Farewell to August (JV NFL Week Nil Night Thread)

If y’all thought the afternoon schedule was ridiculous, we are entering into (S)sublime territory.  FOAR Ballsy:

Ballsy:  Thank you Hippo! May The Pills Be With U! I’ll chip in with some thoughts and/or cheerleaders.

UMass (+6.5) at New Mexico State (7:00, ESPN)

I shit thee not, Team #133 out of 133 D-1A schools (at least per The Athletic) is featured on ESPN’s first foray into 2023 primetime.  Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humoUr?  You may remember NM State’s coach from his previous gig at Minnesota, where he had a horrifying, gameday, on-field seizure.

Ballsy: I’ve driven past New Mexico State in Las Cruces. That’s a hell of a place to go to school. They have nice buildings though!

[Non-Theeeeee] Ohio (+2.5) at San Diego State (7:00, FS1)

This seems like a trap line, even if the JV BOLTMEN!! are even MOAR defensively minded than they are in hoopsball.  Maybe the Bobcats are good?  Anyway, these teams always run the ball, so maybe it’s over before 9:00.

Ballsy: SDSU is debuting a new stadium and trying to impress any real conference (read Big 12 or ACC) that might want them. Give the points. Also this:

http://www.sdsucheerleading.com/newandevents

Hawaii (+17.5) at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)

Probably what I will mostly watch, just for the pure, unadulterated weirdness of it all.  Does it mean MOAR even when it’s Vandy, on SEC Network?

San Jose State (+Eleventy Billion.5) at Southern Cal (8:00, PAC-12)

Pour one out for this soon-to-be-ded sportsball network.  I get like 7-8 channels of it, no less.  In North Cakalaky.  May you live in interesting times, indeed.

Ballsy: The USC Song Girl sweater is available for sale at the student bookstore. For those fun times with the Mrs….

 

Florida International (+11) at Louisiana Tech (9:00, CBSSN)

One of these schools employed Butch Davis, the other springboarded Jake Delhomme into being.  Hippo knoes who he done gonna root for.  Delhomme’s local ads (when a Black Panther) for Bojangles’ chicken?  Fookin’ legendary.

Ballsy: It’s Saturday Night, y’all! Mute the volume on the games, turn up the First Wave Safety Dance, and crack open a cold one! Enjoy!

5 4 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
131 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Fronkenshteen

Home now. Most of my brains are dead. My last fare had to be loaded into an ambulance with what looked like alcohol poisoning. Two massive rainstorms made my feet all squishy and itchy. Harrisonburg PD did its usual atrocious job all day, all over town. Just a complete Nazi shitshow for no reason. Imagine trying to stop college kids from boozing. How? Why? Go away please?
Little man has a game at 10:00 tomorrow, but I’ll be aboard for barcode/redshite warfare at 12:30.

Don T

comment image

Don T

I caught the BS High doc on the Bishop Sycamore “high school” football team. Which I liked. Two taeks:
1. Bomani Jones is great
2. There are scumbags. And two rungs down, leeches who think they’re slick. God damn Roy Johnson’s fake laugh was grating.

Gumbygirl

Goodnight my darling dears.! This is for all of you.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwId701JQt4/?igshid=MmU2YjMzNjRlOQ==

Mr. Ayo

comment image

Don T

[Mutters “no napkin mumble mumble”]

Gumbygirl

Thanks! Here’s a joke
Three house pets – a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat – all die and go to heaven. As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.
God turns to the dog and says “The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate principles? What do you believe in?”
The dog says “I believe in loyalty, companionship, and love. I have been a cherished part of my owner’s family for many years.”
God smiles. “Truly, you have a pure and loving heart. You shall sit at my right hand.”
He then turns to the parakeet. “What do you believe in?” “I believe in color, flamboyance, and music,” the parakeet says. “For many years I have displayed my beautiful feathers and filled my owner’s house with song.”
“Your beauty is truly magnificent,” God says. “And your song shall echo through the universe. You shall sit at my left.”
God finally turns to the house cat. “And you, majestic little predator, what do you believe in?”
The cat lazily surveys God’s throne and says,
“I believe you are in my seat.”

Brick Meathook

Capitol Hill:

comment image

BugEyedBoo

Cocaine Bear – funny in spots, but it couldn’t figure out what it wanted to be. Splatter horror feel-good comedy of the year? Wife fell asleep in the middle of it. Better than last week’s Knock At the Cabin, but that was a low bar to clear.

