I am quite happy for the Wolven Sort HippoSpawn, getting a fun September night game on the home schedule. But I will be too stressed to nap beforehand, or to sleep afterwards. Anyone have a good cocaine guy?
Texas Tech (+10.5) at NC State (7:00, ESPN2)
This line is way too high, and keeps inexplicably going HIGHER. I am convinced this is just the universe fucking with me.
Michigan State (+3.5) at Washington (7:30, ABC)
Another line I don’t get. Sure, U-Dub may not be a complete shitshow this season, but I’d still expect a moderate Sparty pounding.
UTSA (+11) at Texas (8:00, LTN/ESPN+)
3rd string QB plus Bama hangover? You just LOVE to see it.
Miami (+5.5) at Texas A&M (9:00, ESPN)
I am not on the Da U hype train just yet, and neither is Vegas. Canes might finally be leaving their “bottoming out” phase, but they ain’t no Happy Appy.
Fresno State (+12) at Southern Cal (10:30, Fox)
This is the first time I can recall “Big Fox” carrying a true Tweaker Fixture, and it could be the dandy. MASSIVE trap game for Troi Boiz, with epic shootout potential. Win One FOAR the Revanchist Family, y’all Central Valley assdicks!
What am I playing tonight? Shit man, I don’t even fucking know, just that I’m here til 1 or so. So another hour.
Guns Up! linebacker sustained a compound fracture in his ankle. The replay is available, but, I’m not going to post it.
Back to the shack like Alvin Mack.
Or maybe he’ll just finish his degree and get a good job. I don’t know the man’s life history.
You guys see at way down there where I said PENIX would defeat Sparty?
I WAS RIGHT THIS ONE TIME!
Have a pleasant evening.
I still can’t get a good read on that guy.
He had so much potential at IU but couldn’t stay healthy
Duquesne at Hawaii, who or what is making that game a profitable venture.
The $50k Hippo put on the Over.
My niece went to Duquesne.
SPOILERS to Aladdin Live Action Remake.
Okay, the Aladdin remake was so goodish (animated movie still superior, but, except for Jafar, everything is at least trying and its not a complete redo) on 2nd viewing, except near the end when they steal the lamp and they start a chase around Agrabah instead of Jasmine rubbing the lamp and saying “I wish you’d unwish everything Jafar did.” I’m so mad, I want to slap somebody.
And then the Genie slapped the shit out of all of them, right?
Goodnight, Sportsball! I shall choo-choose you on the morrow.
Don’t bee late!
“Eye Discipline” would make a shitty name for an even shittier nu-metal band from 2002.
that was the most bullshit call of all time and those 4 points will surely matter when USC wins by 43
WATCH: Appalachian State stuns Troy with tip drill Hail Mary to complete dramatic comeback win – CBSSports.com
Sometimes sports can be fun.
Watching this USC game reminds me what a perverse kick I get of the new Wendy’s commercial where they shit on the NCAA for taking Reggie Bush’s Heisman away by comparing it to a fast-food burger.
I like the new Wendy’s commercials too. But for a different reason that you.
My kid left early, functionally a Doyers fan I guess. Deffo perv away now.
#TimeFor12thPill
I need 1st pill. Brick, help a brother out.
OSU 77-Toledo 21
As Hippo points out, Toledo at least scored, and UConn did not. But UConn also did not anger a much bigger, faster, stronger, more talented, more physically gift….
Wait, where was I going with this?
Don’t stop. You got me invested.
For anyone who is a betting man, stay away from Fresno State. They will shit the bed against USC. Always do.
Yeah, I have 5k on USC.
“Me too!”
-Lea Michele, desperately trying to make sense of the buttons on the microwave
Germany loves some Fresno!
I see Toledo is pulling a UConn against The Ohio State. Morons. You never go full UConn.
I mean, el Toledo has at least SCORED
But to what end, Hippo; TO WHAT END!?
Northeast Ohio is exclusively nihilist
Say what you will, at least it’s an ethos.
Men! Oh men!
