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Your ‘Eh What The Haal’ Sunday Morning Open Thread

Horatio Cornblower

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So it’s 10:25 am and I’m looking at last night’s thread.  I’ve been up for a while, moving furniture and such in preparation for this week’s commencement of the Great Kitchen Gutting which will occupy my time, (well, not my time per se, but definitely our house, our money, and a great deal of the time belonging to the people actually doing the work; I stay in my lane on home renovation, and that lane is “just shut up and write the check, stupid”), but I got to sit down and figured I’d open up a new spot.

As I write this Manchester City, led by T-1000 Erling Haaland, (oh sure, now the title makes sense!), is dismantling Wolverhampton 3-0, and just had a 4th goal called back for offsides.  Suffice it to say that my Gunners are going to need all 3 points against ManUre to keep their lead in the Premier.

I see I’m not yet at 250 words, but since I did this out of the very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, (I’ll keep going if I have to), generous nature of my probably pretty well-clogged heart, I’m gonna call it good enough.

Yours in the comments, at least until Scotchy gets here with the NFL Open Threads this afternoon.

(Does anyone want a slightly used baker’s rack?  I don’t want to carry it down the stairs)

(255 baby) (nailed it!)

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Redshirt

Damar Hamlin is in the stadium. The Bengals are screwed.

2
Dunstan

“Ha ha, totally!” — The Narrative

2
Beerguyrob

What the fuck is up with Rex Ryan’s teeth?

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King Hippo

IT’S SNOWING IN WNY WOO!!!!!!!!!!!

1
Redshirt

(begins watching “Se7en”, “Saw” and “Duck Tales” for suggestions on what to do to Roger Goodell for screwing over Cincinnati)

0
WCS

John Doe and Jigsaw ain’t got shit on Magica de Spell.

0
Redshirt

Yes, and Glomgold’s sharks in parkas has potential, but personally I’d lock Goodell in an empty Money Bin and slowly drip money on him, one dollar bill, one coin, one gem, one diamond at a time.

1
Cecil Rhodes

My word, Comrade Zinchenko has an extremely strong grasp of the English language. He might need to help Juergen Klopp with his interviews after each Liverpool loss!

3
scotchnaut

Hong Kong pigs are by far the most viscous of the species!

1
King Hippo

Just ask Mister Wu!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Cocksucker!

0
WCS

comment image

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seems fair.

0
Dunstan

This feels like a Yakov Smirnoff joke

0
jjfozz

My youngest is way into soccer. My two older boys are also into watching pro soccer.

My mother in law is praying for the death of every atheist across the entire pro soccer league.

1
King Hippo

Get them into Everton. BUILDS CHARACTER!

1
jjfozz

I think they’re man united fans. my friend grew up from england and is a liverpool fan.

i just sit there and make fun of the game, brings me pleasure.

1
King Hippo

Punch your Liverpool supporter friend in the nuts for Hippo, eh?

3
Horatio Cornblower

Premier League announcers have no equal: “You wonder…you WONDER” at the closing whistle. Just awesome.

1
King Hippo

Team of destiny, this

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litre_cola

Incredible.

1
Cecil Rhodes

HUZZAH! NKETIAH YOU BEAUTY!

Last edited 3 years ago by Cecil Rhodes
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ballsofsteelandfury

This Arsenal team might be pretty pretty pretty good…

1
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know about this one.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Your player of the match…VAR!

1
Horatio Cornblower

That needs to be a card for diving. Greg Louganis thinks that’s a bit much.

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s a hell of a save, although I also hate it.

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Horatio Cornblower

A yellow card. “And Confucius say, name go in book.”

2
Cecil Rhodes

And just a moment ago, Karl Marx called for offside!

Last edited 3 years ago by Cecil Rhodes
2
Horatio Cornblower

This guy gets it.

“Beckenbauer a bit of a surprise there.”

2
Beerguyrob

.

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Horatio Cornblower

I can’t decide if ManUre looks white because of their uniforms, or because Arsenal keeps coming and coming and coming.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

We’re all excited about Barcelona-Getafe, right?

/Ducks

2
litre_cola

This has been a superb match.

2
King Hippo

Especially without any emotional investment

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Horatio Cornblower

It really has.

0
King Hippo

Must be said, it is GREAT having a genuine Fuck Lions supporter in the Clubhouse

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Agreed. Specially now that they’re good!

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Who would have thought that it was Fat Sackford that was holding them back?
Totally ignoring the draft picks that Detroit got for him

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

I was the Vice President of the Detroit Lions fan Club of NYC in 2008 when they went 0-16. I’m dumb, sick or both.

