Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Holy fuck its the end of February already. Feels like it should be late January, but what do I know. And while I don’t mind winter, spring will be a nice change and get rid of all the snow and grey that’s out there now. So yay for seasons.
Speaking of snow, I’ve got to go shovel* before it melts too much and becomes just a sheet of ice.
*okay snow blow the driveway.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It sounds so simple, but if you just be yourself, you’re different than anyone else [in bed].
Tony Bennett

That just a fancy way of saying that everyone is beautiful in the dark.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

---

https://i.gifer.com/3fGJ.gif
Yippee-kye-yay, motherfuckas.
WCS

Ain’t no party like a Blair Witch party!
Dunstan

---

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Cincinnati_Bengals_first-round_draft_picks

Mike Brown owes Redshirt 25 years of back hazard pay.
WCS

Augh! Why’d I check DFO before going to bed?

Alright, 25 years? Let’s do this:

2022: DB Dax Hill: Too early to tell. Showed flashes at times. We’ll know more next season.
2021: WR JaMarr Chase: Flashier version of AJ Green. TD potential on almost every catch.
2020: QB Joe Burrow: Franchise changing draft pick. What’s higher than a grade of A+?
2019: OT Jonah Williams: First pick of the Zac Taylor Era. Average OT who has equal parts good plays and bad plays.
2018: C Billy Price: BUST – Helped finish the Marvin Lewis – Andy Dalton era.
2017: WR John Ross: BUST – Fast receiver who couldn’t catch.
2016: CB William Jackson III – Decent DB
2015: OT Cedric Ogbuehi: BUST – Bengals chose to draft him and another OT in the 2nd round instead of resigning Andrew Whitworth. Refer to last year’s Super Bowl to see if the Bengals made the right choice.
2014: CB Darqueze Dennard: Decent DB
2013: TE Tyler Eifert: Very good when healthy. Just couldn’t stay healthy.
2012: CB Dre Kirkpatrick/G Kevin Zeitler: Both very good. Two reasons why the Bengals went to five playoffs in a row.
2011: WR AJ Green: First pick in the Marvin Lewis 2.0 Era. Made the extraordinary look ordinary. Injuries in 2016 and 2019 ruined his career. If he doesn’t get hurt, Andy Dalton’s career, Joe Burrow’s career and the Bengals’ franchise would be radically different.
2010: TE Jermaine Gresham: Good TE. Not a playmaker, but good.
2009: OT Andre Smith: Just good enough to stick around.
2008: LB Keith Rivers: Decent rookie season got ended early due to blindside block from Hines Ward. Wasn’t the same after that, but he got a rule from it.
2007: CB Leon Hall: Excellent DB.
2006: CB Jonathan Joseph: Excellent DB.
2005: LB David Pollack: Broke his neck in his 2nd game. Wasn’t paralyzed and he’s now a College Football Analyst. Happy ending-ish!
2004: RB Chris Perry: BUST – Too small for the AFC North.
2003: QB Carson Palmer: First pick of the Marvin Lewis Era. Great QB, but injuries and inactive front office cost him the prime of his career. Thankfully, he was able to have some great years in Arizona at the end.
2002: OT Levi Jones: Last pick of the Dick LeBeau Era. Average tackle. If that.
2001: DE Justin Smith: First pick of the Dick LeBeau Era. Great player.
2000: WR Peter Warrick: BUST…but wasn’t his fault. Showed flashes from college, but had no QB.
1999: QB Akili Smith: BUST – Worst draft pick in Franchise History. Ill prepared for the league. With Corey Dillon winning games, he’d could’ve been just average and had a decent career. Couldn’t even be average. Had other issues and could’ve signed a QB or limped into season with Jeff Blake or even Neil O’Donnell.
1998: LB Takeo Spikes/LB Brian Simmons: Underrated LBs.
1997: LB Reinard Wilson: First pick of the Bruce Coslet Era. Okayish player. Not great, but had moments.

