Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

It’s week 7 already? Where does the time go?

Tidbits:

-Mecole Hardman and his one precious reception is headed back to the Chiefs after an eye-opening (for the Jets) stay in New York. What was the point of all that? I guess he has use for K.C. because he knows the offense but why not give more time to the Rice’s and Ross’s on the roster?

-Justin Pugh, the old lineman that was dragged off his couch to play for the Giants is likely going to start at left tackle this weekend. When did he last play that position? 2015. When did he last play? Last October.

-Tyson Bagent (rhymes with Brock Purdy?) will be only the 4th DII qb to start a game in the last 20 years. Nathan Peterson, the backup to Fields, must have felt a ‘Whoosh” as Bagent jumped him in the qb queue.

-Remember that massive ESPN culling that resulted in the Matron, Van Gundy, Steve Young and others being shown the door? Well, that was all a smokescreen so that Horatio’s favorite septum-scraping septuagenarian could be brought on board and be paid the big bucks. Yes, Jim Boeheim will be doing games and studio work for the WWW this season. Your great grandfather’s sweater vest couldn’t be prouder.

To The Game!

Jags/Saints:

-Line Troubles: New Orleans will be missing at least two o-linemen and possibly a third. Another fella will be back after getting benched because there were no better alternatives.

-No In-Between: Apparently Emo Carr either likes throwing long or dumping it to the backs for that safe checkdown. Even prior to Kamara’s return he was ranked 3rd in the league in being a pantywaist.

-Perhaps that’s why the Saints have scored less than 21 points in 5 of 6 games. The OC that you weren’t aware of-Pete Carmichael-who has been in place since 2009(!) is starting to feel the heat.

-Jamaal Williams is back! His moribund 2.74 yards per carry is not needed however.

-The Saints secondary is doing work-they’re 2nd in opponent comp. percentage, have the most passes defended at 40 and have the 5th-best interception rate. I don’t expect to get much out of Ridley this evening.

-After the manly amount of carries he got last week, Etienne has 113 rush attempts which is first in the league.

Pray for the over.

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Gatoraids

Official half time theme song for Thursday Night football
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT7x1NvGf5k

Senor Weaselo

God DAMN it, Rangers

/Quick, which sport am I referring to?
//The answer is yes!

Sharkbait

/Quick, which sport am I referring to?

I see what you did there

Sharkbait

Also next time I’m in the city we’ll get together. Sorry it didnt work out this time.

LemonJello

The most dangerous sport: trophy hunting humans?

Gumbygirl

I have to go outside and smoke a doob, while avoiding my SIL’s security cameras. I always have the Mission Impossible theme going in my head when I’m here!

LemonJello

Gumbygirl, artistic impression:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Even if that isn’t a catch, they should still call it an INT.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cowards.

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Mini bi” is also what John Fetterman could call Krysten Sinema if he was so inclined.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright I had to make some adjustments, but that drink Zymm recommended is damn tasty.

Out of mezcal so did a Laphroaig rinse of the glass. Not gonna waste time making cardamom honey syrup, so added cardamom bitters to my preexisting honey syrup. It fucking works.

Doktor Zymm

Awesome, it looked super tasty

Doktor Zymm

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litre_cola

I did nae realize that we wuz against each other in Freezer Vodka. Down with the carr.

Doktor Zymm

I had Richardson and Fields, lol

litre_cola

That is chicken shit football right there.

LemonJello

Jaguras special teams are “extra special” like, Sam Darnold-level special tonight. Jeebus wept.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Reminder: “Spiro Agnew” is an anagram for “Grow a Penis”

LemonJello

Saints running a “Boss Todd” offense – everything relies on a bitchin Kamara

litre_cola
I need an Olive touchdown. ελα ΕΛΛΑΔΑ
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok finally on the couch. You all want to suggest cocktails or continue to be as useful as Derek Carr?

LemonJello

I don’t want you to have to get off the couch now.

Doktor Zymm

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Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thank goodness at least one of you is trying to help.

BRB.

Last edited 1 year ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Gatoraids

My Chemical romance recipes bring us this

A Death in the Afternoon

   ✶ 1.5 Oz. Absinthe
   ✶ 4oz. Champagne
   ✶ Lemon twist (optional)

Horatio Cornblower

Just drink straight from a bottle of gin like the rest of us, your highness.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not going to apologize for being a classy hobo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Negroni.

litre_cola

Greyhound, looks like Prison GF

Gumbygirl

Zombie, like the Saints.

