshit how the Canadian federal government caps edibles at 10 mg of THC. I should be giving these gummies out to fucking kindergarteners. I long for the days when some dude at a Phish concert would pass you a chocolate chip cookie and then you’d wake up in a corn field three days later.
If those kindergarteners are fucking already they’re probably developmentally mature enough for some gummies
Counterpoint: 10mg knocks me out for hours.
And I’m only mentally a kindergartner.
My 11-year old cash league died this year too. I was commissioner the last 4 years and it was a very thankless job. Surprisingly, I’m not that sad to see it go.
Lots of Reds fans in attendance here in DC.
Why?
Why not? DC is only about half people who are actually from there
Not from Cincinnati
Punt god got cut.
And TheSuan is still in the league.
Lesson here, kids – if you wanna be rapey, don’t be a punter.
“Cut Punters” is the name of my Morrissey cover band.
I like Punters Cut Morrissey, myself.
I like Singapore. I need to find a decent book to read about the history, I know bits and pieces but it would be good to get the whole story. Going on a food tour in a little over an hour, so going light on the hotel breakfast.
My hotel is right between LIttle India and Kampong Glam, which is pretty awesome, a good mix of new and old Singapore with lots of those gorgeous 1920s era porched houses that are restaurants and clubs mostly now
Singapore is my favourite Asian city by far. Love Tokyo and Hong Kong, but Singapore is something else completely.
Hey, NFLN, I don’t need a live look in to Tom Fucking Brady. I’ve seen enough of him over the last 20 fucking years.
Who is this Perkins cat?
Tiger’s favoUrite.
Time to Rrrrrrrammmitt!
Yeah!! – Balls, looking around to make sure nobody heard him
Except I’m referring to a non-football activity…
I just realized that the concept of a Playboy Bunny in this day and age would never fly.
We truly lived in a remarkable age in my youth.
Nobody tell this guy about OnlyFans, he might have a heart attack all over his print copy of the Pelucaville Post
I really don’t understand the concept of OnlyFans. Why would anyone pay for that when Pornhub exists?
Oh so you dont think sex workers should get paid? I for one think they should, as well as teachers and veterans and farmers and god bless america and thank you for my time.
Pornhub also has some real issues with stuff like refusing to take down videos of sexual assault, even when the person requesting it is the victim. OnlyFans has far less of that sort of problem because of they way they’re set up. It also facilitates more interaction, as creators will take requests and such from their supporters
Wait, what? This is definitely not a Balls search term.
I wouldn’t say it’s a significant amount of their stuff, but it’s a shitty attitude to have even once
I never look at the true amateur stuff. Just the professional clips. That amateur stuff should stay on OnlyFans for the reasons you cited. Pornhub should completely get out of the amateur side of the business.
Speaking of our youths, I just watched Licorice Pizza and I fucking loved it.
It’s the Valley in the early 70’s and the locations, dress and style are straight up LA nostalgia.
Plus the soundtrack is killer.
Also a few cameos that steal the movie.
I need to watch that
Amazon Prime.
Lmao at these announcers wonder if UConn knows what to do after giving up 14 unanswered points.
Buddy, they have plenty of experience giving up at least 14 unanswered points.
Heading to a AAAA baseball game in about an hour and a half woot woot
Nats tickets have to be like 75 cents now, yeah?
$2.00 and you can throw out the first pitch.
And the second, and the third, and the fourth…..
$11 if we were dealing with rationality in our home
Ooooh, intrigue!
Pirates vs. Reds?
Ah, the old “run up the middle after in incomplete pass makes it 2nd and 10.” It never fails.*
*It never fails to result in a punt
Still, though. I’m liking your decision to get that “MORA LYF” chest tattoo, more and more.
I can’t see how it will backfire.
.
They make the JV playoffs and Mrs. Horatio will get a chest tat!
You mean pearl necklace?
Just got back from the farmer’s market, (and the package store, where I got a good deal on an illuminated Sierra Nevada sign), now to take a big swig from my drink and turn on the UConn game.
(14-0 UConn)
PBBBTTTTTHHHHHH!!!
/Immediately 14-7
Lookit them thar Horatios FIGHT!!!
