Your Non-Morning NFL Football Open Thread

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Enough of those silly games overseas. What’s wrong with the USA besides almost everything? (I kid) Fantasy monkeys call this a ‘Bye-mageddan’, being the silly people we are. Six teams are taking a break and they are Cincy, Dallas, the Titans, the Jets, Carolina and Houston.

To The Games!

Browns/Colts:

Deshaun’s status as questionable covers a helluva lot of ground. His rotator cuff is trending as mending so my guess is that he’s behind center. Cleveland probably won’t need much from him given that his D (phrasing) has risen to the occasion. They are top 5 in pretty much every category except for turnovers. Moss and JT should get bottled up and I don’t think Minshew has enough weapons at wr to get the job done.

Bills/Pats:

The rot on offense runs deep in N.E. Remember when the hiring of Bill O’Brien was going to fix all those problems? Naive times indeed for Pats fans. Rb Stevenson somehow has -85 yards rushing over expectation and three ball snatchers are in the bottom five according to a metric that tracks their ability to gain separation. Not helping? The D has a mere 3 turnovers to date.

Commies/Giants:

Howell looks to be a good streaming option today so he’s a temp on my Freezer Vodka team. The Giants are bottom 10 in yards allowed per attempt and TD’s allowed thru the air. Dimes didn’t take any reps all week so Tyrod is a go.

Lions/Ravens:

He’s playing really well but things are lining up against Goff-away on the road, outside, vs a team that brings a ton of pressure and has the most sacks. And it’s not as though it’s one guy wracking them all up, the 24 sacks are distributed among 11 players. If Detroit gets the W they’ll be 6-1 for the first time since 1956. Standing in the way is Lamar’s record against the NFC-15-1.

Raiders/Bears:

So curious to see what a Bagent looks like in a collapsing pocket. This might end up being The (Maxx) Crosby Show, minus the mind-erasing elixirs. Davante Adams should get back on track target-wise after complaining about his workload. One issue. Who’s throwing him the ball-my vote goes to AOC (Aidan O’Connell). His critics say that he’s a bunny-hugger off the field so I think Hoyer’s the dude today.

Falcons/Bucs:

Ridder threw for 300 yards last week! (he also tossed 3 picks) But wait! Tampa didn’t score an offensive TD or generate a turnover last week! Still, did anyone expect either of these squadoos to be .500 or better at this juncture? Arthur Smith’s ‘run all day and play solid defense’ is being undermined by their -6 turnover differential. Safety Bates is doing all he can with 3 picks and 2 forced fumbles but he’s just one guy.

Do your thing.

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Redshirt

…and the sun is now shining. In a domed stadium.

You cannot tell me God isn’t pleased that Watson got an un-happy ending.

WCS

Leave it The Pauls to absolutely waste Myles Garrett.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
King Hippo

He still has Hippo’s MVP vote, which will surely be decisive.

Gatoraids

the Browns Note drowning out his career

Doktor Zymm

Wallerdown foar Hippo!

King Hippo

Hippo greatly appreciate!

King Hippo

Good window (so far) for the left for ded P*ts, Vertically Enhanced Persons, etc.

Redshirt

Watson is ded, again.

WCS

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Redshirt

“Back strain. He’s Probable to return.” – MIA Training Staff

King Hippo

/God looks down and grins

Redshirt

/Jesus and the Antichrist high fives each other

King Hippo

If #ThePauls lose and the P*ts win, my Loser Pool will be down to two. I took the Yinzers, somebody else has Vikes.

Last edited 1 year ago by King Hippo
Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!!

Brocky

Bears fans RN

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LemonJello

/DOOR FLIES OPEN

Today marks 29 years* of the Lady LemonJello regretting her decision to say “I do.” to my stupid self. We will be heading out for some afternoon drinks and a nice dinner shortly to celebrate our anniversary.

/DOOR FLIES SHUT

jjfozz

Nice! My anniversary is this Friday. Guess I gotta do something nice.

King Hippo

Give her a Sweet Dee/Charlie Kelly Spaghetti Day!

jjfozz

I’m doing a special dance to “Let it Whip.” I have my black cowboy hat, sparkly jockstrap, and cowboy boots ready to go. Gonna be a great anniversary.

Doktor Zymm

Mrs Fozz is a lucky lady

Brocky

This just makes me think of how last October I had three weddings to attend

Gumbygirl
King Hippo

Looks like they popped Saquon’s elbow back in. Good for him!

jjfozz

DirectTV Creative meeting

“How can we make Kelce look like a bigger douche?”

