Let’s keep Balls’ balls rolling.
To The Games!
Titans/Texans:
A perfectly cromulent tilt that will be watched by dozens of folks. Dozens, I tell you! Bye weeks being what they are, I’m playing Davis Mills and the Tennessee D-something’s gonna give and I’ll end up with a big fat L. If Jacobs ran for 143 against Houston, Henry should be good for 180+.
Commies/Colts:
Indy has given up the ghost that is Matt Ryan’s throwing arm and at the insistence of that pill-popping hot daddy of an owner is playing Sam “Did you have to, did you have to, did you have to, did you have to let it” Ehlinger. The Commies should trade Gibson to a team that actually knows how to use him.
Niners/Rams:
CMC, that oft-injured rb, was sent to a team that has a history of getting rb’s hurt-this will work out well. Anyway, he should get full run today. Will the moribund Rams O finally wake up and be the team that everyone expected them to be? That hangover is a real thing, so far.
Giants/Seahawks:
I’ll just go on thinking New York will lose this one-it worked against Tennessee, Baltimore and Green Bay so why not? Both of these surprising squadoos have flawed D’s that can be exploited. You can run on the Giants all day and Seattle’s pass D is quite generous. Send out the Wan’Dale Signal! And the Kenneth Walker Signal as well, as long as you’re up, and make me a tea. We could have a high-scoring affair here.
Have fun out there!
Just checked the boxscore for any Van Jefferson (Family Feud X buzzer) points, who the fresh hell is “Ronnie Rivers” on RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!? That has to be a Madden name generator placeholder, yeah?
Anyone with dreadlocks that has fumbled, should have them shorn on the sidelines afterwards. Is that racist? Ok, fine, anyone who fumbles and is a fan of C&W music should have their head shaved.
/[wipes hands] There, I fixed it.
For the 2nd week in a row, that Jakobi goal line lunge gives me a chance at an undeserved win.
I am finding that watching this page is more entertaining than football:
https://resultados.tse.jus.br/oficial/app/index.html#/eleicao/resultados
I love hearing four straught callers demand Kliff’s head and they go to commercial like,
“Hey Cards Fans! It’s me! Kliff Kingsbury! Coach of your Arizona Cardinals. And I’m here with dealership manager to tell you about the playing power of the new Ford line up…”
You have to (as a neutral) like how these Giants play.
/on cue, they fumble on the punt return
Hahah yeah
These Gigantes and Jests are who they always were.
I was told (by myself) that this Giants game would be way more entertaining than it currently is.
listened to the wrong voice in your head, eh?
So hard to narrow them all down!
So tonight’s (Sephardic) wedding? They’re Disney fans… cue the band playing Mos Eisley at the end of cocktail, because hey, it counts!
Asked the pianist if he knows Heaven’s Light, or if we can’t do Hunchback because too much Jeebus.
Saquondo, quando, quandodown!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=128LI6_4L-s&ab_channel=ak2fc
I believe just the other day I was bragging that I don’t drink much anymore, so hangovers aren’t really a thing.
This hangover is a fucking thing. SIL and I got into the wine in a big way last night. I woke up this morning facedown on the couch. Ugh. Gumbygirl is a lightweight!
My current snax mix-
Black pepper cashews, dry roasted peanuts and ranch-flavored corn nuts. Mix them altogether and you’ve got some quality salty goodness right there, I’ll tell you what!
Saquon with a salty run to equalize!
Janeane needs to throw to Aiyuk here. YOU GO, GRRRRRLLL
What you lookin’ at Willis?
“First time the Giants have gone three and out for three straight times since 2017, when Geno Smith started the game. Things tend to come round-right round like a record player, right round, right round.”
-Steve Coy of Dead or Alive*, football commenter
*he’s currently dead
This episode of Cardinals Talk is being consumed by Kliff Kingsbury is the problem.
The hosts refuse the position in that they aren’t in the huddle so they don’t have all the information.
Yes — their news side is a crazt republic radio station….
https://twitter.com/TomPelissero/status/1586828985085853702
need 2 Kan Koach Kliff????
Ok, now everyone on my bench who isn’t robbie anderson has a td
Kuppdown.
I drove three hours for this?
Should have went to the Kraken game last night.
I mean, you could have looked up Curt Warner’s time in Seattle online, ffs…
Geno Mahomes!
Game intros (and associated punnery) excellent as always. I imagine folks who gave into chaotic thoughts and started the Humps new QB are think “I am such a fool for you”
For real though.
Is Kurt Cousins Elite?
