Nighttime Ides of October 2022

Apologies for all the fixtures sucking hind teat – I ain’t make the schedule.

LSU (+2.5) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)

I mean, I’ll WATCH…but meh.

Clemson (-3.5) at Florida State (7:30, ABC)

Roll over what you made betting on Spurs, FSU is one of the 4-5 dumbest JV NFL sides, and Son de Clem will murder-kill them.

Mississippi State (-4) at Kenfucky (7:30, SECN)

Dunno why this game gets such lousy coverage, Cowbells are a fun story, and will be interesting to see how they handle being a road favoUrite (obviously, the Blue Moons need Will Levis back, desperately).

Southern Cal (+3.5) at Utah (8:00, Fox)

This line indicates that Team Secular Big Love are a good team/real boy.  But that was LAST year.  Troi Boiz keep rolling.

Washington State (+3.5) at Oregon State (9:00, Pac-12)

Don’t make me choose between my lovely Cougettes and Niiiiiiiiiiiice Beaver!  I JUST WON’T, DAMN YEW.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Mr. Ayo

What a terrible day. I should have slept through all of it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s what the Dr. Mrs. did.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Going to bed. Go baseball team!

litre_cola

Just got home from the resto. Very pleased this game is still on. God, I hate the blue team. Come on Tony Gwynns!

Brocky

So Seattle got left out of the west coast action huh?

WCS

Whale’s Vagina is going to burn right into the Pacific tonight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dodgers score a run of a Padres reliever! This is not a drill!

Horatio Cornblower

I am so pissed about the Yankees right now that I just wrote and then deleted a post that was 1,000+ words.

It started off well but was ending about as well as the Yankees post-season. It deserved to die.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know the series isn’t over, right?

I only say this because I mistakenly thought the series was over.

Horatio Cornblower

Part of the reason I deleted the post was that I didn’t think I was making it clear that this series isn’t over. To be clear, I think it is, but there’s a chance the Yankees could pull it off. There is no chance they’ll get past the Astros, however.

The point of the post was that Hal Steinbrenner is a classic second-generation failson, is satisfied with a jackass like Boone as the manager so long as the coffers are filled, and that the Yankees are probably going to be also-rans for as long as he’s in charge, and definitely will as long as Boone is making in-game decisions.

Look at that, didn’t;t need anywhere close to 1,000 words!

ballsofsteelandfury

USC lost to Utah

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Redshirt

USC-Utah is getting a bit intense at the end.

Redshirt

BLEERGH just screwed over Utah. Either way, the fans are rushing the field. For celebrating a victory or for the blood of the referees.

Horatio Cornblower

If the police ever discover Aaron Boone’s murdered and gruesomely disfigured body I was here with all of you the entire time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m happy to testify as much – though I don’t think it will do you too much good to counteract the circumstances of your arrest, in which you were discovered drinking a Tree House King Julius out of a stein that was made from his skull.

Horatio Cornblower

I”ve had one of those tonight. Unfortunately out of glass, else I perhaps could have made some different bullpen decisions.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good to know late night work on Saturdays is just as slow going as during the week

Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t know, because I’m drunk.

Redshirt

Update from Knoxville. I’ll keep you posted if they parade them up I-75 towards Kentucky and parts north.

CBS Sports on Twitter: “AND DOWN COME THE GOAL POSTS. https://t.co/rvqD95itt9” / Twitter

TheRevanchist

The refs are trying to give the game to the polygamists. What the hell?

Fronkenshteen

Yankees about to piss another one away if anyone is interested.

TheRevanchist

I mean, the Yankees are fun to watch when they lose. But football is still on.

Fronkenshteen

[giant flushing sound]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAHAHAHAHA NOTRE DAME HA HA HA HA YOU SUCK!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAHAHAHAHA STUPID…oh. Sorry, Horatio.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m going to assume you’re making fun of my beloved Yankees, something that is just and fair, because if you are insinuating in any way that I am or ever have rooted for Duke I am going to throw a vacuum at you.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, Yankees. Though I must point out that if you were to hurl a vacuum at me I would simply reach next to me and grab a vacuum and use it to block the one you threw, since in my household a vacuum is always within arm’s reach.

ThePirateSloth
Last edited 2 years ago by ThePirateSloth
Brick Meathook

Guy Fieri has his own signature tequila brand? This is why liquor ads used to be not allowed on television.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Guy Fieri, Nigel Farage…who’s next? R. Kelly? Casey Anthony?

WCS

Donkeysauce Margaritas is a staple at his NYC restaurant.

(I have no idea if this is true. Seems like it could be, though.)

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
Brick Meathook

the secret ingredient is donkey sauce

Brick Meathook

What’s a good card to send to someone in hospice care? “Get Well Soon” seems a bit awkward . . .

herodotus450

“Here are some discount estate lawyers”

Brick Meathook

“Hoping You Have A Pleasant Death” with a completely unrelated picture of a kitten playing with yarn

Brick Meathook

”See ya in Hell! Ha Ha Just Kidding Enjoy Heaven”

Brick Meathook

Maybe a Cheech & Chong card would work this angle

Brick Meathook

”Have a Blessed Funeral”

yeah right

Remember all of the great times we had.

Because they’re over.