Marketing Weasel
“We got it covered.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the Raiders have zero points!

jjfozz

Taking care of my father, had a wipe and diaper change.

Does anyone have any heroin?

King Hippo

BROTHER!!!!

jjfozz

yo! gotta be sober today, sucks

Gatoraids

reminded of black tar?

jjfozz

I’ll take any grade you have, gonna slam it right into my neck

jjfozz

His, smartass.

King Hippo

Ratbirds look pretty damned good when Fozz skips gameday!

Redshirt

Be a true fan, Fozz! Support your team, damn it!

Doktor Zymm

I started reading a history of rugby and within the first chapter I learned why a try is called a try (used to be a try scored no points, it just gave you a free try to kick a goal) and why a mark is called a mark (when catching a throw in after a try for a kick the player would mark the spot in the grass with his heel). Also why in most folk football derived sports we kick over the crossbar rather than under – in original Rugby school rules people could charge the kicker so he had to clear them).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can still charge the kicker; South Africa’s margin over France was due to charging a conversion down.

Doktor Zymm

Sure, but the original Rugby school rules are what originated the over the crossbar goal in all modern derivatives other than soccer (and the name soccer derives from asSocciation somehow cuz english is weird)

Brocky

So the antenna I bought doesn’t pick up Chicago signal, but it does pick up south bend, despite me being closer to Chicago.

South bend plays colts and lions.

Hmmmm

Redshirt

We all get the Notre Dame games. We are all lucky.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, Thurston Howell III is nawt good at foot-the-ball

Redshirt

Of all the games to get cursed with, I get Indy’s black helmet game? Because an all-black uniform on a horse-named sports team would make no sense.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, you saw how pointless all black unis worked out for the WFT a couple Thursdays ago

Mr. Ayo

Moar like Graham GaNO. Wait…

King Hippo

Gary Gnu? GUH, NO!!

Gatoraids

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herodotus450

These Raiders I call them the Sackville-Baginsses because they are getting after Bagent.

Horatio Cornblower

This is such a huge nerd comment.

God I love it.

Doktor Zymm

A D2 undrafted QB and a line that can’t runblock for shit? This might just be the team that brings the Bears into the forward pass era

Doktor Zymm

Oh yeah, the city loves him now

Col. Duke LaCross

The Bears backup QB is ALWAYS the most popular guy in town.

King Hippo

That’s Rikki’s Raiders!

Doktor Zymm

Either there are a lot of people with Davante on their fantasy team or the Bears have really lost their fanbase

King Hippo

WOO, ZayZay is starting for both my squadrons

Doktor Zymm

Hey, at least they aren’t sniveling, risk-averse wusses!

herodotus450

Time was, you send off a boy to war and it fixes him right up. But there ain’t even anymore wars no more.

King Hippo

Jesus Christ, man! But no blame to you or Mrs. Scotchy, that’s just the stupidity of boys (and we aren’t really men until at least age 30).

2Pack

We are wise adults in part because of the stupid things we did in our youth.

Doktor Zymm

I had an amazing stupid youth, with only some cosmetic scars, no major or nagging internal injuries!

LemonJello

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Scotchnaut, but I’m afraid your son has been diagnosed as Trent Green. There is nothing science or medicine can do. Maybe someday we’ll find a cure.”

Gumbygirl

Purple monkey dishwasher!

Horatio Cornblower

What the fuck was he reading!?

yeah right

My team doesn’t play until tomorrow. I don’t have to make dinner because I’ve got an enormous mushroom, black olive and extra cheese pizza from yesterday.

And I’m on day 2 of a 4 day weekend.

Guess drunken debauchery it is.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So we went to an apple orchard this week and while they make it very clear that it’s stealing to pick fruit off the trees and eat it without paying for it, it’s much less clear whether it’s okay to pick apples up off the ground and feed them to nearby horses. Normally I ask myself “What Would John Elway Do?” but it feels like he’d need to recuse on this one.

Doktor Zymm

They aren’t selling those and horses have a barter economy anyway

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They might use them to make cider. I didn’t feed the horses, because I figure they get as many apples as they need. It was tempting, though, since about ten of them came across the field to say hi over the fence.

Doktor Zymm

You resisted their adorable begging faces? You are stronger than I

Gumbygirl

My brother’s horse Sonnet would run along her fence when she saw me coming. She knew the apple lady!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There weren’t any apples immediately underfoot. They were a good hundred yards away. If they had been right there I could not have resisted either.

jjfozz

I hope you got stung by a thousand bees

Doktor Zymm

This place is hideous, I love it. TAKE THAT, baseball heritage!

