Your All Glorious Superb Owl Open Thread

As Barry Manilow famously said, “Looks like we made it!” As with every season, t’was a tortuous route for all of us-we lost some some folks/fans but we gained some as well and learned something along the way. (I learned that I didn’t learn anything, which is a kind of learning)

Some Superb Owl Facts You May Not Know-

-The game was named by famous ornithologist John James Audubon who also named The Great Horned Owl on the very same day, the only man to name two species in a 24 hour period. The Germans were so impressed with this feat they named their highway system after him!

-Wacko Super Bowl truthers insist that Lamar Hunt named it after a kid’s toy. (thank heavens the Hunt kids weren’t playing with a Slinky) Actually, sports writers were calling it the Super Bowl back in 1966-Arthur Dailey, a columnist in New York called it ‘the superduper bowl’. It caught on quite easily, given that some of the competition out there at the time was The Bluebonnet Bowl, The Tangerine Bowl, The Sun Bowl and The Pasadena Bowl.

-The game has only been played in Canada-adjacent states three times-each time Michigan and Minnesota’s Labatt’s and Molson reservoirs came dangerously close to drying up. Lesson learned, America!

To The Game!

Chiefs/Eagles:

-Is there a betting line on Kadarius Toney getting hurt? Because he is going to get hurt. As far as other props go, I’d take a Justin Watson anytime TD at +700. You can take the Gatoraid prop and give yourself an enema with it.

-The only teams to record more than the Eagles 70 sacks are the ’89 Vikes (71) and the ’84 Bears (72).

-To offset that pressure look for K.C. to employ wr screens, jet sweeps and delayed screens to the running backs.

-Shoulder Responsibilities?: Hurts was an effective deep passer in the regular season but he is only 2 of 7 on passes of 20+ yards in the playoffs. (none of them for scores)

-Much like all at their position, Philly’s lb’s are overmatched vs Kelce. For that reason the team may turn to man fathered by a 19th century English manservant and birthed by an accountancy firm, one Chauncey Gardner-Johnson.

-The Chiefs run game on 1st down in the playoffs is a crapshoot. They’ve averaged 2.8 yards per carry so far.

-Hassan Reddick Feast Day: He’ll be lined up against Chiefs guard Andrew Wylie who has, bless his heart, very generously given up (9!) sacks so far this year.

-Philly nay-sayers have pointed out that the quality of teams they’ve played against isn’t exactly top-notch. Football Outsiders has their sked ranked as the easiest in the league by a good margin. And really, they’ve battled against the likes of Josh Johnson, One-Armed Purdy, Webb, Rush, Pickett, Mills, Heinicke and Dalton. Do those guys even qualify as ‘C’ level talent?

-“Tyreek, Who’s He?”: The Chiefs as a team had more yards after the catch than any squadoo in the last 15 years. Using the Expected Points Added metric, the offense became more efficient than it was last year.

-Mahomes’ EPA per pass play ranking vs zone? #1. Vs man? #1. Vs the blitz? #1. Vs no blitz? #1. Vs split safeties? #1. Vs single-high safeties? #2, like a sucker.

-No team has beaten the Chiefs by more than 4 points this year.

-K.C. likes to play press coverage and wr Brown ranks #1 there but he’s been quiet in the playoffs with 7 grabs (on 14 targets) for a mere 54 yards. He’s been open but Hurts has missed him.

-All things considered, I’m leaning towards them Chiefs. They appear to have huge advantages at qb and coach and Philly’s gaudy stats have come against questionable teams in questionable circumstances. But what do I know? Nothing.

Enjoy. Drop in and say hello if you haven’t recently, we’d love to hear from you.

 

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TheRevanchist

As I take this halftime pee, I think now is a good time to remember why we are all here and remember those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

You see, the Super Bowl is more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter your birthday. It’s a time to reflect and love the ones around you and even mostly strangers.

I’d like to thank you all for the hours of shit talking, which is both fun and humbling. I’d like to thank my coworkers for being raiders fans reminding me that differences are only skin deep. And, most importantly, I’d like to thank my family for doing what they can to ruin this day, which is more important than Christmas or Easter or my birthday. Seriously. Just leave me alone to enjoy this day.

makeitsnowondem

Terry Bradshaw’s [exaggerated drinking gesture] having a lovely night.

ThePirateSloth

MrsSloth just surprised me with a morning flight to San Diego for a 2 day Valentines trip. Any taqueria suggestions for lunch tomorrow around the Gaslamp district?

Doktor Zymm

Have fun!

yeah right

Well I guess I’ll do some dishes at half time.

makeitsnowondem

I have yet to watch an entire ad for Farmer Wants A Wife without dissociating.

Recovery Whiskey

Joel McHale’s eyes are dead

Gatoraids

how it hurts to fall from the E! network

King Hippo

He’s still reeling from letting Annie go in the Community finale.

LongtimeLionsLoser

I hope that Fozz is ready for Rihanna!

TheRevanchist

I am. Do you think she really has a thing for short, fat balding accountants?

BugEyedBoo

It’s called a taser.

Beerguyrob

AJ Brown is doing all this just to make don_t cry.

Cecil Rhodes

Brett Kern too!

