Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the twentieth edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.

• Rev is off tonight. When the flock calls, you get flocking moving.
• I’m back from some globe trotting. As in I literally flew all the way around the world. Fortunately with a few stops and not in a balloon, but it was a lot of travel.  And good times. More to come on that soon as I reintegrate into real life and/or the clubhouse.
• Oh and I absolutely haven’t started my Bears preview yet, so adjust lower your expectations accordingly.
• How long is a moment? I don’t mean poetically, like 525,600 minutes seasons of love stuff. I mean when a customer service rep says “one moment please,” what’s a reasonable amount of time for silence?
• When did the MPAA become the MPA?
• On a brighter note, AMC will deliver your popcorn to your seat. What a country!
• Yes, I saw the Barbie movie in theaters, and it really was quite good.
• Let’s keep the movie theme going. I finally saw a trailer for the Wonka movie with TimTam CharlieBrown, and I think they should have just had Nicolas Cage play Wonka. I would pay to see that.
• This is an incredible headline and I hope there really is a big sun bear conspiracy.
• You ever walk up to an automated sensing thing, whether it’s a sink or a soap dispenser or a hand dryer, and it just won’t work for you? So you move your hands back and forth to try and trigger it, but still nothing, making you move over to another sink or dispenser and all the while you see other bathroomgoers using these items just fine making you stop, if only for a brief moment, to wonder if you’re dead or if you just don’t exist or this is all a simulation and your NPC is glitching. But then it works on the fifth try and you can’t decide if that answers any of the previous questions? Yeah, me neither.
• Are there Karens in Europe? I was walking through an airport in Spain and saw Kate Gosselin’s cut pasted onto a less attractive woman’s head.
• As long as I’m asking ridiculous questions, who on God’s green earth is drinking Southern Comfort in a high end airport lounge? I see literally no reason for it to be stocked and yet….there it is. It’s not the last thing I would pour out of the self serve (cough Drambuie cough) but it’s close.
• I had to have been the poorest person in business class on my flight. My “gut” on that is supported by the general sense of entitlement/privilege aboard, the designer clothing/bags up the wazoo (including the guy head to toe in an Adidas jumpsuit and Chanel stuff), and the fact no one else seems fazed by how fucking awesome the business class section is. Oh, and the lady next to me, who is lovely, was apparently not booked in that seat but they took care of her, someone (presumably her bf or husband) dropped off his filled leather Louis Vuitton wallet for her, and then she disappeared to another seat like 30 minutes into the flight. I legit think they bought an extra business class seat. What a world.
• While I was chilling during my layover in Dubai (ridiculous), I tried a dessert called mahalabia because, well, it’s obvious why. I prefer the other one.
• I saw an ad for OxiClean the other day where the key tagline was “bring all your whites back to life.” But the family in it was black. That had to be a conscious choice, right?
• Alright, my fantasy draft is tonight so I’ll be in and out of shit tonight. Thematically, that leaves us with a fill in the blank of “man, the player I REALLY hope I don’t end up with on my fantasy football team this year is ____________.”