Your Oscars Open thread. Now with more balls!

Your friendly Puerto Rican good life enthusiast is not able to take care of tonight’s Open Thread as he has some pressing business to attend to. (read: hot date with spicy Latina). By the way, the term Spicy Latina is redundant.

Tonight, we have what is affectionately called around LA as the Gay Super Bowl. There will be MANY Oscars parties where people will congregate and talk about the outfits, the gossip, and the awards without anyone actually watching more than a handful of the movies nominated.

Seriously, it really is the perfect comparison.

I am talking about this because, as your resident LA resident that has friends in the industry, I can confidently tell you that I have been to such parties and they are as awful as you think.

The worst part is that you can’t really play the sensitive guy to pick up on a girl because her gay best friend already has you beat in the sensitivity department and he knows much more about fashion than you do.

So, the answer is just to not go, right?

Wrong!

If you have a girlfriend, you are legally bound to go else you risk a breakup. Your buddy with the girlfriend will need you to go with him so he has someone to talk to.

It’s your duty as a friend to do this.

In closing, I want to say 3 things:

  • Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER date an actress.
  • I have no idea what movies are nominated and that’s okay.
  • Hugh Grant was excellent in Operation Fortune as was Aubrey Plaza although the movie itself felt like it could have been better. I dunno, it was weird.

This song is dedicated to Horatio:

Which celebrity is your favourite? Have at it in the comments!

UPDATE!!

Yeah Right has created a NCAA Tourney Pool over at ESPN.com. It’s free to join and the water is warm!

Link:

https://fantasy.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/2023/en/group?groupID=2900413

Password: DFO

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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makeitsnowondem

Now there’s a big fat surprise!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well it was certainly nice of the former governor of New Jersey to stop by.

SonOfSpam

George of the Jungle makes it big

makeitsnowondem

Honestly we watched George of the Jungle so many times as kids and this is a fucking trip right now.

SonOfSpam

Low-key funniest thing is that prestige pic TAR is gonna be shut out.

I like Blanchett and all, but, cmon.

Mr. Ayo

It’s nice of the academy to join the rest of us that slept on it.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
makeitsnowondem

I’m making one call right now: For the first time since Argo (2012), the same movie is going to win Best Editing and Best Picture.

SonOfSpam

I agree with Snow. Also, Actress will join them.

SonOfSpam

Oh, and Director(s)

Last edited 1 year ago by SonOfSpam
makeitsnowondem

All The Awards In Our Hands All At Once

Gumbygirl

Why can’t Johnny read?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because he was educated in Florida?

SonOfSpam

The answer might lie in The Year of Dicks.

Col. Duke LaCross

Lea Michelle was running the teleprompter.

SonOfSpam

She’s gonna announce Best Picture as “Ben Roethlisberger”

SonOfSpam

Best Song got it exactly right.

SonOfSpam

And he honored tWBS with his Carpenters speech!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nuts to that. The best Song is Ji-Eun Song.

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Brick Meathook

I really like this new Delta feature where all the first class seats have individual flight controls. The computer averages out all the inputs and determines the course. I’m aiming for Denver.

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makeitsnowondem

Tell you what though, they just played the Pirates of the Caribbean main theme and that’s one of the best movie scores of all time.

Brick Meathook

Flying over the Oscar ceremony. Unfortunately, the bomb bay doors jammed shut. Doing a go-around.

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Col. Duke LaCross

Somewhere James Cameron is flipping over a table because his special effects guy couldn’t finish his speech because Jimmy Kimmel needed to annoy Malala.

SonOfSpam

Women be Talking amirite?

makeitsnowondem

Meth Possum skipped the ceremony in protest.

makeitsnowondem

It was a protest about no one giving him meth.

Col. Duke LaCross

Elizabeth Banks is completely faded and I’m here for it.

