Nothing matters, we all just stand on the precipice of the endless void. But first, the fixtures:
There is no early Saturday game. Because FUCK YOU, the FA says. Three pointless streamers and Bees/Bonesaws (USA) in the 10:00 window. Hey, it passes the time. Spotlight Dance is Brighton/Spurs (12:30, NBC), which has some appeal.
Sunday is a USA triple-header, WHY NOT pick a week when the NFL is already on all goddamned day and we don’t need it. Sequentially, Palace/Leeds, Gooners/Shite, Everton/Men Untied. The latter being played at 2:00 EST, which is a war crime for the match-attending supporter, and even MOAR important – for a RedZone addict like Hippo. There is also a bonus match, Rum Ham/Mighty Whitey (9:00, CNBC), a reminder that CNBC exists and you don’t remember the channel number.
JV NFL can eat shit, too. But they’s playing anyway:
Tennessee (-3) at LSU (Noon, ESPN)
Is this where All Comes Crashing Down for Knoxville Tang? But enough about Brian Kelly’s bodycount, this is a good song:
TCU (-6.5) at Kansas (Noon, FS1)
One would call this a trap game, but the warning would apply to each squadron. So fuck it, take the points. I’m soUrry, Bloodeyes.
Arkansas (+9) at Mississippi State (Noon, SECN)
So many Cowbells, so little time. Actually scratch that – we are in Hell, there is an eternal amount of time.
Texas Tech (+9.5) at Oklahoma State (3:30, FS1)
Guns Up!! for a DBSM trap game for sure. Then again, Lubbock’s finest lost to NC State, how good could they possibly be?
Utah (-3.5) at UCLA (3:30, Fox)
Today, we are all Team Secular Big Love, because Chip Kelly is a big fat baby who deserves not even the fleetest of happiness.
I’m on a 5 pill regimen at the moment-gonna sneak a painkiller in there so that I know that the other pills are staying in their lane.
JEEBUS CRIMINEY
Sparty DB just Tua’d. Oh, Lord.
everybody wants to THROW SIGNS on the pitch liek a THUG now smgdh
Sparty’s punter wears glasses stolen from 1963.
My ded grandpappy (the “best person I’ve ever known” not the unreconstructed racist jackass) loved the Vols, so I am happy for them for that reason. He was born in Alabama and idolized Bear Bryant – but settled in Asheville, NC and UT came first. I have never met another person who liked BOTH schools, and only he could get away with such heresy.
Since I am talking to myself, I will also note how proud I am of myself that I walked – WALKED, like a desert tribesman – to the mailbox today. It’s only been like 2 weeks! Power bill, USAA notice for a kid, judicial voting guide, and a whole lot of fuckshit garbage. Ted Budd, for some reason, wasted moneys on TWO fliers to my house. Where there are only registered Demmycrats (and I am likely the least liberal one, and haven’t voted for a solitary Republican in like 15-20 years).
Hey, at least he’s wasting money. Cheri Beasley is likely to nice and decent for the modern electorate to vote for, though. SIGH.
You’d think with all my drugs I’d be that thin, BUT NO just that ugly.
“Ugly” is subjective.
i’m here hippo and also high on goofballs
We have TWO legalized gambling measures on the California ballot and they’re both throwing money like drunken salesmen on their first Vegas trip at advertising.
I’ll show their asses and vote NO on both the motherfuckers.
I wonder if they’re taking bets on these measures outcomes.
If you stand to make a bunch of money from their passage betting against them seems like it would be a solid way to hedge.
Have you noticed how EVERY Southern university marching band has “South” in it? I noticed that Tennessee is “Pride of the Southland” (and ironically, TN was by far the least pro-slavery of any of the old CSA). NC State? The “Power Sound of the South.”
I think that is all of the colleges.
Mister Mojo is NOT Rising for Secular Big Love so far.
https://www.change.org/p/petition-to-get-erling-haaland-banned-from-association-football-because-it-s-just-not-fair
SOMEONE AIN’T SCROLLED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBZ-POVsrlI&ab_channel=RottenTomatoesClassicTrailers
Did State Farm pay Andy Reid his weight in brisket or pulled pork for that commercial?
What a hell day for Boomer Sooner. Lose to UT by a hundred, Josh Heupel leading other UT to the Top 5, maybe Lincoln Riley does the same tonight.
/Brocky’s dad throws half-full whiskey bottle toward Harbaugh
Half full? Let’s give Brocky’s dad some credit-it was mostly empty.
