Your AFC Champeenship Open Thread

There’s no time to waste!

To The Game!

Bengals/Chiefs:

-Funny how these head coach search cycles go. Certain names are mentioned over and over again but one that is not is Cincy’s DC Lou Anarumo. And look what he’s done with a D that wasn’t seen to have much talent last year. Against the Chiefs he’s had success by playing only three down linemen and dropping the rest of the players back, and yet somehow he still gets pressure on Mahomes and flusters him with the coverages he employs. I’m curious to see what wrinkle he uses today.

-There’s been plenty of shit-talking this week which tells me that this is turning into a significant rivalry. I can understand the likes of L’Jarius Sneed and Willie Gay talking smack but Eli Apple? That crappy cb is just one double move away from getting his ass torched and you know it’s going to happen. He gives me small dick energy vibes.

-High Ankle Sprain?: Has everyone else been faking it? Or is it not really that sort of injury? Or has he been pumped so full of kangaroo semen (an underrated painkiller, btw) that he can’t tell up from down? So many questions…

-WTF?: Some dumb fella wrote on a Cincy site, “It seems that the Bengals just keep playing in games with higher and higher stakes.” I think that’s how the playoffs work, sprotswriter fella.

-Burrow has feasted on the Chiefs lb’s recently so looks for Spags to perhaps replace one of his slower guys at the position (Gay?) with speedier rook safety Bryan Cook in some sub packages.

-If the focus of the Chiefs passing game centers around quick slants and screens (enabling Mahomes to get the ball out fast and not have to run around on his wonky ankle) Kadarius Toney should have a prominent role-40% of his snaps have been at the slot spot and 44% of his passes caught have been screens.

-That Cincy O-Line Problem: They held up rather nicely last week but since subbing in for La’el Collins, Hakeem Adeniji has a PFF pass-blocking grade of 30.7. (very not good)

-What the Hell Else Would He Say?: K.C.’s center and WWI enthusiast (apparently) Creed “Take Me Higher” Humphrey threw out the old, “This game will be won in the trenches” chestnut. Oof.

Do your thing.

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Doktor Zymm

Ok, that was almost INCREDIBLY stupid

Petronel

Oh WTF was that

Petronel

KC Chiefs Bowling Team est. 2023

WCS

Kelce’s drunk.

LemonJello

They gave him rhino horn boner pills instead of the kangaroo semen pain killers.

Petronel

OW

ThePirateSloth

New rule for KC/PHI Super Bowl: both teams are allowed 12 men on the field, but the Kelces (…Kelci?) are required to play ironman AND must cover each other for the entire game.

WCS

I second “Kelci.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The ramp up on promotion for Cocaine Bear means only one thing: it is Snakes on a Plane level bad and I will go see it as soon as possible.

King Hippo

There’s too much motherfucking cocaine in this motherfucking bear

WCS

‘NEVER!”

— Buddy

TheRevanchist

Seems like a fun movie, actually.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Leonardo DiCaprio

Petronel

Those faint popping sounds you may be hearing are PETA members’ heads exploding at the sight of the “Cocaine Bear” trailer

Redshirt

I’m starting to think Buffalo was worse than we all thought.

ballsofsteelandfury

They definitely slid towards the end of the season. Not quite sure why.

fleshwound_NPG

ok its almost worth it to troll that fuck https://twitter.com/EmpireStateBldg/status/1619844781223575552

Mr. Ayo

Wasn’t KC supposed to be the worst defense remaining?

King Hippo

Worst defense meets worst OL

Doktor Zymm

Now we know which is worserer!

King Hippo

Reckon WCS will get to make a few “NFL Blitz” calls tonight

WCS

We almost saw a snuff film in the first game. This one may be headed that way.

WCS

Who wished for something ironic related to quarterbacks on the monkey’s paw this morning? Joe Burrow’s not going to survive to the two-minute warning.

Doktor Zymm

We should really start locking that thing up on game days

TheRevanchist

Burrow is eating sacks? How am I not surprised.

King Hippo

Eric Cartman’s Black cousin has reverted to turnstile form

Mr. Ayo
fleshwound_NPG
Brick Meathook

Can you imagine being stuck a kayak with life jacket girl there for a whole weekend? People accidentally drown out on those whitewater rivers, all the time.

TheRevanchist

Refs already blowing this game

ThePirateSloth

NAWT A FAWKIN CATCH

patriots-fan.jpg
fleshwound_NPG

thats a vintage andy reid wasted timeout

litre_cola

What is a catch?

Mr. Ayo

Alright, looks like we’re back to normal football.

ballsofsteelandfury

It actually wasn’t. That explains the reason why Romo couldn’t get it done for the Cowboys and why Andy Reid has a reputation for wasting challenges.

King Hippo

Toney didn’t even act like he caught it

WCS

Kellen Moore is leaving the Nongendered Cowpersons.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s not an upgrade

Mr. Ayo

Oh no. Captain Blue Bunny, don’t do this to yourself.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, anyone associated with the last play of this season should probably be executed, never mind fired, but the idea Mike McCarthy is going to make a difference is laughable.

