Hello folks, you certainly can tell it’s the holiday season what with all tilts tilting. Yesterday was a lovely day and there’s more on the way including a World Cup finale, in case you’ve been living in a boxcar with an ex-NFL coach.
To The Games!
France/Messi-ites:
I don’t know enough about soccer to say anything of note. Onwards!
Eagles/Bears:
Dallas Poptart looked like he was a go but he ain’t. The Bears 2nd-leading sacker is the Ravens Roquan Smith-in first is no one you know with a measly 3. The Eagles offense is third overall and the D is second. This is another game that could get Messi. [I can hear the groans]
Falcons/Saints:
Dalton’s advice to rook qb Desmond Ridder, “Hey kid, you don’t have to set the world on fire, you can just be boringly competent, that get’s the job done as well. I’ve made over 90 million bucks doing just that.”
Lions/Jets:
Ordinarily Zach might think that a reboot vs Detroit would be ideal but these aren’t your mother’s friend’s Lions, no sir. During the last six games the D has turned things around, allowing totals of 9, 18, 14 and 23 points while the O continues to hum along with scores of 31, 31, 40 and 34.
Steelers/Panthers:
Carolina is within one game of 1st in the ball-draggingly bad NFC South and the Bucs have to play the Bengals in the later window. ALL HAIL MODERATE LEVELS OF CHAOS! For that reason I’m backing Los Gatos. Will I watch? Hell no. Sorry Steelers, you’re yinz the way.
Cowboys/Jags:
This game is sponsored by Chimay Brewery because it was brewed by Trappist monks and this feels like the trappiest of all trap games. Every year Dallas is good for a disappointing head-scratcher of a loss. What say you? Does it happen here or in the first round of the playoffs?
Chiefs/Texans:
There should be no need of a coin flip, Patty should just offer the ball to Houston-“Here, go on, you have it to start, it doesn’t matter”. I expect to see a bunch of vulturedowns as Andy empties his bench in the 2nd half…of the 2nd quarter.
Have at it.
I was way off in that Jags trap game prediction.
aint over yet. Dallas did dick with that fumble.
To be clear-my definition of a trap game is that at the very least the favored team is stretched to the very max vs a team that has no business winning.
Hopefully Dallas’s falling into this trap means they won’t fall into a first-round play-off loss, but we all know that still going to happen.
Haven’t see a play of that game, but judging from the crawl the offense showed up but the defense is still back at the team hotel.
That’s So Jaguars!
(Actually, not really. It’s rare for them to have hope like this)
the Jagliest Play
I’m going to lose to Zay Jones and his 3 TD’s. Fuck EVERYTHING!
I’m not sure what’s going on in the Dallas game, but judging from the crawl it doesn’t seem good.
I simply can not describe how difficult it is to get up from the couch with two 10lb cats and one 70lb dog laying on you/the blanket.
Why would you want to?
I wanted a snack.
Luckily, I’m laid up by doctors orders, so I don’t actually have to get up and can press my nurse call button to summon The PirateWench to bring my meds and a snack.
“I’m hungry” is one of the very few valid answers.
claws and teeth jenga
Doink makes his presence felt in Chicago.
As a funemployment project, I think I’m going to learn about generative AI by writing an autoencoder to generate probable game results. If it works I can become a professional gambler, if it doesn’t at least I’ll have learned about autoencoders
I tried that many years ago(not AI specifically, but GAMBLOR!). The model actually worked decently but only after I forced it to pick the opposite way of what it wanted to do.
xkcd: Sports
Zay Fucking Jones is going off. I’m not going to bother to check the score in my monkey league.
Come on Jebus, let the Texans actually beat the Chiefs, purely for chaos. CHAOS!
I too enjoy zis!
Dak went DAKIT again.
I figure PIT #27 is gonna be walking home after that little incident. Walked over and started woofing in the Panthers’ huddle. 4 and 23 or something like that turned into 1st and 10 over an Unsportsmanlike Conduct call.
Dez Bryant was completely full of himself/a very good wr but his lasting contribution to the game is, “Was That A Catch?”. Must drive him absolutely nuts when he thinks about it.
That was team with Romo that had the best chance to win it all.
Not really, he knows it was a catch.
As I said, it must drive him absolutely nuts. Like, doing sit-ups in the driveway kinda nuts.
Pam Oliver is the no-nonsense angel I need on my right shoulder.
Well you can’t have Rosa Salazar as the wickedly mischieveous devil on your left; I signed her to a contract for that job weeks ago.
Apparently you’ve got a thing for rubber raincoats. I’m not judging.*
*in the same way that the harsh mistress Judge Judy would not judge.
“If you get yourself a rubber poncho you’ll never need to sleep inside a boxcar ever again.” – Jim Tomsula
Are bears endangered? Because it’s feeling like a slaughter is about to occur in Chicago.
I think just polar bears, what’s the temp out?
If I ever win one of those absurdly large lotto jackpots it might be fun to buy the naming rights to a bowl game to find out the limits of what they’ll allow
“Dok Zymm’s ‘All Vaccine Chips Cause Cancer-It’s Totally True!’ Bowl”
https://twitter.com/AnnieAgar/status/1604552036506341377?s=20&t=YbOLVKcs1jDQfKNsd5uJrA
Goodell: [turns to aide] “Make a note-see if Fields owns any dog-fighting rings.”
/because that’s the only frame of reference he has
I’m hearing the Mission: Impossible theme in my head watching that.
Fields can sure take a beating, I will give hm that much.
[8 out of 10 NFL player’s wives nod in agreement]
“Dallas only leads 14-7.” Homer much?
It’s a celebration!