“Michigan’s offense seems to be off kilter today. I don’t know why?”
Maybe watching one of their coach’s brain shut down and reboot before their eyes. That may have something to do with it.
You could blame Michigan O but the Hoosier’s corners are doing a great job.
-he said, seconds before Michigan throws a TD.
I believe you and I have both been inside her. Not at the same time, but still.
Not that you’re aware of…
“Two Guys One Plane” would be a great title for a book about the lives of Euclid and Archimedes.
Nice Connie
Thanks, Fox, for reminding me that Urban “Lousy Human Being” Meyer is on your halftime show. I’ll be changing the channel forthwith.
Commentary you can appreciate
I agree with whatever she’s saying.
And I will fight to the death (or my complete exhaustion) for her right to say it in ever more revealing clothes.
https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/34753427/michigan-rb-coach-mike-hart-carted-field-indiana
Hmm.. not optimal.
In other heartbreaking news, Brian Kelly is healthy and currently on the sidelines for LSU right now.
Blockkake in Bloomington!
“Indiana is starting to believe.”
-Morpheus, relaxing on a Saturday afternoon
Machines:
cdc23e922aa37861fe8f70eac6e6cc26.png (600×910) (pinimg.com)
Sure you don’t mean this guy?
“What a fool believes” – the Doobie Brothers
“Yeah my dog’s a picky eater he only eats dog shit”
They need to have Impossible! dog food, that approximates real dogshit
Comes in beef, chicken, and cat flavors. Now in new dog shit flavor!
Some dogs prefer catshit, so that needs to be next for the boys at the Impossible! lab
BLEERGH is going full BLEERGH in Bloomington.
I enjoy any game where Michigan struggles.
Has rockingdog gone off his leash?
Where is he? Somebody throw a ball!
My train porn involves snow, naturally. Clear that track, motherfucker, clear that track HARD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaqRgDN1SxM&ab_channel=tyouboxJR
Mine involves snow too, and also snowboards.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OdzeNR_GBxs
They both missed the train
Do I go with the Mussolini joke or the Houston 500 joke? Decisions, decisions…
“Mine involves wizards!” – Elisha
“I’m a bigger fan of rails than I am of trains…” – Jim Irsay
This is amazeballs
https://twitter.com/JimIrsay/status/1578489482294149121?t=yg2nq6d6d2WX4EgE6w73Hg&s=19
Whoa
The replies are incredible too.
“She’s gonna play a nun so she needs to be religious and chaste.”
“Show some hair. And cleavage.”
“A hit of underboob okay?”
“Of course!”
I don’t think Raquel is the problematic character here.
Rang, rang, Hooker!!
Brits exhibiting their trademark sense of humor.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/man-city-erling-haaland-petition-28171217
I texted my dad about what’s going on in the IU Game, he says he doesn’t have a good view
I don’t think he wants to see it, assuming his fandom matches yours.
There wasa long delay, apparently a coach got injured
Nice commercial, McDonalds, but if grown-up, moved-out me surprised my parents with just McDonalds, that encounter would end with my grandparents and Jesus looking down at me going “You cheap idiot!”
“Look, ma, I’m the President!”
It makes my stomach turn to look at that photo – and I like fast food!
If I’m invited to the White House and get served cold, stale McDonalds burgers, I’m walking out.
He showed who he really was several times during his presidency but this gesture spoke volumes to me.
Like, at the very least, you can have the chefs whip up a better version!
Solid banner image. Briefly dated a Utes cheerleader back in the day. Sweet gal, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
Really think my neck would plum fall off if I lived in SLC.
I have always had a great time in Utah. Smoking a joint outside of a friends house on Sunday in an Iggles jersey and some folk asked me why wasn’t I going to church. I responded with the fact that I had already broken a half dozen of their rules by 10 am.
*Oxipug (RIP) did not like those folks and he loved everybody.
APOSTATES!!!
I ain’t a fan of them either. They’re friendly as hell, and good neighbors, until they finally realize you ain’t interested in what they’re selling.
We have a friend who grew up in Utah. He’s Native American. He joined the Navy at 17, and never went back. The racism was off the charts. Those Mormons put on a pretty face, but they’re hideous underneath.
Yeah, being told as a 7-year-old that the neighbor kid was forbidden by his folks to hang out with me because I wasn’t “in his ward,” kinda damaged my whole view of those creeps at an early age.
Entire family is gone to Street Fair up state. Entire house is quiet.
Redshirt is content.