Last edited 3 years ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
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Dunstan

Huh. So I guess that means that, if the President of the Detroit Lions Fan Club had died… it would have been a sweet mercy?

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

The President and I were never allowed to ride in the same cab together…for obvious reasons.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit.

Ramsdale’s had a solid game, but that was a shit clearance attempt.

0
Cecil Rhodes

Ramsdale probably called for it, but Tomiyasu likely got Lost in Translation.

3
Horatio Cornblower

That’s what we get for relying on “exotics”, eh, your Lordship?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

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Cecil Rhodes

BULAWAYO SAKA! WHAT A HIT!

2
King Hippo

Holy cats,Saka!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit, Saka!

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The 250 word minimum is now just a suggestion. In older versions of WP it was set, but it’s no longer preventing the post if below the limit.
/the limit does not exist

1
herodotus450

comment image?format=1000w

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scotchnaut

I’m completely conditioned by this point so 250 it is.

4
Gumbygirl

You shouldn’t tell anyone this, all of the future posts will just be the word “GO.” Except for Alex Demote’s.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Ya, Alex is totes bringing up the word count per post average up to 4 digits all by themselves
/that average is not something we track
//nor should we

4
Gumbygirl

He is awesome!

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why the fuck did CBS give Brady Quinn a job in studio? How long has this been going on and what other staggering incompetence have you all been hiding from me?

2
Gumbygirl

I beg your pardon, our staggering incompetence is ALWAYS on full display!

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

If I’m not mistaken, and not gonna google it, Trent Green and Tim Tebow are also talking heads

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I’m not sure about that either.”
–Trent Green

3
Gumbygirl

“Do clicks and whistles count?”
– Trent Green

1
ArmedandHammered

“We think they do” – several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict

Last edited 3 years ago by ArmedandHammered
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

255 baby

“Nice work!” – Antonio Cromartie

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

“I second that!”

-S. Kemp

4
Mr. Ayo

“Rookie”

– Houston

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it bad that I’m hoping the afternoon game is a blowout so I can take a nap?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Naps are never a bad thing, unless you’re a pilot.

1
WCS

Racing driver, too.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Or have a back injury
-NFL Medical team
/surprisingly useful info from them

3
Horatio Cornblower

Will a Spaniard be less demonstrative while coaching on a yellow card? Let’s find out!

(the answer is “no”)

1
scotchnaut

Jeebuz-Nistelrooy took 65 games to get to 4 hattricks in the Premier League and Haaland has done it in 19.

1
litre_cola

That was a hell of a goal. What a move by Nketia

2
scotchnaut

Sir Elton was onto something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tg-Q-Acv4qs&ab_channel=EltonJohnVEVO

1
Horatio Cornblower

My god we’ve got a game here.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Weird update from the world of pocket pool

6
King Hippo

Deserves the rare Sunday Spotlight Dance it is getting.

3
King Hippo

Run roh, Pistoleros

0
Horatio Cornblower

A cracking header responds!

I couldn’t even complain about Rashford’s goal; that was a hell of a shot.

1
yeah right

My second in command at work has been undergoing home renovation for almost 2 years. He’s close to retirement and his wife has about 10 years of work left and they figured let’s do it now before retirement.

Every day he shares horror stories and every single day I’m thankful that I’m a life long renter.

7
King Hippo

I own but it’s a townhouse. No renovation until I die, unless I get better carpet.

Being the “sole vote” in the household is essential.

2
2Pack

Our last go around was nearly 20 years ago Wifey bore the brunt of it because of the language complexities involved. Nearly drove her nuts. But I did my part by watching like a hawk and bro’in it up with the workers whenever I could. I probably saved a couple grand by helping with the non skilled hauling and cleaning. I learned a lot on basic renovations in the states as a kid helping my Dad in his part time gig as a realtors handy man. So basic electric, plumbing, framing, sheet rock walls, porch building, etc… And I helped a friends Dad build his place. But over here its not wood frame and sheet rock, its all brick and masonary. Still I fix most basic electrical and plumbing myself and help out on the big stuff, it pays off.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I can do some preliminary demolition but that’s about it. I am not handy.

3
2Pack

Just clean up could save you some billed man hours. I would do that shit after they left for the day.

2
King Hippo

When I was married, I was simultaneously shamed for having no skills in this department (doing all the family laundry got me no credit b/c it was not “man stuff”) while not being allowed to use tools more dangerous than a screwdriver.

I really am about as non-masculine as a heterosexual, perverted sports maniac can be.

4
2Pack

Never too late Buddy. Get yerself a nice tool belt and wear it low slung… Chicks dig it…

2
scotchnaut

Here we go with the Spirit Animal stuff again! I can’t do any handy stuff at all and Wifey is the daughter of a contractor so when I try fail she says, ‘just give it to me’.

