I feel the same way every year-excited to see the season running on all cylinders (much like Brick) and a wee bit anxious, knowing I’ve got so many of these intros to write up. Whatever, focus on the positive, Scotchy.
I do enjoy very much watching the players and am continually stunned at the physical ability that they possess. I love the strategizing, the in-game decisions made that create differing outcomes. (Hippo has a sixth sense about this) And of course I love Hippo’s Monday morning breakdowns. The anticipation of knowing that the season will bring outrageous moments of all kinds deludes me into thinking that I can still feel things. That’s important!
Squidgy Bits:
-Kelly Stafford, the raging Id married to Matthew, said on a podcast that her husband was having trouble jelling with the young ‘uns on the team. So of course Matt has to address the media about it. Stir that pot woman, put your guy on the spot.
-The Raiders were more than a bit concerned about the mental health of Chandler Jones, to the extent that they sent a crisis team member to his house. Allaying all fears, Jones took to social media and shared this IN ALL CAPS FASHION. Everything is just ducky there.
-Good News! Jimmy Graham won’t be charged by the brave and concerned police of Newport Beach for having a “medical episode”. Back the Blue people.
To The Game!
Lions/Chiefs:
-The Over. Take It: The last time Goff and Mahomes threw down the final was a beefy 54-51 final in favor of the Rams.
-For those that have Kelce, his knee is a true game-timer so pay attention. Noah Gray’s family members completely deny that the pushpins in their possession are being used for anything but the hemming of pants. Why, that doll looks nothing like Travis anyway!
-Jahmyr Gibbs (why the ‘h’?) is reaching for the sky, saying that his goal this year is 1,000 yds rushing and 500 receiving. Only McCaffrey reached those totals last year but Gibbs does have very fresh wheels.
-The Chiefs have scored no less than 33 points in their opening game since Patty wandered over center. Plus, Andy’s record is quite impressive when he’s had seven months to prepare.
-Prediction Time: Kadarius Toney will limp off the field at some point.
-Prediction Time 2: Justyn Ross of K.C. will score a TD, justifying my selection of him in Hippo’s “Math Hurts!” league. (no, I’m not playing him)
Have at it!
Not sure how Toney isn’t cut yet. Pretty sure there are some of us here that could catch that one.
https://twitter.com/billbarnwell/status/1700016294915895375
Congrats Andy Reid that was the worst decision since Cop Rock.
What the fuck?
Please excuse Fronkenshteen from missing the game. he was working.
Signed,
Epstein’s Mother
/ that fake punt? ho-lee-shit! things are changing in Detroit.
Don’t forget that the Rugby World Cup starts tomorrow at 2:15 DFO standard time!
AM or PM?
P.M. It’s in France, so the games will be on in the mornings and early afternoon. I think the games are being broadcast on NBC’s Peacock.
OK, good first game everybody. You returning guys, make sure you rehydrate and ice your typing fingers. We go for real in three days!
I’m playing baseball Sunday at 11am, so this should be interesting….
I too was hoping to get to second base on Sunday.
If you need some late night entertainment, HGH Natalie Portman is getting dominated by porn star Madison Keys.
On my way!
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What a comeback by HGH Portman.
Quite a swap of positions.
A real reversal of roles if you will.
HGH Natalie Portman uses eastern european HGH
it is super effective!
Yeah…that didn’t work out so well for poor Maddy.
She won 18 games to her opponent’s 12, and lost. Brutal.
Just in case Scotchy wants to frame this for his office
https://twitter.com/BackAftaThis/status/1699968951206244495
Love the casual hands to the face at the bottom right
ah melissa
You are all welcome!!
took one for the team like a champ. GOOD HUSTLE!
do NOT look at toney’s stat line right now
Enough of that nonsense.
Friends, let’s talk insurance. Are your loved ones properly protected?
Some of us need Hurricane coverage. What kind of rates we talking ?
I’m married. No need for condoms.
OK then… We’re off! Ciao tutti.
Well, who saw that coming?
Me?
Two straight NBC fixtures, two straight NARRATIVEs blown da fuck up. Fuck. LioUns. Huzzah.
Wow, good for them!
Martha Ford is gonna be partying like it’s 1899 tonight, baby!
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she left her teeth at home and everything!
The Absinthe will flow tonight
what a strange week and a half of football already
I do not have to be happy for any of these teams, Cris.
In fact, I don’t need to be happy at all. Sometimes I wake up to the sound of my own screams.
Frantic Lion Humping Sounds
If Dan Campbell told me to stick my dick in a woodchipper, I’d trust him.
lions have…fans?!?! on the road?!
would you want to live in Detroit?
GAME. Blouses!
Knee caps bitten!
Go deep Campbell! I’m sure Goff has this one.
Back at home in front of the TV with 2 minutes left to play? Call me Johnny Depp because I’m in the Nick of Time.
You have missed Toney dropping catch after catch. If he is cut this next week, don’t be surprised.
Yes, it was really that bad.
I thought it was because Amber Heard wouldn’t talk to you.
It can be two things
Assume 4th and 1…do you go?
KC might have to learn what hubris is
sounds too much like hummus for Andy wants no part of it
/leaves KC immediately
-Lea Michele
I see Andy Reid has gone back to making stupid Andy Reid decisions.
both coaches have been dumb these past 5 min
outside of darth hoodie, never accuse a football coach of being smart
Going for it on 4th and 25 is not a good decision when you’re not playing NFL Blitz
Go score a gotdamn touchdown Lions. Don’t settle for 3.
It’s taken several years, but Andy Reid has remembered he’s Andy Reid.
They finally called that false start!
NOW they call it on Taylor? NOW they call it!?
*record scratch*
The narrative has a plot twist this year.
LioUns to the Superb Owl!
To be FARE, that one was too obvious not to call. I am sure it broke their hearts to do so.
THEY FINALLY GOT HIM?!?!
“Everybody is looking at Andy Reid, what is he gonna do?”
/Andy Reid eats a sammich
Bailout flag in 3…2…1…
Ooooof 3 drops by Toney, Toney, Toney
#FeelsGood
Toney with another drip. Scotchy is getting chaffed
That was what’s called… forcing the throw… (with 4 big guys in your face)
Who knew Giants fans would get the most enjoyment out of this game?
JFC Toney