Well that was a weekend of games, wasn’t it? All but two games went under the Vegas total so there vast swathes of game time that featured much ado about nothing. Oh, and the injuries, wow. Myself, I’m safely in last place in Freezer Vodka, need 35 points from Herbert to get the W in MATH HARD! and Skull Fracture Boy blew the engine on his ’16 pickup. The hits keep coming!
Fallout:
-Prison Girlfriend has but three days to get his knee right because he’s under the lights this Thursday. Might a call to Aaron “I Did My Own Homework” Rodgers be in order?
-Nothing worse than steadily improving play from your qb during a Tankathon season. So I’ve no doubt that the news of Fields’ dislocated thumb was met with stifled giggles from the Bears front office. No doubt he’ll return with ‘all deliberate speed’.
-The Porta-Potty Row of lousy teams includes the Bears but starts with the Panthers and includes Denver, the Giants, the Pats and the Cards. Of course Caleb is the shiny toy but the mock draft I saw includes a UNC qb (Hippo spits on ground) the son of a Hall of Fame wr, an Edge and a couple of Fat Boys on the o-line.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Chargers:
-It’s always tough for me to make a call on a game between two teams that almost always shit the bed in big tilts. Not that this one has long-term ramifications but it is a stand-alone fixture.
-Ready yourself for lots of shots of Dallas fans in the stands. Have the Chargers ever really had a home game since they arrived in L.A.? It must be exceptionally bad when they play a squadoo whose fans travel well.
-“Ekeler’s Back!” Nope, that’s not what the Dolphins medical staff exclaimed while checking out his high ankle sprain. He’s finally returning. (sniffs haughtily, “Saquon was only out two weeks with a similar injury”)
-Did the Chargers fix their secondary during their bye week? They are a qb’s Afternoon (or Evening, as the case may be) Delight, surrendering an average of 329 passing yards per. There should be some improvement given that they get back both Bosa and Derwin James.
-Get ready for an earful of Kellen Moore talk-revenge game, revamping the offense, the parting of ways was mutual but he wants to win-and all the other usual crap.
Let’s do this again.
Ekeler has dropped about 4 points this half. Need a 40 point second half, sir.
I don’t want this getting lost further down, but since bum wine was mentioned…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vg-I-LJYxY
Night Cheese on the Nightrain
not since brokeback mountain has a tush push by the cowboys upset so many texas rednecks
Banner!
“That’s a big, thick quarterback.”
Someone hose down Aikman
preferrable hydrochloric acid
Ugh, where there’s lamb there should have been slaughter
“ugh, indeed.”
-a. reid
“That ref has really nice arms.”
Mrs. Fozz was quickly tossed from the living room.
Someone’s got ed hoculi envy
They’re melting.
Joe Buck really owns that bowl cut.
If it says Lil Yachty on the cover, you know it’s a hot platter of shit
There was some linguistic analysis of rap lyrics and one of the correlations that jumped out was that any rapper whose name included “Lil” had a very limited vocabulary.
You just wait until Lil’ Thesaurus’ new track drops.
Homemade chicken soup with tortellini and garlic bread.
Tickets for the Steelers at the Rams at SoFi next week start at $137.
With parking they start at $526.
that is a lot of money to watch a matt canada team score 17 points
And lose
I’m surprised there are tickets available.
The Chargers head coach is
retar, intellectually challenged, and he’s still the second-dumbest head coach on this field.Best gift I ever received, my mother didn’t talk to my father for a week. I tipped that fucker countless times, and look at me, I’m fine.
Can we get a second opinion?
“Elisha Nelson Manning, don’t even for a minute think you’re getting onto one of those death traps!”
-Olivia
dad got one and ran over the dog with it. didnt do shit to the dog.
also he never tipped it BUT did manage to tip the honda odyssey the very first day he got it. figures.
I said:
“I wants one of them dump trucks what gots two sets a’stairs.”
And mother and father gifted it to me on Shrove Tuesday, bless their hearts.
I like big trucks and I cannot lie!
Let me just say that I am not on Twitter, let alone “Rose Twitter.” But if it is true that there is any significant cohort amongst the very online that has to “BOTHSIDES ZOMG” about Hamas massacring Jews for sport, I hope they burn in hell right next to Limbaugh.
[is on Wild Irish Rose twitter] – Steve Keim
Helmet to helmet, why doesn’t he get ejected? Oh right, Dallas.
Not targeting.
He was a runner. WTH?
Troy just used the words “finger” and “bang” in the same sentence. No way he did that on purpose.
(shudders)
-Jason Pierre Paul
He vaguely remembers hearing his high school teammates talking about doing that with the cheerleaders.