Rather than watch the Fightin’ Horatios “play” “football” agains the Wolverines of Michigan today I went to the Mystic Garlic Festival, there to eat far too many garlic fritters, garlic sliders, garlic, and garlic fries.
While there we also went into a store specializing in honey and olive oil. I bought some Key Lime flavored honey. Tonight I mixed it into a margarita in lieu of lime juice.
Goddamn! I said GODDAMN!!!
Horatio Cornblower: Vampire Hunter
No vampires within 20 miles. So much garlic.
Jealous! I love garlic, and Mystic!
Yeah, I’m sure you and Gumby know the Mystic-Groton-New London area quite well.
And would willingly come back to one of those towns.
We enjoyed our time in CT. We were only there for a little over a year. I could go for some silver queen corn from around there, soooo good!
It’s that time of year here. I’d try to ship you some but I don’t think corn travels well (by UPS anyway) and it will likely taste like feed corn.
Mostly because I’m just going to grab some feed corn from the fields near my house.
Garlic is always the right choice.
/except in iced cream
Tried it once. Almost puked. I think it’s partly a psychological thing; your brain expects it to be vanilla so much that you can’t help but be revolted after the first lick.
I’ll give you that one
They had a booth selling garlic infused smoothies and I was not willing to go that far.
Jeebus Criminey, Sparty.
Totally embarrassing. Bow down!
Wolven Sort offense might be Chernobyl, but, the defense makes this match a mere Three Mile Island.
We’re going to OT in Lions-Stamps here, if any of y’all need a palate cleanser.
If BC wins, we ALL go winless for the weekend.
GO LIOUNS!
First week I pick against them, naturally.
CFL overtime is the parsley on the plate of my Moons Over My Hammy.
must-not-leer-at-NC-state-section-too-much…
It’s television, doesn’t count.
Haven’t seen my kid yet, so you’re good!
Can he just call you ‘Dad’?
Depends on how many pills he can bring me a week.
Peak #NCStateShit
Did the Wolven Sort drop the fumble through the endzone?
YES HE DID
#Pray4HipposScriptBottle
lol the U
knew better than to has SMIRE
That play was worth a semi-Penix.
I woke up at 5:40am this morning on my day off. You’re goddamn right I’m taking a pain pill and sailing off to sleep, toot sweet!
/see ya tomorraw
I woke at 6:30. Went to Walmart and got groceries before the methheads get there. Washed the car. Did dishes. Started laundry. And now our picking up dinner because no one can fucking decide what they want for dinner. I’m drinking the second I get home.
I got up at 9:44.
Which is incredibly early for me on the weekends.
Wow. Marshall bounced to the fucking moon.
don’t make plane crash joke
I mean it didn’t bounce.
Most of it, anyway.
We-are-Mar-shall
We-take-the-BUS
lol Spartans.
That call was slightly less goodly than Kansas over JV 500s. Hippo apologizes, and farts in your general direction.
It’s true! I’m a Central Valley assdick!
It’s like y’all know me, man
I just walked past a tween party and now this song is in my head. And to quote Fitzpatrick Bateman…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gJLIiF15wjQ
“Go on…” -Matt Gaetz
You’ve got slack.
Hippo? HE SMIRE
Pill Counter: %&
non-trivial odds of a lesser-than-normal-coherence Monday column
I believe we have a 9:15 derby, sir hippo?
Either a nil-nil draw, or that big Wop breaks his duck to beat us.
I’m guessing Moyes gives Antonio the nod. Maddeningly.
I think Moyes went with the exotic lineup for the Conference League game midweek so he could revert to pure vanilla tomorrow morning. I can’t fucking believe how important this game is. The horror…
We probably only get 30 minutes max out of DCL, so no idea how we will score
We’ve been slow out of the gate. 30 might do.
Dragon Ball Zero touches down WOO!!!!!
Just saw the replay of Halaand’s game winner vs Borussia Dortmund. Jesus fuck. What are you supposed to about that? With service like that?
Absolutely unstoppable. Like Peak Jordan.
Goddamn flying karate kick! And the outside of the foot bending service. Christ on a cracker.
without even a hint of recklessness or lack of control, like levitating yoga
All-Blacks defensing unit is like wolverines on PCP tonight. I feel a chubb coming on.