/weird thing is as a teen I learned quite a bit about truck engines and such but I’ve lost it all and can’t name more than 10 things that are under the hood.

3
King Hippo

My dad tried hard. Really, really hard to teach me to change my own oil. I watched and even at 16 was like “I see about 12 things that can go wrong with trying this, and all to save like $5”

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Meh, while I’m some what handy, paying someone to do it right the first time and having it done quickly is worth the extra money to me. The pros have those tricks that make the job quicker/easier for them, that I’ll never learn

1
Cecil Rhodes

My word! Do keep us posted on your home renovation project. I may need some ideas for the mansion that I am building on the ancient Zulu burial ground in Beitbridge!

Turning to more important matters — I see that my favourite imperious Belgian winger has joined the ranks of the King’s Finest! Let us hope that he will feature today in the battle against the forces of evil!

5
Horatio Cornblower

I think he’s more likely there for depth, but still a solid addition. Much like Jimmy Swaggart coming out of a brothel, Arsenal really miss Jesus.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
Dunstan

“Does anyone want a slightly used baker’s rack? “

If we’re talking about Giada DeLaurentiis, absolutely.

9
Horatio Cornblower

I wish I had that sort of power.

comment image

4
Horatio Cornblower

Holy Green Screen, Batman!

2
King Hippo

You’d just play with your tits all day

4
Horatio Cornblower

And?

5
scotchnaut

He does that most days anyway.

6
2Pack

I’d map the whole thing…

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3
LongtimeLionsLoser

We redid our kitchen last year, and we live in a 110-year old house subject to a Historic Preservation Board. It was like a perpetual catheterization.

Good luck with the redo, and may it be less painful than ours.

But in the meantime, have plenty of good bourbon and Luxardo cherries on hand.

6
Horatio Cornblower

“While we would like to approve your renovation plan, no one in your house has diphtheria, and that is not consistent with the historical era in which your kitchen was first designed. Please resubmit your plan once one or more of your family has contracted diphtheria.”

-Historic Preservation Board

6
LongtimeLionsLoser

Preservation Board: We request that you submit to us the color of your exterior window sealant.

Me: It will be painted to the color of the period-specific wood window.

Preservation Board: It is still in the guidelines that we approve the sealant color.

Me: Ok, on to item 1b, out of 37. [I die inside]

5
litre_cola

Welcome. I don’t think we have a Lions fan.

Now I want a bourbon at 10 am.

3
LongtimeLionsLoser

Thanks. Longtime reader, first time commenter. This site has made me laugh quite a bit in the past few years.

As morning bourbons go, I would start with something with a hint of caramel, like Willett Pot Still.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whereas most Lions fans consider Amon Ra St Brown as something with a hint of caramel.

4
LongtimeLionsLoser

That was Johnnie Morton. He dated a friend’s older sister way back when.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Arsenal plays Manchester City next week, so I’m calling for 35 minutes of extra time here.

(Wolves still won’t score)

0
2Pack

I’m looking forward to, or maybe also just accepting and check writing, the renovation thing this spring too. It will be a whatwillIfindafterworktoday period in life, what an adventure!

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Horatio Cornblower

It has to be done, and I’m bracing for a number of surprises from our 70+ year old house, (“Your wiring is wrapped in cardboard! These water pipes are just lead straws!”), that will just add to the expenses. Can’t wait for the next 6 weeks!

4
2Pack

Probably figure it will end up 20-30% more expensive than the estimate, these usually go that way. Until they tear certain parts up its hard to estimate what the sub structures really look like.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I have taken the precaution of tripling our home equity line of credit.

I did enjoy not having a mortgage for two years.

2
LongtimeLionsLoser

Does it still have knob and tube electrical? We found remnants of that.

1
Horatio Cornblower

We replaced that when we moved in, but once they gut the kitchen/bathroom, (why yes, the originals owners did build a shitter right off the kitchen, as one does), and get down to the wiring behind the walls I’m sure we’ll be having a lot of discussions about “code requirements” this and “fire hazards” that.

4
ArmedandHammered

When we redid my old house, the electrical wires were wrapped individually in some sort of oily canvas and kept apart by concete knobs which had basically degenerated into some sort of sand, it is never a good thing when the electrical contractor looks at it and goes “what the fuck is this?” Especially when the plumbing guy goes “I know, right?” from the bathroom.

2
Horatio Cornblower

You may as well finish the rest of the project with vultures perched on the chimney at that point.

1
scotchnaut

This was a very, very, very, very, very, very good post!

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