TGIF! Happy Cinco De Mayo to all who celebrate. We’re still up to our eyeballs in the hardwood and ice playoffs, so let’s get to it.
Survival – Personal Edition
Now that pandemic is officially over – under 100 deaths per day lately – our capitalist pig overlords are bringing everyone back to the office. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time. Let’s put those elevators to use!
- Seek out an older elevator if available. Older elevators have a convenient emergency stop button. Newer ones will have a switch with a stop setting, but those also sound an alarm. Either way, you can expect at least 15 minutes before personnel will be able to get in the elevator, and sometimes up to an hour.
- Another great option is the freight elevator. These will be padded not only for you and your patterns comfort, but the padding will also muffle any noise. Also, they stop mechanism will be far less likely to trigger an alarm.
- Check for cameras in the elevator. Usually they will be located in the rear top corners of the elevator. Cover with tape or make use of those old stamps. In rare instances the system will also record audio. Nothing you can do there, but be aware.
- Stop the elevator between floors. The outside doors cannot be easily opened if the elevator isn’t level to the floor. Likewise, the elevator doors won’t open. This will give you a last minute warning before being rescued.
- If you’re ready and not yet rescured, release the emergency stop button or flip that switch back to run mode. When it arrives, exit normally. If rescue personnel greet you, just tell them the elevator malfunctioned then resumed and that you are OK.
Now head back to that soul sucking office job with a little smile on your face. You’ve just made today’s work truly productive!
Click here to get to commenting
Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
Does this coronation delay lesser footedball sprots? This has to be biggest logistical clusterfuck in Wee Britain during peacetime this century.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-hBbQseacg&ab_channel=DeclanK
I need some sleep, I’ll watch Chuckles and Godzilla get crowned on a replay tomorrow. There’s a woman on PBS with one of those stupid little hats English women wear, If I could reach through the tv, I would rip it off her head and smack her with it. Good night, Happy Cinco!
I saw her. She was…. Interesting. She was a little too much into this, like she thinks she should be the princess? Best way to put it.
I don’t care for the royals at all, but I do love the history of the England. 6 hours until the coronation. I have been drinking, as one does on a Cinco De Mayo Friday. I’ll have to sleep during this, before I take the idiot to his SAT.
Speaking of bass…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpaWNnSryrk&ab_channel=GunsN%27Roses-Topic
Would you say you are all about the bass, no treble?
WCS is definitely bringing booty back
Eldest granddaughter is graduating from high school next month.
That’s the quarter turn.
Damn, I was just looking at her in the maternity ward.
She had a “Low Jack” device on her ankle.
Now she plays a bad ass bass and is off to college.
So I’ve learned this:
Gostaria de tomar o pequeno almoca por favor.
That means I would like some breakfast please.
I’ll see you on Sunday for breakfast.
Good to see you Brick.
And Rob too!
It’s a goddamn reunion up in here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYhquRwKxdI&ab_channel=WhatDoesTitoSee
Let’s play the neighbor’s favorite song, whether they enjoy it or not.
That’s a beauty.
Lil’ WCS is running a mile in the Yinzburgh Marathon in the morning as part of her school. This is the first real instance where offspring are old enough to do something stoopid like her old man. It’s a pretty cool feeling.
Anyway, I’m not sleeping for like 36 hours due to various goings on. I’ll be in and out all night and day with usual brain farts and pointless .gifs in the meantime.
I’m proud to live in a country that is inclusive enough to allow the chief White Supremacist to be a Black guy.
That was a strange week but ultimately?
I crushed it.
I have to do this shit for another three and a half years?
Hello everyone.
I belive I’ll have another frosty beverage.
Can I get you anything?
I’ll put on music on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMCO0H5BxGk&list=PLFi9V6EFsFImuaVHJA2g3mChHkS6g51Yj&index=11&ab_channel=musicalbums
I got Chex Mix.
There may be muffins.
As evidenced in the delightful photos above.
Fucking SAT test tomorrow that I just found out about. My son has zero damn communication about this stuff. He doesn’t have any valid photo ID at all, so this will probably not happen for him until October. And he keeps taking these tests in shitty, unsafe places instead of any damn major city. Fucking joy.
