If y’all thought the afternoon schedule was ridiculous, we are entering into (S)sublime territory. FOAR Ballsy:
Ballsy: Thank you Hippo! May The Pills Be With U! I’ll chip in with some thoughts and/or cheerleaders.
UMass (+6.5) at New Mexico State (7:00, ESPN)
I shit thee not, Team #133 out of 133 D-1A schools (at least per The Athletic) is featured on ESPN’s first foray into 2023 primetime. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humoUr? You may remember NM State’s coach from his previous gig at Minnesota, where he had a horrifying, gameday, on-field seizure.
Ballsy: I’ve driven past New Mexico State in Las Cruces. That’s a hell of a place to go to school. They have nice buildings though!
[Non-Theeeeee] Ohio (+2.5) at San Diego State (7:00, FS1)
This seems like a trap line, even if the JV BOLTMEN!! are even MOAR defensively minded than they are in hoopsball. Maybe the Bobcats are good? Anyway, these teams always run the ball, so maybe it’s over before 9:00.
Ballsy: SDSU is debuting a new stadium and trying to impress any real conference (read Big 12 or ACC) that might want them. Give the points. Also this:
http://www.sdsucheerleading.com/newandevents
Hawaii (+17.5) at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Probably what I will mostly watch, just for the pure, unadulterated weirdness of it all. Does it mean MOAR even when it’s Vandy, on SEC Network?
San Jose State (+Eleventy Billion.5) at Southern Cal (8:00, PAC-12)
Pour one out for this soon-to-be-ded sportsball network. I get like 7-8 channels of it, no less. In North Cakalaky. May you live in interesting times, indeed.
Ballsy: The USC Song Girl sweater is available for sale at the student bookstore. For those fun times with the Mrs….
Florida International (+11) at Louisiana Tech (9:00, CBSSN)
One of these schools employed Butch Davis, the other springboarded Jake Delhomme into being. Hippo knoes who he done gonna root for. Delhomme’s local ads (when a Black Panther) for Bojangles’ chicken? Fookin’ legendary.
Ballsy: It’s Saturday Night, y’all! Mute the volume on the games, turn up the First Wave Safety Dance, and crack open a cold one! Enjoy!
Home now. Most of my brains are dead. My last fare had to be loaded into an ambulance with what looked like alcohol poisoning. Two massive rainstorms made my feet all squishy and itchy. Harrisonburg PD did its usual atrocious job all day, all over town. Just a complete Nazi shitshow for no reason. Imagine trying to stop college kids from boozing. How? Why? Go away please?
Little man has a game at 10:00 tomorrow, but I’ll be aboard for barcode/redshite warfare at 12:30.
I caught the BS High doc on the Bishop Sycamore “high school” football team. Which I liked. Two taeks:
1. Bomani Jones is great
2. There are scumbags. And two rungs down, leeches who think they’re slick. God damn Roy Johnson’s fake laugh was grating.
Goodnight my darling dears.! This is for all of you.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwId701JQt4/?igshid=MmU2YjMzNjRlOQ==
[Mutters “no napkin mumble mumble”]
Thanks! Here’s a joke
Three house pets – a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat – all die and go to heaven. As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.
God turns to the dog and says “The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate principles? What do you believe in?”
The dog says “I believe in loyalty, companionship, and love. I have been a cherished part of my owner’s family for many years.”
God smiles. “Truly, you have a pure and loving heart. You shall sit at my right hand.”
He then turns to the parakeet. “What do you believe in?” “I believe in color, flamboyance, and music,” the parakeet says. “For many years I have displayed my beautiful feathers and filled my owner’s house with song.”
“Your beauty is truly magnificent,” God says. “And your song shall echo through the universe. You shall sit at my left.”
God finally turns to the house cat. “And you, majestic little predator, what do you believe in?”
The cat lazily surveys God’s throne and says,
“I believe you are in my seat.”
Capitol Hill:
Cocaine Bear – funny in spots, but it couldn’t figure out what it wanted to be. Splatter horror feel-good comedy of the year? Wife fell asleep in the middle of it. Better than last week’s Knock At the Cabin, but that was a low bar to clear.