As elite as Flacco certainly
YOU try beating him at Old Testament trivia
CMC cannot be classified.
“Like we did!”
– UNC Grads
He can’t be unclassified by Trump either
“OH YEAH WHAT ABOUT PELOSI’S HUSBANDS GAY LOVER?!”
The fuck? Did DK just have a knee cramp or something?
He was supposed to be out another 2 weeks with a patellar tendon injury.
Really not sure why he’s playing to begin with.
He looks fine, but knowing the NFL they’ve just given him some stuff that Hippo would be muy envious of
My word, looks like we’ll have a 0-0 draw at halftime in the Gigantes-SeaTruthers contest. This should have been the London game — the supporters would have loved it!
Huzzah!
I never thought I would say that upon sight of a Seahawks game
I have maybe 3 sloshes of wine left and I think my wifi has gone the way of the Raiders dignity so I might be heading out. Will go one more try
Slosh away.
But yeah, these games are butt. You won’t miss anything.
Fatt Matt has a rushing TD? Was oxygen administered on the sideline afterwards?
Is there oxygen in gravy? Then yes.
The Gospel of Fatthew Delivers!
“Tired of all these stupid dragon shows? Well, we’ve got something totally different for you-‘The Serpent Queen’!* That’s right, serpents. More serpents than you can shake a stick at!”
-Starz
*[in a very fast, barely audible voice] There are no serpents in this series and if there are it’s purely a coincidence. The serpents that weren’t in this series were not harmed in any way. If you saw any serpents, please contact your doctor immediately
But are they on a plane? I would watch a show called Serpents on a Plane
Somebody get these motherfucking serpents off of this motherfucking plane!
Thank you Carolina, for taking any possible sting out of today’s Raiders loss.
yeah, y’all are totally not going to be first on today’s “Holy Mother of Fuck” list.
I’ll be impressed if you can find anything to say about the game other than simply printing the score. It was incredibly dull.
I mean, that’s close. I did note that I don’t recall RedZone showing a single play of the 2nd half
Cardinals flagship REALLLYYY having a tough time ignoring the consistency of this team.
Is that consistency best described as “liquid shit”?
They’re trying to be like, “wow! Now it’s like 6 of their 7 games have been so uncharacteristic off them!”
No. This is their character.
Well that wasn’t optimal
Which team is less competent, find out tonight when indy washington something something!
Worth me turning the telly on or fuck it?
Fuck the fleshlight first then turn on the telly.
I’ve let the kid take off on the cartoon Ghostbusters cartoon from 87.
I’ll just take Cardinals Talk on my earbuds.
You probably shouldn’t fuck your television, but if you are it’s only good manners to turn it on first
Wifi is performing like the Jets and pooping out for the second half,will try again and then give up if that fails
This Panthers-Falcons game should be in the Louvre.
Nailed It!
— B Walsh
PRAISE SHANK’LOR
I declare the NFC South to be the new NFC East. The NFC East will henceforth be known as the NFC West, the NFC West will be the NFC North, and the NFC North is now the NFC South.
You’re the commissioner, so it will be.
Actually, thanks to COVID Home Schooling, the current generation will grow up thinking south is east, east is west, west is north, and north is south.
Not giving up beachfront property for some frozen great lake
It’ll be beachfront eventually, think of your children, smgdh…
You have no reason to smile, asshole! You cost your team a win!If I was on your team, you’d be peeling my helmet decal from your shit-eating grin!
One of these days I will be able to use my bananas for bread, or banana splits instead of cakes.
(Just kidding, I don’t own any bananas)
OH MY GOD
HAIL SHAN’KHOR!!!!
SHAN’KHOR really hates it when a player draws attention to himself and not the team!
Jonathon Vilma ranted on for five minutes about #2 (I don’t remember who, I’m old) taking his helmet off. “Act like you’ve been there before.” My wife said, “Carolina’s 2-5, maybe he hasn’t been there before.”
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
Well, that was the dumbest thing I’ve seen a defense do in some time.
THAT’S XFL LEGEND PJ WALKER TO Y’ALL
I have to say, it’s so much easier to come down from a Raiders game when the numbness builds throughout the entire four quarters, rather than with a spectacular bed-shitting at the very end.
I tried to warn you all about PJ Walker
You all laughed and laughed and laughed.
You fools! This is the Dirty Birds.
The First Place Dirty Birds!
SUDDEN BANANACAKES IN HOTLANTA!!!
What are these Reeces pieces doing playing the Cowboys
Geno looks … charming