TGIF! So long, work week and good bye to the Packer’s season! Their owners should do something with their framed owner certificates and fix this. Speaking of those cheese heads, let’s give them some survival advice on a subject they know all too well.
Survival – Personal Edition
That’s right, today we’re going to learn how to manage excessive flatulence.
- Avoid lactose such as milk and sugar. Many folks are lactose intolerant to varying degrees. At any degree, if the lactose isn’t digested, then colon bacteria will ferment the milk sugar, creating gas.
- Portion control. More food will create more gas no matter the type of food. If you’re looking to not embarrass yourself, eat small meals. You can always make up for it at home.
- Avoid foods that contribute to farts. This includes, of course, beans, broccoli, cabbage, amongst others. Look, I could give you a full list, but that’s for some other blog or you could just do a cursory internet search you lazy bastard. The reason these contribute to your smelly ass is these foods contain carbohydrates that cannot be digested which your colon bacteria is more than happy to feast upon.
- Think this is an old wives’ tale, but peppermint tea can help. How? Why? If I knew I wouldn’t be calling it a BIG TEA conspiracy.
- Even if you’ve followed all of this advice, it’s entirely possible you are still a bloated gassy mess and need some relief. Be respectful and find an empty bathroom. If you really want to squeeze all that gas out, get on your knees, bend forward, and stretch your arms out in the customary Buddy Signal pose. That will put the most pressure on your gaseous body.
- Fun facts if you’re below average: The average person toots up to 14 times a day, producing a quarter liter of gas per day. If you’re above average consult your doctor or dietician and be ready to change your diet.
Now that we’re all flatulence free, our no pants policy should be an even better success in the clubhouse moving forward!
Survival – World Cup Edition
Join the World Cup DFO pool here:
https://www.footytips.com.au/comps/DFOQ?p=futbol
Password is futbol
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
is everything awaiting approval?
Tonight’s impulse dining stop while returning from the 24-hour pharmacy with a new fix of opiates:
Johnnie’s Pastrami on Sepulveda.
I had the “Johnnie’s Size” which is a hamburger covered in chili and is oh so good. Most of you can’t handle Cincinnati Chili so I won’t post a picture of it unless you force my hand.
All right, the mission of getting tipsy has been accomplished. The question remains as to whether I want to get outright drunk.
JOIN ME
All right, maybe just one more glass of wine.
My understanding is MadDog 20/20 is excellent.
My pregnant neighbor dressed up as fat Thor from the Marvel movies for Halloween. She’s so cool.
But what did Rosa Salazar dress up for in Halloween?!
A sexy bridezilla?
You’re right. She would’ve made a good Wednesday.
And Thursday.
And Friday.
And Saturday.
And Sunday.
And, well you get the idea.
Just remember Redshirt’s Rule Number 1:
Only internet with no attempted communication = Okay. After that, its Stalking.
“I don’t let it get to that point.”
— Scotchy, ON
Unwanted Redshirt In-Process Review:
Aw, “Disenchanted” started so good, but then it pulled a “Wednesday” and put the atypical characters in their atypical elements that they already know. I don’t care about Wednesday Addams in a spooky boarding school. I want to see Wednesday Addams in Completely Normal High School so we can see how she interacts and how the muggles interact with her. Not giving away what happens in “Disenchanted” but if you read between the lines, you can guess what happens.
Oh, well, I got another hour or so of this. Let’s see if they get past this turbulence and stick the landing.
You know, I bet Rosa Salazar would have made a good Wednesday.
Holy Sweet Mother of Puss, these Metaverse commercials are proof mankind doesn’t deserve to exist.
For me, it was people getting their knickers in a twist over Tim Allen’s Santa Claus saying “saying ‘Merry Christmas to All’ has suddenly become problematic”. I’m all for saying “Happy Holidays”, but the man is the personification of Christmas who is literally powered by Christmas Spirit. That would be like Tinker Bell insisting on no applause.
No one show them the SNL skit “Hanukkah Harry Saves Christmas” sketch. Their heads may explode!
On the contrary, Rosa Salazar is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
.
Replace ‘mankind’ with ‘Mark Zuckerberg’ and you’d be correct.
I volunteer to help lady number 6 find whatever she is looking for in that swamp. I have special skills. Great job as usual Mr Ayo.
Fucking spam bot needs to take the night off.
I just had to manually approve three comments! WTF??
I don’t mind bots if they post something entertaining. Most of the time it’s just spam.
We appreciate your service. I’d like to just throttle the nerds who do that shit.
Yeah, if I’m gonna have to accomplish a task manually three times on a Friday night, I’m…well, you probably don’t want to hear about that. But suffice to say I’m in the right place.
Is this thing on? Did I get banned for harassing Brick again?
For the record, him in that short skirt with no panties stuck head first in the dryer was asking for it.
Easy there, I’ve been known to make people mysteriously disappear (but not you).
Mine is. Not sure about the others.