Brick Meathook

A bear with cocaine? OMG that’s hilarious! THAT MOVIE CAN’T LOSE – Movie executive

WCS

-while doing just mountains of cocaine

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The phrase “Girl Dad” sounds like Buck Angel fanfiction

Don T

Sounds like a super hero. “Won’t nag. Gets shit done. Will silent treatment you for years. She’s GiiiIRL DAD”

Brick Meathook

comment image

Redshirt

Arleen Sorkin passed away?

Damn it, 2023. You’ve made your point!

Brick Meathook

Fried green tomatoes with shrimp:

comment image

scotchnaut

Probably going to meet up with you sum bitches in Vegas. I let my passport expire during Covid (because I’m dumber than shit) but I’m getting that fixed up.

Doktor Zymm

Too bad it’s nawt just drivers licenses nowadays

yeah right

Fuck yeah, Scotchy!

We’ll give you the full treatment.

Hell yes!

Brick Meathook

This guy was on I-66 in Virginia where traffic was easily doing 85 MPH; he was doing maybe 50 MPH. The car was very small; note right-hand steering. I like it, but dang it wasn’t built for this roadway.

comment image

Doktor Zymm

That soviet?

Brick Meathook

I think it’s French. That’s a guess. But not Soviet, it’s too nice for that.

BugEyedBoo

Citroen C2V? Citroen for sure.

BugEyedBoo

2CV

Brick Meathook

comment image

litre_cola

Question if anyone else does this.

If I am not near my home and am at any resto (usually not from North America, BBQ excluded) I always make an order for later Litre. Is it that I am a stoner? Is it that I am rarely near that side of town? Is it that I rarely get to have Turkish? Ethiopian? Salvadorean? Probably, but I ALWAYS order 2 meals for myself and save one for later Litre.

herodotus450

Define “later”

litre_cola

3 hour time lag minimum.

Doktor Zymm

I do that with delivery

litre_cola

Same. Lunch tomorrow! Extra Chinese/Indian/Italian. I do NOT cross the tracks no matter how stoned. I save minimum 4 hours, or overnight depending on time of purchase.

scotchnaut

Back in my younger, even more drunker days (Ottawa) I would order one thing for me for that evening and one thing for ‘tomorrow me’ that I would enjoy with a fried egg on top of it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have never done that in my life.

One thing I *have* done while on the road for work – on consecutive days last week, in fact – is order a second fast food sandwich/burger and eat it with my regular meal so that I don’t get hungry later.

Doktor Zymm

And that works? I know I have a fucked relationship to food and have probably dulled whatever natural impulses may have originally existed, but the amount of food I eat has little to no bearing on how hungry I am later

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For me, yeah. I ate at maybe 3 o’clock both days and wasn’t hungry again until the next morning.

BC Dick

I don’t buy dinner for later Dick. I leave him with the consequences of current Dick’s choices. Later Dick hates past Dick. Current Dick lives in the moment.

litre_cola

I know you very well. This is absolutely bang on.

scotchnaut

So you’re saying that Stetson Bennett is the Mac Jones of Mark Sanchez’s?

Last edited 1 year ago by scotchnaut
Doktor Zymm

I hate the vast majority of things right now. Any fencesitters should come to Vegas and help make the weekend amazing enough to slightly restore any possible faith in humanity, or, alternately, perform a hit for me

litre_cola

U coming Friday with me and Don T or Sat?

Doktor Zymm

Hell yes

yeah right

I’m in on Saturday. Land about noon.

/ claps hands gleefully

Doktor Zymm

I want death assured in mime

blaxabbath

My wife is in Vegas this weekend for Beyonce. I hope she really fucks up while she’s there so i can do November like a MFer.

Brick Meathook

Two graves I saw today:

comment image

comment image

Gumbygirl

I love walking around a graveyard by a church. The older the better. That’s where you find some hilarious names, or weird epitaphs.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been to some amazing ones. Colonial graveyards in se asia for example, I remember one that was so sad, one couple had something like 8 kids die before their 3rd bday. I know it happened 150 years ago but damn

Gumbygirl

Yeah, the kid ones are sad. Scotland had some great ones, and there was a place near a ruined castle that had Crusader graves. They have the full length slabs on them carved with effigies. So cool! We went to a bunch in Italy too. In this country, the St. Louis ones in New Orleans are suitably atmospheric. I never understand people who won’t live near a graveyard, they are perfect neighbors. My dad grew up next door to an old one in Pittsburgh.

