Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years [in bed].
Abraham Lincoln
So, go nap when tired. Hopefully you being in bed is sleeping or other fun activities and not being sick.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I can’t believe he’s still hanging around here but I’ll take a shot at Aaron Hernandez [in the TE draft]. He had that real killer instinct you want in a player, doesn’t matter if it’s friend or foe, he’d take them out.
You know, with murder.
Senor Weaselo
Words of wisdom:
BeefReeferLives
This has nothing to do with the draft, but Gumby just got us tickets to see the Cure in October, yay!
Gumbygirl
Nice! Where?
ballsofsteelandfury
One of the Indian casinos in Rancho Mirage. Agua Caliente.
Gumbygirl
You sure it wasn’t The Cult?
SonOfSpam
It better not be.
Gumbygirl
Oh. My .God. He’s a fucking idiot. We have two tickets to the fucking Cult. At least they’re cheap seats, lol!
Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl
July 31, 2023 10:47 pm
Ugh, it’s not even 9. When will this stupid, stupid day be over?!!!
Gumbygirl
sorry, no cure for a bad day
SonOfSpam
Canuck ladies soccer squadoo was so bad this morning. The keeper was…I just don’t know what she was doing as far as positioning. I’m not saying the Canucks could have won. No Way. But they could have done better than the final result. Sinclair needs to hang up the cleats, Beckie needs to recover from injury and a re-set is in order.
scotchnaut
Canadian Men’s National Team: “We just totally shat the bed at the World Cup.”
Canadian Women’s National Team: “Hold our Molson.”
Dunstan
One night on patrol, I was looking for suitable fording sites along a stretch of river. That involved walking around in the friggin river at 3 in the morning. Heading back to the patrol base, as point man, I hit a German cow catcher strand of electrified wire, at dick level, in wet pants. You remember things like that.
2Pack
Fun story about local radio.
So the host asked a former NFL player (HOX legend Hugh Millen) about his thoughts on concussions and CTE.
Well Hugh Miller, he had some thoughts and delivered.
He started with the analogy about chopping wood. He said if you don’t normally use your hands, say golfing 3 times a week, you’d chew up your hands chopping that wood. Because you see, you’d have calluses on your hands to protect them.
He then extrapolated that to taking shots to the head in practice. He thinks we may look back at this time and realize we made a mistake by not having moar head hits in the offseason to develop a proper brain callus that could withstand a football season.
He definitely has a brain callus.
Mr. Ayo
Oh that is 100% science that a scientist scienced up in a science lab
Doktor Zymm
There’s no way Indy ever got tenure
Doktor Zymm
Stealing artifacts for Whitey got MANY people tenure. Mostly white guys.
WCS
publish or perish, snake-fearing attention whore
SonOfSpam
Mr. Ayo
I guess the Oxy is really kicking in
Brick Meathook
Just woke up from a three hour nod off due to oxy and vodka.
Time to try that again.
Mr. Ayo
So, this guy volunteered to do the Jaguras preview this morning and the Right Reverend approved me. Now what? How do I submit my work? Is there a format preference?
LemonJello
Write it on a computer machine and email it to the address that rev gave you.
Then await the hazing.
And thank you.
litre_cola
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [buys a cheesecake to bring to her cousin’s tomorrow, begins loading it into the car trunk along with several other things]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Make sure that cheesecake doesn’t tip over.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: It’ll be fine.
You’ll never guess what happens next!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
What kind of cheesecake was it?
Senor Weaselo
At the moment it’s plain (so tipping over wasn’t technically that big of a deal, it’s just irritating when your warnings get ignored) but I’ll be making a blueberry compote to go with it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Perhaps lead with the solution THEN point out her fuck up.
Women like that kind of romantic stuff. ”
-J Mixon, Cincinnati WKRP
blaxabbath
President Trump is being arrested for you. He has not committed any crimes. Obama/Biden has ordered the DOJ to indict him. For the record…America has been hijacked by Satanic Marxist Pedophiles…that are arresting their Political Opponents…and they’re coming for you next.
