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September Stress JV Night Thread

King Hippo

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I am quite happy for the Wolven Sort HippoSpawn, getting a fun September night game on the home schedule.  But I will be too stressed to nap beforehand, or to sleep afterwards.  Anyone have a good cocaine guy?

Texas Tech (+10.5) at NC State (7:00, ESPN2)

This line is way too high, and keeps inexplicably going HIGHER.  I am convinced this is just the universe fucking with me.

Michigan State (+3.5) at Washington (7:30, ABC)

Another line I don’t get.  Sure, U-Dub may not be a complete shitshow this season, but I’d still expect a moderate Sparty pounding.

UTSA (+11) at Texas (8:00, LTN/ESPN+)

3rd string QB plus Bama hangover?  You just LOVE to see it.

Miami (+5.5) at Texas A&M (9:00, ESPN)

I am not on the Da U hype train just yet, and neither is Vegas.  Canes might finally be leaving their “bottoming out” phase, but they ain’t no Happy Appy.

Fresno State (+12) at Southern Cal (10:30, Fox)

This is the first time I can recall “Big Fox” carrying a true Tweaker Fixture, and it could be the dandy.  MASSIVE trap game for Troi Boiz, with epic shootout potential.  Win One FOAR the Revanchist Family, y’all Central Valley assdicks!

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Senor Weaselo

What am I playing tonight? Shit man, I don’t even fucking know, just that I’m here til 1 or so. So another hour.

4
WCS

Guns Up! linebacker sustained a compound fracture in his ankle. The replay is available, but, I’m not going to post it.

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0
BC Dick

Back to the shack like Alvin Mack.
Or maybe he’ll just finish his degree and get a good job. I don’t know the man’s life history.

0
SonOfSpam

You guys see at way down there where I said PENIX would defeat Sparty?

I WAS RIGHT THIS ONE TIME!

Have a pleasant evening.

3
Brocky

I still can’t get a good read on that guy.

He had so much potential at IU but couldn’t stay healthy

1
herodotus450

Duquesne at Hawaii, who or what is making that game a profitable venture.

0
WCS

The $50k Hippo put on the Over.

1
Gumbygirl

My niece went to Duquesne.

1
Redshirt

SPOILERS to Aladdin Live Action Remake.

Okay, the Aladdin remake was so goodish (animated movie still superior, but, except for Jafar, everything is at least trying and its not a complete redo) on 2nd viewing, except near the end when they steal the lamp and they start a chase around Agrabah instead of Jasmine rubbing the lamp and saying “I wish you’d unwish everything Jafar did.” I’m so mad, I want to slap somebody.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
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Senor Weaselo

And then the Genie slapped the shit out of all of them, right?

1
King Hippo

Goodnight, Sportsball! I shall choo-choose you on the morrow.

3
BC Dick

Don’t bee late!

4
WCS

“Eye Discipline” would make a shitty name for an even shittier nu-metal band from 2002.

1
herodotus450

that was the most bullshit call of all time and those 4 points will surely matter when USC wins by 43

3
Horatio Cornblower

Watching this USC game reminds me what a perverse kick I get of the new Wendy’s commercial where they shit on the NCAA for taking Reggie Bush’s Heisman away by comparing it to a fast-food burger.

3
Mr. Ayo

I like the new Wendy’s commercials too. But for a different reason that you.

1
King Hippo

My kid left early, functionally a Doyers fan I guess. Deffo perv away now.

1
WCS

#TimeFor12thPill

2
Mr. Ayo

I need 1st pill. Brick, help a brother out.

2
Horatio Cornblower

OSU 77-Toledo 21

As Hippo points out, Toledo at least scored, and UConn did not. But UConn also did not anger a much bigger, faster, stronger, more talented, more physically gift….

Wait, where was I going with this?

0
Redshirt

Don’t stop. You got me invested.

2
TheRevanchist

For anyone who is a betting man, stay away from Fresno State. They will shit the bed against USC. Always do.

1
Mr. Ayo

Yeah, I have 5k on USC.

2
Horatio Cornblower

“Me too!”

-Lea Michele, desperately trying to make sense of the buttons on the microwave

6
King Hippo

Germany loves some Fresno!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I see Toledo is pulling a UConn against The Ohio State. Morons. You never go full UConn.

2
King Hippo

I mean, el Toledo has at least SCORED

1
WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

But to what end, Hippo; TO WHAT END!?

1
King Hippo

Northeast Ohio is exclusively nihilist

1
Horatio Cornblower

Say what you will, at least it’s an ethos.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Men! Oh men!

Rather than watch the Fightin’ Horatios “play” “football” agains the Wolverines of Michigan today I went to the Mystic Garlic Festival, there to eat far too many garlic fritters, garlic sliders, garlic, and garlic fries.

While there we also went into a store specializing in honey and olive oil. I bought some Key Lime flavored honey. Tonight I mixed it into a margarita in lieu of lime juice.

Goddamn! I said GODDAMN!!!

