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Sexy Friday – 20221209

Mr. Ayo

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TGIF! So long stupid work week. And a special fuck you to Fox for both their terrible coverage of the World Cup and refusal to let me stream it at work. ¡Gracias Telemunda and Peacock TV! Anyway, holiday season and I’ve got a truckload of gifts to deliver, so let’s learn how to park that sucker.

Survival – Personal Edition

Now unfortunately, most of you don’t have a loading ramp. But, you do have some curbside parking. So I’m going to show you how to parallel park this semi. That’s right, not just a car, but a semi with an attached trailer.

  • Find a parking spot. Duh. But the details are important here. The space needs to be about one and a half as long as your cab and trailer combo. This will provide room to not only park, but also you need that extra room to for the loading ramp on the back of the trailer.
  • Now pull your rig ahead of that parking spot and about 6 feet from the vehicle beside you. The rear of the trailer should be at or beyond the open space.
  • Time to warn everyone that you’re going to be a general nuisance for the next few minutes. Turn on your flashers and toot that horn a few times as you engage reverse.
  • Back up until the rear of the trailer is even with the open space and stop. Side note, if you don’t have a spotter go ahead and put the truck in park and do a walk around. Your mirrors aren’t that good and you’re probably not that experienced. Better safe than sorry.
  • (This is the first step in what may be a long repetitive cycle, so bookmark this) While stopped, turn the wheel towards the curb until at full lock. Check traffic in the next lane, because you will be occupying it very shortly.
  • When clear, begin backing up. The trailer will nudge into the open spot. Keep backing until the trailer tires hit the curb.
  • Now turn the wheel fully in the opposite direction and pull forward to give yourself room for another backup maneuver.
  • Go back to the bookmarked step and repeat until the trailer is parallel and close to the curb. When done, turn the cab toward the curb and full forward to get it out of traffic and you have enough room behind the trailer for the loading ramp. Again, don’t be afraid to park and walk around to check clearances.
  • If all else fails, pull back out of of the spot and start again. You can do it, little buddy!

Alright, now that we’re parked, time to unload all those gifts and deliver them to your special recipients.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not saying you all aren’t hustling enough to get to two million comments, but I’m not not saying we should see a little more hustle.

3
Gumbygirl

I need some sleep, later my taters. This was my goodest boy, Bear, six years ago.

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6
Gumbygirl

He was not a fan of Sketchy Santa!

1
WCS

I wouldn’t be, either.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sounds like he might have really been your favorite

2
yeah right

Question for the crowd: Lasagne or sous vide turkey breast for Christmas?

2
Dunstan

Yes.

I’m a huge fan of sous vide turkey breast. Usually do one for Thanksgiving but had a small group this year.

Lasagne is always a decadent holiday feast. One thing I haven’t tried yet is using homemade fresh pasta in lasagne.

2
yeah right

Fresh pasta will change your entire lasagne mindset.

Mix the dough, semolina for me, rest, roll run through the pasta machine until you get to “3”, rest for 30 minutes and you have a pasta sheet that is ready for the oven.
Layer, repeat.

350 maybe 25-30 minutes.

Time enough to make some garlic toast.

4
Dunstan

It’s funny, I started making fresh pasta a couple years ago when a friend gave me his pasta maker, but for whatever reason I never used it for lasagna even though that’s the easiest one to make

2
yeah right

Guilty as charged. I did the same thing. Always ran it through the pasta cutter.

And it’s so easy.

Don’t ever precook fresh lasagne noodles.

Important cooking tip everyone!

2
2Pack

Tru dat

1
BugEyedBoo

Take out Chinese.

0
Dunstan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGzO1ghRKp4

1
TheRevanchist

Lasagna. Turkey fucking blows

1
yeah right

But have you had “Sous Vide Turkey Breast?”

That is the question.

0
Gumbygirl

I used to make lasagna for Christmas all the time, but I haven’t recently.

2
Gumbygirl

Gumby is Slovak, so we always have fish, pierogies, and peas for Christmas Eve dinner. A little bland, but it’s traditional.

2
Dunstan

That reminds me I need to make some pierogies this month!

1
2Pack

Lasagne. Scratch noodles and ragu, don’t forget the bissomella with shredded procutto.

4
yeah right

This guy?

I love this guy!

5
Dunstan

You have any suggestions for me? Per downthread, I’m leaning towards a mole with either lamb or turkey breast.

0
yeah right

Go mole with the Turkey. And use a yogurt based marinade with some za’atar, lemon and garlic for the lamb.

Bonus points if you can sear the lamb on a grill.

3
Dunstan

It’s possible this just tastes good because I’m several drinks in, but in my ongoing series of using these comments as bartending notes:

2 oz reposado
1 oz ancho chile liqueur
1/4 oz benedictine
dash orange bitters
drizzle of simple syrup

Old fashioned glass over block ice. I didn’t bother with a garnish but orange peel sounds right

4
SonOfSpam

Is “benedictine” some sort of spirit or nun cum?