Look, I enjoy your work, guy-who-voices-Joe-Swanson, but Barefoot Wine is what you drink if you’re out of Sutter Home.
Or Thunderbird
Both are abominations.
Even us non-somellyays know that
“I sampled Thunderbird, it was wrapped in a devil may care paper bag, that lent a certain ‘real world’ ambiance to this tasting. After unscrewing the festively colored cap, I inhaled hints of cigarette butts, human body odor, and piquant whiff of feces. I then realized that was emanating from the gentleman standing next to me. While the bouquet was pungent, the first taste carried hints of rubbing alcohol, rotting lemons, and the tang of cirrhosis. All in all, the perfect match when consuming half of a cold hot dog that’s been marinated in gutter water.”
http://bumwine.com/
OLIVIA MANNING: …Both are abominations.
INTERVIEWER: I see. And what about Cooper?
OLIVIA MANNING: Who?
Aikman’s normal day sounds suspiciously like Dana Carvey in Clean Slate.
They rolling Walt’s frozen corpse out for the Disney 100 celebration?
Perfect timing to mainstream more antisemitism
Aikman just openly disgusted with the Dallas play-calling. Gotta love it.
“If that was me, I woulda thrown to Irvin, then run Emmitt on a draw, then hit Novacek for an easy TD and I’d be suckin a big dick at halftime, and wait that last part should’ve been quiet”
He meant doing loads of cocaine – M. Irvin.
“Light in the box” was Deanna Favre’s post coitus evaluation of Brett.
Troy can count
For now.
And you can count. On him, waiting for you in the parking lot.
(don’t worry, after all those concussions there’s no way he’ll remember what he’s actually doing out there)
castellanos doing his best this postseason to see kissinger finally bite it
Castellanos heard I got the valuation report email from my car.
“THE LOS ANGELES COWBOYS HOME CROWD IS GOING NUTS!”
SoFi stadium is actually just down the street from me. I wonder how much it would be to get in from a scalper at halftime? (probably a lot because it’s Dallas)
Although tickets for CHI-LAC on Oct 29 are starting at $47
Can’t imagine why.
(It’s the smell)
WAS-LAR Dec 17 starting at $32
CLE-LAR Dec 3 $32
That was a really pricy ticket two months ago when I was thinking of going.
DET-LAC Nov 12 $54
Of course Steelers next week start at $157 to sit in the parking lot.
You can make that back “valet parking” for the rubes in attendance though, right?
The crowd’s louder for two Dallas completions than they were for the Chargers’ TD
The LA fans haven’t gotten to the game yet.
it wasnt quite as bad quite as often when they played in that soccer stadium
It was a junior college stadium
Troy showing some CTE signs trying to string words into a coherent sentence.
It’s been more noticeable lately. He’s going the Phil Simms route.
Uhh, that’s not Ekeler
Kellen Moore is going to hang 40 on Dallas tonight.
Good for him.
Wait…KELLEN MOORE SWITCHED TEAMS? WHY WON’T THEY TALK ABOUT IT???
Wait until I tell you about Jerome Bettis.
“Personal for Kellen Moore”
EVERYBODY DRINK!
When I was a youth, the Chargers were my favorite team.
This was when it was impossible to get jerseys, especially for a west coast team.
So this Chargers fan was walking past our seats and my father, god bless him, offered the dude $50 for his Jefferson jersey.
Guy said no, but that was a great memory for me.
Also, fuck the Irsays.
“Ok, $50 and you can do whatever you want to my son for 30 minutes.”
[shows up holding a half dozen Chargers jerseys] – Marc Trestman
Another great story, well not so great.
My father was sitting with my uncles at a Colt’s game.
Drunk guy falls down the steps, his face hits the corner of those aluminum benches.
Forces his eye out of its socket.
My uncles try not to vomit.
My father takes out his handkerchief – always carried one – placed it over the guy’s face and walked him down to the first aid office.
“And that little boy grew up to be Angel Hernandez!”
Nope, Stuart Scott
Chargers punt returner is Tiny Darren II
Cowboys -1.5,
Dak 2+ td’s,
Parsons sack.
If I lose I am happy, if I win I am happy!
Why? Drugs?
Always.
Works for me!
The only one I’d be comfortable with is the Parsons sack. (Phrasing)
/Sees Chargers players limping off the field holding his knee.
Wow, too bad about his concussion.
if they looked any younger theyd end up on a gop operative’s flashdrive
The Jersey Mikes’s Bowel Movement!!! Cha Cha Cha!!!
I think that Zales commercial that was just on had Dayvan Cowboy by Boards of Canada in the background. Or my mind is going like HAL 9000’s.
Is Blue Bunny ice cream available on the left coast?