5
WCS

Horatio Cornblower: Vampire Hunter

2
Horatio Cornblower

No vampires within 20 miles. So much garlic.

1
Gumbygirl

Jealous! I love garlic, and Mystic!

0
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I’m sure you and Gumby know the Mystic-Groton-New London area quite well.

And would willingly come back to one of those towns.

2
Gumbygirl

We enjoyed our time in CT. We were only there for a little over a year. I could go for some silver queen corn from around there, soooo good!

1
Horatio Cornblower

It’s that time of year here. I’d try to ship you some but I don’t think corn travels well (by UPS anyway) and it will likely taste like feed corn.

Mostly because I’m just going to grab some feed corn from the fields near my house.

1
BC Dick

Garlic is always the right choice.

2
King Hippo

/except in iced cream

2
The Maestro

Tried it once. Almost puked. I think it’s partly a psychological thing; your brain expects it to be vanilla so much that you can’t help but be revolted after the first lick.

0
BC Dick

I’ll give you that one

1
Horatio Cornblower

They had a booth selling garlic infused smoothies and I was not willing to go that far.

1
WCS

Jeebus Criminey, Sparty.

0
Mr. Ayo

Totally embarrassing. Bow down!

0
WCS

Wolven Sort offense might be Chernobyl, but, the defense makes this match a mere Three Mile Island.

1
The Maestro

We’re going to OT in Lions-Stamps here, if any of y’all need a palate cleanser.

1
SonOfSpam

If BC wins, we ALL go winless for the weekend.

GO LIOUNS!

6
BC Dick

First week I pick against them, naturally.

1
blaxabbath

CFL overtime is the parsley on the plate of my Moons Over My Hammy.

1
herodotus450

must-not-leer-at-NC-state-section-too-much…

3
Gumbygirl

It’s television, doesn’t count.

1
King Hippo

Haven’t seen my kid yet, so you’re good!

2
TheRevanchist

Can he just call you ‘Dad’?

1
King Hippo

Depends on how many pills he can bring me a week.

2
King Hippo

Peak #NCStateShit

0
WCS

Did the Wolven Sort drop the fumble through the endzone?

YES HE DID

0
WCS

#Pray4HipposScriptBottle

0
Mr. Ayo

lol the U

0
King Hippo

knew better than to has SMIRE

0
WCS

That play was worth a semi-Penix.

1
scotchnaut

I woke up at 5:40am this morning on my day off. You’re goddamn right I’m taking a pain pill and sailing off to sleep, toot sweet!

/see ya tomorraw

2
TheRevanchist

I woke at 6:30. Went to Walmart and got groceries before the methheads get there. Washed the car. Did dishes. Started laundry. And now our picking up dinner because no one can fucking decide what they want for dinner. I’m drinking the second I get home.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I got up at 9:44.

Which is incredibly early for me on the weekends.

1
Fronkenshteen

Wow. Marshall bounced to the fucking moon.

0
WCS

don’t make plane crash joke

4
Mr. Ayo

I mean it didn’t bounce.

5
WCS

Most of it, anyway.

2
King Hippo

We-are-Mar-shall
We-take-the-BUS

3
SonOfSpam

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WCS

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Mr. Ayo

lol Spartans.

0
King Hippo

That call was slightly less goodly than Kansas over JV 500s. Hippo apologizes, and farts in your general direction.

1
Mr. Ayo

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TheRevanchist

It’s true! I’m a Central Valley assdick!

3
WCS

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King Hippo

It’s like y’all know me, man

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just walked past a tween party and now this song is in my head. And to quote Fitzpatrick Bateman…

My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gJLIiF15wjQ

1
Senor Weaselo

“Go on…” -Matt Gaetz

0
blaxabbath

You’ve got slack.

0
King Hippo

Hippo? HE SMIRE

0
WCS

Pill Counter: %&

0
King Hippo

non-trivial odds of a lesser-than-normal-coherence Monday column

1
Fronkenshteen

I believe we have a 9:15 derby, sir hippo?

1
King Hippo

Either a nil-nil draw, or that big Wop breaks his duck to beat us.

0
Fronkenshteen

I’m guessing Moyes gives Antonio the nod. Maddeningly.

0
Fronkenshteen

I think Moyes went with the exotic lineup for the Conference League game midweek so he could revert to pure vanilla tomorrow morning. I can’t fucking believe how important this game is. The horror…

1
King Hippo

We probably only get 30 minutes max out of DCL, so no idea how we will score

0
Fronkenshteen

We’ve been slow out of the gate. 30 might do.

0
King Hippo

Dragon Ball Zero touches down WOO!!!!!

0
Fronkenshteen

Just saw the replay of Halaand’s game winner vs Borussia Dortmund. Jesus fuck. What are you supposed to about that? With service like that?

1
King Hippo

Absolutely unstoppable. Like Peak Jordan.

1
Fronkenshteen

Goddamn flying karate kick! And the outside of the foot bending service. Christ on a cracker.