— Liz Churchill (@liz_churchill10) August 3, 2023
blaxabbath
So many people believe this shit. A really strong COVID variant would help.
SonOfSpam
God, enough with the “cult vs cure” stuff already.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Delay of Game in the 4th Quarter of a preseason game should be a hanging offense.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
My ex hired the law offices of Ben-Jarvus-Green-Ellis for our divorce proceedings so I had to settle for Dorian-Thompson-Robinson
herodotus450
Whoever gave Ben-Jarvus Green-Ellis the nickname “Law Firm” deserves all the beer.
SonOfSpam
[raises hand]
I did it. It was me.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I just got home turned on my TV and they showed a video of Aaron Rodgers and I am now sick of Aaron Rodgers. Can Tom Brady came back?
Redshirt
Let’s not say things we don’t mean
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Kellen Mond is:
-The largest Mountain on Uranus (heh)
-The largest Iroquois burial ground this side of Halifax, or
-The largest bundle of nerve endings in the vago-centric region if you know what I mean
herodotus450
Today at the DMV they had a screen showing dumb human interest stories, and one showed a picture of an enormous pearl set in an engagement ring. The caption said the bride to be found it in her clam. Hehehe.
Gumbygirl
THESE BROWNS, I CALL THEM THE IRAQI REPUBLICAN GUARD BECAUSE THEY’RE INEFFECTIVE AGAINST THE JETS THAT ARE KILLING THEM.
LemonJello
I CALL THIS JETS TOUCHDOWN THE MIDDLE EAST IN 1948 BECAUSE ISREAL SEEMS TO BE LEGIT.
scotchnaut
So…. has anyone else here actually visited the hall of fame?
I understand no one willingly goes to Ohio, but of you’re forced to, it’s worth a detour
Brocky
Gumby has been there many times. I never have. He loves it.
Gumbygirl
Given his recent concert purchase, maybe he loves The Hall of Frames in Utica?
scotchnaut
Today I learned that ChatGPT does NAWT speak Hippoese, I asked for a preview of this game in hippoese and got this:
“In a grand celebration of mighty gridiron warriors, the NFL Hall of Fame Game is set to begin in the magnificent land of Hippoese! Gather ’round, all you wild hippos, as we witness the clash of champions from seasons past. The air is thick with excitement as these football giants gather to showcase their strength and skill in a spectacle like no other.
Amidst the roaring fans, you will witness legends of the past stepping onto the hallowed turf once more. The echoes of their triumphs resonate through the savannah, as they come together to honor their greatness and immortalize their names in the Hall of Fame. These colossal beings, each with a story of valor and perseverance, are ready to leave their indelible mark in the annals of Hippoesean history.”
Doktor Zymm
Sounds delicious, please fax one over.
SonOfSpam
404: Drink Not Found Go To A Bar
Horatio Cornblower
stupid firefox
SonOfSpam
Opera
WCS
– the type of concert that Gumby actually bought tickets for while attempting to attend an Iron Butterfly show
ALTERNATELY
– the type of reservation Gumby obtained while trying to book himself a haircut
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
THIS SWISS KEEPER I CALL HER ANTONIO CROMARTIE’S KIDS, BECAUSE SHE’S OUT THERE BY HERSELF WITH NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER.
Horatio Cornblower
I haven’t seen this many exploitable holes since my time on Epstein’s island.
Mr. Ayo
The USWNT is doomed. Carli Lloyd was right.
TheRevanchist
“Dynasties don’t last forever”
-Anastasia Romanov
Doktor Zymm
1
Reply
Horatio Cornblower
Editor
Reply to Doktor Zymm
August 4, 2023 11:44 pm
“Tell me about it”
-Some princess, glaring at WCS
Horatio Cornblower
Sophie Gregoire Trudeau is back on the market!*
*petitions the RCMP yet again to void their 200 meter restriction
scotchnaut
-Next time will be better
“I’m not letting you knock me up again.”
— Princess
WCS
/played a version of poker earlier today
Me: “Let’s do the half-lake swim!”
Wifey: “Alright.”