This is my favoUrite tweet about the UConn hame today, at least so far:
https://twitter.com/Matt_Simon/status/1571198035580821506
Y’all have a really good attitude about things.
We know our place. Come basketball season we go from good-natured buffoons to outrageous assholes that everyone hates.
Don’t worry about tonight’s game Hippo; guess who’s coming to dinner next week in Raleigh?
That’s right, the Fightin’ Horatios! Set the Home side of the scoreboard on ‘high’
You and the Mrs. coming down? Y’all is welcome to my kid’s basement room.
Tempting as that is, I wouldn’t drive to East Hartford to watch UConn play football, let alone over state lines.
Wifey and I just updated our wills-if she dies first, I get to bang the Filipino help. If I die first she has to do DFO NFL game intro’s for five years after I’m gone.
/I feel as though I really crushed this negotiation
Does she have to continue ensuring the hobo population remains low across the province?
But why do you have Manuel the Filipino plumber on retainer to begin with?
/it’s a gay panic joke, you see
I know that no one believes in them but ‘gay panic joke’ will be headlining Glastonbury within three years. Their talent can’t be denied.
I would like to stop with the fucking up.
We may have to start a #HIPPOPILLCOUNTER tonight.
I meant to take #3 at kickoff, but not sure I so done. Better safe than sorry.
Target 7 but settle with 6 IMO
Yeah, I don’t want to enter TheBig Sleep with so much RedZone on tap.
That doesn’t start until after noon for you. I have to be up at 4am to watch all the footy tomorrow and I’m not ducking another 5 drinks.
Hippo betting pills against himself will open the Sixth Seal.
White Devil punt returner quivered in the face of an All-Blacks assault!
We are the Wolven All-Blacks tonite WOO!!!!
AT&T has a great Battle of teh Overrateds with Lily and LeBron.
Do you mean Olympic basketball bronze medalist LeBron James?
Hmm, shame burger or shame deli? The mind boggles.
What’s wrong with a shameburger inside a shamepastramionrye?
This is why we need a monarchy. I’m getting both now.
This was a terrible decision. I can barely move now.
And there’s still leftovers.
A shame PASTRAMI BURGER.
He gets it.
Syracuse-Purdue might end up being literally the only game worth watching today
I don’t think NC St is playing Georgia tonight, unless Georgia’s playing one of those rare day/night doubleheaders.
Also, the Huskies have PENIX which is why they will beat Sparty,
It would be nice to be less STOOPID. Guns Up!! is the correct opponent.
/also the UGA walk-ons who didn’t play in the matinee would beat my Wolven Sort by AT LEAST 4 scores
Yeah, UGA is terrifying.
Brian Kelly isn’t going to wait until practice this week. He’s just going to slit a GA’s throat, Gus Fring-style, at halftime.
Does everyone get Toledo-Ohio State on primetime on Fox or is it just a rare regional primetime game? Did the Rockets-Buckeyes rivalry get heated recently or is Fox banking on the resentful feeling of the great Toledo War to boost ratings?
Sadly, that shit show is national. I’m watching Nascar instead.
Decent folk ought be watching NC State/Guns Up!! with LSU/Cowbells on flip
Good suggestion, but I’ll be using the 2nd screen on THE U and A&M.
Yeah, I’m in a no-win scenario here:
Bucks win big: “Big deal. We only beat a MAC team.”
Bucks win close: “We struggled against Toledo!?”
Bucks lose: “Oh, great. Now I gotta create a new profile on DFO.”
/MaizeandBlueJacket has entered the thread
Say that shit again, and I’m voting for Trump in ’24.
Aren’t you already at the Youngstown rally?
Nah, I’d get my ass kicked. They’d know I’m not one of them.
Denis Leary Speech | Demolition Man (1993) – YouTube
YES A DOWNVOTE!
HOOK IT TO MY VEINS
Ugh, I can’t downvote a Yinzer, even in jest! I think the last person I actually downvoted was Unsurprised. Unsurprisingly.