It’s all the Democrats’ fault, of course. Los Ángeles has been cruising along for over 80 years with nothing more than an atmospheric river every once in a while and then HILARY comes along and ruins everything.
Wake up, sheeple!
As of Saturday morning, Hurricane HILARY is a category 3 hurricane off the West Coast of Baja (aka OG) California. It is traveling north northwest at around 11 to 13 mph and it’s expected to hit land somewhere between Rosarito and TJ sometime Sunday.
***
Old Uncle Ballsy is going to tell you a story now. It’s the story of how to properly survive a Pacific Ocean Tropical Storm.
It was a long time ago in a land far far away. That land was called México and Ballsy and his brother were there on a vacation. Nay, an adventure.
We were in Manzanillo, Colima, MX at an all-inclusive resort for Spring Break. We were in college. The place was great because it had a disco/club, multiple bars, good restaurants, a gigantic pool, a grocery store stocked with bottles of liquor, private access to the beach, and, best of all, it happened to be a week when a local beauty pageant was being hosted at the resort.
Of course, there is always a catch and that came in the form of a Tropical Storm whose name has been lost to the sea. Like many things were that week.
Earlier in the week, we had made friends with a couple of Canadian girls (my love of you peeps goes way back!) and a couple of Mexican dudes that were also on vacation. This was the core group that went to the club every night and got up to shenanigans.
In what should have been a sign of things to come, I went surfing sometime midweek and got caught up in a riptide. I stupidly thought I could work my way back to the shore and quickly tired myself out. I also swallowed lots of seawater. Only then did I do the right thing and make my way to the side before coming in.
As soon as I hit the sand, I collapsed and threw up some of the most vile Prestone-coloured bile I’d ever seen. Vile bile indeed.
It shocked me because the water had been great all week. There had been talk of a killer “Green Wave” but I chalked that up to surfer lore made up over beers on the sand.
I was wrong.
The “Green Wave” was associated with storms and one was a’comin’.
We were officially notified by the hotel that the Tropical Storm would hit land right over us and that we should remain in our rooms. Luckily, it would land overnight, so we would only lose one night of partying. We decided to do the only logical thing: We raided the store for as much alcohol as we could get, invited our new friends over to our villa (if you have the means, I highly recommend a villa. It is so choice!), and prepared to ride it out drinking.
The evening started out decently and we were joking about how the locals were exaggerating. However, soon enough the winds started to whip through. The rain swiftly followed.
It started to rain sideways. The glass door sounded like firemen were pounding on it trying to break it down. The roof sounded like large animals were stomping on it. We put towels on the floor as water was coming in through the tiny gap between the door and the floor.
And we drank.
Through the night, it felt like the villa was going to collapse on itself. The sheer force of the winds and rain was something we had never experienced. Eventually, we all fell asleep and/or passed out.
In the morning, the worst of the storm was over, but the aftermath followed. We still had rain but the winds had, thankfully, died down. I remember distinctly going out for a walk to see if there was any damage and looking at the wall of the club in shock as the all-white wall was now mostly black with patches of white. And the black was moving.
Every single insect and bug you could think of was crawling on that wall. The storm had disrupted their homes and now they were trying to find somewhere to live. Unfortunately, that included my room that night.
I wrapped myself in a cocoon with my sheets and prayed nothing would bite me that would kill me as I stared at the ceiling that was crawling with bugs.
The following day was sunny and you would have never known that anything had happened.
***
Since I know you want to know:
No, I didn’t. My brother did. The Canadian girls hooked up with the Mexican guys. A little bit of pre-NAFTA cooperation, you could call it. I still have an epic picture somewhere, taken the morning after, of our large round table filled with empty bottles of booze.
***
All of this is to say that the SoCal contingent needs to take this shit seriously. Tropical Storms are no joke. Stay indoors and prep as best you can. That includes buying lots of alcohol.
It helps.
***
Allow me to remind you about DFOCon in Vegas this November. The details are first weekend in November, staying in Downtown, and good times to be had.
***
Enjoy your Saturday night! Stay safe!
Nice Balls!
That’s the 110 North transition to the 101 North
This was on the way to our meeting at House of Pies.
PIES!!!
Philippe’s!
Much better.
The Hippo Signal!
Great framing and focus on this one.
2nd St tunnel?
Napped like 6 hours today, so considering whether I should night nap before Espana/Englen or not.
/#lesserfootypillzsmilealluringly
Yinz really do have GOOD GALDURNED IDEAS
We all need to be up at 6et for this match. I know I’ll be here and awake.
the post-oxy itchies wear off yet?
Fun fact! I was prescribed anti-itching and anti-nausea pills with the oxy. So no worries there.
Beautiful
WHOOOOO
Gorgeous shot. Love the reflection.
The bad thing is that rain stops about all traffic in SoCal. Drop this kinda expected rain, you might as well as pack a tent, food, and an extra gas can in the car if you plan to hit the 405/5/101.
That’s why everyone needs to stay the fuck home. Make it like the early days of COVID and only allow essential workers out.
Not with the Mudslide Mania 2023 coming up. Better off never being home.
nods in Jim Tomsula
I wish I was there.