A bear with cocaine? OMG that’s hilarious! THAT MOVIE CAN’T LOSE – Movie executive
-while doing just mountains of cocaine
The phrase “Girl Dad” sounds like Buck Angel fanfiction
Sounds like a super hero. “Won’t nag. Gets shit done. Will silent treatment you for years. She’s GiiiIRL DAD”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJaLpAj1JLE&ab_channel=MostlySimpsons
Arleen Sorkin passed away?
Damn it, 2023. You’ve made your point!
Fried green tomatoes with shrimp:
Probably going to meet up with you sum bitches in Vegas. I let my passport expire during Covid (because I’m dumber than shit) but I’m getting that fixed up.
Too bad it’s nawt just drivers licenses nowadays
Fuck yeah, Scotchy!
We’ll give you the full treatment.
Hell yes!
This guy was on I-66 in Virginia where traffic was easily doing 85 MPH; he was doing maybe 50 MPH. The car was very small; note right-hand steering. I like it, but dang it wasn’t built for this roadway.
That soviet?
I think it’s French. That’s a guess. But not Soviet, it’s too nice for that.
Citroen C2V? Citroen for sure.
2CV
Question if anyone else does this.
If I am not near my home and am at any resto (usually not from North America, BBQ excluded) I always make an order for later Litre. Is it that I am a stoner? Is it that I am rarely near that side of town? Is it that I rarely get to have Turkish? Ethiopian? Salvadorean? Probably, but I ALWAYS order 2 meals for myself and save one for later Litre.
Define “later”
3 hour time lag minimum.
I do that with delivery
Same. Lunch tomorrow! Extra Chinese/Indian/Italian. I do NOT cross the tracks no matter how stoned. I save minimum 4 hours, or overnight depending on time of purchase.
Back in my younger, even more drunker days (Ottawa) I would order one thing for me for that evening and one thing for ‘tomorrow me’ that I would enjoy with a fried egg on top of it.
I have never done that in my life.
One thing I *have* done while on the road for work – on consecutive days last week, in fact – is order a second fast food sandwich/burger and eat it with my regular meal so that I don’t get hungry later.
And that works? I know I have a fucked relationship to food and have probably dulled whatever natural impulses may have originally existed, but the amount of food I eat has little to no bearing on how hungry I am later
For me, yeah. I ate at maybe 3 o’clock both days and wasn’t hungry again until the next morning.
I don’t buy dinner for later Dick. I leave him with the consequences of current Dick’s choices. Later Dick hates past Dick. Current Dick lives in the moment.
I know you very well. This is absolutely bang on.
Stetson Bennett…looks like a drunken frat boy at the next level.
So you’re saying that Stetson Bennett is the Mac Jones of Mark Sanchez’s?
this checks out!
I hate the vast majority of things right now. Any fencesitters should come to Vegas and help make the weekend amazing enough to slightly restore any possible faith in humanity, or, alternately, perform a hit for me
U coming Friday with me and Don T or Sat?
Hell yes
I’m in on Saturday. Land about noon.
/ claps hands gleefully
“perform a hit” – you gots Hippo’s attention!!
I want death assured in mime
My wife is in Vegas this weekend for Beyonce. I hope she really fucks up while she’s there so i can do November like a MFer.
Two graves I saw today:
I love walking around a graveyard by a church. The older the better. That’s where you find some hilarious names, or weird epitaphs.
I’ve been to some amazing ones. Colonial graveyards in se asia for example, I remember one that was so sad, one couple had something like 8 kids die before their 3rd bday. I know it happened 150 years ago but damn
Yeah, the kid ones are sad. Scotland had some great ones, and there was a place near a ruined castle that had Crusader graves. They have the full length slabs on them carved with effigies. So cool! We went to a bunch in Italy too. In this country, the St. Louis ones in New Orleans are suitably atmospheric. I never understand people who won’t live near a graveyard, they are perfect neighbors. My dad grew up next door to an old one in Pittsburgh.
