Your Sunday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s Do This!

To The Game!

Titans/Chiefs:

-Does this 11/12.5 spread seem high to you? The Titans have always given Kansas City a good game, having won five of the last six.

-Ah, but we must take into account Reid’s record after the bye which is now at 20-3, 12-1 at home. He’s a lousy father but he does know how to get a team prepared. (perhaps the two are linked somehow?)

-The Chiefs rank third against the run and that will certainly be put to the test this evening. I wonder if that’s a function of getting up early on teams and forcing them to pass though.

-King Henry has a streak of four straight 100+ games going on, including yet another 200+ game vs the Texans last week.

-Mr. Tanny Fanny will be a game-timer but I’m sure he’ll play-Willis is just not ready for prime time just yet.

-Trade away Tyreek, lead the league in offensive DVOA-it’s easy peasy! In truth the offense is much more balanced now that the target hog has moved on.

-The jibber jabber is that Kadarius Toney will get some special team reps because he has experience there and Skyy Moore has struggled, having not played the position in college. Plus, Reid’s system is difficult to pick up quickly so if he’s to be on the field he’ll be catching punts.

-Titans desperately need to get Patty into 3rd and long situations as their pass rush has created the lowest amount of third down conversions.

-Tennessee doesn’t have a lot of talent/recognizable names in the wr room but they should take a few shots downfield as three of the four top corners of the Chiefs are rookies.

Enjoy.

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Dunstan

I did not expect them to actually snap the ball there. I approve of aggressive 4th down decisions, but given how weak TN’s offense has been, field goal was probably enough to win there.

Horatio Cornblower

Same. Wonder if Buttker (sp? whatever), is hurt

Horatio Cornblower

Cris talking about what Mahomes did on a “game-winning drive” during a game that just went into overtime should tell you all you need to know about how to place your bets for how OT is about to work out.

Gumbygirl

If there isn’t a script, there’s certainly a narrative.

Mr. Ayo

He’s prescient, that’s all.

Horatio Cornblower

Funny way to spell “asshole”

Horatio Cornblower

THIS TITANS RECEIVING CORPS I CALL IT DR. MRS. DEADLY ESQ’S (RET) COLLECTION OF VACUUM CLEANERS BECAUSE HOO BOY DO THEY SUCK!!!

Don T

Although, judging from Mahomes’ last 10 passes: I think the KC atmosphere is Xenon-heavy.

WCS

Always a nail-biting last two-minutes in the NCAA Tournament.

Don T

Getting emotionally ready for the Malik Willis Handoff Salvation Experience.

Gumbygirl

I didn’t want overtime. Zhut alors.

Brocky

…could you say you don’t want me to have a winning lottery ticket?

Redshirt

Brocky can have my $4 winner; I’ll take the jackpot. Sole winner, please.

Gumbygirl

I had the powerball on the last one. That was it. Just the powerball.

Mr. Ayo

Witch!

Not the burning at the stake kind, mind you. But we have one piece of the billion dollar pile.

Horatio Cornblower

I think that’s $12, so you’ve doubled your DFO stock options.

Gumbygirl

I think it’s $4, but I’ll take it!

Gumbygirl

I don’t want any of us to win! Just in case.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, the refs were just gonna keep throwing flags until the Chiefs got those two points, weren’t they?

Gumbygirl

Kelce was holding the shit out of that guy.

TheRevanchist

I didn’t see anything.

Gumbygirl

.

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Horatio Cornblower

By the helmet, no less.

TheRevanchist

I didn’t see that either.

Horatio Cornblower

What are you, the head of scouting for the Boston Bruins?

Gumbygirl

He’s Stevie Wonder!

TheRevanchist

Actually, I was in the shitter during that drive.

Gumbygirl

Are you…Superstitious? It ain’t the way!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I say it every week: the NFL is kayfabe.

WCS

BLEERGH is looking for a late dinner.

Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

I can’t speak for everyone else, but my god am I sick of those cheesemongering Antonellis.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[attempts to compose response that doesn’t include racial slurs]

[fails]

Mr. Ayo

Hey, I’m curdling milk over here!

That’s not racist.