Look, you have to go where the Illuminati says. Them’s just teh roolz.
That’s me. I’m a goddamn essential worker.
Haven’t stayed home in 38 years.
I’m really fucking inessential in all ways.
There is a certain comfort in knowing I could blink out of existence tomorrow, with little consequence to the world at large.
Don’t you dare abandon your cats.
I would say even more limited, just emergency workers. It’s only a day, most functions that were essential during the pandemic can shut down for a day without severe consequences
SAFETY!
HOX!
That reminds me, where’s Horatio?
Safety Saturday Night for Lowratio
safe word is HATS
Napoli won their opener 3-1 after spotting them a goal, the only one they would get, in the 7th minute. Derp.
Yeah they did!!
Hunker down and stay safe SoCal contingent. Great story Balls, be well Buddy.
https://youtu.be/L6_Sm4b5HX8
I hope SoCal people are safe, stay calm, and come out ok.
But all I can think about is Pacific hurricane surf. 15-20′ waves? Young me woulda been out surfing that shit all damn day. It ain’t for everyone, you gotta know how to swim and understand currents, but damn is there some good surf to be had if you’re safeish.
I heard on the radio that they were telling people to stay out of the ocean, fat chance of that, there’s definitely gonna be a bunch of people out giving it a try
By all means, stay outta the ocean. It’s not safe.
Young me would totally been in that water. I surfed most every hurricane that hit where I lived East Coast. I was young and stupid. But so much fun.
Stay near the peir and stay the fuck away from the jetties.
Especially in Huntington near the Wedge.
Fucking hell.
So long as one does plenty of mescaline first obvs
No hurricanes in Chicago, but some epic thunderstorms including my only ever experience of thundersnow
Fuck you Lake Michigan!
The lake musta done some crazy shit to piss off Zeus like that
That shit’s been electrified.
I had some thunder snow in Norway. Just stood outside gawking like a kid at Ma Natures magistry.
It’s by far my favorite weird weather phenomenon, just so fantastic
That’s a special picture.
Whoever was taking it caught exactly the right moment
It’s a composite.
The sky was angry that evening
Yep, staying in is the way to go. Actually this is true for pretty much all extreme weather now that I think about it. Evacuate if they tell you to evacuate, otherwise stay inside.
When I lived in Maryland we got quite a few hurricane remnants that came up the coast. These were of varying severity, but none were as crazy as the derecho that hit one summer. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derecho
I was inside for the duration, actually in a movie theater with no windows, so I had no idea what was going on outside, but when I came out it was devestation. It seemed like every every tree in the county was down. I had a hell of a time getting home because most roads were blocked by entire uprooted adult trees. I finally found a route that was only mostly blocked.
Gloria was crazy. Trees down every fucking where. We had plenty of food sustenance but beer you have to aquire.
The Belmar tap stayed open and they had carryout.
Packie as the further north would call it.
They even gave us credit for the. 05 cents per bottle which was a nice touch.
Ohh neat, there’s a radar image of the derecho! In the area where I was winds of 87 mph reported. This thing crossed the Appalachians without even slowing down
What was the moviefilm you watched?
I have no idea, I looked through a list of what was released around then and nothing rings a bell. Maybe the Avengers?
Oh, I think it might have been Brave
Philly was on the northeastern end of this. It was surreal to watch.
It knocked out power to people I know in West Virginia for a couple weeks, in the middle of a heatwave.
That summer wasn’t enjoyable.
When I lived in the high desert while growing up I was fascinated with weather. Entire weather systems can disapait the second they crossed the Sierras. That shit would hit hot air and that motherfucker died before it could unleash the first rain drop.
But I’m not in the desert.
I’m right on the waterline.
I rode out both Hugo and Fran, the two inland hurricanes of note in the last 50 years. Charlotte for the first, Raleigh for the second. Ground zero for each.
It’s…certainly a life experience.
My 1988 Nissan Sentra had a 91X sticker on it until the day it blew a piston on the 405 in Orange County heading to work.
I shared my surviving hurricane Gloria last night but it took me a day to come up with a musical retort to Son of Spam.
Allow me to retort.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybYgP48X2DY
That’s good retortin’
We had dark overcast and thunderstorms here in the Central Valley. Reminded me of a midwestern storm.
I made chorizo and steak tacos and burritos this afternoon, I’ve eaten so much that I’m all Sloth and no Pirate right now.
Basically, I’m one pair of feet short of Rex Ryan.
I have vague memories of being stranded on Cape Cod during Hurricane Bob. No power for 5 days, which meant no water since my grandparents house was fed by well water.
Beer has water in it.
Now? I absolutely would stock plenty of beer. Then? I was 5. Unfortunately was out of my hands at that point
Still overcast and minimal signs of a watery death,
Hunkering like the best of the remaining hippies who still fight the good fight at Haight and Asbury.
Still weird but losing faith.
Move aside and let the mango fru.
Let the mango fru.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRqP52c0OLU
It’s coming. Trust me, it’s coming.
It may not be bad West of the 110, but around the 15 and eastwards, it will be bad