There’s no time to waste!
To The Game!
Bengals/Chiefs:
-Funny how these head coach search cycles go. Certain names are mentioned over and over again but one that is not is Cincy’s DC Lou Anarumo. And look what he’s done with a D that wasn’t seen to have much talent last year. Against the Chiefs he’s had success by playing only three down linemen and dropping the rest of the players back, and yet somehow he still gets pressure on Mahomes and flusters him with the coverages he employs. I’m curious to see what wrinkle he uses today.
-There’s been plenty of shit-talking this week which tells me that this is turning into a significant rivalry. I can understand the likes of L’Jarius Sneed and Willie Gay talking smack but Eli Apple? That crappy cb is just one double move away from getting his ass torched and you know it’s going to happen. He gives me small dick energy vibes.
-High Ankle Sprain?: Has everyone else been faking it? Or is it not really that sort of injury? Or has he been pumped so full of kangaroo semen (an underrated painkiller, btw) that he can’t tell up from down? So many questions…
-WTF?: Some dumb fella wrote on a Cincy site, “It seems that the Bengals just keep playing in games with higher and higher stakes.” I think that’s how the playoffs work, sprotswriter fella.
-Burrow has feasted on the Chiefs lb’s recently so looks for Spags to perhaps replace one of his slower guys at the position (Gay?) with speedier rook safety Bryan Cook in some sub packages.
-If the focus of the Chiefs passing game centers around quick slants and screens (enabling Mahomes to get the ball out fast and not have to run around on his wonky ankle) Kadarius Toney should have a prominent role-40% of his snaps have been at the slot spot and 44% of his passes caught have been screens.
-That Cincy O-Line Problem: They held up rather nicely last week but since subbing in for La’el Collins, Hakeem Adeniji has a PFF pass-blocking grade of 30.7. (very not good)
-What the Hell Else Would He Say?: K.C.’s center and WWI enthusiast (apparently) Creed “Take Me Higher” Humphrey threw out the old, “This game will be won in the trenches” chestnut. Oof.
Do your thing.
Ok, that was almost INCREDIBLY stupid
Oh WTF was that
KC Chiefs Bowling Team est. 2023
Kelce’s drunk.
They gave him rhino horn boner pills instead of the kangaroo semen pain killers.
OW
New rule for KC/PHI Super Bowl: both teams are allowed 12 men on the field, but the Kelces (…Kelci?) are required to play ironman AND must cover each other for the entire game.
I second “Kelci.”
The ramp up on promotion for Cocaine Bear means only one thing: it is Snakes on a Plane level bad and I will go see it as soon as possible.
There’s too much motherfucking cocaine in this motherfucking bear
‘NEVER!”
— Buddy
Seems like a fun movie, actually.
– Leonardo DiCaprio
Those faint popping sounds you may be hearing are PETA members’ heads exploding at the sight of the “Cocaine Bear” trailer
I’m starting to think Buffalo was worse than we all thought.
They definitely slid towards the end of the season. Not quite sure why.
ok its almost worth it to troll that fuck https://twitter.com/EmpireStateBldg/status/1619844781223575552
Wasn’t KC supposed to be the worst defense remaining?
Worst defense meets worst OL
Now we know which is worserer!
Reckon WCS will get to make a few “NFL Blitz” calls tonight
We almost saw a snuff film in the first game. This one may be headed that way.
Who wished for something ironic related to quarterbacks on the monkey’s paw this morning? Joe Burrow’s not going to survive to the two-minute warning.
We should really start locking that thing up on game days
Burrow is eating sacks? How am I not surprised.
Eric Cartman’s Black cousin has reverted to turnstile form
RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbebjUYItKw
YEEE HAWWW JERRAH’S INSANE https://twitter.com/DavidMooreDMN/status/1619845271881654272
Can you imagine being stuck a kayak with life jacket girl there for a whole weekend? People accidentally drown out on those whitewater rivers, all the time.
Refs already blowing this game
NAWT A FAWKIN CATCH
thats a vintage andy reid wasted timeout
What is a catch?
Alright, looks like we’re back to normal football.
That’s worth a challenge flag in this sort of game.
It actually wasn’t. That explains the reason why Romo couldn’t get it done for the Cowboys and why Andy Reid has a reputation for wasting challenges.
Toney didn’t even act like he caught it
Kellen Moore is leaving the Nongendered Cowpersons.
What other team is he headed for that can’t win a big game?
https://www.dallasnews.com/sports/cowboys/2023/01/29/mike-mccarthy-to-call-plays-as-cowboys-part-ways-with-offensive-coordinator-kellen-moore/
Looking like he was canned.
That’s not an upgrade
He was the cat’s ass just a year ago. Circumstances have puckered since then.
Oh no. Captain Blue Bunny, don’t do this to yourself.
I mean, anyone associated with the last play of this season should probably be executed, never mind fired, but the idea Mike McCarthy is going to make a difference is laughable.
not sure how to feel about this. Was the Madden ’22 champ available?
Shouldn’t “Fire Country” be about those fire units going out and raking the forests to prevent fires?
Wild, “Fire Country” is how I referred to my ex’s crotch.
This might have come across the wrong way. She was a red head.
So the drapes matched the urinary tract infection, got it.
