Bearistocrats! (+6) at Commies (8:15, Amazon Prime)
What a country. Our FITBAW fix served up to us by….our home delivery overlords. The feed was shitty last week, at least for me. Or the last time I watched? I may have over-napped last week.
Anyway, I have a random feeling that Chi**** wins this. Is it mostly Hippo hating Rebecca Malone way, waaaaayyyyyy MOAR than Strawberry Fields (who is really just an amiable dope, in my view)? MAYBE. But I expect them to run the ball this week, and wait for the Commies to fuck up (ie, turn the ball over – Ms. Malone’s specialty). I take their semi-competence at the Iggles on Sunday with a grain of salt. Division games are weird, and PHI has played in second gear most of 2023 (to date),
Fantasy advice? Khalil Herbert. Maybe Cole Kmet. The Bearistocrats! D/ST, if you are a true riverboat gambler (unlike Ron Rivera, playing for OT on the road against a superior opponent). Vodka Hippo (aka Stoma Fuckers Utd.) will play DJ Moore, but I expect Rivera to scheme to limit him. I just have no good options/alternatives.
Anyway, it will be hilarious to see all the Chi****land HAWT TAEKS gnashing their teeth about screwing up draft position. But take consolation in the Black Panthers falling to 0-5 this weekend. Inshallah, it is written.
Oh wait, maybe you is thinkin’ “Hey Hippo, I wanna have a laugh about someone fatter and shittier than me!” – well, Josh Marshall has ya covered.
Enjoy your booze, pills, and/or intoxicants of choice.
That rookie just got torched
I thought Moore was going to Gramatica himself jumping up and down after he stepped out.
I can’t fucking wait until there is a RB who used to figure skate and every time he jukes or spins they say OH LOOK THERE IS HIS FIGURE SKATING BACKGROUND
JIMMY GRAHAM PLAYED BASKETBALL! DO YOU KNOW THIS?
Nods – J. Bettis, Detroit, Mi.
ooooh, keep running that “Fake Volleyball Serve” play!
Prison Girlfriend, looking extra coquettish in the Prime animation!
Lil Durk isn’t a Chris Redd character on SNL? Learn something new every day.
I like that Bills commercial tracing the life of a fan, but the grandpa character, boy do I want to push his face into a Veg O Matic
I’m actually a little surprised Rivera didn’t go for it there, but hey, let’s just make this another can’t go to bed yet game, you bastards.
Odds are that if you went to sleep and shit the bed, you and the Bears would be in sync.
THIS GAME I CALL IT KOREA OCTOBER 1950 BECAUSE THE COMMIES HAVE A LOT OF GROUND TO RETAKE BUT JUST MIGHT DO IT
Banner worthy
“My older sister is essentially useless.”
Yes, I said this to my mother.
Because she is.
Second tumbler of bourbon poured, I almost don’t want to go on a three state kill spree
Go west and I’ll meet you in the middle from Illinois
Deal. I’m looking for a chopped and channeled, blood red 57 Chevy. I’m locked and loaded when it comes to guns and explosives
I’m gonna use a lot of thermite. With any luck I can Centralia all of Ohio. But also random explosions because that’s fun
I’ve always wanted to light a bundle of dynamite with a cigar clenched between my teeth
I knew I should have brought back some Cubans (cigars, although nawt opposed to human smuggling)
Bourble is 100% an absolite defense to murder. In EVERY state!
THat’s good to know
When I die, someone play Big Pimpin’ as loud as possible. That is all.
I am partial to this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPTHlmhtg8s
Cue the Commies Comeback.
prepare uranus…operation uranus!
If I was rich, I’d start my own bourbon plant, and call it Obi Wan, so drunkards could stand in front of the bottle and say, “Help me Obi Wan, you’re my only hope.”
THIS SHIT SELLS ITSELF
https://x.com/c0nc0rdance/status/1338178489833447427?s=20
Gold
When you find yourself on the floor looking up at the bottle, you know it’s time to stop. Obi Wan is dangerous when he has the high ground.
When you open the bottle, it makes that sound he made to scare away the Tusken Raiders
I’m starting to think these Bearistocrats! don’t even like FITBAW none.
Too bad they killt they’s RB, because now is about the time I smart fella would establish the run game.
PEANUT PUNCH…err, strip
I drove home, average speed of 80, blaring Straight Outta Compton. It kind of helped. The monster bourbon I just poured is also helping.
