No fun facts about music and stuff this week. The big thing at Apartment Weaselo is that Senorita Weaselo’s staying the next few days, for the most part. Her family’s getting hit with covid. She’s fine because she’s in the basement, but it means she can’t come up for food. But I have food! And an oven, and a stove, and all sorts of stuff! So she’s here. And I gotta say, it’s pretty great. For one, she is a much better cook than I am, especially after getting home from work at 8:30 or later. (Because she’s quarantining, she’s teaching the majority of her students from home.) Except for today, where she has to do it in person.

Naturally, today was the day the entire Queens subway corridor decided to fuck off and I casually strolled into work 30 minutes late. Fortunately, nobody asked for me so minimal harm and foul! Let’s get to the news:

News:
By now we all know the franchise tag fallout, but to recap:

-6 players tagged: Evan Engram (JAX), Josh Jacobs (LV), Daron Payne (WAS), Tony Pollard (DAL), Saquon Barkley (NYG), Lamar! (BAL)
-Saquon was tagged (nonexclusive) because Danny Dimez signs 4/160 deal, plus incentives.
-Lamar! was also nonexclusive tagged. Please note that means, if he were to sign it, he’d make 32M/year. As opposed, again, to the 40 MILLION a year for Daniel Jones.

QAARON QAVE WATQH: It seems like the front-runners are… the Jets? I regret that the Nets already traded Kyrie. The Kyrie and Qaaron podcast would have been amazing, or at least the next weekly submission by, let’s say, *reminds self who wrote The Jalen Ramsey Show* Blax.

Euro Footy CrimeBeat! Prosecutors are seeking corruption charges against FC Barcelona for payments to a member of the refereeing committee.

What about sports?
Tony DeAngelo’s Spearing Sessions
Chi**** vs. Sewer Wings (CHI vs. DET, 7:30, TNT)
Not-Los Angeles Ducks… of Anaheim vs. Bruce! There It Was (ANA vs. VAN, 10:00, TNT)

Still Not Mattering About Basketball (even if my team doesn’t suck now!)
The Luca & Kyrie “Experience” vs. The Zion Williamson Injury Experience (DAL vs. NO, 7:00, ESPN)
Fightin’ Former Kawhis vs. Fightin’ Current Kawhis (TOR vs. LAC, 9:30, ESPN)

Tourney Stamps Week (unless you’re Merrimack)
ACC (2nd round)
Boston College vs. W/NC (7:00, ESPN2)
VA Tech vs. Wolven Sorts (9:30, ESPN2)

Big Sky championship
Northern Arizona vs. Montana State (9:30, ESPN2)

Big East (1st round)
Georgetown vs. Villanova (8:00, FS1)

Wait, there’s non-exhibition baseball? (World Baseball Classic)
Aussie Aussie Aussie! vs. Process of Elimination Worst Korea (AUS vs. KOR, 10:00, FS1)
Fightin’ Canals vs. Not Entirely Curaçao! (PAN vs. NED, 11:00, FS2)
Super Tweaker/Early Birds heritage rivalry fight! China vs. Japan (5:00 AM, FS2)
Extreme Tweaker/Less Early Birds: Italy vs. Cuba (6:00 AM, Tubi)

How many games would St. John’s need to win in order to make the tournament? Let’s start the bidding at “win the conference tourney.” Maybe sometime this century they’ll make the tournament again. LOSING IN THE FIRST FOUR DOES NOT COUNT.