3
Horatio Cornblower

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Dunstan

WCS would want me to say:

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Gumbygirl

What do you call that, a Spank the Monk?

5
Dunstan

At the moment, I’m calling it “my favorite.” You understand.

3
Dunstan

Leaning towards “The Missionary” as a name

3
Dunstan

2nd attempt: back off the chile liqueur to 3/4 oz., and garnish with a flamed orange peel.

Need to try this again when I’m sober, but I think it works.

2
herodotus450

Christmas food challenges? Try making a meal with all the banned foods from the bible, then gloat after dinner that all your guests are going to hell but not you since you only salt or whatever

4
SonOfSpam

“Eating Lot’s Wife” will raise your blood pressure, but totally worth it.

6
Horatio Cornblower

Poor woman deserves to get eaten after all she’s been through.

3
SonOfSpam

most ppl don’t know boston’s “don’t look back” was about her

3
Horatio Cornblower

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2Pack

Sensational as always Mr Ayo. I’ll just add a little Monica and show myself out.

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Horatio Cornblower

The Bruins are losing to a university’s club hockey team.

1
Dunstan

So in recent years I’ve been setting myself a culinary challenge for Christmas dinner. Something a little decadent and a little complicated for a regular dinner, but still within my skill set.

Last year it was Beef Wellington, before that I think was hassenpfeffer, roast goose and duck have been done. Trying to come up with this year’s project — any suggestions?

2
SonOfSpam

Branzino

Or Mexican Pizza

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I swear I had a Mexican Pizza for dinner tonight.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Isn’t any pizza you eat Mexican by default?

6
ballsofsteelandfury

Touché

3
Dunstan

Ooh, maybe I should do a mole!

The dish, not the rodent. I’m more a gerbil guy.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

That is a great idea. You can start with the jar as a base and add spices/chocolate/seasonings as you see fit. Completely customizable to your taste.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

My standard add-ons are as follows:

Tomato sauce (for taste and texture)
Chocolate
Sugar
Chicken bouillon
Chicken broth (for texture adjustments)

If the mole is too spicy, you can add cream or plain yogurt or milk depending on how you want the final texture.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

The Go-To:

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1
Dunstan

I’m inclined to just go from scratch. I found a couple of Rick Bayless recipes, but I’m open to suggestions

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You can certainly go from scratch but many mole recipes have scores of ingredients. Seriously, there are some moles that have up to 100 ingredients.

I guess it depends on how much effort you want to expend and how much experimenting you want to do.

1
Dunstan

Yeah, a couple of years ago I did one of Bayless’s “beginner” mole recipes that had about 20-30 ingredients and took most of a day. I might stretch a bit beyond that — it’s a holiday, so I can do some prep work ahead of time and still have a full day to work with. But there are limits.

Will probably get some of the Dona Maria at least as a backup in case everything goes to hell.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“Fucking weirdo”

-my cat, probably

0
Dunstan

I’ve done salt-baked branzino before, that’s always good

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I could but don’t know anything that seems fancy enough.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Turducken?

1
Dunstan

I don’t feel up to doing the deboning and stuffing myself, but if I buy it pre-done, that’s a little too easy. Need the Goldilocks solution!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Make a hamburger but use bone marrow.

If you think I’m joking go to Armsby Abbey in Worcester and order their burger. Hell, I’ll come up and buy the first round.

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4
Horatio Cornblower

Also these mfer’s take their drinking seriously. Beer list is amazing, (they’ve been able to get kegs from Treehouse, which simply does not happen), and from what I’ve seen they will fuck up, (in a good way), any sort of cocktail you can name.

They are a prickly bunch though. I ordered poutine to go, for my daughter once, and the response was “the chef doesn’t like to go orders because it won’t taste the same.” My response should have been “well, the chef doesn’t have to eat it, now does he?”, but I don’t like saliva with my poutine, so ordered it for me, took an ostentatious bite and then asked for a box.

I’m very popular and everyone loves me.

7
2Pack

Pastichio or what we call lazagnia is a holiday tradition in Italy. Made fresh and done right it takes half a day. But boy is it delicious.

3
Gumbygirl

Howsabout a crown roast of lamb?

1
Dunstan

Loves me a lamb, I does. Not a bad idea. Actually, now I’m thinking what if I did that with a mole?

0
Gumbygirl

Ooooooh,sexay!

1
Gumbygirl

Or a crown roast of puerco con mole would be bueno too!

1
Dunstan

Initially I was thinking turkey but there are a lot of possibilities!

1
Brick Meathook

Actual US Coast Guard ID issued in 1943:

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4
herodotus450

And they call US the lazy generation smhdnd

1
Mr. Ayo

Puppeh!

1
Dunstan

Does he outrank you?

2
Horatio Cornblower

Cats outrank all of us, if not in reality then certainly in their own minds.