A co-worker’s son called yesterday to completely change tonight’s prom plans. I’ve never seen said co-worker visibly angry before, and I’ve worked with her for years.
She left early to kick his ass.
Lisa Kudrow used to be a brunette and I dated* her doppelgänger at UConn.
https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3b9a81755f89000c4862b8c3a78da8c6-lq
*We drank a lot and had sex. Look, I didn’t have a car on campus and Storrs wasn’t nearly as developed in the early 90’s as it is now, OK? Don’t judge us.
When was Storrs developed? I remember a whole lot of nothing when I went to hook up with a girl down there every time I went there in the early 2000s.
Jesus fuck the last part of that is depressing.
You wouldn’t recognize it now. Basically a small city sprouted up around the campus, and there’s a lot more in the pipeline.
Ironically it’s killing UConn, because now there’s an infrastructure for nearby off-campus housing and no one wants to live in campus anymore. Which eliminates tuition.
Is this your roundabout way of tipping us how the dwarf got the name “Kudrow”?
Where’s Brick?
If that doesn’t get him back, nothing will.
I’m right here
Check it out!
https://vimeo.com/822403913
Yinz need to zamboni-jack the ice during intermission tomorrow night.
I’m thoroughly enjoying the ass kicking the Vichy Whalers are laying on the devils. Sorry Horatio. They can get theirs in the ECF.
/scratches pet Great White shark behind the dorsal fin
Soon, Beelzebub. Soon.
I am 100% in favor of suspending all laws involving assault and battery against paparazzi.
Normally I’d agree with you, but people are getting shot for far less now a days
Paparazzi aren’t people, though. They should be hunted for sport, to the point of extinction.
Holy shit just when I thought I couldn’t be any more enamored with Sydney Sweeney
Damn
It’s like the devil sent a demon to temp me into selling my soul but didn’t plan on me having a damn anyersum.
More like Schwingy Sweeney
“She’s 25? Eww!”
-M. Gaetz
“And my dad was friend’s with the guy that owned Penthouse” is not a sentence that is ever going to lead to something good.
“anyway, that’s how I wound up buying 800 lbs. of lime and 17 tarps” is probably the best case ending.
I would like to think that I would immediately notice if a 500 lb. safe went missing from my home.
Probably depends on how many 500 lb safes you had
Fair.
However unfairly Tommy and (especially) Pamela were treated, their taste in interior decorating was truly terrible. It’s quite possible the safe just got lost in the jungle camouflage.
I am ready to stop the elevator between floors with lady number 10. Solid work here Mr Ayo… Solid!
Appreciate you making me do math after my posts.
OBTW… Marika still be partying down in Ole Bella Napoli.
The hockey game has drifted into a show about the Pam & Tommy porno tape, and that reminds me that I have never seen any of it.
And I’m OK with that.
“Pam & Tommy represented two different kinds of people coming together…”
I’m pretty sure they’re just two hot people who like to fuck. It’s not a real mystery.
Like, I get different strokes for different folks, but I’ll never understand women finding tommy lee attractive. Like, he looks like a Paul Stanley stunt double if Paul Stanley did shitty movies you find in the wal mart bargain bin
Money, fame, and a huge cock?
Add to that that he likely has really good drug connections and the guy’s basically a Demi-god among a certain part of the population.
Smackdown is in Puerto Rico, so I hope to see Don_T on TV calling Roman Reigns some form of perro.
Am I drunk, or are the Padres dressed like a Pride parade?
I’ve been to Mystic Pizza, although not the original, and it is incredibly overrated.
OK, so I’ve only had two beers, and a minute ago this was below BGR’s comment about movie night, and now that comment is not what it was and this one has moved to reply to a comments about the Padres and Pride parades and OH GOD WE’VE REACHED THE SINGULARITY!!!!
I’ve had a week, so I’m getting drunk on pilsners while WineWife watches 80s Dolly Parton movies. We’ve gone from “Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” to “Steel Magnolias”.
The 16 year-old bottle of Glen Grant awaits when “9 to 5” kicks in.
