Your “I Have Questions” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s ask some more, shall we? (see what I did there?)

To The Games!

Giants/Titans:

Will the surprise cutting/setting adrift of linebacker Blake “Tackling Machine” Martinez come back and bite the Giants in the butt in Week One? Oh my, yes. Did you know that the Titans have not won less than nine games since 2015? That’s some wonderful consistency that fans of certain other teams might be jealous of. Will the piecemeal Giants o-line be able to hold up against the Titans front? Will Danny Dimes get to 10 sacks or 10 turnovers first?

Packers/Vikes:

When will Cousins-who finishes every year as a top 12 qb-ever get the credit he deserves? And why is everyone over the moon about Justin Jefferson and yet down on Cousins? There’s a wild disconnect there. How long will it take for Qaron to cuss out one of the wr’s? What is the Jones/Dillon split going to look like? Fantasy owners must know! Is Allen Lazard really going to lead this team in receiving?

Chiefs/Cards:

They’re saying all the right things but are the Chiefs really that happy with CEH? I myself think that Andy prefers his rb’s to be a bit more dynamic than what has been shown so far. So that gives rise to, “Is Pacheco yet another preseason wunderkind or the real deal? I think if there’s any meat on the bone that Pacheco will be eased in and the Chiefs will have a timeshare on their hands. Did Murray do his homework this week? If so, is there a gold star on the paperwork and is it being displayed proudly on the fridge?

Go do your thing.

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Sharkbait

Daniel Jones once again trips over his own feet.

Gatoraids

Dany March of Dimes

Horatio Cornblower

This is where McCarthy would try a FG and hope his defense could get the Titans off the field in 32 seconds.

Gatoraids

Fried Gorgonzola?

Fronkenshteen

Founding Fathers and AJ Dillon should definitely be starters elsewhere.

Brocky

Kirk cousins if you don’t throw a touchdown to Adam theilin I’m going to forcibly vaccinate your whole family

litre_cola

AND take you tin foil so you can’t bbq your preferred plebeian way.

Fronkenshteen

Brother yeah right must be fucking loving every minute of this.

The Maestro

LMAO JINTS

Don T

Amani Hooker signs long term deal with TEN on Friday, INT in end zone on Sunday. Eventful!

King Hippo

Dimebag does that thing he do

fleshwound_NPG

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Don T

Jeffrey Simmons is a menace

Brocky

Adam “the fantasy gods hate Brocky so that’s why he only has 1.7 fucking points God damn it I fucking hate fantasy football” Theilen

TheRevanchist

They had 3 on Adams, which means someone was wide open. Carr needs to look around a little more or this game will put me to sleep, much like the GB game has done.

Spur

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fleshwound_NPG

a beautifully odd day gets better:

bubba wallace just won the nascar race (his 2nd career win)

facebook uncles and cousins are in disarray

litre_cola

Even I know that name!

Fronkenshteen

I’d love to see this happen just to see the fires this cunt would light on his way out the door.
https://www.rawstory.com/putin-revolt/

Gumbygirl

He’s going to be throwing so many pople out windows it will look like a ticker tape parade!

Spur

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Don T

Good pursut, cover the gaps, no roughing. Could be efficient front 7.

The Maestro

I MISSED AN IMMACULATE TIE???

King Hippo

Should have been two, Bungles fucked us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We almost had 2 20-20 ties in 2022.

litre_cola

That is like being at Saturday Night Live where Carradine guy introduces musical guest INXS.

The Maestro

Oh, men. MEN. (And women. And our enby friends.)

I just got back from camping with Lady Maestro. (I guess that’s true love – camping on the first Sunday of the NFL season.) Pretty fantastic weekend with a private island, but what I’m here to talk about today is the SHIT I took before leaving. There’s a Dichabod Crane joke in there, I just know it. Completely changed my outlook. This whole time I thought I was grumpy because I was missing football, but after that BM, it was like I’d seen the Matron Saint herself. I’m a completely new man.

(There’s no toilet on this island, so I had to preemptively dig a hole you could bury your Maine Coon cat in. Not easy to do when you’re 9/10ths of the way to evacuation.)

Anyways, FOOTBALL.

King Hippo

Emo Carr, trying to block Joey Bosa!

Fronkenshteen

If I’m GB, I sell rodgers right now for as much money as I can get. His attitude and body language are fucking atrocious and it’s clear he has no interest in anyone on that team other than himself. Trade him to the fucking Seahawks and don’t look back. Bitchy piece of shit.

King Hippo

Really happy my Donks had to “settle” for what was behind door #2

litre_cola

had to “settle” for what was behind door #2″ – Ballsofsteel

blaxabbath

It’s a good thing these Cardinals players aren’t doing it for the money, else they’d see how objectively bad they are.