Brick Meathook

Let’s buy a delicious miniature sandwich:

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herodotus450

Whoa lotta communists I mean film buffs in the clubhouse tonight

makeitsnowondem

Easy there, Elia.

makeitsnowondem

Look, I am just saying, if it were really all quiet, no one would know what the score sounded like.

SonOfSpam

Dammit. Picked Babylon twice in a row. First one missed, CMON HURWITZ SAVE ME.

SonOfSpam

Nope, fucking Germans.

Gumbygirl

What the fuck? Did she think this was a rehearsal?

SonOfSpam

She was waiting for Bradley Cooper to rescue her halfway through.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe it was her turn to piss her pants

SonOfSpam

Good news: Lady Gaga will not be winning for this song.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There was an Oscar nominated movie called My Year Of Dicks and we didn’t have a mandatory clubhouse viewing? What the fuck?

SonOfSpam

I’d just be happy with the Jonah Hill scene from Superbad.

Gumbygirl

We’ve all seen plenty of dicks.

TheRevanchist

I still can’t make eye contact with Balls.

makeitsnowondem

It’s the only nominated short I watched this year and it’s fantastic.

Gumbygirl

Look, it’s the Olsen Who Eats!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

One of them eats a lot of cocaine, no?

SonOfSpam

Up to 9 now, I know my short things.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey!” – the Cornblower power couple

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Really thought the donkey was gonna get it.

–Me reporting back from my first trip to Tijuana

Gumbygirl

Gumby sez Eva Longoria’s boobs are uneven, and he’s willing to go fix them. Hero.

SonOfSpam

Just had the same discussion here. Then Salma came out to show how it’s done.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ha, Lady BFC said the same thing but I was just lost in her cleavage, I mean my thoughts, lost in my thoughts.

SonOfSpam

Ok, Foreign Film is easy since the cowardly Germans entered their little war film here instead of Best Pic.

Dunstan

One of my first years in LA I got invited to an Oscars party. Not by anyone in the industry, just a co-worker of mine. I went because I figured when in Rome, but it just seemed so pointless. I suppose I was like those people who show up at Super Bowl parties despite knowing nothing, and not caring, about football.

Now I am older and crankier and know better than to do things out of social obligation.

Brick Meathook

I’m in the industry and an (Television) Academy member and I’m at LAX flying to SLC. My uncle George was an AMPAS member and Writers Guild Communist.

Col. Duke LaCross

What brings you to Salt Lick?

Dunstan

An airplane. Weren’t you paying attention?

Brick Meathook

There’s another airplane there going to Baltimore. But I like Salt Lake City.

TheRevanchist

Shut your dirty mouth! There is nothing to like in Utah.

Gumbygirl

It’s very pretty. Too pretty for the Mormons. We should make them move.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’ve been trying for years.

makeitsnowondem

JENNY LIVES

LemonJello

Forrest Gump alternate ending?

SonOfSpam

She gets the Magic Johnson treatment plan?

SonOfSpam

Nope, Elvis fucked me twice. Thinks I’m his cousin.

Game Time Decision

Award shows suck out loud

LemonJello

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SonOfSpam

Doubling down on Elvis for Costume, thankyouverymuch

makeitsnowondem

Every Costume On Everyone All At Once

SonOfSpam

BOTH WRONG

makeitsnowondem

Ruthkanda Forever

SonOfSpam

Finally missed one, thought best makeup was Elvis.

Should’ve picked the fat guy (like my wife)

makeitsnowondem

That was my pick too. You’re kicking my ass, I think I’ve missed four already.

SonOfSpam

You probably picked the better choices, I just picked the obvious ones.

LemonJello

The tens of fans at this Vegas/DC XFL game have to be questioning their life choices, right?

WCS

Whatever the problem, Skyrizie can fix it.

Gumbygirl

Lume butt crack deodorant. That’s the only ad I get on my phone now. I think it’s trying to tell me something.

