As Barry Manilow famously said, “Looks like we made it!” As with every season, t’was a tortuous route for all of us-we lost some some folks/fans but we gained some as well and learned something along the way. (I learned that I didn’t learn anything, which is a kind of learning)
Some Superb Owl Facts You May Not Know-
-The game was named by famous ornithologist John James Audubon who also named The Great Horned Owl on the very same day, the only man to name two species in a 24 hour period. The Germans were so impressed with this feat they named their highway system after him!
-Wacko Super Bowl truthers insist that Lamar Hunt named it after a kid’s toy. (thank heavens the Hunt kids weren’t playing with a Slinky) Actually, sports writers were calling it the Super Bowl back in 1966-Arthur Dailey, a columnist in New York called it ‘the superduper bowl’. It caught on quite easily, given that some of the competition out there at the time was The Bluebonnet Bowl, The Tangerine Bowl, The Sun Bowl and The Pasadena Bowl.
-The game has only been played in Canada-adjacent states three times-each time Michigan and Minnesota’s Labatt’s and Molson reservoirs came dangerously close to drying up. Lesson learned, America!
To The Game!
Chiefs/Eagles:
-Is there a betting line on Kadarius Toney getting hurt? Because he is going to get hurt. As far as other props go, I’d take a Justin Watson anytime TD at +700. You can take the Gatoraid prop and give yourself an enema with it.
-The only teams to record more than the Eagles 70 sacks are the ’89 Vikes (71) and the ’84 Bears (72).
-To offset that pressure look for K.C. to employ wr screens, jet sweeps and delayed screens to the running backs.
-Shoulder Responsibilities?: Hurts was an effective deep passer in the regular season but he is only 2 of 7 on passes of 20+ yards in the playoffs. (none of them for scores)
-Much like all at their position, Philly’s lb’s are overmatched vs Kelce. For that reason the team may turn to man fathered by a 19th century English manservant and birthed by an accountancy firm, one Chauncey Gardner-Johnson.
-The Chiefs run game on 1st down in the playoffs is a crapshoot. They’ve averaged 2.8 yards per carry so far.
-Hassan Reddick Feast Day: He’ll be lined up against Chiefs guard Andrew Wylie who has, bless his heart, very generously given up (9!) sacks so far this year.
-Philly nay-sayers have pointed out that the quality of teams they’ve played against isn’t exactly top-notch. Football Outsiders has their sked ranked as the easiest in the league by a good margin. And really, they’ve battled against the likes of Josh Johnson, One-Armed Purdy, Webb, Rush, Pickett, Mills, Heinicke and Dalton. Do those guys even qualify as ‘C’ level talent?
-“Tyreek, Who’s He?”: The Chiefs as a team had more yards after the catch than any squadoo in the last 15 years. Using the Expected Points Added metric, the offense became more efficient than it was last year.
-Mahomes’ EPA per pass play ranking vs zone? #1. Vs man? #1. Vs the blitz? #1. Vs no blitz? #1. Vs split safeties? #1. Vs single-high safeties? #2, like a sucker.
-No team has beaten the Chiefs by more than 4 points this year.
-K.C. likes to play press coverage and wr Brown ranks #1 there but he’s been quiet in the playoffs with 7 grabs (on 14 targets) for a mere 54 yards. He’s been open but Hurts has missed him.
-All things considered, I’m leaning towards them Chiefs. They appear to have huge advantages at qb and coach and Philly’s gaudy stats have come against questionable teams in questionable circumstances. But what do I know? Nothing.
Enjoy. Drop in and say hello if you haven’t recently, we’d love to hear from you.
As I take this halftime pee, I think now is a good time to remember why we are all here and remember those who are less fortunate than ourselves.
You see, the Super Bowl is more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter your birthday. It’s a time to reflect and love the ones around you and even mostly strangers.
I’d like to thank you all for the hours of shit talking, which is both fun and humbling. I’d like to thank my coworkers for being raiders fans reminding me that differences are only skin deep. And, most importantly, I’d like to thank my family for doing what they can to ruin this day, which is more important than Christmas or Easter or my birthday. Seriously. Just leave me alone to enjoy this day.
Terry Bradshaw’s [exaggerated drinking gesture] having a lovely night.
MrsSloth just surprised me with a morning flight to San Diego for a 2 day Valentines trip. Any taqueria suggestions for lunch tomorrow around the Gaslamp district?
Have fun!
Well I guess I’ll do some dishes at half time.
I have yet to watch an entire ad for Farmer Wants A Wife without dissociating.