Oh I would 100% live by a graveyard! I was lucky enough to go to Krak de Chevalier in Syria before everything got bombed to shit and it was amazing. The whole concept of crusaders is odd, but they left great relics and ruins
Pittsburgh has great cemeteries! I love the old Orthodox ones!
ALSO: “Cemetery adjacent” guarantees a quiet neighborhood. Definitely a plus.
The community I work in is ‘old’ for Canada-I recently walked through the graveyard and noted that-
A) Women either outlived their husband by decades or,
B) Obviously died during childbirth or,
C) Of some disease
D) So many children died before the age of 10
In the graveyard that my wife’s grandparents are buried in, there’s a marker that the person was born and died on the same day and year I was born. So sad
I think I just put it together just now. On family areas there are very small plaques with just initials like, “JW”, or “ST”-they must be infants that died shortly after birth or before they were baptized.
I grew up right next to Arlington Cemetery, so I ‘m a cemetery connoisseur. I go to every one I find. The greatest cemetery (in the U.S. anyway) is Forest Lawn Glendale (in L.A.). It is truly the Disneyland of cemeteries, and it predates Disneyland by 30 years.
Caleb Williams immediately screaming at his offensive linemen after getting sacked automatically rockets him to the top of the Jets draft board.
Fuck USC.
NM State should have an alternate “Los Pollos Hermanos” kit.
Really hope the Denver Broncos have as much energy in 2023 as the Grandson Kitten Bronco.
That was the worst facemask I’ve seen in quite some time.
Cat sitting in front of cable box so I am stuck on NM State/JV Massholes B at the moment
Back from a wedding.(a nephew) I made it to 8:30 and wife was happy with that. She was concerned there wasn’t enough food for the event so she went bananas. We’ll have ham, roast potatoes, potato salad and egg salad sandwiches for the foreseeable future.
/hey, only 5 Giants were injured tonight. Facking great.
Sounds great to me!
I’m afraid one of my nieces is going to get married soon, and i’ll have to go to PA. I don’t want to!
Advantages of living in a small town: The ceremony was 28 minutes away and the reception was 7 minutes away from home.
That is helpful, at least you can pass out in your own bed. Did you get any cake? That’s the one thing that might lure me back to Yinzland, the cookie table. WCS knows what I’m talking about!
I would love to see you! My family…
Where in PA?
Pittsburgh area.
Ah, can’t help there
I hate weddings and if there’s one blessing of being a shut-in on and off suicide watch for the last decade it’s that I don’t have to go to many of them.
The announcers for the Pac-12 network calling the USC game have all the enthusiasm of a North Korean prisoner’s confession apology speech.
In 2023m Roll Damn Tide are the spunky little underdogs ain’t nobody believe in. Hippo looks forward to annoying the Clubhouse with this Narrative.
Bob Barker dead at 99. I totally thought that he was dead already.
We had the same conversation here earlier today.
99 is a good life. That’s like cheating death by a good decade.
“And always have your pet spayed or neutered.”
He didn’t go over.
He came on down!
He fell off that mountain climber game, and got Plinko’d. Yodelayhehoo!
There’s no better joke, right? He can’t die at one dollar so this is the best you get.
YEAH, Mr. White! PRIZES!!!
Of course I saw Bob Barker in person.
1983? I wanna say?
Me and my two best friends did a taping of The Price Is Right.
I did not “Come on down!” But the girl sitting next to me who also stood in the same stand by line for 3 hours, she did indeed “Come on Down!”
Made it to the showcase show down too.
Fuck me, I’ve lived in California a long time.
For all of the reasons.
When I was in high school, a bunch of my friends and I tried to get on Bowling For Dollars, but they knew we were white punks on dope and didn’t pick us. The host of the show was a guy named Nick Perry, who a few years later went to the slammer for rigging the PA lottery.
When I was a toddler, Bowling for Dollars was my favorite show. It was actually the start of my college fund because my parents sent my name in and I guess I got matched to a guy who was really good at bowling
Chick Hearn was the announcer baby!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1980_Pennsylvania_Lottery_scandal
Back spasms for Ohio QB
You should be watching the CPL. Forge v Athleti.
/they only get the Hippo speak because they are indeed owned by Athletico Madrid who are Davies hunting.
