Your AFC Semi-Final Open Thread

The very last multiple days doubleheader weekend is upon us but we should be grateful because all the matchups look really good or at least interesting. Will I avoid day-drinking so that I can watch the night game? YOU BET!

To The Game!

Jags/Chiefs:

-Much like the Giants the Jags are playing with the proverbial house money, far exceeding their own and everyone else’s expectations. Though they can improve, this season has been a raging success by any metric one can imagine.

-Much is being made of Chris Jones being sackless in all the playoff games he’s played in. (kinda hard to imagine, tbh) But the edge fella that might end up being the most disruptive is rook George Karlaftis. He was very slow off the mark at the beginning of the season but has 5.5 sackaroos in the last 7 games.

-Bad News Aplenty: Speaking of defensive players struggling, let’s shine a light on Jags rook lb Devin Lloyd, who was playing so badly in the week 10 game vs these Chiefs that he was pulled in the 2nd half. Jacksonville is dead last in the league in DVOA vs tight ends and throws to the short middle of the field. Looks to me like Kelce should have one of those 12 catch, 130 yard, 2 TD games.

-I Did Not Know This: Reid was the qb coach when Pederson was the 3rd string ball tosser for the Packers in the ’97 and ’98 seasons.

Time For Another: Four of the Jags last eight wins have required a 4th quarter comeback.

-The Guy Sees The Field Well: According to Next Gen Stats, Mahomes has successfully scrambled 119 times in a row without getting sacked. In that game back in week 10 he scrambled 5 times for 40 yards.

-Along with Karlaftis, the Chiefs will be relying on rooks in key positions that obviously have no playoff experience. Slot corner Trent McDuffie, Isiah Pacheco and 7th round cb Jaylen Watson are breaking their playoff cherry. The same is also true of Kadarius Toney who will be replacing the injured Mecole Hardman.

Have at it.

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King Hippo

If only JAX had a second go-to play after “kickoff return”

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

The last thing a 64oz bone in Rib Eye sees.

Gumbygirl

.

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TheRevanchist

KC up by 2 scores is insurmountable for Dull-ball cunty.

LemonJello

Did you not watch last week?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With apologies to Bills fans, the new NARRATIVE has been set.

Redshirt

Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if they cancel the CIN-BUF game out of respect for Damar Hamlin and advance the Bills to the AFC Championship Game by winning percentage.

Doktor Zymm

Exxon Valdez scoring all over that end zone!

fleshwound_NPG

both the afc south and nfc south are no longer allowed to have teams in the playoffs

LemonJello

Goddammit.

herodotus450

This Pacheko guy is about to get a HUGE endorsement deal in Japan.

Sharkbait

.

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litre_cola

Just keep it within 9.5 Duuvalll.

LemonJello

SHUT. UP. COLLINSWORTH.

Sharkbait

My father in laws sound bar keeps turning itself off. I think it’s saving us from him.

Game Time Decision

Feature not a bug

litre_cola

Forever and always.

ThePirateSloth

There better be a Waffle House somewhere around KC if the Jags win this.

Mr. Ayo

There are 16 Waffle Houses in the KC area. Prison Girlfriend should not go to any of them if he wins.

Doktor Zymm

He knows how to get through the chow line without getting shivved, AND still get extra pecans in his waffle

Gumbygirl

The one up the road from us was soooooo gross, they knocked it down and built a new one rather than try to clean it. But the new one was really good.

litre_cola

DUUUUVAAALLLLLL. Hail Gamblor.

Doktor Zymm

WE GOTS US A 2 SAFETY GAME

Brick Meathook

ETN!

LemonJello

DDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

TheRevanchist

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Last edited 1 year ago by TheRevanchist
Spur

Jag Down

King Hippo

We can haz sum FITBAW

ThePirateSloth

DOUG PEDERSON

Horatio Cornblower

My wife bought what she thought was chicken for dinner, it was probably duck, and the results have been tossed into the trash.

We are in the process of gutting the kitchen, and the distraction and casualties are beginning to mount.

King Hippo

Has anyone cooked duck in the air fryer? Duck is the tits

Sharkbait

Duck is awesome.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m told our new oven will have an air fryer, so perhaps we’ll find out.

After six weeks of sheer chaos, of course.

Gumbygirl

I think it would be good, but you might have to drain off some of the rendered fat. Which you should save, because it is liquid gold.

Redshirt

…and the 3rd Quarter ends with Trevor Lawrence being hit with the Clothesline from Hell.

That’s a very good representation of how the Jaguars are doing.