Me: “I can’t find my swim shorts!”
Wifey: “I guess you’ll have to swim naked.”
Me: [looks around one last time, can’t find my shorts] [Also, I’m a few beers in] “Fuck it. I’m skinny dipping.”
Wifey: “NO! WAIT!” [runs frantically to a pile of freshly washed clothes] Here they are!”
tl:dr-I called my wife’s bluff. I didn’t really win anything though.
scotchnaut
https://www.espn.com/soccer/report/_/gameId/672366
WCS
Milton Keynes Dons? This is a job for JokeBot!
Input: Milton Keynes, Keynsian Economics, Don Corleone, Mafia, Soccer, Guvnas, Milton Green Milton Green Milton Green Milton Green Milton Green needs a Kidney
JokeBot 3001: “…Computing….”
JokeBot 3001: “Hacha, Hadrian’s Wall was a smaller barrier than the disagreement on interest rates at this G8 Summit meeting!”
Ah dammit, the Dennis Miller Module is acting up again.
herodotus450
Don T
Don T
Oi, i’m at the Netherlands vs South Africa match, AMA
BrettFavresColonoscopy
What’s the crowd like?
ballsofsteelandfury
I haven’t seen this many Dutch people since….well December when I was in Amsterdam I guess.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Played another 9 holes today, shot a 55, but ended with a par. I’ll take it!
Sharkbait
I’m watching YouTube fitness videos and one was titled “Giulia has a really impressive snatch”.
She’s an Olympic weightlifter.
ballsofsteelandfury
In a day or two I’ll be receiving the last of my unemployment money from the state, very happy I was able to squeeze out the full benefit considering how much I’ve paid into the damn thing over the years
Doktor Zymm
The Nobel laureates announcing the Dodgers Padres game just said that these same 2 teams will open next season with a game in Korea.
“That’s South Korea, right?”
No motherfucker they’re playing in Pyongyang and the losers have to stay!
Jesus Christ don’t they require at least a functional brain stem to get a job?
Guess that question was already answered.
yeah right
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
So many people believe this shit. A really strong COVID variant would help.
SonOfSpam
You’re aim was a bit off there, Spam.
I told you and Litre not to lick that stripper pole!
Unrelated, since I’m done with my last project meant to help me deal with my untreated chronic insomnia… What should I do next?
A Leopard 2A6 (potentially a war trophy one), a M113 ACAV (definitely a trophy), an upgunned Bren carrier (with a Ma Deuce instead of the peashooter) or spend the money I’ve earmarked for losing bets and get me moar kits.
the last socially acceptable one being this bugger (a couple of others followed it, but the … accurate inscriptions on the BMP-3 and BMD-4M are potentially bannable offences here)
I have a suggestion, but the first rule is that I’m not supposed to talk about it.
Another idea is to make soap out of human liposuction waste.
Given that one of the other options on the table is to see if one can truly make a FPV drone with an useful payload so cheaply.. That and/or looking wistfully at listings on certain obscure web sites for “surplus gear” like the Ex-Norwegian M109 for 25grand (that’s available for self-pickup from Moldova), or a lot of M113’s and YPRs from Lithuania
Um…how about writing a season preview for the Atlanta Falcons?
Let the dog decide. Jockey’s opinion.
Trying to convince Mrs. Sharkbait that we should rent a mustang when we visit Hawaii later this year. We can fit 10days- 2 weeks worth of baggage and 2 car seats in a Mustang right???
When are you going? Mrs Cola and I are going the end of Sept.
Dec here!
Mid November I think. Then to LA for a couple days
Does it matter? You’ll look cool for the 3 city blocks until you return the Mustang to its natural state – wrapped around an utility pole. Seriously though, “2 weeks of baggage” can mean a lot of things, from an assault pack-style bag (and a separate laptop bag) to the 5 piece instant hernia I have to carry for my wife, so the answer is “depends”.
Given how popular they are with the newly-enlisted in this country, it actually wouldn’t surprise me a bit if there was at least room for the 2 car seats.