Mine is, but it keeps getting turned off at the worst possible moments.
“I’m not a man” – YouTube
It’s time once again for the game that’s sweeping the nation, “Name That Band!… using only this hilariously complicated graphic format from Wikipedia.”
I don’t recognize any of these names, I’m checking the answer key.
…
Oh, nice choice!
Steely Dan
I thought Steely Dan was Becker+Fagen+raft of studio musicians.
That’s exactly them.
I forget who it was in Classic Albums: Aja that said that they’d bring in a bunch of studio musicians to work on a track, then the next day bring in completely different musicians to do the same track.
Surveillance video captures two men stealing Bengals banner from Paycor Stadium (wlwt.com)
This wasn’t me. Also, if a cop shows up, please say I was with you last Tuesday night and not anywhere near Paycor Stadium. No reason, just say it.
You were here the whole time.
Thanks, pal.
Ah, what a great Tuesday that was. Glad you were here!
Yes Tuesday night…. where we were watching…. that show! That’s on Tuesdays!
What a nice night that was.
South Park – BEST ALIBI EVER – YouTube
So I’m not going, but the college I work at’s theater department is putting on a new (I think) musical, and it’s a book that everyone would expect!
That’s right, it’s Animal Farm, the musical.
Boxer: “Glue, Glorious Glue! All hail, Napoleon!”
I’d watch that
Game of Thrones tonight: The Arya and The Hound Show!
Still my favorite line in the entire show
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJ0oiQdRd8z2WnMp6uIDgFUwOZz6VU9iNeEQ&usqp=CAU
“He killed Lommie!” “I don’t give a shit if he ate Lommie, we aren’t going in there!”
Speaking of music, the Led Zeppelin album “Houses of the Holy” does NOT contain the Led Zeppelin song Houses of the Holy. Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?
That would not be the band Bad Company.
And most certainly not the band Big Country.
That first gif (second post) is unbelievably mesmerizing.
Speaking of music, it’s a shame all the great musicians were so lazy and spent all day doing drugs instead of writing music. How long can it take to write 30 minutes of music, honestly? And yet we didn’t even get 9 symphonies out of ol Ludwig van…
/pokes Senor and Maestro with stick
As someone who’s written (does math on YouTube) a 40-minute piece of music… 3-4 months? And that was two instruments.
What could’ve been…
Even if the game were to end 3-0, everyone would have talked about how rad that game was
Elizabeth Theranos sentenced to 11 years in prison apparently according to a headline I read. Eleven years for what, attempted fraud!?
She stole money from rich people; she’s lucky she didn’t end up in pieces at the bottom of a well.
Guys, we found Cory Booker’s DFO account.
(Senator Booker saw fit to write a letter in support of her. It’s ok, Senator, I get it. I find her sexy, too.)
Full-bore fraud. Ripping off the 1% aside, her company was providing inaccurate test results. She’s lucky they didn’t charge her for that.
This is Rosa Salazar. For some reason I find her absolutely irresistible. Canadians, apparantly she is one of yours so I will happily trade you an equivalent American actress of your choice at the current exchange rate.
–
I bet she smells nice
If it’s Lake Bell, you have a deal.
You want to be REAL QUICK typing in “teacher” when you start your Google search “sexy kindergarten”
I see what you see. Definitely something about her.
Almost an Aubrey Plaza vibe. Not entirely, but in the ballpark.
For sure. I don’t know why but she (Rosa) really does it for me. I remember seeing her in The Scorch Trials and being like “who is THAT?”
I am past due for the first cocktail of the weekend.
Maybe a Remember The Maine?
Not an Ozzy fan but this tune was relevant to my fellow resto buddies way back in ’89 and has a certain resonance tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjWhOoT2h7w&ab_channel=OzzyOsbourne-Topic
Listening to Ozzy’s solo stuff and you could call him the Taylor Swift of his time with all these soft rock power ballads
Kind of funny because I’m actually halfway through the movie Bird Box and wondering when the karaoke scene of “If I Close My Eyes Forever” is going to happen.
David Beckham was on TV today defending himself for his £150m ambassador contract with Qatar.
Dude should have just said he’s getting paid £150m and we’d all nod our head and move on
I mean, everybody’s got their price. When you get into 9 figures, it’s REALLY hard to judge.
“Let me explain to you all about how Effective Altruism means the morally correct thing to do is make as much money as you can, however you can!” — S. Bankman-Fried
Your finest work yet, each and every photo a work of art.
Seriously.
The blonde in the green bikini is just. . . *chefs kiss*
Merry Friday, yinz cretins.
Look at what just became old enough to vote:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPJqMjAM1-I&t=21s&ab_channel=SANFRANFANAD
I’m quite amazed at how well the production crew did during the original broadcast. Just fantastic camera work and editing.
Also, I remain convinced that if Jermaine O’Neal hadn’t slipped when throwing that punch, that fan would be dead.