King Hippo

Like I was saying, Them Saggy Tits is SUCH a fraud….

WCS

The Jest haven’t won in September since 2018. That’s kind of impressive.

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King Hippo

They spunked their load in 2001, inshallah

Doktor Zymm

It’s comforting that they always are who we think they are

clint greasewood

Anybody get NFL+? and how is it so far

Doktor Zymm

Yup, I’m using it with an Android emulator on my computer so I can watch on my projector and spoof the GPS. Working really well so far

Spur

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blaxabbath

How did the CARDINALS players get picked in y’alls fantasy drafts?

King Hippo

I don’t have any!

#StillLosing

Mr. Ayo

I have 2 of them. Season. Over.

litre_cola

Hollywood Brown was nawt a good pick.

Spur

Rodgers splatt.

litre_cola

I am surprised he didn’t just give up.

Spur

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King Hippo

3/10 ,, dog person smh

King Hippo

They call him Herbert. The Duck. QUACK!

King Hippo

That Spanoi crowd is 75% Raiders

Spur

As long as they paid retail for those tickets, let’em do want they want – Spanos

JimU

That low?

litre_cola

Keenan Allen out. Yikes. Hamstring for the hamstring god.

Game Time Decision

Booooo

Spur

Trust Fall
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Fronkenshteen

RUB MAH BELLY

Don T

2nd post-Weapon punt: 50+ yards, inside the 15.
Mm.

King Hippo

Do you feel a bit unfaithful, when you appreciate him?

King Hippo

I think we call The Weapon’s successor New Pussy

Don T

The heart gets confused

King Hippo

but the penis NOES wut it wants

Doktor Zymm

THESE PACKER RECEIVERS I CALL THEM COVID VACCINES BECAUSE RODGERS’ ARM ISN’T GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR THEM

WCS

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Fronkenshteen

Banner!

Spur

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Fronkenshteen

O HAI

Duchess

So is Aaron Rodgers dead or still tripping balls?

Spur

He went hard at Burning Man this year, still tripping balls. On a scale from Karen Carpenter to Keith Richards, he’s at Elvis.

King Hippo

I really can’t wait for his fat phase

King Hippo

I’ll have whatever they shot Butt-kicker up with!

BugEyedBoo

Quart of toradol.

King Hippo

Really the perfect 9/11 or Xmas gift, if anyone needs ideas HINT HINT

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, Derek Carr looks really uncomfortable in this new offense. I haven’s seen someone have so much trouble with X’s and O’s since Lea Michele got to page 22 of Green Eggs and Ham.

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blaxabbath

Blaxito is into Sam-I-Am reads right now.

King Hippo

show him the Jesse Jackson reading?

Fronkenshteen

That was brilliant.

King Hippo

In the top 10 of funniest things I’ve ever seen

litre_cola

Go dog go is more my speed.

Spur

Welp, back to blaming the Coaching staff for Rodgers.

Doktor Zymm

SKOL!!

King Hippo

SKOL overdose??

Spur

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blaxabbath

Kliff Kingsbury can’t call a play for Murray to pass for two SHORT yards.

Spur

that’s like 40 yards for Murray, proportional

clint greasewood

CBS really pushing this Sisters Wives show.

King Hippo

KOOKY KOACH KLIFF

WCS

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Sharkbait

So the Packers might wanna start covering that Jefferson guy.

blaxabbath

4th and 15.

What better signifies Bill Bidwill’s belonging in the Ring of Honor?

litre_cola

Wife’s 1st ever FF team is getting destroyed.

Welcome to the party.

King Hippo

I refuse to ruin 9/11 by checking scores

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Now she’ll have the chance to learn about waivers!

Don T

First post-Weapon Tit punt falls inside the 15.
Noted.

King Hippo

Candle status?

Don T

Nothing esoteric. It’s Week 1
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King Hippo

DonT’s Magnificent Tits still seem pretty real and spectacular, despite the off-season rumblings.

King Hippo

(and they were my moneyed pool pick in Survivor, because I couldn’t decide in time whether to change to Cincy or Indy)

/still out of Loser Pool

King Hippo

Bitchy Q-aaron is bitchy.

Fronkenshteen

And I’ll take all I can get. MORE CLOSE UPS

King Hippo

yeah, pretty sure mine moved a little, too

WCS

Catty!

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TheRevanchist

I guess all those acid trips in the off-season didn’t really do much of anything. Must have been a placebo.

clint greasewood

Staley never gonna learn

litre_cola

Heroin was a hell of a drug in Seattle during those times.