Doktor Zymm

Oh I would 100% live by a graveyard! I was lucky enough to go to Krak de Chevalier in Syria before everything got bombed to shit and it was amazing. The whole concept of crusaders is odd, but they left great relics and ruins

Brick Meathook

Pittsburgh has great cemeteries! I love the old Orthodox ones!

Brick Meathook

ALSO: “Cemetery adjacent” guarantees a quiet neighborhood. Definitely a plus.

scotchnaut

The community I work in is ‘old’ for Canada-I recently walked through the graveyard and noted that-

A) Women either outlived their husband by decades or,

B) Obviously died during childbirth or,

C) Of some disease

D) So many children died before the age of 10

Game Time Decision

In the graveyard that my wife’s grandparents are buried in, there’s a marker that the person was born and died on the same day and year I was born. So sad

scotchnaut

I think I just put it together just now. On family areas there are very small plaques with just initials like, “JW”, or “ST”-they must be infants that died shortly after birth or before they were baptized.

Brick Meathook

I grew up right next to Arlington Cemetery, so I ‘m a cemetery connoisseur. I go to every one I find. The greatest cemetery (in the U.S. anyway) is Forest Lawn Glendale (in L.A.). It is truly the Disneyland of cemeteries, and it predates Disneyland by 30 years.

WCS

Caleb Williams immediately screaming at his offensive linemen after getting sacked automatically rockets him to the top of the Jets draft board.

blaxabbath

Fuck USC.

scotchnaut

That was the worst facemask I’ve seen in quite some time.

scotchnaut

Back from a wedding.(a nephew) I made it to 8:30 and wife was happy with that. She was concerned there wasn’t enough food for the event so she went bananas. We’ll have ham, roast potatoes, potato salad and egg salad sandwiches for the foreseeable future.

/hey, only 5 Giants were injured tonight. Facking great.

litre_cola

Sounds great to me!

Gumbygirl

I’m afraid one of my nieces is going to get married soon, and i’ll have to go to PA. I don’t want to!

scotchnaut

Advantages of living in a small town: The ceremony was 28 minutes away and the reception was 7 minutes away from home.

Gumbygirl

That is helpful, at least you can pass out in your own bed. Did you get any cake? That’s the one thing that might lure me back to Yinzland, the cookie table. WCS knows what I’m talking about!

WCS

comment image

Gumbygirl

I would love to see you! My family…

Doktor Zymm

Where in PA?

Gumbygirl

Pittsburgh area.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, can’t help there

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I hate weddings and if there’s one blessing of being a shut-in on and off suicide watch for the last decade it’s that I don’t have to go to many of them.

WCS

The announcers for the Pac-12 network calling the USC game have all the enthusiasm of a North Korean prisoner’s confession apology speech.

litre_cola

Bob Barker dead at 99. I totally thought that he was dead already.

yeah right

We had the same conversation here earlier today.

99 is a good life. That’s like cheating death by a good decade.

“And always have your pet spayed or neutered.”

litre_cola

He didn’t go over.

yeah right

He came on down!

Gumbygirl

He fell off that mountain climber game, and got Plinko’d. Yodelayhehoo!

BC Dick

There’s no better joke, right? He can’t die at one dollar so this is the best you get.

WCS

comment image

yeah right

Of course I saw Bob Barker in person.

1983? I wanna say?
Me and my two best friends did a taping of The Price Is Right.

I did not “Come on down!” But the girl sitting next to me who also stood in the same stand by line for 3 hours, she did indeed “Come on Down!”
Made it to the showcase show down too.

Fuck me, I’ve lived in California a long time.

For all of the reasons.

Gumbygirl

When I was in high school, a bunch of my friends and I tried to get on Bowling For Dollars, but they knew we were white punks on dope and didn’t pick us. The host of the show was a guy named Nick Perry, who a few years later went to the slammer for rigging the PA lottery.

