As Barry Manilow famously said, “Looks like we made it!” As with every season, t’was a tortuous route for all of us-we lost some some folks/fans but we gained some as well and learned something along the way. (I learned that I didn’t learn anything, which is a kind of learning)
Some Superb Owl Facts You May Not Know-
-The game was named by famous ornithologist John James Audubon who also named The Great Horned Owl on the very same day, the only man to name two species in a 24 hour period. The Germans were so impressed with this feat they named their highway system after him!
-Wacko Super Bowl truthers insist that Lamar Hunt named it after a kid’s toy. (thank heavens the Hunt kids weren’t playing with a Slinky) Actually, sports writers were calling it the Super Bowl back in 1966-Arthur Dailey, a columnist in New York called it ‘the superduper bowl’. It caught on quite easily, given that some of the competition out there at the time was The Bluebonnet Bowl, The Tangerine Bowl, The Sun Bowl and The Pasadena Bowl.
-The game has only been played in Canada-adjacent states three times-each time Michigan and Minnesota’s Labatt’s and Molson reservoirs came dangerously close to drying up. Lesson learned, America!
To The Game!
Chiefs/Eagles:
-Is there a betting line on Kadarius Toney getting hurt? Because he is going to get hurt. As far as other props go, I’d take a Justin Watson anytime TD at +700. You can take the Gatoraid prop and give yourself an enema with it.
-The only teams to record more than the Eagles 70 sacks are the ’89 Vikes (71) and the ’84 Bears (72).
-To offset that pressure look for K.C. to employ wr screens, jet sweeps and delayed screens to the running backs.
-Shoulder Responsibilities?: Hurts was an effective deep passer in the regular season but he is only 2 of 7 on passes of 20+ yards in the playoffs. (none of them for scores)
-Much like all at their position, Philly’s lb’s are overmatched vs Kelce. For that reason the team may turn to man fathered by a 19th century English manservant and birthed by an accountancy firm, one Chauncey Gardner-Johnson.
-The Chiefs run game on 1st down in the playoffs is a crapshoot. They’ve averaged 2.8 yards per carry so far.
-Hassan Reddick Feast Day: He’ll be lined up against Chiefs guard Andrew Wylie who has, bless his heart, very generously given up (9!) sacks so far this year.
-Philly nay-sayers have pointed out that the quality of teams they’ve played against isn’t exactly top-notch. Football Outsiders has their sked ranked as the easiest in the league by a good margin. And really, they’ve battled against the likes of Josh Johnson, One-Armed Purdy, Webb, Rush, Pickett, Mills, Heinicke and Dalton. Do those guys even qualify as ‘C’ level talent?
-“Tyreek, Who’s He?”: The Chiefs as a team had more yards after the catch than any squadoo in the last 15 years. Using the Expected Points Added metric, the offense became more efficient than it was last year.
-Mahomes’ EPA per pass play ranking vs zone? #1. Vs man? #1. Vs the blitz? #1. Vs no blitz? #1. Vs split safeties? #1. Vs single-high safeties? #2, like a sucker.
-No team has beaten the Chiefs by more than 4 points this year.
-K.C. likes to play press coverage and wr Brown ranks #1 there but he’s been quiet in the playoffs with 7 grabs (on 14 targets) for a mere 54 yards. He’s been open but Hurts has missed him.
-All things considered, I’m leaning towards them Chiefs. They appear to have huge advantages at qb and coach and Philly’s gaudy stats have come against questionable teams in questionable circumstances. But what do I know? Nothing.
Enjoy. Drop in and say hello if you haven’t recently, we’d love to hear from you.
0.2 microseconds of possession is control. The ground was not involved c’mon!
BOUGHT!
In my world, that’s a fumble
Elon Musk and Rupert Murdock, please ISIS take them out.
At least Grimes wasn’t with him
What is a catch
That’s a fumble
Why would you let someone with a shitty pitch host the Owl?
The Redacted fans are heard
There’s another prop bet winnah!
OK THEN
Holy fuck I wasn’t rooting for the meteor before but I am now!
Terrorists don’t try hard enough anymore.
Seriously, the CN Tower is right there.
Frankly, was expecting Gronk to just spike it.
-girl at a bar
That kick was as live as Rush Limbaugh
Who the hell is Gutfeld?
THE NEW FACE OF LATE NIGHT DUH
Conservative comedian, purportedly. Fox News tried this guy once already and failed.
The Fox News answer to Jon Stewart
JEB! Please laugh
Ok, that’s a pretty sweet TD dance. Mahomes’s epidural is paying off!
Chiefs medical staff
$125 for Litre if this score holds through the end of the quarter
Philly needs to sweep the leg
Spirit animal (see 5 down)
Mahomes halftime drugs kicking in.
Mahomes going Perc Angle
Isn’t this a grass field?