(spoke too soon)
“Mora, Mora, Mora” (how do you like me) is my favoUrite Andrea True Connection song.
Guess I’d been commenting on the old post. Whatever YOU’RE off.
Just saw that Liverpool score. Holy shit.
Bournemouth should be relegated to the MLS
And then purchased by Carrot Top and Yahoo Serious
Suck it, Nebraska!
Pizza and a pretty good metal cover band to end the day. Some times life pulls us back into the dives. And that is good.
You’re living a fine life. Kudos to you!
Us old guys are wearing the coolest T shirts I shit you not. Feel sorry for these kids…
BLEERGH forgive me, I’m watching Nebraska-Northwestern. By choice!
Don’t feel bad, Gumby has Austin Peay/ Western KY on.
Unless he is an alumni or has family from one of those schools, that grounds for an intervention or involuntary 72-hour hold.
Nope. Closest connection is that Western KY was in Conference USA with my Blazers. It’s ok though. He came to his senses and turned it to Ridiculousness.
Silly Anecdote Time:
There was once a very good basketball player by the name of Fly Williams that played college ball in the ’70’s. (he finished 3rd in scoring in the nation one year, averaging 27.5 points) He played for a certain institution and when he got hot the student section would chant, “The Fly Is Open, Let’s Go Peay!”.
Here’s a prop bet for you: Who wins by more, Utah State against UConn, or Hawaii against Tennessee in the Little League WS?
Well, of course Desmond Ridder recovered from the interception. He’s playing the Jaguars. They’re barely an AAC team!
Attention Hollywood types! I have a movie to pitch. Picture this: The giant statue of Marilyn Monroe comes to life, breaks off her moorings in front of the Palm Springs Art Museum, and stomps her way down Palm Canyon Drive, brutalizing all of the brunching gays and camera toting Asian tourists! They have to get the stealth fighter from the air museum to end her reign of terror. I want a writing credit, and a percentage of the gross. And a spot on the stage when we win the Oscar, naturally.
Here’s Gumby waiting for his golden shower
Personally I would rappel down her necklace and motor boat her… but that’s just me.
I remember when that Marilyn statue was in Chicago! So odd that a statue that is most notable for getting people to peek at fake giant panties travels around
eh, it’s been done.
Not with Marilyn!
What’s the rating of the movie? With a large Marilyn Monroe, all ratings in the scale are in play.
R. Do they have R anymore or is it M now? Whatevs, they will definitely CGI that dress off of her before the stealth finishes her off.
That gave me an idea. The military will unfreeze the Rat Pack, who are in cryogenic storage at a secret desert base, and they will fly the stealth plane that ends her ungodly murder spree. Frank Sinatra will be the pilot, Sammy and Dino will croon some toons, and Joey Bishop will get his head torn off by rampaging Marilyn!
Sequel idea: Marilyn rises from the sea looking for revenge. Science clones and grows Wizard of Oz-era Judy Garland to fight her in a battle of two Hollywood starlets who were used up and discarded and ridiculed by the Hollywood Machine.
I love it! It could be like the Godzilla franchise, but with tits!
800px-Mosura_trailer_-_Mothra_flying.png (800×341) (wikimedia.org)
“Oh, sure. Ignore the Giant Divine Moth because she’s flat chested!”
“Flat-chested girls make the rocking world go round”.
-Freddie’s first version, which was roundly rejected by everyone else in the band
I’m in!
Oh I don’t do it to increase the pain.
Wait, what?
I was finishing up my morning walk today, about 4 and 1/2 miles in. It was 76 degrees and perfectly sunny with a light breeze blowing off of the water. The music sounded perfect, I’m looking at the ocean and these multi million dollar yachts. I just spread my arms open and took it all in.
Then I thought, I’ve got a pretty good fucking life and I really should appreciate it more often than I do.
It’s a beautiful day out there.
I need more Yeah Right Optimism reminders in my life. Last week was a shit show of enormous proportions but in the end I came back to a house on a lake with a beautiful view that my wife and I were able to have built through our hard work.
I ran out of plus 1’s.
Never let the bastards grind you down.
Jags/Falcons had to be the standalone game. Gah!
/I’ll watch but under protest