Recovery Whiskey

Pick your jock up Watson

King Hippo

That kind of wiggle in a WR that big. Ain’t hardly fair

Gatoraids

a player squatting hasn’t been talked about this much since Najeh Davenport

Brocky

No lie, in high school I saw a future division I running back squat five hundred pounds.

How he didn’t get drafted I’ll never know

Senor Weaselo

But lucky they have plenty of eucalyptus leaves, a-yum yum.

Redshirt

I’m surprised the Super Bowl review process isn’t the referee taking the steps to Goodell’s box so he can personally tell the ref what he wants to happen.

Doktor Zymm

Don’t be silly, this is the 21st century, he can text his wishes to the refs

ThePirateSloth

Why was that not delay of game?

Recovery Whiskey

Eagles shove it down their throats. To make up for that BS overturned catch

The Maestro

I like to imagine that the officials are really just watching Three Stooges reruns in the little video box.

Game Time Decision

Benny Hill theme over and over

Doktor Zymm

You want we should overturn this boss?
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Redshirt

Incomplete pass…for the greater good.

Gumbygirl

Bullshit.

makeitsnowondem

I’d be way more excited about the Rihanna halftime show if I’d also heard at some point this week that a billionaire was mysteriously missing.

Recovery Whiskey

Refball

TheRevanchist

Eagles always trying to cheat. Fuck them.

Porky Prime

If it takes more than 60 seconds to figure it out the call should stand.

Doktor Zymm

Like a play clock for reviews!

King Hippo

Goddamned Narrator

ThePirateSloth

Haha whichever team loses, their fan base is gonna say THIS play is when the refs fucked them.

Gumbygirl

Catch!

Recovery Whiskey

If they lawyer that away the fix is in

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, what’s a catch?

Wakezilla

In my world, that’s a catch

King Hippo

Same. Also fuck the Chefs

makeitsnowondem

I didn’t see indisputable evidence against it!

Gatoraids

If Eagles score, the NFL will pull out all the nipples…er stops to keep this game relevant

Wakezilla

Get ready for a UFO citing

Gatoraids

The Shield become S.H.I.E.L.D.

Redshirt

How much pain killers are they going to shove into Mahomes at halftime?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

Game Time Decision

Enough to make Hippo sploosh

The Maestro

“Hey man, I think you might wanna lay off those a liiiiiittle bit. Also, you got any extras??” – R. Leaf

Doktor Zymm

I was just reading about these $125 cocoa butter suppositories they made for an elephant that wouldn’t take its TB meds, I think they’re adapting the design for Mahomes’s painkillers

Gatoraids

sure Reid has some available

Senor Weaselo

So, ketchup?

clint greasewood

A whole Kentucky Derby worth.

King Hippo

“They call those plays drive starters” says the oaf describing the LITERAL FIRST PLAY OF THE DRIVE

TheRevanchist

Can these Eagles cheat anymore?

TheRevanchist

Not a catch for sure.

LemonJello

I thought they moved on to injuring the other team?

Porky Prime

A helpful reminder that the same.company makes all 3 of those shitty beers.

Redshirt

…and that’s why I threw $5 at the Chad Henne MVP at +1000.

ThePirateSloth

MrsSloth is making some beer brat jalapeno popper boats for halftime. Totally absolutely unhealthy. I can’t wait.

Doktor Zymm

Ow fuck, Mahomes is gonna get the elephant strength pain killers at the half

Senor Weaselo

African elephant strength, not for those measly Indian elephants!

/African elephants are larger

Gumbygirl

Ruh-roh.

Gatoraids

Dreaded network Chad henne Broll coming

The Maestro

See, this is why Patrick Mahomes shouldn’t have worn those UFO socks today.

makeitsnowondem

TJ Edwards had about as much interest in that pitch fake as my cat has in eating her meds.

Recovery Whiskey

And theres Mahomes injury

LemonJello

Break out the horse tranquilizers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

CHAD HENNE, SUPER BOWL QUARTERBACK

LemonJello

I said it earlier, but it bears repeating; SHUT. UP. OLSEN.

Porky Prime

…AND DONT CALL ME “CHIEF!”

Perry_White_Paper.jpg
Gatoraids

Times like this miss the ESPN option of playing a game on 6 different channels, Fox kinda limited to uh Fox News

Porky Prime

I know it’s Mahomes and let’s stop being surprised but damn how that dude gets away.

Game Time Decision

It’s all due to the CPR done by ol Rog

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That haircut aside, Rihanna is hot af

Recovery Whiskey

Thiccc

Gatoraids

Hamlin being punished having to sit the game next to Goodell

Gumbygirl

Now I’m sure he’s CGI. No real person would put up with that!

Brocky

So my dad has a well documented dislike of both Ben Stiller and Danny Mcbride, and they’ve both been featured tonight.

I just asked is there another hack comedian he hates because I gotta feeling we’re gonna see a hat trick before the night’s over

Porky Prime

What’s Amy Schumer do for him?

Recovery Whiskey

And whats he wish she did for him

Beerguyrob

I have a feeling there’s a Kenan & Kel Burger King ad coming.

Recovery Whiskey

Commercials have been sub SB standard

makeitsnowondem

Apparently the J in Jeep stands for JOAT

Senor Weaselo

Don’t you mean Joop, considering the things people use all look like Os?

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