Now I’m going to turn off the lights in my room and cry.
Redshirt

---

“The Imperium of Man is a huge, bureaucratic organization made up of billions of scheming, manipulative, power hungry assholes. So of course there is an official department for assassinations – the Officio Assassinorum (Office of Assassins)”

So is there an Officio Assaholinum? (The Office of Goodells) Where the denizens wield the official weapon of the Officio Assaholinum: The BanHammer.
BeefReeferLives

---

Hey, it’s Mardi Gras! Let’s do something!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/shows his tits
Horatio Cornblower

They’re real and they’re spectacular
King Hippo

---

Totally forgot about the chili Balls. I will do it in the next month.
litre_cola

Chilly balls, the bane of Arctic explorers.
Horatio Cornblower

Better than Chili Balls™ the hot new “south of the border” sex toy!

LemonJello

---

Congratulations Balls, that’s awesome [winning the golf tourny].

/Me, to my balls when my wife said she was pregnant
//but the golf tournament is cool too.
Horatio Cornblower

---

A lot of companies have stepped up their humor game

Gumbygirl

---

If I owned a basketball team, I think I would call them the “Active Shooters” – think of the marketing potential! Our practices would be “Active Shooter Drills”
King Hippo

Sponsored by the NRA, and Laura Loomer as the head of public relations and community outreach
WCS

Instead of “de-fense!” The support could chant “2-A!”
King Hippo

When the opponent is at the free throw line: “COLD. DEAD. HANDS!”
LemonJello

---

Harness and build on it? If i won my first ever tourney I’d retire on the spot. Leave on that high note!
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Yeah, I used to golf but it was just too easy. Never lost a tournament, you know? Gets old.”
Horatio Cornblower

---

Redshirt

---

Today sucked. What’s good?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Redshirt

---

Back on my bullshit releasing the Kraken.

Mr. Ayo

---

The next time I go to the beach, I’m going to bring a small plastic pool and fill it with sand. Then I’ll bring it back to the house and have it available so I can put my bare feet in it, crank the heat up, and pretend I’m on a tropical island.
ballsofsteelandfury

“Let me stop you right there, Elisha Nelson Manning. You will NOT be putting a sandbox in your room again.”

-Olivia Manning
LemonJello

---

Me: The good thing about this construction project is that I’ve been going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up early, thereby being healthier and more productive.

Also me: This construction project is almost over and they won’t be here on Saturday, so time to get hammered wit my son while making fun of golfers and staying up until 2:00 am.
Horatio Cornblower

---

Wife and I decided we’re giving up weeknight alcohol for Lent.

No. neither of us gives a shit about being Catholic any more.

Yes, Friday night beer is really delicious.

No, surprisingly, none of the girls in the pictures has DMd me yet.

Yes, love you all, but not in that way. But kind of in that other way.
SonOfSpam

---

So I received this targeted ad today….

I gotta get in on the E-commerce game they’re talking about these days.

blaxabbath

Sober Raiders fan is like dividing by zero.
WCS

---

Redshirt

I have literally presented at train conferences and still wouldn’t describe myself as an expert.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Our local pie shop is doing an Alice in Wonderland themed burlesque show tonight.

We’re picking up pie and eating at home
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh I forgot to mention the name of the show is “Eat Me”
BrettFavresColonoscopy

ballsofsteelandfury

WCS

---

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [complains about vacuuming noise]

DR. MRS. DEADLY: The animals have been tracking dirt into the house from the yard. I need to vacuum now more than ever.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: It’s been raining all week. The animals haven’t been outside in days.

DR. MRS. DEADLY: When they’re cooped up in the house they shed all over everything. I need to vacuum now more than ever.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Now I’m a homeless drunk who lives in the woods!

Horatio Cornblower

---

Gonna get a bunch of these vintage ads and put them up in our new kitchen and see how long until my wife murders me.
Horatio Cornblower

Ms. Cornblower: [on phone] “Hey, gonna need your help with a little cleanup.”

Ms. Deadly: [snaps shut custom-made carrying case for her Dyson] “I’m on my way.”
scotchnaut

---

I spent the morning counterprotesting the Proud Boys outside a drag queen story hour. Fuck those fuckers for coming into my neighborhood with their hate, but happy to report only a handful showed up and dispersed when they saw how many of us (and cops) there were.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

---

Maybe Bournemouth would do better by switching to the NFC?
Mr. Ayo

---

Is that guy they keep zooming in on Leeds game George Santos?
King Hippo

“Yes”.