/asking foar a head coach
What’s this Israel thing he was talking about?
https://www.nbcsportschicago.com/nfl/chicago-bears/israel-idonijes-big-game-memory/190339/
He went to my alma mater!!!
Oh right, October. The month the NFL pretends to care about women.
If anyone actually wants to do more than Goodell, hmu on slack. My annual (anti) breast cancer fundraiser is next month.
I’m surprised they haven’t declared it Taylor Swift month.
https://youtu.be/Dkk9gvTmCXY?si=puqmnyrEVefqofug
Well, maybe THIS moment of silence will finally make peace in the Middle East happen.
*checks recent stock prices of certain defense companies*
I’ve always been interested in the original climbers who conquered Mount Everest. I’m reading a book by Dan Simmons which is fiction mixed with fact, plenty of great information about methods, equipment, etc.
Then I went on YouTube and looked up summiting Everest and was immediately repulsed by the rich assholes who basically pay large sums to walk up the mountain via preplanned paths and assisted by guides.
And of course, the entire mountain is littered with all types of debris and garbage.
We are a virus that needs to be cleansed.
Don’t forget the dead bodies littered along the way as well!
Yes, it’s a very odd “tradition.”
It’s not a tradition, it’s too damn dangerous to go up to those altitudes and try to haul a dead body back down.
Personally I’d just kick them loose and slide them down into a crevasse or over a ledge but apparently that “disrespectful to the dead” and “violating a corpse” or some other such nonsense.
I’m pretty sure the Simpsons addressed how to deal with that situation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RpzYLOx67A
Or set them on fire and toast marshmallows, although not sure fire would burn with the altitude. Worth a shot
Hate these Dallas uniforms.
*any
like most things, it vibed better 30 years ago
The silver pants make a big difference than the all ‘Klan-white’ numbers they’re sporting today.
Although given Ol’ Double J’s high school yearbook photo that may be the look he’s going for.
Part of me likes him, the other part wants to smack him with an tungsten fish bat
I’m not much of a fan, but he’s made me laugh enough times that I bear him no ill will.
Pete Davidson and Trevor Noah are both mysteries to me. Neither is funny nor belongs on television, and I’m right.
You are right indeed.
I asked the young kid I worked with what he did this weekend – something about cross fit, doing burpees, and relaxing.
His age, I was getting fucking wasted, smoking too many cigarettes, and making unsuccessful runs at women.
This generation is a bunch of weenies.
Q: What’s got Fozz pissed today?
A:
If a gif could be a banner, this one deserves it.
Very long list. From the fucking assholes driving their Tesla’s (apparently when you buy one you are allowed to drive like you own the road) to the fuckwit client that rejects every project I come up with to me almost falling asleep on the way home because I slept like shit last night and was up at 530 am
A nice episode of Emily in Paris should calm you right down. Might I suggest Episode 6, where Emily blows her firm’s chance at landing an important client but later rectifies her mistake by barging into his box at the opera and bonding with him over their mutual love of Gossip Girl.
God jesus christ, OKAY! I will watch tomorrow. Christ, this series sounds like a thick slice of hell.
He didn’t say he “worked out” because people that do cross fit can’t shut the fuck up about cross fit.
It’s like the Anti-Fight Club.
It’s a cult*.
*No, not a cure, Gumby.
because people that do cross fit can’t shut the fuck up about cross fit.
same with vegans and atheists
Ask Me About Vegan Athiest Cross-Fit, Bruh!!
I actually know someone like that.
You would never know it talking to them
Vegans should be tied down and force fed head cheese on meatloaf until they fucking rupture
Just when I thought I couldn’t hate Captain Dingleberry more:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cyd8YLxR0L4/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
That is a future serial killer, I just haven’t decided if his victims will be hookers, nuns or a combination of the two.
You mean Warrior Nun?
even tWBS’ ghost says DUDE
aroldis chapman…still eating shit, i see
Monday is really going to town on my ass, so here’s something funny.
Poor Redshirt. At least your Bungles won!
https://youtu.be/SaHAvEEbQOE?si=9_4S1lHnV_bSL886
I needs near-miracles in both Vodka and Maths is Hard leagues. REALLY needed that 1-yard TD to Waller last night (I howled in synch with scotchy).
/namely, I need someone to pull Tonya Harding duty on CeeDee Lamb, GUH
Mike McCarthy is your man for that.
.
Clearly, North Carolina state school education on display there.
Ekeler can put up 51, right?
After yesterday with the Browns and the Jets, anything is possible
YES. One of my fades is Kelley (or whatever his backup’s name is). Kelley and Lamb in one league, Lamb and (I forgets) in the other.