Your friendly Puerto Rican good life enthusiast is not able to take care of tonight’s Open Thread as he has some pressing business to attend to. (read: hot date with spicy Latina). By the way, the term Spicy Latina is redundant.
Tonight, we have what is affectionately called around LA as the Gay Super Bowl. There will be MANY Oscars parties where people will congregate and talk about the outfits, the gossip, and the awards without anyone actually watching more than a handful of the movies nominated.
Seriously, it really is the perfect comparison.
I am talking about this because, as your resident LA resident that has friends in the industry, I can confidently tell you that I have been to such parties and they are as awful as you think.
The worst part is that you can’t really play the sensitive guy to pick up on a girl because her gay best friend already has you beat in the sensitivity department and he knows much more about fashion than you do.
So, the answer is just to not go, right?
Wrong!
If you have a girlfriend, you are legally bound to go else you risk a breakup. Your buddy with the girlfriend will need you to go with him so he has someone to talk to.
It’s your duty as a friend to do this.
In closing, I want to say 3 things:
- Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER date an actress.
- I have no idea what movies are nominated and that’s okay.
- Hugh Grant was excellent in Operation Fortune as was Aubrey Plaza although the movie itself felt like it could have been better. I dunno, it was weird.
This song is dedicated to Horatio:
Which celebrity is your favourite? Have at it in the comments!
UPDATE!!
Yeah Right has created a NCAA Tourney Pool over at ESPN.com. It’s free to join and the water is warm!
Link:
https://fantasy.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/2023/en/group?groupID=2900413
Password: DFO
https://youtu.be/OGf8VlevoqQ
Now there’s a big fat surprise!
Well it was certainly nice of the former governor of New Jersey to stop by.
George of the Jungle makes it big
Honestly we watched George of the Jungle so many times as kids and this is a fucking trip right now.
Low-key funniest thing is that prestige pic TAR is gonna be shut out.
I like Blanchett and all, but, cmon.
It’s nice of the academy to join the rest of us that slept on it.
I’m making one call right now: For the first time since Argo (2012), the same movie is going to win Best Editing and Best Picture.
I agree with Snow. Also, Actress will join them.
Oh, and Director(s)
All The Awards In Our Hands All At Once
Why can’t Johnny read?
Because he was educated in Florida?
The answer might lie in The Year of Dicks.
Lea Michelle was running the teleprompter.
She’s gonna announce Best Picture as “Ben Roethlisberger”
Best Song got it exactly right.
And he honored tWBS with his Carpenters speech!
Nuts to that. The best Song is Ji-Eun Song.
I really like this new Delta feature where all the first class seats have individual flight controls. The computer averages out all the inputs and determines the course. I’m aiming for Denver.
Tell you what though, they just played the Pirates of the Caribbean main theme and that’s one of the best movie scores of all time.
Flying over the Oscar ceremony. Unfortunately, the bomb bay doors jammed shut. Doing a go-around.
Somewhere James Cameron is flipping over a table because his special effects guy couldn’t finish his speech because Jimmy Kimmel needed to annoy Malala.
Women be Talking amirite?
12-4 is fucking impressive.
Meth Possum skipped the ceremony in protest.
It was a protest about no one giving him meth.
Elizabeth Banks is completely faded and I’m here for it.
Let’s buy a delicious miniature sandwich:
Whoa lotta
communistsI mean film buffs in the clubhouse tonightEasy there, Elia.
Look, I am just saying, if it were really all quiet, no one would know what the score sounded like.
Dammit. Picked Babylon twice in a row. First one missed, CMON HURWITZ SAVE ME.
Nope, fucking Germans.
What the fuck? Did she think this was a rehearsal?
She was waiting for Bradley Cooper to rescue her halfway through.
Maybe it was her turn to piss her pants
Good news: Lady Gaga will not be winning for this song.
There was an Oscar nominated movie called My Year Of Dicks and we didn’t have a mandatory clubhouse viewing? What the fuck?
I’d just be happy with the Jonah Hill scene from Superbad.
We’ve all seen plenty of dicks.
I still can’t make eye contact with Balls.
It’s the only nominated short I watched this year and it’s fantastic.
Look, it’s the Olsen Who Eats!
One of them eats a lot of cocaine, no?
Spam watch: 7-2!
Up to 9 now, I know my short things.
Yeah you do!
“Hey!” – the Cornblower power couple
Really thought the donkey was gonna get it.
–Me reporting back from my first trip to Tijuana
The donkey always gives it.
Gumby sez Eva Longoria’s boobs are uneven, and he’s willing to go fix them. Hero.
Just had the same discussion here. Then Salma came out to show how it’s done.
Ha, Lady BFC said the same thing but I was just lost in her cleavage, I mean my thoughts, lost in my thoughts.
Ok, Foreign Film is easy since the cowardly Germans entered their little war film here instead of Best Pic.
One of my first years in LA I got invited to an Oscars party. Not by anyone in the industry, just a co-worker of mine. I went because I figured when in Rome, but it just seemed so pointless. I suppose I was like those people who show up at Super Bowl parties despite knowing nothing, and not caring, about football.
Now I am older and crankier and know better than to do things out of social obligation.
I’m in the industry and an (Television) Academy member and I’m at LAX flying to SLC. My uncle George was an AMPAS member and Writers Guild Communist.
