Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Pray for Maestro

If you don’t live on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio hasn’t started slowly and methodically vaporizing you yet. Imagine playing sports in this? Oh, wait, we have that.

But for real, if you haven’t heard, Ontario and Quebec are currently suffering from wildfires, and it’s so widespread that the resulting smoke has gotten into the jet streams and so the eastern seaboard from Boston to Norfolk has some rough-looking air quality alerts.

The red-orange is bad, but the purple and maroon are worse, adding to yet ANOTHER reason to pray for The Maestro. (Other reasons to pray for him include the dragging-on of the Senators bidding and the REDBLACKS.) The air quality in Ottawa is currently rated 11. Like most standard amps, the Canadian AQI normally only goes to 10, but the current air quality is bad enough to get in Spinal Tap range. (Two weeks in a row!) It’s less than ideal.

Hey, we have football news too!

Good Bills news: Damar Hamlin practiced with a helmet for the first time yesterday! (For the media in an open practice, though apparently he wore it during a closed practice last Wednesday.) Earlier this week, he started his CPR tour, dedicated to teaching people CPR and distributing AEDs.

Bad Bills news: Josh Allen is your cover athlete for Madden 24. No idea what they’re going to do for next year, since Madden 25 was used back in 2013 (which would have been Madden ’14) for the 25th anniversary of the franchise. The deluxe version has him with Bills Mafia, but nobody is making their way through a table, nor is there a dildo in the shot (as Madden 23 was rated E for everyone).

DUUUVAL! has a stadium plan mock-up concept, looking like it’ll rival the murderiest parts of BirdMurderDome.

In lesser lesser footy news, sources say that Lionel Messi is taking his talents to South Beach.

Lastly, RIP to the real one, Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri, best known as The Iron Sheik and Colonel Mustafa, former WWF world champion, tag team champion, and master of the Camel Clutch and making them humble who reclaimed some Internet celebrity by being balls-to-the-wall insane on the social medias. Respect the legend, and of course, as is tradition, fuck the jabroni Hulk Hogan. He is survived by his wife, three children, and five grandchildren.

What’s on?
NBA Finals Game 3: Nuggets vs. Heat (8:30, ABC, series tied 1-1)

(Stanley Cup Final Game 3 tomorrow, Vegas leads 2-0)

Is there baseball on national TV?
Does MLB Network count?
“I did not leave the South Side for this” vs. Breaking Fences (CHW vs. NYY, 7:05, MLBN)
BOO THESE MEN! vs. Dome Definitely Closed (HOU vs. TOR, 7:05, MLBN)
Miércoles Gigantes vs. Sugar, Water, Purple (SF vs. COL, 8:40, MLBN)
Small Bears vs. Wolfram Alpha (CHC vs. LAA, 9:35, MLBN)

May we not get the Black Lung!