Last edited 1 year ago by Gumbygirl
makeitsnowondem

I’m not sure if Russia is the only country in the world that still does poisonings or the only country in the world that still gets caught doing poisonings.

SonOfSpam

They’re still good at defenestration though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The “getting caught” part is very much by design. They *want* you to know they did it; it’s a flex.

King Hippo

Yeah what’s the fun if you can’t brag to your shirtless hunting buddies afterwards?

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

makeitsnowondem

It took me a bit but I’ve got my ballot up on Mastodon! https://jorts.horse/@makeitsnow/110013197268067780

SonOfSpam
Last edited 1 year ago by SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam

Feel-good Putin victim story up next.

WCS

The Steven Seagal Story?

LemonJello

“Under Siege 6: the Buffet Line”

Dunstan
  • “Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER date an actress.”

Sure, good advice generally. But if, say, Anna Kendrick calls me, I’m saying yes.

Narrator: Anna Kendrick would never call him.

Dunstan

LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of my fancy Hollywood friends worked with her and didn’t have anything negative to say.

WCS

Jamie Lee Curtis is going to spit up Yoplait.

LemonJello

Is that a euphemism the youths are using on their Tiktoks?

WCS

It is now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a Hollywood tradition dating all the way back to Nancy Reagan.

SonOfSpam

Throat GOAT never spit up

Gumbygirl

She was not Ms. Choksondik.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What a missed opportunity to close that speech with “Goonies never say die”

LemonJello

“No time for love, Doctor Jones!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This guy got the Super Bowl and Oscars presenter the year after winning? It can’t possibly get better from there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I didn’t watch Avatar and given that it’s 3 hours and 12 minutes long, I never will.

LemonJello

“Yeah, me neither.”
-Eli, while making the silent “shut up” face at BFC behind Olivia’s back

Last edited 1 year ago by LemonJello
SonOfSpam

Up next, Short-Round will win an Oscar, fully deserved.

Finally watched the flick today and boy is it ever awesome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BURN THE WITCH

King Hippo

Aubrey Plaza should win all the things. If Gov. Whitmer passes, Ms. Plaza should be the 2028 Demmycratic Presidential nominee.

I have seen none of the films and am not gay (though retired from the active practice of heterosexuality) as such, TV is off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…so to review, Mono mean ‘one’, and ‘logue’ means this guy. This concludes our intensive training course.”

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Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
yeah right

ATTENTION EVERYONE!

DFO Bracket Insanity is now active on ESPN.

Get busy. Get in and get it on!

BugEyedBoo

Me too.

yeah right

Try “DFO”

I didn’t need a password to reactivate. If it doesn’t work let me know. Edited for accuracy.

Last edited 1 year ago by yeah right
yeah right

UPDATE! PASSWORD IS DFO!

King Hippo

I am leaning towards full bracket avoidance this year. It’s like I am turning into a monk or some shit.

LemonJello

Will Cocaine Bear sweep the awards, or is that not until next year?

WCS

Cocaine Bear will win every award in every category for the next decade.

scotchnaut

Sens are playing the Calgary Dirty Oil Barons-should a pleasant walk in a dead duck-filled toxic pond.

yeah right

Colin Ferrell will win for best actor. He was incredible and Brandon Gleeson deserves it as well. My favorite movie this year was Banshees of Inishirin and it deserves the Oscar but Everything, Everywhere, All at Once will be tough to beat. Although Parasite won a couple of years ago so…

yeah right

He was also great in Gangs of New York.

yeah right

The Fabelmens was also excellent and it’s a movie about making movies plus Spielberg. Triangle of Sadness was a train wreck but I really enjoyed Elvis too. Expect some costuming and sound for Elvis.

TheRevanchist

I’m rooting for Will Ferrell. Step Brothers needs to be in this every year.

SonOfSpam

(it gon be Fraser)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Colin Farrell annoys me the same way that Sean Penn does. They’re both very talented actors, though.

yeah right

I’m not his biggest fan but damn, he was good in this role.