Whoopsie doodle!
https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1654679569117372416
Somewhere Castellanos just hit another HR
Holy shit
“I would like to apologize for my unfortunate slip of the tongue earlier today. I had wanted to compliment the Negro League Museum, but I also had a gripe with the niggardly portions at Arthur’s BBQ and, well, things went from bad to worst. Anyway, there’s a drive to deep left by Castellanos, and that’ll make it 4-1.”
So it’s officially 9:50 central time, let’s see how long it takes to “approve” my comment
4 minutes!
Five minutes, I see
Ah man the joke was RIGHT THERE
I’m so glad I have this gif book marked
And now, I do too.
Be sure to save to the hard drives. Postimages is weird about hosting certain stuff.
I still can’t find that one of the glitter flying off the girl’s ass cheek with the same text. Some of my finest work
I don’t know enough about sports games, so here’s this
There’s a couple that didn’t make it…
Good title, but I think we’ve heard enough about OJ and Nicole.
Damn….
Also no luck with those two. You’ll just have to use your imagination.
I mean the pictures.
Right, let me do a bit of research
Oh man, Club magazine brings back some memories. We found a few of those in the woods down by the pond, as was a rite of passage for pre-teens back in the early 80’s.
Bush porn! That’s something these kids who grew up on the internet will never understand.
Samantha Fox being lesbian was an awful waste of British artwork.
Spectacular tan lines tonight. Double eh plus.
We playing Brass Bonanza yet?
/urge to kill rising
Our neighbors are hosting a coronation party at 530 am Eastern.
Can we bring back the Alien and Sedition Acts?
What is it called when two female members of a royal family have sex?
Princest.
/WCS twitches
I am trapped under this ginormous cat!
Is she flexing her claws to make sure you stay attached to each other?
Always.
Lucky!
that’s a NICE FUCKIN’ KITTY right thar
I wish I could find a way to give Microdog a haircut that doesn’t leave him traumatized.
Like seriously stop cowering dog, you’re making ME nervous
Ice mafia having a rough go of it this series.
So I get the disappointment when a player from your team isn’t on the field, but per this ESPN article, I don’t get why they had to shoot the fucker.
Them Dirt Gigantes just gots higher standards smh
Motherfucker signed for 6 years and $162 million and then “discovered” that he has a chronic back condition.
For 10% of his pay I’ll shoot him and take my chances living out my days in Nicaragua.
Ayo, you are a top artist and pervert, and you should be duly proud of each aspect.
[jots down idea for show “Top Pervert”]
Jack Donaghy will air it right after MILF Island.
Top Tip:
Elevators in parking garages are less likely to have cameras.
I, too, enjoy having sex in a tiny room reeking of urine.
I’m over 50; give me a bed or a couch or GTFO.
Is that your locker or The Dwarf’s quarters?
I’ve let my wife know that it is now canon that we have a sex dwarf and she looked at me for a long time and then said “you’re all idiots”
“I, too, enjoy having sex in a tiny room reeking of urine.”
Didn’t Donald Trump say this in Russia on the infamous “pee tape?”
In Russia, pee tapes you.
/confused
The dude who shit himself came back to work. HR was investigating. I’m like, shouldn’t you be doing less investigation about someone having a bad day and more investigation about why you are a bunch of a-holes? Seriously. HR is the worst. Just let the man have some damn dignity
Maybe they think he’s at risk for serious stomach problems, and rather than have insurance premiums go up, they can just coax him into suicide. SMRT!
They want to dock his pay for shitting on the clock.
“Shitting and They Dock My Pay” was the first draft Otis Redding came up with.
This is just outstanding.
“Shittin’ and they takin’ my pay” scans a little better. But you win for the creative part.
I don’t mean to knock BFC’s dwarf comment at all, because it was outstanding, but this needs to be a banner comment at some point.
#TimeTheft
HR is seriously the worst.
The HR folks, or should I say women (not ladies however) because they all are, would rather spend 10 minutes pointing out your faults in navigating their overly rigid processes, than 2 minutes simply helping you with them.
What the fuck? He needs to produce some evidence on the HR asshole’s desk.