WCS

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Dunstan

“Just go ahead and do it. We’ve got a contract ready for you.” — Boston Bruins

Horatio Cornblower

I make fun of Gary Bettman a lot around here, and frankly in any sort of public form, and even in private, because he’s a fucking weasel and intergalactic disgrace, and I’ll continue to, but credit where credit is due he came out and said that they’d play the Stanley Cup Finals in Hell before that kid saw time in the NHL.

Good for you Gary. Now admit you were wrong about Arizona and get the Coyotes out of that high school gym.

WCS

AND BRING THE WHALERS BACK.

— Other Horatio

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, that’s just assumed at this point.

yeah right

Horatio, idea for a mock draft.

Bad motherfuckers in the game right now.

Horatio Cornblower

Added to the list.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I DEMAND ZACH WILSON AS MY #1 PICK

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He checks all the boxes. He’s bad, and he fucks mothers.

yeah right

You win

WCS

This concludes the draft.

TheRevanchist

But, your second pick has to be a kicker. That will make it interesting.

Gumbygirl

And to follow, overrated punks who should die of shame taking their big bucks while doing jackshit?

Horatio Cornblower

We did draft busts this past off-season.

Gumbygirl

I’m not talking about busts, I mean people who have been good but are coasting like mofo’s on their past laurels. See Aaron Rodgers.

Mr. Ayo

IMO, we should talk more about busts.

Gumbygirl

I know, right? Nobody ever wants to talk about boobs here, buncha prudes!

Horatio Cornblower

People Who Stayed Past Their Expiration Dates

Added to the list for next off-season
/promptly misplaces list

Brocky

Hey Julio Jones is on another team now!

Brick Meathook

The most polite players

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s a CFL draft.

Brocky

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Mr. Ayo

So Belichick is out because he’s actually good at it?

Don T

Titans WRs looking very rested
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Horatio Cornblower

“You know what the Chiefs could use? A greater focus on exploiting the talents of Mecole Hardman.”

-Guy holding on to a slim FF lead with Mecole Hardman on his team.

Brocky

As a bears fan, I just realized that Matt Nagy is on the coaching staff most responsible for my fantasy points…..

I deserve everything bad that happens to me

yeah right

When I was a kid I picked the purple people eaters as my team because they were fucking bad ass. If there are kids out there who pick Tennessee as their team because of El Tractorcito?

I totally understand.

That’s a bad motherfucker right there.

Last edited 1 year ago by yeah right
The Maestro

He’s been That Dude for his entire career. What a joy to watch. (Until he faces your own fave team, of course.)

Brocky

*exceptwhenhewashurtlastyearandwreckedmyteam

Redshirt

(punches Kid Redshirt in the face, hard)

(mockingly) “‘The stripes look cool.'”

Brick Meathook

Kelce failed to yang there

Brocky

No game losing penalties on a thrown helmet?

Gumbygirl

What the fuck is Collinsworth talking about? (IS, WAS, ALWAYS WILL BE)

Wakezilla

Been drinking at the airport bar because of a 2hr delay. Assuming I’m not grounded until tomorrow, they’ll let me on if I crawl to my seat right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As long as you’re polite, absolutely!

yeah right

And properly put on your seat belt.

Brocky

So I found my gif from last year, when it was week 8 and I was in first place….

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Redshirt

When I elected Evil Overlord, whenever you vote early, your personal identification/currency/punishment will indicate that to the television, so when it plays a political ad, all you see and hear on the screen is a small brook flowing in the forest.

Brocky

Me and dad watching car ad

Dad: so why is she driving backwards?

Brocky’s brain: don’t say

Don’t say it…

Don’t you DARE say it Brocky!!!

Me: is it cuz she’s a woman?

Dad: …….

Me: don’t even act like I have heard you make that joke before

Dad: ….

Me: yeah that’s what I thought

Brocky

I didn’t mean to respond to redshirt’s comment, but here we are

Redshirt

That’s how I volunteered for Pep Band my senior year. Because why wouldn’t I want to spend half my afternoons sitting on a hard bleacher seat playing songs in between timeouts.