What brings you to Salt Lick?
An airplane. Weren’t you paying attention?
There’s another airplane there going to Baltimore. But I like Salt Lake City.
Shut your dirty mouth! There is nothing to like in Utah.
It’s very pretty. Too pretty for the Mormons. We should make them move.
I’ve been trying for years.
JENNY LIVES
Forrest Gump alternate ending?
She gets the Magic Johnson treatment plan?
Dude, Spam is 6-1!
Nope, Elvis fucked me twice. Thinks I’m his cousin.
Award shows suck out loud
Doubling down on Elvis for Costume, thankyouverymuch
Every Costume On Everyone All At Once
BOTH WRONG
Ruthkanda Forever
Finally missed one, thought best makeup was Elvis.
Should’ve picked the fat guy (like my wife)
That was my pick too. You’re kicking my ass, I think I’ve missed four already.
You probably picked the better choices, I just picked the obvious ones.
The tens of fans at this Vegas/DC XFL game have to be questioning their life choices, right?
One word: fentanyl
Whatever the problem, Skyrizie can fix it.
Lume butt crack deodorant. That’s the only ad I get on my phone now. I think it’s trying to tell me something.
I’m not sure if Russia is the only country in the world that still does poisonings or the only country in the world that still gets caught doing poisonings.
I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.
They’re still good at defenestration though.
The “getting caught” part is very much by design. They *want* you to know they did it; it’s a flex.
Yeah what’s the fun if you can’t brag to your shirtless hunting buddies afterwards?
Gentlemen.
I demand a Real-Time picks competition between you and Spam!
It took me a bit but I’ve got my ballot up on Mastodon! https://jorts.horse/@makeitsnow/110013197268067780
https://abc.com/games/oscars-pickem-2023/picks?id=e1ae40f0-c07a-11ed-83a0-69a9a1fd463d
Feel-good Putin victim story up next.
The Steven Seagal Story?
“Under Siege 6: the Buffet Line”
Sure, good advice generally. But if, say, Anna Kendrick calls me, I’m saying yes.
Narrator: Anna Kendrick would never call him.
I’ve heard Anna Kendrick is a handful.
My honest assessment is that she’s the stereotypical high school drama girl that managed to make it big but she is still the high school drama girl at heart with all the issues that implies.
LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU
One of my fancy Hollywood friends worked with her and didn’t have anything negative to say.
Jamie Lee Curtis is going to spit up Yoplait.
Is that a euphemism the youths are using on their Tiktoks?
It is now.
It’s a Hollywood tradition dating all the way back to Nancy Reagan.
Throat GOAT never spit up
She was not Ms. Choksondik.
What a missed opportunity to close that speech with “Goonies never say die”
“No time for love, Doctor Jones!”
My NCAA picks are in!
This guy got the Super Bowl and Oscars presenter the year after winning? It can’t possibly get better from there.
I didn’t watch Avatar and given that it’s 3 hours and 12 minutes long, I never will.
“Yeah, me neither.”
-Eli, while making the silent “shut up” face at BFC behind Olivia’s back
Up next, Short-Round will win an Oscar, fully deserved.
Finally watched the flick today and boy is it ever awesome.
BURN THE WITCH
Remember that SOS has an unusual capacity to predict Oscar winners.
Aubrey Plaza should win all the things. If Gov. Whitmer passes, Ms. Plaza should be the 2028 Demmycratic Presidential nominee.
I have seen none of the films and am not gay (though retired from the active practice of heterosexuality) as such, TV is off.
Kimmel is doing a great job with the monologue.
“…so to review, Mono mean ‘one’, and ‘logue’ means this guy. This concludes our intensive training course.”
ATTENTION EVERYONE!
DFO Bracket Insanity is now active on ESPN.
Get busy. Get in and get it on!
Link:
https://fantasy.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/2023/en/group?groupID=2900413
Password?
Me too.
Try “DFO”
I didn’t need a password to reactivate. If it doesn’t work let me know. Edited for accuracy.
UPDATE! PASSWORD IS DFO!
I am leaning towards full bracket avoidance this year. It’s like I am turning into a monk or some shit.
Will Cocaine Bear sweep the awards, or is that not until next year?
Cocaine Bear will win every award in every category for the next decade.
Sens are playing the Calgary Dirty Oil Barons-should a pleasant walk in a dead duck-filled toxic pond.
Colin Ferrell will win for best actor. He was incredible and Brandon Gleeson deserves it as well. My favorite movie this year was Banshees of Inishirin and it deserves the Oscar but Everything, Everywhere, All at Once will be tough to beat. Although Parasite won a couple of years ago so…
I love Brandon Gleeson!
I think I like everything he’s been in but my favourite is I Went Down.
He was also great in Gangs of New York.
The Fabelmens was also excellent and it’s a movie about making movies plus Spielberg. Triangle of Sadness was a train wreck but I really enjoyed Elvis too. Expect some costuming and sound for Elvis.
I’m expecting Elvis to get a lot of awards since the industry loves to suck itself off.
I’m rooting for Will Ferrell. Step Brothers needs to be in this every year.
(it gon be Fraser)
Colin Farrell annoys me the same way that Sean Penn does. They’re both very talented actors, though.
I’m not his biggest fan but damn, he was good in this role.