Joel McHale’s eyes are dead
how it hurts to fall from the E! network
He’s still reeling from letting Annie go in the Community finale.
I hope that Fozz is ready for Rihanna!
I am. Do you think she really has a thing for short, fat balding accountants?
It’s called a taser.
AJ Brown is doing all this just to make don_t cry.
Brett Kern too!
Pick your jock up Watson
That kind of wiggle in a WR that big. Ain’t hardly fair
a player squatting hasn’t been talked about this much since Najeh Davenport
No lie, in high school I saw a future division I running back squat five hundred pounds.
How he didn’t get drafted I’ll never know
Feeling sorry for the wombats that are being milked for their brain juice that will be injected into Mahomes leg at halftime.
But lucky they have plenty of eucalyptus leaves, a-yum yum.
I’m surprised the Super Bowl review process isn’t the referee taking the steps to Goodell’s box so he can personally tell the ref what he wants to happen.
Don’t be silly, this is the 21st century, he can text his wishes to the refs
Why was that not delay of game?
Eagles shove it down their throats. To make up for that BS overturned catch
I like to imagine that the officials are really just watching Three Stooges reruns in the little video box.
Benny Hill theme over and over
You want we should overturn this boss?
Incomplete pass…for the greater good.
Bullshit.
I’d be way more excited about the Rihanna halftime show if I’d also heard at some point this week that a billionaire was mysteriously missing.
Refball
Eagles always trying to cheat. Fuck them.
If it takes more than 60 seconds to figure it out the call should stand.
Like a play clock for reviews!
Goddamned Narrator
Haha whichever team loses, their fan base is gonna say THIS play is when the refs fucked them.
Catch!
If they lawyer that away the fix is in
So, what’s a catch?
In my world, that’s a catch
Same. Also fuck the Chefs
I didn’t see indisputable evidence against it!
If Eagles score, the NFL will pull out all the nipples…er stops to keep this game relevant
Get ready for a UFO citing
The Shield become S.H.I.E.L.D.
How much pain killers are they going to shove into Mahomes at halftime?
Yes.
Enough to make Hippo sploosh
“Hey man, I think you might wanna lay off those a liiiiiittle bit. Also, you got any extras??” – R. Leaf
I was just reading about these $125 cocoa butter suppositories they made for an elephant that wouldn’t take its TB meds, I think they’re adapting the design for Mahomes’s painkillers
sure Reid has some available
So, ketchup?
A whole Kentucky Derby worth.
“They call those plays drive starters” says the oaf describing the LITERAL FIRST PLAY OF THE DRIVE
Can these Eagles cheat anymore?
Not a catch for sure.
I thought they moved on to injuring the other team?
A helpful reminder that the same.company makes all 3 of those shitty beers.
…and that’s why I threw $5 at the Chad Henne MVP at +1000.
MrsSloth is making some beer brat jalapeno popper boats for halftime. Totally absolutely unhealthy. I can’t wait.
Ow fuck, Mahomes is gonna get the elephant strength pain killers at the half
African elephant strength, not for those measly Indian elephants!
/African elephants are larger
Ruh-roh.
Dreaded network Chad henne Broll coming
See, this is why Patrick Mahomes shouldn’t have worn those UFO socks today.
TJ Edwards had about as much interest in that pitch fake as my cat has in eating her meds.
And theres Mahomes injury
Break out the horse tranquilizers.
CHAD HENNE, SUPER BOWL QUARTERBACK
I said it earlier, but it bears repeating; SHUT. UP. OLSEN.
…AND DONT CALL ME “CHIEF!”
Times like this miss the ESPN option of playing a game on 6 different channels, Fox kinda limited to uh Fox News
I know it’s Mahomes and let’s stop being surprised but damn how that dude gets away.
/watching game on mute
It’s kinda unbelievable that the Kelce’s mother saved Damar Hamlin’s life.
It’s all due to the CPR done by ol Rog
That haircut aside, Rihanna is hot af
Thiccc
Hamlin being punished having to sit the game next to Goodell
Now I’m sure he’s CGI. No real person would put up with that!
So my dad has a well documented dislike of both Ben Stiller and Danny Mcbride, and they’ve both been featured tonight.
I just asked is there another hack comedian he hates because I gotta feeling we’re gonna see a hat trick before the night’s over
What’s Amy Schumer do for him?
And whats he wish she did for him
I have a feeling there’s a Kenan & Kel Burger King ad coming.
Commercials have been sub SB standard
Apparently the J in Jeep stands for JOAT
Don’t you mean Joop, considering the things people use all look like Os?