Director: “We still need an Alto Sax.”
(Redshirt enter the room and Director looks up)
Director: “Thanks, Redshirt. I knew I could count on you.”
Redshirt: “…uh, sure.”

Horatio Cornblower

You have my vote

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Horatio Cornblower
Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Mr. Ayo

Can’t believe they signed him to begin with. Boston gonna Bawstawn though,.

Dunstan

On the one hand, people should be encouraged to fix their mistakes. On the other hand, there is something hilarious about “we thought this would be a totally cool idea, but now that we see people are upset, never mind. I mean, we did ask our players and they told us it was a bad idea, but otherwise we had no way of knowing.”

Mr. Ayo

The best reaction I read so far was, yes, he deserves a 2nd chance, but that doesn’t include the NHL.

Horatio Cornblower

I would argue he does deserve a second chance if there was an ounce of evidence that he was sorry for anything besides getting caught, or that he’d done anything to atone for his actions. As there is not, however, my opinion is as follows: fuck that guy.

Dunstan

Cam Neely’s statement claims they thought Mitchell’s behavior was a one-time incident and that he had made amends. Motherfucker, all you had to do was read a newspaper.

And he’s still referring to it as “careless behavior.”

Where’s Ulf Samuelsson when we need him?

Gumbygirl

Yeah, fuck tbat guy and fuck them.

Dunstan

So when do you figure Mitchell goes on Tucker Carlson to be held up as a martyr?

“It’s like you can’t even racially insult and bully a disabled kid any more in this country without being cancelled! Thanks, Biden!”

Monday night?

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a fair bet. Ordinarily I’d say they’d want to avoid competing with MNF, but since they need to rile up the base for the election Tuesday, and because nothing riles up their base more than learning they might have to face consequences for bullying disabled minorities, Monday it is.

I am only half-kidding about this.

Horatio Cornblower

I am absolutely enjoying the demise of Aaron Rodgers, but I just know that slimy fuck is going to rediscover his form just in time for next week’s game against the Cowboys.

The only thing that might stop him is a disease that is easily prevented by taking a readily available and free vaccine.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s not slimy, he’s greasy.

ThePirateSloth

No one should go thru life without putting a Big Carl or a Really Big Carl in your mouth.

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WCS

TONIGHT

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The coupons I have for that are always BOGO ones, which is too much meat, even for me.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take “Things Deanna Favre Only Dreams About” for $600, Alex.

Horatio Cornblower

Just bought my father some stuff from the Chelsea store for Xmas.

Gonna have a couple of beers while touring the Arsenal store to make up for it.

TheRevanchist

The Wrexham store is still out of stock for online sales. How am I supposed to buy my gift to myself?

Horatio Cornblower

I just gave up on that one. I think I would have better luck, and spend less time, just going straight to Wales and buying it direct.

It would cost more, but I could also get some Wrexham lager, which apparently has a very good reputation and is not available in the States.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should make an IPA called “Damned Near Killed Him”.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think IPAs play well across the pond.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Makes sense, IPAs are disgusting trash that I wouldn’t use to wash my dirty hiking boots.

WCS

Mike Vrabel’s perpetually looks like someone who can’t tell if that was a just a regular fart or a shart.

Mr. Ayo

I need backup number 3 asap.

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WCS
Brocky

So I was looking for my old Derrick henry gif, and I found this in my bookmarks:

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Redshirt

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If Derrick Henry was healthy the last playoffs, the Bengals do not floor it up I-65 out of town with the W.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Brocky

No one floors it up I65. Trust me, they won’t allow it

Redshirt

Well it feels like we did, of all four playoff games, that one was the weirdest ending.

Wild Card: WE ENDED THE CURSE OF BO JACKSON!
Division: Wait…what?… …. … okay?
Conference: THE COMEBACK!
Super Bowl: DAMMIT, WE ALMOST WON A SUPER BOWL WITH NO OFFENSIVE LINE!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do the Titans beat the Chiefs? I think not. So I’m happy with how it worked out.

Mr. Ayo

I mean, they are tonight.