Sharkbait

There needs to be a Sharkbait symbol. Like the bat symbol, but with a cocktail glass instead

Doktor Zymm

“But I just read that Mari Kondo book and bodyslamming people sparks joy!”

LemonJello

They’re going to have to talk to Carr through the locked bathroom stall door at half time while he blasts some Depeche Mode to drown them out.

Doktor Zymm

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WCS

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Brick Meathook

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WCS

THERE IT IS

Gumbygirl

I’m thinking it’s gonna be Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral.

Game Time Decision

LOVE that album

Mr. Ayo

Now that Sidney Powell is no longer a thing, I have recaptured the phrase, Release The Kraken. With that comes great responsibility of execution.

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SonOfSpam

Gym Jordan scheduled another vote for tomorrow. LET THE RAKE-STEPPING COMMEBCE

SonOfSpam

The b in commence is silent fyi

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

How many votes will he lose tomorrow? O/U is set at 4. By me. I have no knowledge, just guessing based on reports that representatives don’t like being threatened with death by Jim’s thug fanbase.

LemonJello

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Doktor Zymm

I should have gone with Fields over Carr

SonOfSpam

Strawberry or Elysian?

LemonJello

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LemonJello

Just say it Herbstreit! “Urban Meyer was a failure in the NFL!” SAY IT!

ArmedandHammered

That guy with the whistle hat looking like he is being unhappily surprised by the Pope behind him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower

I do hear Jesus can put together a pretty good car.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpPOX6-sP7g

SonOfSpam

Al Michaels: “They can’t get in when they get down deep” and Deanna Favre just threw a personal massager at her TV

Gumbygirl

That kicker looks like he was recruited from a Punt, Pass, and Kick competition.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was how Andy Reid was recruited!

(for a Burger King endorsement deal)

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Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
LemonJello

Jaguars D is gonna shank a bitch if they have to come right back out on the next possession.

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty prepared for tomorrow’s cross-examination.

Me: “Sir, isn’t it true that you were high on cocaine and fentanyl when you ran that red light and drove your bicycle right in front of my client?”

Plaintiff: “No.”

Me: “Sir, there’s a video and I have your medical records. And so does the Court.”

Plaintiff: (artist’s depiction)

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SonOfSpam

Will Andy Reid be there to support his son?

ArmedandHammered

He has always wanted to visit Mystic Pizza.

Horatio Cornblower

That place is overrated as fuck. There’s supposedly better pizza on the same street, and there’s definitely much better pizza in the state.

ArmedandHammered

I know it is, but sometimes quantity is a form of quality. So every meal for Andy is quality.

Gumbygirl

It wasn’t bad when I lived in Groton in 1992. We only went once, we were in Mystic for something else, and gave it a try. But there were plenty of good pizza places closer to us, so there was no reason to go again.

ArmedandHammered

Liberal plot against a sovereign citizen.

Horatio Cornblower

“There’s no rule says I gotta wear a seat belt!!!”

“Sir, first of all there is such a law, secondly you were on a bicycle, and third you’re sniffing fentanyl right now, aren’t you?”

Brick Meathook

Naw, you’re asking too many questions in one sentence. Split them up into individual questions, thusly:

HH: “Sir, tests show that you were intoxicated with cocaine and fentanyl, is that correct?”
DUDE: “yes.”
HH: “The evidence shows you ran a red light while intoxicated. Is that correct?”
DUDE: “Yes.”
HH: “The evidence also shows that, while intoxicated, you rode your bicycle in front of my client’s valuable 18-wheeler truck while it was legally proceeding down a public roadway at the posted speed of 45 MPH, is that correct?”
DUDE: “Yes.”
HH: “And is it not also correct that your collision was the direct cause of significant cosmetic damage to my client’s truck, causing many many thousands of dollars in repairs that you sir are liable for?”
DUDE: “Yes?”

Horatio Cornblower

This is a binding arbitration on a Friday, Brick. And it’s remote. I’m not going to be wearing pants, I’m asking two questions and I’m punching out for the day.

Doktor Zymm

That was a JAGURAS moment

LemonJello

These Jaguras got into the victory celebration meth in pregame? Assholes.

Brocky

Guy in my fantasy league: it’s a shame your qb can’t face the broncos every week huh?