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Doktor Zymm

This place is gonna be my spot for first half. They have cocktail and beer towers which is exactly what you want a bunch of drunken midwesterners to have access to first thing after waking up to watch their shitty team

jjfozz

Julian Edelman, still an annoying douchebag

Doktor Zymm

Packers jersey and plaid pyjama pants, I’m in Chicago alright

2Pack

As is the way of our people.

Doktor Zymm

Whoa, apparently there is a DraftKings sportsbook built into Wrigley now. Might have to check that out on the walk over, it looks like an actual sportsbook tv setup so could be fun to watch Bears fans seeing their team’s continued crumbling in excruciating detail

jjfozz

Last sportsbook I was in, drunk, and I was placing bets on women’s pro and college basketball, with no clue as to what I was doing. I won $50

Redshirt

Let’s see what I get on the Early PM slots of Cincy’s bye week:

CBS: Cleveland @ Indianapolis
FOX: Paid Programming, Carcass, Paid Programming, PBA Bowling

Well, at least I can get some chores done.

jjfozz

Rob Gronkowski is the human equivalent of a brain damaged Irish Setter

King Hippo

I hope it’s mostly an act. Otherwise, he’s living right in that Forrest Gump way.

Doktor Zymm

Looks happy about it though, so can’t really fault him

jjfozz

Yeah, You love him and play with him, feed him good food and curl up with him at night. Then he takes a massive shit on your carpet 5 minutes before your friends come over to watch the game.

Dunstan

I will take a guy who leans into the “I’m just a big fucking doofus” thing over one who wants you to think he’s smarter than he is.

Gumbygirl

I have often wonderwd what kind of guy is your type, Dunstan!

jjfozz

I saw mention of a DFOcon in Vegas. Has that already passed? Details?

Doktor Zymm

First weekend in November

jjfozz

Will these guys be there?

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Doktor Zymm

Ok, plan – gonna walk over to Nisei around 11:30. They don’t have food because they are old enough to have a taver license though they might bring in snacks for football. Looks like the nearby Steelers bar is closed, so no extra enternainment there. Apparently the dive with good BBQ over on Southport is a Chiefs bar, but will save that for another day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently the dive with good BBQ over on Southport is a Chiefs Taylor Swift bar…

Fixed that for you.

TheRevanchist

The Rikkis gonna Rik, Rik, Rik…

2Pack

It’s BIL’s birthday today. My daughter got us a reservation at what has been rated as the best pizzaria in the region. No small claim around here, it’s hard to find a bad pizza place. So we will see.

2Pack

NEVA!

Redshirt

Pineapple. The Cincinnati Chili of pizza toppings.

King Hippo

RITE? You might as well put that candy corn on one’s pizza.

2Pack

I may however go with the Under 18. That looks good. And not at all pedo…

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Redshirt

M. Gaetz has left the chat

Gumbygirl

Gumby loves the acciughe. Me, not as much. They can be a bit overwhelming.

2Pack

Not on pizza. I do like is with spaghetti or with greens.

Gumbygirl

I love them melted, but whole chunks, not so much.

King Hippo

Neva was the first name of my most massive (PHRASING) engineering school crush. God, she was amazing. Better environmental engineer (ENE) than me, too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s…fine. Really, it’s fine. We love pineapple, it’s totally fine that that’s all we got to eat.” – other attendees of a luau whose guest list included Coach Reid

Redshirt

The only bad place is one who things grease is an ingredient to add to the pizza. A little grease is good, but if your slice is sagging due to the grease dripping off the end and the pizza box is threatening to give way, that’s a bit too much.

2Pack

The approved MO here is wood burning brick oven, so that’s a dry bottom, with a bit of olive oil on top. So a greasy pizza would be rare.

Redshirt

Ah, the Election Season begins. Where creative minds bring up thoughts of “Who the Hell is __________ and how did they get my phone number?”

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jjfozz

Taking care of my father today, sent my mom to the Ravens game with the Middle Fozz Spawn, my only consolation is that he can’t get served there. Hopefully.

Redshirt

Served alcohol or a summons/citation?

jjfozz

Actually, both. He is our compulsive, “I’ll take that bet,” son.

Apparently this summer he and his buddies walked to a golf course, and my son went swimming in the pond. At 3 am.