Brick Meathook

“Can’t Make the Funeral But I’ll Visit Your Grave If I’m Out That Way” (this would be a large-sized card to hold all the words)

Brick Meathook

“Look on the Bright Side: You’ll Never Have to Buy Another Calendar”

Redshirt

(front of card)

“In times of sorrow, its best not to cause strife…”

(inside card)

“…I’ll wait a month before I try to plow your wife.”

Horatio Cornblower

“It’s not like you’re going to face any consequences for any crimes you commit now”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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yeah right

If anyone can explain the Utah helmet logos I’m interested.

Brocky

Apparently they are drawings of some players who died

yeah right
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All part of God’s plan, apparently.

Brocky

checks in to see that Seattle and Houston have scored ZERO runs in 16 innings

And this is why I rarely watch baseball

WCS

PK would have such a boner right now if it were possible.

Game Time Decision

Trying to watch post season based ball and a lessor footy games breaks out. Wtf

WCS

Congress should do something.

ThePirateSloth

I simply can not drink any more beer waiting for this damn Mariners game to end!!

Brocky

Take some H²0. I won’t tell anyone

yeah right

Did a standard Google search for MLB to find out if the Mariners are still playing; they are. The next 2 search results were “Is the Braves out of the playoffs” followed by “What is the oldest MLB.”

We are well and truly fucked as a species.

Mr. Ayo

We’re not dead yet!

But I am about to have a heart attack.

yeah right

Still rooting hard.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yo, anybody need some apples?

WCS

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“Please!”

scotchnaut

“Shhhh. Here’s three season tickets. Do you have some Cortlands? Maybe a few bushels of Golden Delicious? Applejack gotta have his fix!”

-email sent from the Denver Broncos front office

Senor Weaselo

“Sure.” -Jerry Smith

yeah right

A smattering of random thoughts from today’s sporting events. Best name for a punk rock album: Nasty Offerings.
Best name for a dive bar: The Closed Hole.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Best nickname for Bryce Young: Li’l Mahomes

WCS

Kellen Winslow, Jr.: Happy Hands

yeah right

Can’t check in after 9 PM.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s ask the champ.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Chris Berman is on board!

Brocky

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WCS

He is higher than a flag on the 4th of July.

Mr. Ayo

We need a live cam in Knoxville for the entire evening.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m about to start a bonfire at my house, you can just come over and look at that.

This will also allow me to watch the Yankee game through a window and not listen to Costas tell me about baseball stories from 1954.

Redshirt

It’ll be like Cincinnati after the Playoff Curse ending, except better because there will be more beer.

Mr. Ayo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“HA HA HA HA HA AND YOU FOOLS THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING OVERTIME!” – Preventarious the Meek

WCS

/Preventarious the Meek immediately apologizes and asked for atonement for stepping out of line

yeah right

So he was Canadian, Preventarious?

Redshirt

Alabama’s gonna drop to just 4.

Horatio Cornblower

Plunging all the way to 3.

Redshirt

That’ll spare us OSU/MU loser sneaking in at #4.

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen Tennessee this happy since Reconstruction ended

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, there were an awful lot of happy faces when they were putting up statues of Confederate generals during the Civil Rights years.

Horatio Cornblower

No way he makes this

Horatio Cornblower

I meant “I have full confidence that young man will kick that ball sideways and somehow have it helicopter over the bar”

Horatio Cornblower

I was truly surprised it made it over.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did it get tipped? It looked like it might have gotten tipped.

Horatio Cornblower

I thought it did but the replay seems to show he just hit it weird.

scotchnaut

-My friends, circa 1990, talking up the blonde that’s way out of my league

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, yeah, go get her Butter Muscles, you got this!”

scotchnaut

“You sons of fucking bitches! No, not you-I think you’re cute.”

Mr. Ayo

How in the hell did that get over?

Mr. Ayo

Moar like Will Righthard

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“WHO WANTS OVERTIME?” – Shan’Khor

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt

“No, please God, no!” – Nameless grad. assist soon to be killed by Saban

Mr. Ayo

Mariners, Bama, listen up! I have a game to go to. Let’s wrap this shit up already!

WCS

Bloodeyes-Pokes has achieved double OT bananacakes.

Mr. Ayo

Blood for the Blood God!

Horatio Cornblower

This game has gone full plaid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How come nobody in college football has tartan uniforms (or at least helmets)? It’d be cool as fuck.

Mr. Ayo

Incredible.

Saban is about to assplode.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s these kinds of calls that are turning me off of football. They are so subjective, and so consequential.

Horatio Cornblower

Am I the only one who just saw Tennessee’s #53 puke on the field?

scotchnaut

My wife has pricked me several times in the past (ok, shut up, she’s had access to Covid and flu shots) and insists that my muscles aren’t buttery. “Margerine-y” isn’t a word but that’s what she’s going with. Fuck.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Various personages discussing which cooking fat scotchnaut’s muscles most closely resemble (artist’s conception)

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Mr. Ayo

I’ll take that bet.

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

RIP VOLS

Horatio Cornblower

Well, you were right about the number of plays to score anyway.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought it was plenty smart to leave the door open as to WHO would be the ones to score.

Mr. Ayo

I love that you gave exactly the right amount of effort for this piss bowl of a JV window.

Horatio Cornblower

/Horatio, waiting for everyone else to get to the night thread

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Horatio Cornblower

They’ll be fine. They’ll beat UMass and finish the season 4-8. Everyone would have signed on for that at the beginning of the season, and that was before they lost half the offense to injuries.