Doktor Zymm

Nnadi got some bedonk!

fleshwound_NPG

if they dont score here call the game so we can get to gints/birds

fleshwound_NPG

hold on!

King Hippo

DFO Mad Libs!

I Haven’t seen Prison Girlfriend drilled that hard since…

Horatio Cornblower

“HBO canceled Oz”

King Hippo

I always have similar thoughts re that guy on Law & Order SVU (when the ads play)

King Hippo

CC: We talk so much…

MT: Fuck you mean, WE??

Doktor Zymm

I feel like Gimpy Mahomes kind of sashays a bit, it’s chic!

TheRevanchist

It’s very sexy. Just ask any KC fan.

Doktor Zymm

It goes with the cape, although kinda sad he’s not wearing 7in platform heels

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re thinking of George Santos

LemonJello

Holy shit! Not a bailout flag? Is the Narrator asleep at the switch?

Gumbygirl

Ooh, my Blazer D. Williams almost picked one!

Redshirt

I’m starting to think the Jaguars don’t want to cancel their February vacation plans.

LemonJello

You’d think they’d want to keep away from Jacksonville

fleshwound_NPG

if we’re bringing back shit from the 80s like night court and magnum pi bring back the pure coke that made macho man promote so well it made an entire nation eat slim jims

Doktor Zymm

Even goddamn oreos have fentanyl in them nowadays

King Hippo

ooooooh, send Hippo some??

Gatoraids

or Roddy Piper’s Airplane match

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKFnUeqnp6g

Mr. Ayo

The official Mr. Ayo Big Turk review:

The initial bite was made with some trepidation as a Big Turk bar looks like a Big Turd. Surprisingly, the initial taste of chocolate was quite pleasant. The odd flavor of the interior rushed in to interrupt that pleasantness. Then the true horror set in as I realized this goo was holding my upper and lower jaw together. As I struggled to free my teeth, the goo flavor changed to a flavor reminiscent of a Twizzler, which I enjoy and was a welcome oasis in this nightmare. Soon, the efforts of separating my teeth was accomplished only to realize a new horror. The goo was still there. In fact, it was now everywhere. I could only mash the bits between the teeth, but I would have to scrape the rest off the face of my teeth. Keep in mind, this is the first of what would be six bites to consume this bar. I now fear that I will be picking bits of Big Turk goo out of my teeth for days.

In conclusion, the second Big Turk bar is in the trash and I will not be consuming this particular confection ever again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In about two days you’re gonna think “man I wonder if I should have saved the other half of that thing,” and then been like “nah, that was for the best.”

WCS

Seems like a land of many contrasts…

litre_cola

Tis a polarizing confection.

Game Time Decision

Tis not
You either hate it or you’re wrong

Doktor Zymm

“That is some play by some kind of player”

This literally describes every single play ever

WCS

Cris earns those millions of dollars every year for that kind of insightful analysis.

herodotus450

I didnt fall for it cause I know a fake country when I see one.

Gumbygirl

My couch, I call it Estonia, because I get estoned on it.

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Doktor Zymm

You can’t fool me, I don’t have young, cool relatives

Doktor Zymm

Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if Estonian prisons are nicer than most youth hostels

ThePirateSloth

Haha now I really want the game to come down to the Chiefs fucking up their last replay opportunity.

WCS

Andy Reid breaking out some of his old classic hits!

Doktor Zymm

QB sneak w/o the QB?

litre_cola

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ThePirateSloth

Mahomes is gonna cough up a back breaking fumble trying to scramble on a bum leg.

litre_cola

I can get behind this.

WCS

“Go on…”

— Balls

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Henne gets that call, apparently, but Prison Girlfriend does not.

Sharkbait

Was just talking to my father in law about that. Double standard apparently

Spur

jags must get this game

Sharkbait

Nice bit of CSN for the bumper there.

Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

Lemme guess…Diabeetus?

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

HENNE! HENNE! HENNE!

ThePirateSloth

PUT HENNE BACK IN

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gregg Williams, yelling at his television (artist’s conception):

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WCS

He’s SOOOO close.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(we also would have accepted Greg Schiano)

ballsofsteelandfury

If Jacksonville doesn’t attack the shit out of Mahomes, the DC needs to be fired.

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
clint greasewood

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’d have like to have the Jaguars winning at halftime, but there are some things that are beyond the limits of even my power.” – THE NARRATOR

WCS
Brick Meathook

Does this come in red?

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Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

HENNE! HENNE! HENNE!

King Hippo

It’s reverse racism obvs

King Hippo

I do not get this decision

Spur

MaHones is coked upd

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What? You think he hangs around people who have access to cocaine?

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