Brocky

So my father is FINALLY considering cutting cable. Anyone use sling or fubotv for their sports

Brocky

His big thing is still IU basketball, so fubutv has big ten network, and promises cloud recording

ballsofsteelandfury

Do it and never look back.

ThePirateSloth

I’m pretty sure youtubetv has Big 10 Network and recording storage.

Gumbygirl

Yes. I love youtubetv! Wish I had cut the cord years ago.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, fubotv is legit.

Xfinity sucks balls. Fuck them all the way to hell and back.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup! Fubo is great!

Brocky

At what cost thought?

ballsofsteelandfury

You can get a pretty cheap package with 500 hours recording time and it will have the Big Ten networks.

It really just depends on what other channels your dad wants to watch.

ballsofsteelandfury

70 per month includes 1000 hours of recording time.

Redshirt

YouTube TV isn’t that bad. You’ll lose Bally Sports but NFL Network comes with it and you can get Redzone for about $11 more a month.

Gumbygirl

I didn’t bother with Redzone, but 65 bucks for a shit ton of channels is a way better deal than cable was. I did add HBO Max for 15 more.

Mr. Ayo

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Brocky

So… guess who I’m facing in fantasy in this game….

Mr. Ayo

GOD!

Brocky

True. I owe you a beer on that one

Redshirt

No, he’s not God, but I’m pretty certain even He would have the foresight to step out of his way when he’s at a full rate of speed.

Redshirt

I just came back from Dollar General and two persons, someone who worked there and I think a customer, were having an argument and threatening calling their attorneys.

If you have reached a point in your life where you threaten to call a lawyer because you were wronged at Dollar General, you really need to sit down and make an inventory of all the actions in your life that led you to that moment.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised anyone that’s at a Dollar General HAS attorneys…

Redshirt

We said the same exact thing. Also, one was videotaping, so you may see real life Redshirt in the background of the video not making eye contact when them.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
herodotus450

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WCS

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herodotus450

You can get a lawyer at Dollar General, but each hour is an extra dollar, such a scam.

The Maestro

Also, the lawyer was trained in Poland.

Also, the lawyer is actually a baboon.

Also, the baboon is dead.

Mr. Ayo

Ok, but are they a sandwich?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a baboon, and it’s dead.

Of course it’s a sandwich

Mr. Ayo

Dead baboon sandwich? The legal system continues to confound me.

The Maestro

Listen, I got a buddy who swears that baboon cooked right tastes like pork. I would hope they go the low & slow method… they’re pretty lean, muscular critters after all.

ThePirateSloth

The Lady Pirate was watching Cash Cab earlier and I kept seeing Chistopher Meloni driving the cab. Now I can’t unsee Ben Bailey as a low rent Meloni.

WCS

i need to rewatch Wet Hot American Summer.

ThePirateSloth

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Game Time Decision

If only
-Mrs Shapiro

herodotus450

[insert image of Tracy Morgan on Cash Cab that apparaently doesn’t exist in a pasteable image format]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m having another one of those years in fantasy where I’m 2nd in total points scored but have a record of 4-4.

Game Time Decision

I’m the same. Also have the most points against, or close to it

Horatio Cornblower

I’m 1-7. And my points total pretty much reflects that.

WCS

Derrick Henry is still good at this, I see.

Brocky

Of course, I didn’t draft him this year

WCS

HAIL SHA’NKLOR

Game Time Decision

Lamb shank?
-A Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Damnit, Dad, when I told you to smuggle in a shank for me this isn’t what I meant!” – B. Reid, cellblock H

Dunstan

So, I actually like “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac, but if they keep running this Chevy commercial I’m going to start longing for political ads.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh my God yes. They’re ruining the song for me.

Redshirt

For me, its the Old Navy commercial where they butcher “Deck the Halls”. Look I already don’t like Christmas songs, but I don’t want to see then defiled like that.

Dunstan

Speaking of which, when does the LDB Challenge start? I’m a little worried by this trend.

Redshirt

Just do what I do and play Christian Worship Music full blast. No fair they usurp my religion with public domain songs for one month but don’t listen to the other songs for the other 11 months.

Dunstan

If I wanted to torture myself like that I’d become a Bengals fan.