-George Santos
Horatio Cornblower

---

Greetings y’all, from exactly 12 hours ahead of Pacific time! Another good reason to enjoy the Chelski meltdown is that it hopefully tracks the continuing shittiness of the Russian military after a full year of failing to overrun Ukraine, may they continue to suck in unison!

Doktor Zymm

---

TV here says California is getting weather rapped. You all OK over there?
2Pack

I’m in L.A. ground-zero (on the beach near LAX) and everything’s fine. Lots of rain, but that’s really cool. I’ve been driving all over the place, day and night, photographing the wet roads and freeways, often during downpours. Big surf on the ocean.

An old submarine joke: “Everything’s fine, the flooding put out the fire”
Brick Meathook

---

Good: I’ve banged down three bourbons
Bad: My mother in law gave me that bottle
Worse: It’s really good bourbon
Better to Good: It means she had to spend money on it and she’s unbelievably cheap
Outcome: I drink more and say and do shit that she doesn’t like.

Win Win wine
jjfozz

Good: I’ve banged down three bourbons
Bad: My mother in law gave me that bottle
Worse: It’s really good bourbon
Better to Good: It means she had to spend money on it and she’s unbelievably cheap
Outcome: I drink more and say and do shit that she doesn’t like.

Cracked the code and Fozz is freaky.
SonOfSpam

---

Just dropped off middle fozz spawn for his first day on his first job.

it’s a little pizza and sub shop owned by old friends of the family.

so if he comes home and talks about shipping heroin out in pizza boxes, i”ll be cool with that.
jjfozz

---

You would think cole slaw and barbecue is universally known, but my wife’s family (and wife herself) in Morgantown had never seen it before. It was at a holiday get-together* and they had barbecue sandwiches. So I put together a sandwich, and her folks were all, “What are you doing!” Uh, cole slaw on a bbq sandwich. You folks haven’t tried this? For those of them that had the guts to try it, it was a revelation.

WCS might know this one as well: pepperoni rolls. Not a thing in the southern of West By God. A revelation on my part.

*Pre-internet days. Some bowl game was on, and Barry Sanders and Thurman Thomas were on the same OSU (Oklahoma State, not THE…) team.
BugEyedBoo

BT’s brisket reuben would like a word with your wife’s family.

Horatio Cornblower

---

Last year we talked on Sunday Gravey about vegetable gardening, a major aseptic of the culture here. I half assed agreed to give updates but figured it would be better to start at the beginning. Which is the dirt. Yesterday I started the garden by fertilizing the soil. In our growing zone you do that now, you’ll need to check for yours. There are actually two other soil prep steps I do but they are not really essential. I burn wood in October and spread the ashes in the soil. And in November I take the previous years mulch and turn that in the soil. So if you want to give it a go this year… it’s soil prep time.

2Pack

---

Just saw a whale shark off the side of the boat! Too bad we can’t just jump in the water here. I think it’s a baby, only a few meters long
Doktor Zymm

Baby shark, eh? You should write a song about it!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

---

Holy shit. Hello to all you lovely people. What a month it’s been. I feel like I’ve barely had time to hang out on here over the last little while.

February sure has been a month. We just finally concluded the first weekend of our area school band festival, and it’s my first time participating both as a school band director and as a festival staff member, coordinating all the student volunteers. It’s been a backbreaking amount of work and four extremely, extremely long days… but it’s all paid off. My first-ever band of my own, which started as absolute beginners all the way back in September, just earned an invite to our national festival due to an outstanding performance.

To say I’m chuffed would be an understatement.

Were it not a school night tonight, I’d be popping some bubbly. Instead, I’m lesson planning and enjoying a nice Cuba Libre courtesy of Don T’s delicious rum he sent me as a housewarming gift.

Hope you’re all well.
The Maestro

---

If you have having trouble “loggin in”, once logged in it may say that you are not logged in, at that point, refresh the page. If that does not work, then clear your cache and “loggin in” again.

Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here