It’s an American car, so the answer is yes and you probably also have room for a large dog and a 24-pack of shitty beer
Speaking of shitty beer, my $20 check from InBev arrived today! Not sure whether I should spend it on one $20 beer or twenty $1 beers.
A swarm of beers!
I’ll fit all the gansetts I can.
That poor horse. Get a Clydesdale.
Funny that this poast is right under the comments about “shitty beers”. Now there’s some serendipity / synergy.
SHITTY WOAK BEER
“Zoom Orders Workers Back to the Office”
https://www.bbc.com/news/business-66432173
Fuck zoom.
https://securityaffairs.com/149282/security/zoom-ai-privacy-issue.html
Yeeeash. Yeah, fuck those guys. Thanks for the heads up. Never used em, & now I never will. That’s some hinkey-ass shit.
Hate to break it to you, but there’s literally no one in big tech that isn’t as shite as Zoom when it comes to bugs, vulns and outright collusion with “concerned third parties”.
Didn’t use it, so don’t really care. Just poasting for the irony.
IMHO, almost all “Big Tech” is shite for privacy. Wouldn’t be surprised if DJ3000 is scraping all our responses using an ASAS (Artificial Stupid Ass Shit) algorithm in order to craft the perfect dick joke.
I work in tech and we just pushed something live without any meaningful review.
Mr. “move fast & break things” would be proud.
/still laughing at the Cure / Cult #Sorry 🤣😅
Dunno how I missed that this week. Just brilliant.
Or worse – a bored space dentist that wanted to go on a space safari in a vain attempt to show off to his space country club buddies
That does explain all the anal probing stories
It’s all making perfect sense…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZar4wRP40
Wolves manager just bounced as the clube weren’t buying anyone so he peaced out. I reckon they are in the relegation zone come year end.
Like he came in to the party, hit the buffet, had a dance, hit on the owners missus and left with a bag of cash. Probably stole the stationary too.
Sounds like he’s a natural SCOTUS. He should study up on law & join the Federalist Society.
If I had a EPL team, it’d be WOLVES.
That is how you fucking name a team.
When you know that football is very important to voters but you also don’t really like football
https://cdn.bsky.social/imgproxy/xJxzPl34IdhymJhAvYyC2id79BUzv2yLe6NBpSayZQE/rs:fit:1000:1000:1:0/plain/bafkreifpfupganikvxqeoswkovo5txjucki6vstohkdou76e373bklgcae@jpeg
Photoshop Ron on Rob.
Wait, let me rephrase that…
You should enter that phrase into an AI engine… or not.
More like
Ronda Santis is playing 4D dog-whistle chess. The play drawn up is Spyder 2Y Banana, and we all know whose favorite play that was…
[shakes fist at @BeefReeferLives for making me look up an actual diagram of that play]
Illegal procedure, only five men on the line of scrimmage.
Stupid fucking bigot.
Only has 10 guys playing defense.
Makes sense, actually.
Gerrymandering and voter suppression is just part of their game plan!!
I could build an entire sketch out of HI I’M MARK DAVIS demanding that Josh McDaniels call this play (and nothing but this play) in a real game.
Dear “Covid Hippo” I amember wen we wuz gamblin on rando countries and since I am laid up in bed may spin the wheel on the Sudamericano Cups. I can nae amember which clubs routinely fucked me over so this is probelmatic.
Fluminense and Defensa y Justicia. TOTES CAN’T LOSE
Am on vacation and am sick, of course. AT least I had one day of BC Dick and I drinking at wineries for 12 hours. At inlaws now and am afraid to go buy a NuAids test.
Nothing a quart of proper whiskey won’t cure. And as long as you don’t get a sudden urge to watch women’s curling highlights (or better yet), full game broadcasts you don’t need to worry about NuAids or a seasonal flu
Wrexham play Chief Wiggum today, in the Caribou Cup! (3p EST, ESPN+)
That’s nice and all, but there’s Champion’s League football today. Admittedly, it’s the “Who the fuck are even these teams?!” qualification round.. And sure, half the stadiums look like they double as cow pastures or local high schools’ overflow parking… but still, it’s Champions league football!
apparently some arsehole died at one of those qualifiers today! Whether or not a stabbing, the headline did not say.