Doktor Zymm

When I was a toddler, Bowling for Dollars was my favorite show. It was actually the start of my college fund because my parents sent my name in and I guess I got matched to a guy who was really good at bowling

yeah right

Chick Hearn was the announcer baby!

litre_cola

You should be watching the CPL. Forge v Athleti.

/they only get the Hippo speak because they are indeed owned by Athletico Madrid who are Davies hunting.

litre_cola

Targetted ads are not all bad. Mrs Cola has been bathing suit shopping for our trip in a month and sending me ideas via social media. Well, my week has been curvy women in bathing suits, and lingerie targetted and its her fault!

Dunstan

Yeah, I always had you pegged as a bull dyke.

BC Dick

I had him pegged as a twank. He slid off.

BC Dick

Not a bad outcome. I get a lot of ads for weird shirts and metallic objects that seem sexual but I’m not sure what they actually are. I’m not clicking on that. I want explicitly sexual objects.

yeah right

That checks out.

Doktor Zymm

But the subtly sexual secrets you migght find in those ad comment sections!

yeah right

Saturday in the right house.
Did we order food?

Fuck no!
Made 2 flatbreads. One with bacon, onion, Porcini mushroom and sun dried tomatoes.
The other with bacon, Porcini and roasted red bell pepper.

Delightful.

Not fun preheating an oven to 450 but you got to love the cost to make.

Almost free except when did a slab of basic bacon start costing 13 bucks?

Fuck is that?

Gumbygirl

Yeah, I’m cheating on Oscar Meyer with Mr. Hoffy. He’s a cheap date.

yeah right

Pinks hot dogs in Hollywood sells ONLY Hoffy brand hot dogs.

Gumbygirl

I love them. They are great on the grill. The bacon is delicious too, but fatter than the stable genius.

BC Dick

Did anyone else see and like the Barbie movie? That was pretty good, I thought. Unless you have no sense of perspective or sense of humour that was a good movie. And a nice little window into how women have to live. The bit where she says she feels a definite undertone of violence to the attention given to her from men was one I liked. As a joke, not as a thing of which I approve.
That being said, with consent a lot of women like an undertone of violence. Consensual non-consent is a wonderful thing.

IMG_3879.png
yeah right

I wouldn’t mind watching. It sounded like fun but I’m still not good going in to a theater.

COVID done fucked up my brain wiring.

Last time I saw a movie in a theater was 2019.

WCS

Right.. planes….

comment image

yeah right

I’ve got a non stop from Barcelona to home in a few weeks.

Thirteen and a half hours in a plane confined with the same motherfuckers.

That will be interesting.

BC Dick

That’s reasonable. With Canada’s low population density I’ve not worried about that but I saw the movie at a drive-in theatre by chance. Those need to come back in a big way. Lots of fun

BC Dick

Educate yourself. We ride caribou.

litre_cola

Elk in Alberta, Bison in Manitoba.

Game Time Decision

Rats or raccoons in Southern Ontario. Bears in Northern Ontario

litre_cola

That’s the Buddy Signal!!!!!

yeah right

I love drive ins. When my girls were little the dead departed former missus would drive there and I had a lovely ice chest just packed to the gills with cold frosty beverages. The former missus would just blaze the fuck out to her hearts content and I had a designated driver home.

BC Dick

That’s the best part. Bring all your shit in a cooler and enjoy the show. People were out there playing football and soccer. Blowing up inflatable rafts for some reason. It was like a community event. They still make money on tickets and popcorn so they don’t care. Also this one is on reserve land so they aren’t paying taxes. They don’t need the cola money as long as they fill the parking spots.

litre_cola

Did you also go to the goat walk with all the weird shit in the front yard?

BC Dick

No, locals don’t do that shit. I only went with you because you have red plates and I could cough on people wearing masks to make Albertans look bad.

litre_cola

Nice freedumb on ya.

BC Dick

Doun’t tread on me

Game Time Decision

Just got back from seeing it with Mrs GTD. It was funny and entertaining

Dunstan

I like to mess around with fancy cocktails, but sometimes the day just calls for a Tom Collins.

collins.jpg
litre_cola

U coming to Vegas? 1st one of those is on me. Not literally, I will pay for it, the drink that is.

Dunstan

Not sure. I’d like to, but not sure if the timing will work.

Brick Meathook

A wall I saw today:

comment image

TheRevanchist

Jets might turn out to be good. Might.