Oh, wait. Sorry.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve been watching football all day with the volume muted. I don’t know what I was thinking when I hit the button and I got Collinsworth for about 20 seconds.

Order has been restored.

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, so much for Malik not being ready for Prime Time.

Mr. Ayo

He’s now fortified with Vitamin R

Game Time Decision

Whatchu talkin about

Mr. Ayo

According to Xfinity I am not authorized to watch NBC.

I’m sure that’s because I only pay those assholes 250 a month.

Mr. Ayo

Jesus, even their streaming isn’t working.

Mr. Ayo

What in the absolute fuck. Every other channel, every other streaming service, all working.

NBC, fucking nothing.

Gumbygirl

Did they get hacked? Or maybe it’s a lone disgruntled employee who isn’t going to put up with Collinsworth for one more goddam minute!

Mr. Ayo

Ha! That would be reasonable. I only say this to let everyone know my timely and witty repartee on this live game is only lacking due to xFinity sucking all the balls.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Complain to Elon Musk about it on twitter. Tell him you’re being canceled by the woke mob.

Mr. Ayo

And now my Office on my MacBook doesn’t work.

I’ve been officially cancelled. JFC.

Mr. Ayo

At least I have power!

Mr. Ayo

Oh, scheduled fix time is at 7pm. That’s an hour from now. I’m sure nothing important will happen before then.

Mr. Ayo

VPN into work and streaming from there. Hurrah?

Mr. Ayo

Things are getting better, but I now have 3 screens of this game and 3 different time zones. It’s like I’m witnessing the multiverse in real life.

Mr. Ayo

JFC, only 1 stream is now working. Plus my brand new 1k Pixel Pro 7 decided to die last night, so I don’t even have a phone. Good thing there isn’t a tall bridge nearby.

Mr. Ayo

And of course, Xfinity support won’t talk to me because they know there’s an outage and I have to wait until they tell me it’s resolved.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: Skyy Moore was named after the vodka because it was heavily involved the night he was conceived.

herodotus450

Right after I finish disparaging a certain Red hockey team to Scotchnaut the other day they go on and win 3 in a row

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Will Andy Reid win this one for his jailbird son? I hope not.

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Don’t you dare put that cake in the trash.” – Andy Reid, after Britt’s parole is denied

TheRevanchist

I love the mute button for the relief from this shitty football song.

Mr. Ayo

*removes glasses*

Mr. Revanchist, are you admitting that you have not been waiting all day for this evening?

TheRevanchist

I have been sleeping in the recliner through most of the games today, as I did yesterday.

Mr. Ayo

My apologies. That is a proper amount of waiting.

Gumbygirl

The autotune is like nails on a blackboard. Why can’t Joan Jett sing her own fucking song, rather than this country fried poptart?

ThePirateSloth

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ThePirateSloth

Sorry for the size

I’ll take Things ThePirateSloth Has Never Said, for $400 please.

Last edited 1 year ago by ThePirateSloth
Gumbygirl

It’s ok, we like ’em big!

Dunstan

*sigh* — Deanna F.

Mr. Ayo

Moar like Kathryn Tappen!

Wait, what?

Mr. Ayo

Moar like Maria Tailor because her fit is so good.

Redshirt

Well someone has to take care of the messaging. Heavens knows the Democrats haven’t really aced it this election cycle.

Gumbygirl

I heard the message loud and clear.

Senor Weaselo

Y’know, I would have never thought of drinking anything with or adjacent to absinthe a few years ago, but thanks to Senorita Weaselo (and Apotheke), I got a mezcal absinthe cocktail for anniversary drinks, and said maybe one of these days… they have absinthe offerings.

Dunstan

I mostly just use it for sazeracs. A little goes a long way.

Brick Meathook

Motorcycle chariot racing! Yep, nothing can go wrong here!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUxRt1oebwI

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lots of things could go wrong! For example, they could finish an entire race without a single contestant or spectator losing multiple limbs in a horrific crash. It gives me nightmares to even contemplate something like that.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Recovery Whiskey

Why women live longer

Mr. Ayo

Next time, flat out.