1
King Hippo

without even a hint of recklessness or lack of control, like levitating yoga

1
King Hippo

All-Blacks defensing unit is like wolverines on PCP tonight. I feel a chubb coming on.

0
Horatio Cornblower

This is my favoUrite tweet about the UConn hame today, at least so far:

https://twitter.com/Matt_Simon/status/1571198035580821506

4
King Hippo

Y’all have a really good attitude about things.

1
Horatio Cornblower

We know our place. Come basketball season we go from good-natured buffoons to outrageous assholes that everyone hates.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Don’t worry about tonight’s game Hippo; guess who’s coming to dinner next week in Raleigh?

That’s right, the Fightin’ Horatios! Set the Home side of the scoreboard on ‘high’

1
King Hippo

You and the Mrs. coming down? Y’all is welcome to my kid’s basement room.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Tempting as that is, I wouldn’t drive to East Hartford to watch UConn play football, let alone over state lines.

2
scotchnaut

Wifey and I just updated our wills-if she dies first, I get to bang the Filipino help. If I die first she has to do DFO NFL game intro’s for five years after I’m gone.

/I feel as though I really crushed this negotiation

10
WCS

Does she have to continue ensuring the hobo population remains low across the province?

1
herodotus450

But why do you have Manuel the Filipino plumber on retainer to begin with?
/it’s a gay panic joke, you see

5
scotchnaut

I know that no one believes in them but ‘gay panic joke’ will be headlining Glastonbury within three years. Their talent can’t be denied.

3
King Hippo

I would like to stop with the fucking up.

0
WCS

We may have to start a #HIPPOPILLCOUNTER tonight.

0
King Hippo

I meant to take #3 at kickoff, but not sure I so done. Better safe than sorry.

0
Mr. Ayo

Target 7 but settle with 6 IMO

0
King Hippo

Yeah, I don’t want to enter TheBig Sleep with so much RedZone on tap.

1
Mr. Ayo

That doesn’t start until after noon for you. I have to be up at 4am to watch all the footy tomorrow and I’m not ducking another 5 drinks.

0
WCS

Hippo betting pills against himself will open the Sixth Seal.

2
WCS

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King Hippo

White Devil punt returner quivered in the face of an All-Blacks assault!

0
King Hippo

We are the Wolven All-Blacks tonite WOO!!!!

0
King Hippo

AT&T has a great Battle of teh Overrateds with Lily and LeBron.

1
Brick Meathook

Do you mean Olympic basketball bronze medalist LeBron James?

3
Mr. Ayo

Hmm, shame burger or shame deli? The mind boggles.

2
WCS

What’s wrong with a shameburger inside a shamepastramionrye?

2
Mr. Ayo

This is why we need a monarchy. I’m getting both now.

2
Mr. Ayo

This was a terrible decision. I can barely move now.

And there’s still leftovers.

1
SonOfSpam

A shame PASTRAMI BURGER.

3
WCS

He gets it.

2
herodotus450

Syracuse-Purdue might end up being literally the only game worth watching today

0
SonOfSpam

I don’t think NC St is playing Georgia tonight, unless Georgia’s playing one of those rare day/night doubleheaders.

Also, the Huskies have PENIX which is why they will beat Sparty,

1
King Hippo

It would be nice to be less STOOPID. Guns Up!! is the correct opponent.

/also the UGA walk-ons who didn’t play in the matinee would beat my Wolven Sort by AT LEAST 4 scores

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
1
SonOfSpam

Yeah, UGA is terrifying.

2
WCS

Brian Kelly isn’t going to wait until practice this week. He’s just going to slit a GA’s throat, Gus Fring-style, at halftime.

1
Redshirt

Does everyone get Toledo-Ohio State on primetime on Fox or is it just a rare regional primetime game? Did the Rockets-Buckeyes rivalry get heated recently or is Fox banking on the resentful feeling of the great Toledo War to boost ratings?

0
Mr. Ayo

Sadly, that shit show is national. I’m watching Nascar instead.

1
King Hippo

Decent folk ought be watching NC State/Guns Up!! with LSU/Cowbells on flip

0
Mr. Ayo

Good suggestion, but I’ll be using the 2nd screen on THE U and A&M.

0
Redshirt

Yeah, I’m in a no-win scenario here:

Bucks win big: “Big deal. We only beat a MAC team.”
Bucks win close: “We struggled against Toledo!?”
Bucks lose: “Oh, great. Now I gotta create a new profile on DFO.”

3
WCS

/MaizeandBlueJacket has entered the thread

-1
Redshirt

Say that shit again, and I’m voting for Trump in ’24.

0
SonOfSpam

Aren’t you already at the Youngstown rally?

3
Redshirt

Nah, I’d get my ass kicked. They’d know I’m not one of them.

Denis Leary Speech | Demolition Man (1993) – YouTube

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
1
WCS

YES A DOWNVOTE!

-3
WCS

HOOK IT TO MY VEINS

-5
Gumbygirl

Ugh, I can’t downvote a Yinzer, even in jest! I think the last person I actually downvoted was Unsurprised. Unsurprisingly.

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