Spur

not sure how to feel about this. Was the Madden ’22 champ available?

ThePirateSloth

Shouldn’t “Fire Country” be about those fire units going out and raking the forests to prevent fires?

WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Wild, “Fire Country” is how I referred to my ex’s crotch.

Mr. Ayo

This might have come across the wrong way. She was a red head.

Don T

So the drapes matched the urinary tract infection, got it.

King Hippo

Only TUFF GUY MAN STUFF will get’ir dun

Horatio Cornblower

It should probably about how inmate crews allow California to save a ton of money fighting wildfires by using woefully underpaid inmates to do incredibly dangerous jobs, and then how those same inmates, once they get out, aren’t allowed to work as actually paid firefighters because they have criminal records.

Maybe they’ll get to that in Season 2. But I doubt it.

Horatio Cornblower

It turns out ramming your skull directly into the thigh iff someone who probably squats 440 for fun isn’t a terribly good idea.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, but ship my beer first.

Spur

Am craving Church’s Chicken. Some fried okra and fries.

fleshwound_NPG
Doktor Zymm

Didn’t it fail last time too? Why even bother?

Mr. Ayo

Seriously. Just let loose a stable of horses and let them eat. Problem solved.

Spur

Cincy has taken another life

fleshwound_NPG

thats not good

Petronel

Alright. Moving on with fruity drinks and the rest of the bagel bites left in the freezer.
DINNER OF CHAMPIONS BLEERGH

Brick Meathook

Ahh, the nonstop blathering of Tony Romo

makeitsnowondem

I love these Verizon commercials featuring famous historical and literary figures such as Ebeneezer Scrooge, Albert Einstein, and Julian Edelman.

Petronel

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I benched Kelce, so I expect him to go for 100+ yards and 2 TDs. Sorry, Redshirt.

WCS

Blast Hardcheese and Punch Rockgroin shared the league lead in Kelces in 2063.

Brick Meathook

“He really pulled a Romo there, Jim”

WCS

Botching the hold on a field goal is The Romo.

Brick Meathook

on the winning field goal

WCS

in the playoffs

fleshwound_NPG

lol gints fans taking Ls deep into january https://twitter.com/EmpireStateBldg/status/1619837289701711872

Mr. Ayo

What in the absolute fuck are they doing?

Put a damn cracked bell on top of there as well.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
Don T

They had to use the Jets lights to include them for next year’s budget.

Spur

WTF

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not even a Giants fan and this is enraging.

Don T

I put on mute the pre-game opus on, tch, “The game”. Just tell me if the narration says “the Bengals are the current assholes of the AFC”.
Otherwise, 👎🏼

litre_cola

Bengals Eagles will divide this hoUse.

King Hippo

An under one roof shame bet!

TheRevanchist

Will Rikki’s new team beat the evil Bengals? Maybe. We will see.

fleshwound_NPG
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How sick must the porn be on that disk?

Doktor Zymm

It’s going to feel kinda weird to watch normal football after that bizarro NFC game

I think Mahomes has some sort of mutant healing factor, I was reading an article earlier today that detailed a whole bunch of injuries that he’s just bounced back from in a week or two, including a broken hand, and that time he dislocated his kneecap in 2019. Also in 2019 he apparently had another high ankle sprain and didn’t miss time. Turf toe last year, and a whole list of stuff going back to high school.

ballsofsteelandfury

You say that like this game isn’t going to turn bizarro.

Doktor Zymm

Unless one of the teams ends up putting the mascot in at QB, it’ll be at least comparatively normal. That would be pretty awesome though!

Gumbygirl

Let us pray!

Mr. Ayo

Between game entertainment!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO9Dhe1kTQ0

Brick Meathook

COCAINE BEAR:

1) Bear eats all the cocaine in the woods

2) Bear eats all the drug dealers in the woods

3) ***montage****

4) Bear wins American Idol

Spur

Hey be nice, Kelly Clarkson has lost a lot weight since the period of her life

WCS

While we wait, here’s some random Geoff and Craig.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quDQ38dx21o&ab_channel=MrOptimistic69

fleshwound_NPG

the ray liotta intro was…something

Mr. Ayo

Hey Balls, I found your Valentine Day’s card.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect!!

Horatio Cornblower

You mean 8 planets left, motherfucker!!

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Mr. Ayo

I don’t get this reference, nerd.

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe that was a Rick and Morty episode.

Mr. Ayo

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Mr. Ayo

Fun Fact: There’s a car at my office with that slogan on the license plate frame.

Not Fun Fact: She doesn’t dress like that. Or look like that.

herodotus450

Mayor’s Bet: Loser has to officially move their city to Kansas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Kelce 100% or no?

Mr. Ayo

That’s the big question. Still haven’t heard yet.

ballsofsteelandfury

This week be a very interesting game. Certainly closer than the last one.

Spur

Cincy got this

King Hippo

What is diarrhea Alex?

Redshirt

Depression-induced diabetes?

King Hippo

Nowhere for this game to go but up

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