Playing in a shitty replica of Steelers unis has somehow nawt helped the Commies
Like a kids Halloween costume. From Dollar General. Made in deepest, darkest China. By toddlers. I bet if they threw a spark they’d go up like a Roman candle
hold the phone, that dog might have to fist-fuck ITSELF tonite! (in the asshole)
LOL WTF WFT!
This game might be bad, but not as bad as the heavyweight knockout brawl I had with my mother. GODDAMN SHE IS SO FUCKING HARDHEADED
We bought a Hyundai the other day. If this commercial was on the air we’d have bought something else.
Did you get the super special ‘Hyundai! Werewolves of Poughkeepsie!’ package? I’ve heard a lot of good things about it.
Where’s Sharky? Someone give me some inspiration for my next cocktail.
Something with Malort!
Just chug it, Jesus do I have to do everything around here?
Yo. What are you working with
I don’t think I have a shortage of supplies….
Make a nuclear daiquiri.
On it
I’m making some pumpkin spice simple syrup tonight.
Yeah, I said it. Pumpkin spice.
We are now blood enemies.
Wait, I was thinking about fish anatomy, why is Fields ded?
Oh shit, did he do a Johnny Knox??
bah GAWD, he done invented a new style of murderball!
yep, ded
Tis but a flesh wound
(Unfortunately that flesh is required to play running back)
Montez Sweat is a DJ trapped in a football player’s body
No relation to Keith Sweat?
No one would ever admit to being related to someone named Keith
You say no. I say yes.
Has anyone asked Chase Claypool for comment on the team’s performance tonight?
So what’s the narrative here? I should stop string moodily into my wine if we expect a turnover
bears wasting no time letting you know its happening again
That’s not catchable, you striped clownfish
Striped clownfish are pretty neat tho
And yet we know better than to give them whistles and authority.
That’s not really fair, whistles don’t work well with gills
Ok, I figured it out, Dok’s from Atlantis. That explains everything!
Am I the only one who thinks of that stupid song from “Sound of Music” when they hear “Eberflus?”
Nope. I was singing it.
“Eberflus, Eberflus, can you do the Fandango?” is my new favorite mis-heard lyric.
Rebecca Malone looks more like Brian Griese than Brian Griese ever did.
Can’t wait for next Thursday
55.5 mil a week of quality
So… Did the Shield set up this whole Taylor Swift thing just to get a younger demographic interested in football?
If Toy Story can’t, Tay Story will.
–R. Goodell, National Disgrace
deathly afraid of becoming baseball and having an average age of 127
That and the ladies. As they’ve been trying to say:
It Takes All Of Us
That would imply that they paid The Tay to show up. That’s where the conspiracy falls apart-The Shield don’t pay anyone (eg. the military) and Swift doesn’t need the piddly shekels even if they did pay.
I’m mesmerized. And high as ballz !
Richard Sherman does not need a mic.
I like Richard Sherman
I sat Justin Fields in my money league this week, thinking last week was a outlier. I think I made a mistake. At least I kept DJ Moore in…
missed the last td due to helping the wifey give the dog a flea/tick bath. dog HATES baths and is a turbo cujo when wet
wifey was topless so she wouldnt get wet from the angry, squirmy dog. can absolutely confirm wimins titties get real nice to look at and feel after theyve had a kid. its def help our relationship while dealing with a handful of a 3 year old daughter
yes but also before that
Dear Red Collar Diaries
What happened to the shoes?
–Rex Ryan
Excellent stat padding by the Commies. Just top notch.
commies had to redistribute the wealth of yards before halftime
Because we turned the page and no one will see it, here’s my relevant reply to SonOfSpam:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CyBc3cCu0gG/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
THIS GUY LEMONJELLO, I CALL HIM WCS’S PRINCESS BECAUSE I’M MISSING A PERIOD AND NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT
Deep cut right here.
Lil’ Duke turns one this weekend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnug5_h6DJQ&ab_channel=narskate
The Bearistocrats! really look to be setting up for their most impressive performance ever. I hope they can pull this off!
F 37-34 WSH (OT)
I’d down vote this if it wasn’t likely
And if I didn’t hate things enough, I benched Fields in Vodka league
Me too! (in a different league at least)
Credit to Strawberry Fields, slid late and got a “love tap” and didn’t get all kvetchy about it.
Fuck these DoorDash commercials. I’m never using them again.
Dammit, now I’m hungry. Okay, one more time, then never again.
Does this mean Gale Sayers has, like, ten days left?
“Can I hear only eight days for Gayle King?”
-Auctioneer, smacking gavel
hate to break it to you…