Why haven’t you taken your tank in defense of Ukraine?? 😀
… Why would I want to do that? Unlike (I’m assuming) most of the commentariat here, I’ve actually had the dubious pleasure of repeatedly dealing with Ukrainians (including in-country after the 24th) so if I had to pick a side… Let’s put it like that – it won’t be the side that’s honouring the same cunts that lynched several of my great uncles, because they mistook them for Jews.
Why haven’t you taken your tank out to smite all thine enemies? 😀
Because I’m concerned about potential blowback against my family as the EU’s gone a tad 1984-y (including people getting unpersoned for being tangentially connected to Russia). If I didn’t have Anna and kids, I wouldn’t have to worry about that. At this point, I’m even actively tempted to emigrate to Russia (so long as I can keep my toys), to spend my early retirement on a nice big-ass farm somewhere east of the Urals as soon the current events end.
On a brighter note – it’s a fan brawl between AEK and Dinamo Zagreb, so stabbing’s a safe bet, though blunt force trauma or explosive mishaps are also plausible 🙂
EDIT: … WAIT, MY TANK?! What am I, a serf? tankS (and depending on one’s POV, the BMP can be considered a light tank too), though admittedly the Chiefy’s not running yet (because British engineering’s as about as overrated as the Krauts’)
I’m glad to see the spirit of football is still present (mostly in the Balkans these days), because nothing says fun quite like a 4-way fight (home vs away vs bystanders vs riot cops).
I like when the supporters from the other team in said town join up with the visiting fans. Lookin at you Roma and Lazio. They always like to join whoever is fighting their foe, bonus points for Lazio if the visiting team is also very right wing.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38156107/some-commanders-players-concerned-eric-bieniemy-intensity-ron-rivera-says
Off to a great start in the post-Danny Boy era!
Reading that article…you can see how me might come across poorly in those head coaching interviews.
‘you can see how me might come across poorly’
Typo or Hippoese?? – WHO YA GOT?
it can be two things!
cue up the “why not both?” gif!!
“Bieniemy does not discriminate about which players he barks at during practice.”
Yes, Eric knows that blatant discrimination is under the purview of team owners…
I feel like Gumby buying tickets to The Cult instead of The Cure is going to be the Buttfumble of DFO.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdM_xhHgv5U&ab_channel=TheCult-Topic
That’s like mixing up ACDC with ABBA.
Or The Who with The Hu.
Or the Red Hot Chili Peppers with the Red Hot Chili Pipers. Or the Bed Cot Filly Papers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Peg9nakSz6U
Beatles with The Shitty Beatles
The Beatles with their non-union Mexican equivalent:
Los Beatles (Juan, Pablo, Jorge, and Gringo)
Rolling Stones/ Strolling Bones. Wait, those are the same!
He just stops reading after CU which is how he ended up with a Chicago Cumdumpsters jersey.
Probably. Lemme tell you something about Gumby. He will stand in front of an open refrigerator, and ask where the milk is. The milk that’s sitting on the shelf right in front of him. So this Cure/Cult fiasco came as no real surprise to me.
I have seen both and one is significantly better than the other. The Cult sucked, Lenny Kravitz opened for them and he sucked. Quick story, during one of the first couple of (didn’t stay long) songs singer Ian Mcsucky was prancing around and flinging his very impressive man mullet about which prompted the girl sitting next to me turn to her girlfriend and yell, “I will never cut my hair again”. I think the statement speaks for itself.
I know we don’t know each other Gumby but I’m begging you, save the brain cells, do not do this to yourself.
Non refundable tickets. I may make him go with me just so I can roll my eyes and sigh dramatically.
Today was a very exctiting day in the Deadly household because while walking the dog we discovered a mulberry tree. If you’ve never had a mulberry before (like me), they are a lot like blackberries.
You didn’t by chance run into any monkeys chasing wesales around there?
POP!
Did you go round it, so early in the morning?