Shouldn’t you be working on the pool and all the other chores your family is too lazy to do?
Me too!!!!! They went to BC Dick country. I didn’t go because the last futbol game of the season here. Bliss.
https://twitter.com/SunderlandAFC/status/1578776545052987392/photo/1
Sunderland remains mid-table in the Championship.
West From Albion, which I think was recently in the Premier, appears headed for League One status if they don’t get their shit together.
Relegation makes things so much more interesting.
All about (i) stakes and (ii) jeopardy. With promotion and relegation, its existential.
https://twitter.com/Wrexham_AFC/status/1578777268914376705
They nearly outscored the Broncos and Colts
A great score going into the FA game on the 15th.
Maximum Effort from the Fightin’ Deadpools.
Wrexham are going full reverse Seamus and are currently ahead of something called Barnet 7-5 in the 85th minute.
I think a barnet is something you wear to the races in Ole Blighty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB4NkCalAnk
The MOAR I look at the Secular Big Love banner pic, the more the middle one looks like my most paniful ex/love of my life.
I sure hope she got like, Discovery Channel fat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmF3Ze3nKYc
Brick, you didn’t tell us you had opened a bar!
https://submarinetikibar.com/los-angeles/
They should let me in that place for free
Show ’em your legion card tell hm you GAVE YOUR FOOT FOAR AMERICA
That better be a hell of a breath freshener:
Hulk SMASH! finally got his. He always gets his.
The Erling Bird got his worm finally.
Well no cleavage. I think the MILFs come out later but I wasn’t going to stick around. Did have chicks dancing on stilts though.
I really enjoy the Italians affinity for the stilts. It is far better than the French and their mimes.
Mimes are solely for felching.
I really appreciate how they find a way to integrate boobs in most movies.
As predicted, our dingus dog Molly was run over yesterday by one of my sons. (she’s badly shaken up, nothing broken though) Does she chase my vehicle? No. Because in the past I immediately got out of the vehicle and gave her shit. I’ve asked the rest of the family to do this so that the behavior would be curtailed. Nope, that would involve some sort of effort on their part.
/hopefully she learns from this otherwise things will come to a bad end that everyone can see coming.
We had a dog in our neighborhood when I was a kid, Barney Frye, who was a car chaser. He got hit, lost a leg. Did that stop him? Hell naw, he was Tripod Barney Frye, chasing all the cars, until the school bus ran him over, with a full load of kiddoes to see the whole grisly thing. RIP Tripod Barney Frye, you stupid fuck!
even better with OPIUM!!
Short of breath when stoned too.
It actually feels pretty awesome when you half-forget to breathe. Makes one feel out of body yet truly alive.
I agree completely. Whoever first thought up whacking off while hanging yourself from a doorknob was a genius, I mean like a Nobel Prize kind of genius.
Happy 70th Birthday, Putin!
Ridiculous pro-Saudi VAR, tv goes off.
FOXY FOOTY!!!!!
This week on Welcome To Wrexham, we learned that the Welsh drummer from James has a smokeshow daughter. Who lost her dream job as a detective because of her jackass hooligan boyfriend.
People are the same the world over, just with different accents.
That was like 3 episodes ago. They’re going for the FA Cup where I’m at, having lost a chance at stop of the table to Stockport County.
I checked, and Stockport County is fighting relegation in League Two. Currently a couple of points clear, with what look like some shite teams below them. Hopefully Wrexham joins them next season.
That said, I saw that episode about the would-be detective and her hooligan love and all I’ll say is that if they’re offering detective positions to people to dumb to leave their obviously dead end significant others then that’s the place I want to go commit crimes.
Hippo can nae keep up with their pacing. Especially with Atlanta also in full swing.
what a ghetto-ass faux-tifo by Bonesaws FC. Lazy Geordie fuckwits. PRAISE BEESUS!!!
I will allow it as a tifo painter. But, BUT, fuck the Bees too.
At least Sassytown is on against Inter or else I would be watch Frog Div 2.
Su-su-suddio. WHOOOOOOAH-OHHHHHH
I would also like to give a few hearty fuck yous this morning.
Happy Saturday to you, my wife and Deci are leaving for 2 days. I plan to watch all the futbol, football, and smoke all the weed.
Righteous Rant.
I have a local festival to go to here. If ladies showing gratuitous cleavage in 15th century costume is a thing (it usually is) I will snap you fine folks a few. Good luck Giordies.
In short, Italy is a land of contrasts!
Tru dat