One of the shots I legit thought the field was covered in trash, but no, that’s just how that turf looks
Inside the 5, I take ALL THE BLEERGH and sweep the leg
Jibbly Banana Crikey-Kelce has good hands.
Greg Olsen looks like David Harbor playing Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a man named Greg Olsen.
BANNER
Totally. I just snorted some garlic through my sinus
“Oh shit.”
-Bruce, quickly growing out of his shorts
He looks like Gregg Marmalard to me.
The ultimate halftime show would have been the Grateful Dead playing some incomprehensible jam for ten hours until everyone forgot why they were even there in the first place.
This ship has sailed, though, since they are almost all actually dead now.
An all-zombie Grateful Undead?
This vote of no confidence in Chad Henne is offensive
I really wanted the Chad Henne Superb Owl Experience
During the half:
BigReid: “Your foot’s falling off, kid. It’s Henne time.”
PHomes: “Four words for you, coach. Brock. Purdy. Josh. Johnson.”
BigReid: *sigh* “…point taken.”
Still time
“THIS GUY CHAD HENNE, I CALL HIM CHANCELLOR VALORUM BECAUSE…”
Can I unmute yet?
That depends, what’s your feelings on Erin andrews?
RACE TO 30 GREG RACE TO 30 SAY IT
After last year’s halftime show, that’s an impossible bar to exceed.
Show was honestly better than I thought, but I still can’t say it made me care that much
I wasn’t blown away by the music but I did enjoy all the Satanic imagery.
she shoulda floated off like Baron Harkonnnen
With dripping black oil covering her. Then Sting in a metal diaper.
And then Shai-Hulud bursts up at midfield and destroys the stadium.
Halftime Show Skip Streak: Silver Anniversary
Dude you missed Eminem kneeling?
It would have been decent, but Rihanna was dressed. She is the cats meow.
Dangling the entertainment in the air is one good way not to ruin the field for the second half.
As bad as that field appears, it was for the best.
No special guest. I want my money back
I was starting to get excited to see if Kanye was going to show up and the shit storm that would have followed
Pregnant lady shaking on a wired platform in front of millions is badass #SorryNotSorry
I don’t participate here much, but it is truly wonderful to know that there is one place on the internet where it’s safe to not give a single fuck about Rihanna.
I think she accentuating the pot belly. Bold.
Wait she’s NOT pregnant?
What a perfectly cromulent halftime show.
Maybe for Helen Keller.
I just mean love her or hate her, this is Hella basic
Reminders. Fuck Garth Brooks for his shitty overpriced tickets for many tickets.
Lol my dad just turned on subtitles
This is the weirdest promo for the new season of “Squid Game” I’ve seen so far.
Ha, I made the same joke here
BANNER!
She scratched and sniffed
As a father of several young children, I can confirm.
Before and after of Marjore Taylor Green’s most recent face lift.
So, which one is Rihanna?
Gonna read the transcript of “It’s Been a Minute” where they interview Rihanna about her past concerns with the NFL while having halftime on mute
https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1155052325
Or not an interview I guess, but just discussing a bunch of ethically dubious NFL stuff
Mahomes should have been carted to the locker room upon punting for the extra 15 minutes of primo drugs, which added to the extra rest for the Owl Halftime would’ve given enough time to the platelet transfusion to work the high ankle god damn putting money on a game makes you realize the nefariousness of the whole enterprise FUCK!
Nice of RiRi to sponsor the new iPhone launch with her set design.
Where’s the notch?
Ok, while we ignore Rihanna- who would y’all book if you had complete authority?
HIPPO – Public Enemy
Do they have to be alive?
/thinks a minute
NO!
Weird Al
Good call, especially if he closes with Xmas at Ground Zero
Daniel Cho comes out to dance during “Like a Surgeon”
Weird Al and Prince
Weird al.
I mean that completely seriously
1. The Hives
2. ISIS
The Hives would fucking bring the house down. ISIS too, wen u think about it
Weird Al would be literally the best option.
Muse and a distant second would be the Foos
Black Flag
Boss Todd approves.
Led Zeppelin
The Doors.
Purely for the weirdness if we’re talking peak lsd Jim Morrison
#1) Car Seat Headrest doing “Can’t Cool Me Down”.
#2) Tune-Yards doing “No Water in The Water Fountain”
#3) Fishbone doing “When Problems Arise”
#4) Lloyd Cole and The Commotions doing “Rattlesnake”
#5) Janes Addiction doing “Jane Says” but it has to be live
Pink Floyd playing Money would be very appropriate.
Re #2, I always sing the “blood soaked dollar” part in the car
Queen
The faith in cable technology here is impressive
Wait. What are you getting at?
Good time for the terrorists to strike!
Is this a joke about that those cables snapping at that one hotel in Kansas city all those years ago?
I wish Owen Hart had been so protected.
would return deplatforming to its original meaning
Ooooo, she’s wearing gloves.