Only TUFF GUY MAN STUFF will get’ir dun
It should probably about how inmate crews allow California to save a ton of money fighting wildfires by using woefully underpaid inmates to do incredibly dangerous jobs, and then how those same inmates, once they get out, aren’t allowed to work as actually paid firefighters because they have criminal records.
Maybe they’ll get to that in Season 2. But I doubt it.
It turns out ramming your skull directly into the thigh iff someone who probably squats 440 for fun isn’t a terribly good idea.
Seriously, don’t tell me how to live my life.
OK, but ship my beer first.
Am craving Church’s Chicken. Some fried okra and fries.
https://twitter.com/Nina_Baratti/status/1619840209767763968
Didn’t it fail last time too? Why even bother?
Seriously. Just let loose a stable of horses and let them eat. Problem solved.
Cincy has taken another life
thats not good
Alright. Moving on with fruity drinks and the rest of the bagel bites left in the freezer.
DINNER OF
CHAMPIONSBLEERGHAhh, the nonstop blathering of Tony Romo
I love these Verizon commercials featuring famous historical and literary figures such as Ebeneezer Scrooge, Albert Einstein, and Julian Edelman.
I benched Kelce, so I expect him to go for 100+ yards and 2 TDs. Sorry, Redshirt.
Travis is so dominant I think that future football stat guys will use him as a measuring stick.
2060 Football Announcer: “Birbiglaugh Consonant comes into this game averaging 7.5 Kelces after the catch, which is third in the league after week seven.”
Blast Hardcheese and Punch Rockgroin shared the league lead in Kelces in 2063.
“He really pulled a Romo there, Jim”
Botching the hold on a field goal is The Romo.
on the winning field goal
in the playoffs
lol gints fans taking Ls deep into january https://twitter.com/EmpireStateBldg/status/1619837289701711872
What in the absolute fuck are they doing?
Put a damn cracked bell on top of there as well.
They had to use the Jets lights to include them for next year’s budget.
WTF
I’m not even a Giants fan and this is enraging.
I put on mute the pre-game opus on, tch, “The game”. Just tell me if the narration says “the Bengals are the current assholes of the AFC”.
Otherwise, 👎🏼
Bengals Eagles will divide this hoUse.
An under one roof shame bet!
Will Rikki’s new team beat the evil Bengals? Maybe. We will see.
While we wait for kickoff, fun read about the bank robbing Chiefs superfan
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/28/sports/football/kansas-city-chiefsaholic-wolf-costume.html?unlocked_article_code=jFyZHgaE6rR5wConaxbCmWFW4QiY4o3Z6TyaH_TxFj8Cxt38se-IGsOnZU-SE7L0IPPCiIWxDemGbM60GXONIQKK-Md1ZUKEvzW4ZCmQtZBxUYmoudO5E3tmyB14YeTVR46fvZ7wTBKtKoHI_CqX-sHR2WualNMFGM7L4ncsbzBHQynmByvhGAclaUS9CUEtBgED-J8HgA2sjpHFJESt7xd7kBuHsPcl9Hdhx_bfQICAI0sGiiiciWIUjGcmVXNC7HQZYYKQJmv4RQs470tRu5iYVIJWPpA1kUAvrilows1gUFkXc2tN9eKIG8ufBGWJQYfibC-llI6SSkA9DyZvf7CH5DUotIkzOgvKAkkaLYm7AKDSjIGStw&smid=share-url
https://twitter.com/crawf34/status/1619837524704374784
How sick must the porn be on that disk?
It’s going to feel kinda weird to watch normal football after that bizarro NFC game
I think Mahomes has some sort of mutant healing factor, I was reading an article earlier today that detailed a whole bunch of injuries that he’s just bounced back from in a week or two, including a broken hand, and that time he dislocated his kneecap in 2019. Also in 2019 he apparently had another high ankle sprain and didn’t miss time. Turf toe last year, and a whole list of stuff going back to high school.
You say that like this game isn’t going to turn bizarro.
Unless one of the teams ends up putting the mascot in at QB, it’ll be at least comparatively normal. That would be pretty awesome though!
Let us pray!
Between game entertainment!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO9Dhe1kTQ0
COCAINE BEAR:
1) Bear eats all the cocaine in the woods
2) Bear eats all the drug dealers in the woods
3) ***montage****
4) Bear wins American Idol
Hey be nice, Kelly Clarkson has lost a lot weight since the period of her life
While we wait, here’s some random Geoff and Craig.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quDQ38dx21o&ab_channel=MrOptimistic69
the ray liotta intro was…something
Hey Balls, I found your Valentine Day’s card.
Perfect!!
You mean 8 planets left, motherfucker!!
/revision/latest?cb=20160918042802
I don’t get this reference, nerd.
I believe that was a Rick and Morty episode.
Fun Fact: There’s a car at my office with that slogan on the license plate frame.
Not Fun Fact: She doesn’t dress like that. Or look like that.
Mayor’s Bet: Loser has to officially move their city to Kansas
Is Kelce 100% or no?
That’s the big question. Still haven’t heard yet.
This week be a very interesting game. Certainly closer than the last one.
Cincy got this
What is diarrhea Alex?
“I’ll take Gravol for, well, I’ll just take all of the Gravol, Alex.”
Depression-induced diabetes?
Pics snapped by Robert Mapplethorpe?
Nowhere for this game to go but up