4
Horatio Cornblower

So trying to nudge this thread back to the more mundane, I’m watching the Bruins play Arizona and it is absolutely hilarious how tightly they keep the camera to the ice, (and they might have to because they don’t have room to back up for a wider shot), so as not to show they’re playing in a college hockey barn.

Also Jack Edwards is still unbearable.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Regarding Grant Wahl’s death, I will say that if US authorities aren’t given immediate access to Wahl’s remain I will not be engaging with this World Cup any further, and my silly little boycott aside I will be sorely disappointed if US Soccer, Fox, and anyone else doesn’t pull up stakes and walk.

0
SonOfSpam

And I checked, sadly, it’s not the Arli$$ guy.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The reading I’m doing now makes it sound like he was experiencing some issues prior to this (he said he had a cold that turned into “probably” bronchitis), so let’s hope that this was just tragic and not an assassination.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I really doubt it’s an assassination. There’s only a week left. It doesn’t make sense.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Rampant homophobia and blatant disregard for the deaths of thousands of workers doesn’t make sense either.

I tend to agree that State-sanctioned murder probably isn’t what happened here, at least for now, but if Wahl was killed I doubt the State is going to break a sweat trying to figure out who did it.

0
Horatio Cornblower

As someone just north of 50 I would like to say that seemingly healthy men in that age range suddenly dropping dead due to previously unknown health conditions is really unusual, but it simply is not as unusual as I would try much like it to be.

That said, it’s a hell of a coincidence in this case.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

When I say it doesn’t make sense, I mean why kill him now? He was going to cover the entire tournament. Kill him after the final after everyone had gone home and forgotten everything.

There’s no motive to doing it now.

Besides, killing one journalist in front of the whole world is not going to gain them anything. Jailing randos and extorting them for money is much more efficient.

0
Horatio Cornblower

It makes no sense, but murdering people generally doesn’t.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

In many circumstances it absolutely does.

0
Dunstan

/double-checks poster name

Damn, we’ve got two of them now.

3
Horatio Cornblower

As an attorney I am professionally obligated to say that I am against jury nullification.

As a human being, if you’re on trial for beating a child molester to death with a hammer you probably want me on the jury.

2
Dunstan

I don’t know, you kill a journalist now when people kind-of-think-but-aren’t-sure it was you, and it sure sends a message to the other journalists there to maybe hold off on those criticisms until they’re safely back in their own countries. And maybe not even then.

It’s like when Putin murders his enemies in weird ways in foreign countries. He’s not really trying to “get away” with it in the sense of nobody suspecting him; he wants everyone to know but not be able to prove it was him.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Very valid point!

0
Mr. Ayo

Oh shit.

https://twitter.com/rdlewis/status/1601399736560680960

0
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, this sucks. I’m not jumping on the “the Qataris had him murdered” bandwagon just yet, but I am trotting alongside it and keeping one hand on the rail.

1
Mr. Ayo

Save your effort and get onboard now. He’s my age, healthy, and dropped dead at the stadium watching the Argentine match. Guess how long until the US gets access to his corpse.

0
Horatio Cornblower

My doctor says I could use the cardio, but I’m all in on whatever the over is on that time line.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your doctor saying he’d like to see you do a little heavy breathing is not the same as encouraging you to do cardio.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Whatever, man. I defy you to find a more thoroughly explored prostate.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck. Outside at a brewery and guess what just came on?

I’m out.

6
WCS

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SonOfSpam

PAH RUM PUM PUM BYEBITCH

7
Redshirt

This poor soul has seen some shit.

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4
ballsofsteelandfury

Pic #2:

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1
Mr. Ayo

I think she works out.

1
Mr. Ayo

Also, I need to start numbering and tagging these photos so I know what you guys are referring to in the comments.

On the other hand, I can just start at the top and count down. Yeah, that seems ideal.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My birthday is on Sunday, and I’ve had a shitty birthday week, but I was hoping I could count on Mr. Ayo to cheer me up, and he hasn’t let me down. Bless you good sir, and bless the good madams who assissted you in your endeavor.

2
Mr. Ayo

I can do better for this monumental occasion. Please don’t tell the others.

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2
blaxabbath

You sound like a man ready to ask his woman to take him to a refined topless establish for birthday craft cocktails (2 each minimum) and some complementary buffet should the evening happen to drag on a bit.

Also, yes, the joke is Andy Reid says “I sure hope that ‘complimentary buffet’ isn’t what I think an establishment like that’s is…”

She ain’t leaving.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Cornblower and I used to frequent such an establishment in our area.

Right up until the owner got arrested for trying to shoot someone in the parking lot while that person tried to run the owner over. There were reported to be criminal shenanigans behind this activity. Come to think of it, that place was never all that refined.

1
King Hippo

I enjoyed the underboob, sideboob. But yeah, #3 gots shoulders TO DIE FOAR

2
Mr. Ayo

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