Wow, Tirana/Lesser Leafs is shite even in the MLS
Targetted ads are not all bad. Mrs Cola has been bathing suit shopping for our trip in a month and sending me ideas via social media. Well, my week has been curvy women in bathing suits, and lingerie targetted and its her fault!
My computer thinks I’m a lipstick lesbian. No clue how it could have gotten that idea.
Yeah, I always had you pegged as a bull dyke.
I had him pegged as a twank. He slid off.
pffft, I don’t have the fasion sense to pull that off
Not a bad outcome. I get a lot of ads for weird shirts and metallic objects that seem sexual but I’m not sure what they actually are. I’m not clicking on that. I want explicitly sexual objects.
The Athletic thinks I’m a Satanist, likely because I subscribe to the #BFIB feed.
That checks out.
We openly wondered (and discussed) in April/May what we might have done to make Ol’ Scratch abandon us.
But the subtly sexual secrets you migght find in those ad comment sections!
Saturday in the right house.
Did we order food?
Fuck no!
Made 2 flatbreads. One with bacon, onion, Porcini mushroom and sun dried tomatoes.
The other with bacon, Porcini and roasted red bell pepper.
Delightful.
Not fun preheating an oven to 450 but you got to love the cost to make.
Almost free except when did a slab of basic bacon start costing 13 bucks?
Fuck is that?
Yeah, I’m cheating on Oscar Meyer with Mr. Hoffy. He’s a cheap date.
Pinks hot dogs in Hollywood sells ONLY Hoffy brand hot dogs.
I love them. They are great on the grill. The bacon is delicious too, but fatter than the stable genius.
Did anyone else see and like the Barbie movie? That was pretty good, I thought. Unless you have no sense of perspective or sense of humour that was a good movie. And a nice little window into how women have to live. The bit where she says she feels a definite undertone of violence to the attention given to her from men was one I liked. As a joke, not as a thing of which I approve.
That being said, with consent a lot of women like an undertone of violence. Consensual non-consent is a wonderful thing.
I wouldn’t mind watching. It sounded like fun but I’m still not good going in to a theater.
COVID done fucked up my brain wiring.
Last time I saw a movie in a theater was 2019.
Planes now make me extra itchy. I have indeed considered driving to Vegas.
Right.. planes….
I’ve got a non stop from Barcelona to home in a few weeks.
Thirteen and a half hours in a plane confined with the same motherfuckers.
That will be interesting.
That’s reasonable. With Canada’s low population density I’ve not worried about that but I saw the movie at a drive-in theatre by chance. Those need to come back in a big way. Lots of fun
Did people ride their moose in from adjacent provinces and such?
Educate yourself. We ride caribou.
Elk in Alberta, Bison in Manitoba.
Rats or raccoons in Southern Ontario. Bears in Northern Ontario
That’s the Buddy Signal!!!!!
I love drive ins. When my girls were little the dead departed former missus would drive there and I had a lovely ice chest just packed to the gills with cold frosty beverages. The former missus would just blaze the fuck out to her hearts content and I had a designated driver home.
That’s the best part. Bring all your shit in a cooler and enjoy the show. People were out there playing football and soccer. Blowing up inflatable rafts for some reason. It was like a community event. They still make money on tickets and popcorn so they don’t care. Also this one is on reserve land so they aren’t paying taxes. They don’t need the cola money as long as they fill the parking spots.
Did you also go to the goat walk with all the weird shit in the front yard?
No, locals don’t do that shit. I only went with you because you have red plates and I could cough on people wearing masks to make Albertans look bad.
Nice freedumb on ya.
Doun’t tread on me
Just got back from seeing it with Mrs GTD. It was funny and entertaining
I like to mess around with fancy cocktails, but sometimes the day just calls for a Tom Collins.
U coming to Vegas? 1st one of those is on me. Not literally, I will pay for it, the drink that is.
Not sure. I’d like to, but not sure if the timing will work.
A wall I saw today:
Donks will also try to avenge their Xmas RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! rogering at 9p EST (NFLN)
Jets might turn out to be good. Might.