Sexy Friday – 20230825

TGIF! Happy 4th indictment week! Also, happy week 0 for JV footy, for those that celebrate.

Survival – Preseason Edition

Knee Biters vs Jerry Richardson 3/5 Memorials. CBS @ 7PM DFOST

• Bryce Young will be playing. So there’s that.
• This is also a week 5 preview for these two teams.
• CAR is 0-2 this preseason and fans are predictably and unreasonably angry at the lack of offense thus far.
• Everyone is on the LioUns bandwagon this season. I’m not Goffing to fall for that.

Evil Empire vs TITS. NFL NET @ 7:15PM DFOST

• Wait, I’m not spending all my time researching these matchups.
• I have better things to do.
• grumblegrumblegrumbleLikeYourMothergrumblegrumblegrumble
• BTW, great season preview Maestro.

Clippers vs Niners. NFL NET @ 9:00PM DFOST

• Tweaker matchup!
• This is also Lance’s Last Stand. (Edit: Nevermind. He’s non-gendered now.)
• O/U on season ending Clippers’ injuries is 1.5, I’m taking the over. Herbert isn’t playing though.

Survival – Personal Edition

While it’s still nice out, it’s good to get that motorcycle out and about. Sometimes, however, you may be the subject of road rage or otherwise be chased. In such a situation a four wheeled vehicle can just run you over. Well, let’s learn how to transfer ourselves from our motorcycle to another four wheeled vehicle while in motion.

• ATGATT. This is an acronym for All The Gear All The Time. While this will be extra helpful in the situation, the truth is every time you climb on a motorcycle is very dangerous on public roads. So, make sure you have your full complement of helmet, gloves, leathers, and boots.
• First you need to match speed with the car you’re going to climb into. Unless you’re a professional stunt person, make sure the speeds are under 60mph.
• Wait until you’re on a longish section of straight road with no stoplights or stop signs or traffic. Consistent speed and direction is essential here.
• You’ll want to approach the passenger side of the car and be as close as possible to the car. Since the rear windows of most cars today do not roll all the way down, you’ll also want to target the front passenger seat. Make sure there’s adequate room on the passenger side of the vehicle on the portion of the road you’ll be attempting this maneuver.
• Remind yourself to hold the throttle steady until you’re ready to jump. Any release of the throttle will slow your motorcycle and screw everything up.
• Using your left hand, try to find a handle on the inside of the passenger door to grab. Don’t grab the seat belt as that will loosen with your weight. No worries if you can’t find a handle. Just brace your hand on the inside of the door.
• Now leap far enough to make sure your torso clears the door frame. Hopefully there is someone in addition to the driver to grab you and pull you in.
• Have the driver swerve away from your soon to be crashed motorcycle and speed up. We don’t want that motorcycle going under the rear tire.
• If at any time during this process you aren’t going to make it, push yourself away from the vehicle and tuck and roll.

Time to ride off into the sunset safe and secure. Also, mentally prepare for the insurance fight.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!