Me: you’re lucky I’m a nice guy, there’s a certain someone you’d never say that around. Half the time he he’s a rage filled mongoloid Polynesian champion boxer without a nose, the other half he’s an underhanded corporate lawyer who once nailed the company intern.

Guy:…. what?

Me: nothing

SonOfSpam

Thanks to Kirk’s fumble, I’m beating Balls zero to -.3 in the Freezer Vodka League.

Really hope the score stays that way.

LemonJello

Anybody else’s audio just go to crap?

/maybe I’M having a seizure?

SonOfSpam

Do you smell toast or my finger?

LemonJello

Pull your finger? Sure. What could go wrong?

WCS

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SonOfSpam

that bit was incredibly funny

Horatio Cornblower

I rewatched the episode recently. It holds up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

MILTON!

litre_cola

Did I just wrap pepperoni in prosciutto and then again in salami, then cheddar? I did, Under Maestro’s rules it is a sandwich.

Gatoraids

I’ll allow it.
–Referee Andy Reid

Doktor Zymm

It would be MOAR of a sandwich if you breaded and deep fried it somehow

litre_cola

It is adult lunchables night!

Doktor Zymm

Lunch for dinner? Crazybananas!

SonOfSpam

Grupe is pupe at kicking

LemonJello

Breesus sitting in the Rodgers suite? No family allowed?

litre_cola

I haven’t seen a Mormon right like that since Joseph Smith left Missourah.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t help it, I still have plenty of love for Derek Carr. I helps that I bear no ill will towards the Saints.

Brick Meathook

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Gumbygirl

Why does the game look like it’s being filmed with a camcorder? I thought I was having a seizure!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How can you be sure you aren’t?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“She’s fine.” – NFL doctors

Gumbygirl

I’m never really sure.

LemonJello

It’s the urine-soaked Super Dome floor.

Doktor Zymm

Do you smell anything? If yes, seizure, if no, Covid

litre_cola

DO you smell burnt toast? It’s a Canadian Heritage moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUOG2g4hj8s

Gumbygirl

I have the shittiest toaster in the world, it goes from zero to on fire in seconds, you have to yank your bread out before it’s flambee’d. I know this, but every time I make a bagel I have that ruh-roh moment where I’m convinced it’s a brain tumor.

King Hippo

Can we pretty please let Emo Carr have a GOOD feelings night? Like that time Jesus and Mary Chain were on Letterman?

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

“Press Taylor” – there’s a redneck name for ya

BrettFavresColonoscopy

old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/17assgt/those_sweet_sweet_mcdonalds_halloween_pails/

Horatio Cornblower

UConn Twitter has expressed many opinions about ESPN bringing Boeheim aboard.

You’ll be surprised to learn that none of them have been positive. Best one I saw so far was “now when Jim throws a kid under the bus he’ll be doing it for pay instead of out of spite.”

King Hippo

Imagine how much they’ll spend on booger removal!

/no, we aren’t talking about you, Mr. McFarland

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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WCS

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Redshirt

.

IMG_2575.jpeg
SonOfSpam

D-Backs walk off to win game 3, I guess we have a series.

Ok enough of that shit. FOOTBALL.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesús! Why the fuck would anyone willingly watch Jags v Saints??

King Hippo

Because the alternative is Rice/Tulsa???

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because I’ve already had my fill of robot fighting for the day, and there’s more weights that must be lifted with televised violence as a backdrop.

Gatoraids

no jets or broncos for once at least

Doktor Zymm

Meh, why not?

LemonJello

Just SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH THE GODDAMM GAME!

Redshirt

Who let Jim Jordan pass the DFO Bouncer?

LemonJello

You take that back!

Gumbygirl

Nothing better to do on a Thursday evening.

litre_cola

Gambling. The answer is gambling.

litre_cola

Jax -2.5
Olave td
Etienne td
Kirk td

Let’s Jagoff!

WCS

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Redshirt

I don’t know. I usually wait until halftime before I consider…. OH JAGoff!!!! Sorry, misread.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can support most of these.

WCS

JaguarGator9 is punching infants right now after that DBack’s base running.

BugEyedBoo

I thought Justin Pugh played last Sunday.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of Sunday, Derek’s got this one cranked up to 11 to get fired up for the game tonight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap0mqwvf7H0

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Being “forced into the game” was the story that Silky Gerrard went with during his interview with the detectives from SVU.

WCS

Horatio, upon learning of Boeheim’s continued torment…

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(Artist’s rendering)