Puts a new meaning to handballs.
That’s a real hand the Qatar Government bronzed.
That imprisoned thief had no further use for it anyway.
That stupid overbite is going to come back and bite him.
https://twitter.com/jets_faithful/status/1604546658326708224?s=20&t=BYUM_y4oqIsf7P-YKeEABA
Hey, the goalie’s allowed to use his hands. Also how’d the Croatian keeper not win that just for the Brazil match?
I gotta switch to NFL Gameday Live. DAL-JAX and PIT-CAL is sucking my will to leave.
https://twitter.com/TansuYegen/status/1603768295596998658?s=20&t=YbOLVKcs1jDQfKNsd5uJrA
Be nice to do that for not-FITBAW season.
His other job? Poking hibernating bears with sharp sticks to make sure they’re okay.
Florida Man makes Meth as a hobby. HIs job is poking animals with a stick.
Ret….Special Young Man strength on that toss!
I remember in his rookie year he was falling down sideways and rifled the ball 30(?) yards down the field on arm strength alone and both of us were kinda stunned.
I had totes forgotten that!
Strawberry Fields (fades back) Forever!
Tom Brady was annoying even before he went full on anti-tomato
Dok, throwing (night)shade at the GOAT.
Speaking of wifey she’s on the phone just saying “yup, yup, yup” over and over again which means she’s on the phone with her mom who is the sort of person that is incapable of having a back-and-forth conversation. When she’s not talking she’s simply thinking of the next thing she wants to say.
My family doesn’t even wait for the “yup”; they just keep talking.
Dallas trap game is a no go so far. Texans may have spoiled the Jags plan.
1 full week of work and then we’re closed until Jan 2. Am praying everyone leaves me alone this week. No stupid shit.
Jaguars’ Etienne just went 0.6 Buttfumble.
That was quick, Lions.
They showed the maths of why going for 4th and goal inside the 2 is NOT A RISK.
It’s a mark of how conservative NFL coaching/thinking is that this notion still hasn’t quite taken hold. Early in a game this should be a no-brainer.
If Detroit wins this game, they are 100% going to the playoffs,
I like the coaches for both teams. I hope both teams just have fun.
And the Fox app has crashed and Paramount+ can’t stream live sports for shit. The future Duchess LaCross gives me endless shit for still paying for cable, but at least I never have to put up with this bullshit at my house.
I went thru this with wifey. She was complaining about her work site crashing all the time and it was supported by the federal gov’t. I pointed out that the apps she wanted me to buy to watch sports had far less support and the argument just disappeared.
I will have my cable subscription until I die, Spirit Animal!
In this edition of “why doesn’t this cruise ship carry NFL games?” I will be watching the 30 for 30 about the Tuck Rule
That’s worth it to see the Raiders still tasting bile to this day while the Patriots have a sheepish shit-eating grin on their faces.
Kraft has watched the Tuck Rule doc countless times because he loves happy endings.
William McFadden on Twitter: “Here’s the full statement from the Falcons on DC Dean Pees: https://t.co/JhXmUnVoI2” / Twitter
NFL War Crime by the Saints, by aiming for the commanding officers instead of the soldiers on the field.
Good thing, Fox is showing Cowboy-Jaguars in Cincinnati instead of Desmond Ridder’s first start. I can’t think of one good reason why Cincinnati would be interested in watch University of Cincinnati’s former QB play in the NFL.
Also Dallas is going to easily defeat the Jags, qualify for the play-offs, then lose to Brady and Tampa Bay on a late FG in the first round, just as the old Gypsy woman foretold.
Fox is carrying the Jags-Cowboys game, but for some reason it’s blacked out here in CT and I’m getting something called “Whacked Out Sports.” Gonna go to the gym and then write my Congressman about this.
Still need a cigarette after that Cup final.
Was the Telemundo guy crying?
good call re Jaguras, scotchy!
Morning Folks. So happy the French decided to arrive here at the end.
Yes yes biggest tournament in the world and all that, but I say if it ends in a 0-0 tie both teams are disqualified, no one wins, and they have their legs cut off.
Messi now leads all players in limbs saved.
You never go full Aztec.
The French keeper is no Mike White, I’ll tell you that.
Shouldn’t all the soccering be over on DonT’s post?
Yes, let’s do that and I’ll re-schedule
Gentlemen.
/ They all look around… confused…
Lake Erie has summoned thee!
Thank you for making it snow on them last night.
It’s what I do!
Well, I’ll be….it’s an alot!
Buddy, it sure is.
Ice Stillers play Ice Panthers an hour after Stillers play at Panthers with both in Charlotte. The traffic jam will reach the Fortress of Pillude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHVSQxg7v8s
Your German wakeup call
So I went to a work Christmas party at the home of one of the neurosurgeons Lady Maestro works with. Holy shit, they sent us home with three doggy bags worth of food. A Muslim Trinidadian man of South Asian descent… we had kale salad, butter paneer, roasted potatoes, aloo, veggie and corn samosas, Greek rice, coconut mango shrimp, baked salmon, lamb chops, and fried chicken all together on the same plate.
I can barely move even this morning. What a feast.
Sounds great. A real treat this time of the year to share in something like that.
Save me some!
Fuck Argentina with Lionel Messi’s micropenis.
Ciao Tutti
Jokes involving a knowledge of history will never not be funny to me.
TRUE HIPPO STORY – I fell asleep last night, just before the snow started.
RU snowbound?
Plenty of provisions I trust?
Snow isn’t what the opiates bind….
Oops, I meant the fun Buffalo Q4 snow. Is just cold as balls here. Got me a pot roast going, chuh chuh.