2Pack

Then he would not be above conning Grandma into buying him beer. My kinda kid.

jjfozz

He might have a chance. My other indulges her grandsons. Plus, she raised me without murdering me, so she’s used to it.

Redshirt

My family would approve of that. The only restriction is you stay inside. Its a voluntary grounding, but with beer and TV and video game privileges.

Doktor Zymm

In Chicago. Do I check out a nearbyish Raiders bar, try to find somewhere with all the games on, or head to an old-school bar with not the best TVs but cheap with a good crowd?

Also on the table but less preferred are my corner bar which won’t have the sound on and will be filled with people getting wasted on bottomeless mimosas, or couch at home with Red Zone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d go old-school, simply because you can expect terrible football and you don’t need to see it in high-definition.

Doktor Zymm

The bar I’m thinking of, assuming it still exists after Covid, is also right by a Steelers bar, which could be interesting to peek into while the Steelers are just barely a .500 team

jjfozz

If you go to the Steelers bar, tell them Fozz said: “The Immaculate Reception was an incomplete pass. Terry Bradshaw was overrated. You won Super Bowls in the Middle Ages. Fuck you.”

Redshirt

My favorite hobby is to rag on an obnoxious Steelers fan at work. I have no problem with Steelers fans. I actually enjoy the playful teasing, and I do acknowledge the Steelers are the better team overall do to the history, championships and overall quality of the organization, but this guy takes everything personally and can’t handle any criticism of the Steelers. At all. He makes a Patriots fan look humble. My go to favorites:

-Vontaze Burfict would’ve been celebrated in the 1970s.
-The Steelers would’ve lost in 2005 is Carson Palmer didn’t get hurt and Bettis wouldn’t have gotten his Storybook Ending. (And
Chris Henry, too. He got hurt, too, on that play, but its obviously overlooked due to Palmer).
-Ryan Finley.

jjfozz

i will copy and paste your post and keep it handy

actually, at ravens games we’ve met some seriously nice steeler fans

with the exception of the guy I almost fought in the stands.

Last thing my father said to my friends, “He’s drunk. Don’t let him do anything stupid.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Then hack the cable system so that the TVs show nothing but episodes of Emily in Paris.

jjfozz

You are evil incarnate. I’m still in the first season. I am astounded by the stupidity of this show. Now, all of a sudden her friend is a world class singer?

Also, I’m far from being up to date on fashion, but the fucking outfits these dipshits wear are horrible. I guess.

Redshirt

When in doubt, you always go with the good crowd.

Doktor Zymm

The BEST crowd would probably actually be walking down to Delilahs to the punk rock whiskey bar that turns into a Bills bar on Sundays to watch them beat up on The Legend of White Mac. And I am starting the Buffalo D in vodka league. Hmmmm

Horatio Cornblower

I think you’ve answered your own question here.

King Hippo

COUCH COUCH COUCH!!!

(inserting cat picture)

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Doktor Zymm

I only have a fake cat to hug though

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King Hippo

probably shits a lot less, though!

Doktor Zymm

Truth!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There have been numerous times when I have forgotten to roll up the car windows when parking it in the garage and my cat has subsequently slept in there.

Gumbygirl

My cat is more likely to sleep in the garage than my car is.

2Pack

Dare to be different. Raiders bar, followed by a full report to the Clubhouse.

jjfozz

Old school. People getting wrecked on mimosas are bush league. What the fuck kind of hangover does that drink give you?

Doktor Zymm

Probably not worse than the one they already have, this is in Boystown so I would also be able to hear stories from last night’s Grindr hookups

Doktor Zymm

But overall yeah, it’s nawt a great football Sunday bar. Fun for Cubs games though and a killer BLT with sweet potato fries

King Hippo

Is bad enough that Grimace Touched My Butthole is rolling with Friday Night waivers dart toss Wan’Dale Robinson. Alongside starting TE Darren Waller, Hippo has not one but TWO pieces of the vaunted Vertically Enhanced Persons’ passing attack.

King Hippo

He’s had reasonable enough performances in 1 or 2 close wins. I’ve made waaaayyyy worse mistakes of my own full volition!

2Pack

Till the cows come home (for your home invasion).

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Horatio Cornblower

Our neighbors were loose again this morning. There are now two calves added to the group, for a total of five.

Situation is getting truly bizarre.

2Pack

Neighborhood cows gettin jiggity in your yard now. Film at 11.

Gumbygirl

If they had those calves in your yard, they are now citizens of Horatioland. Your sovereign subjects!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, any of you SeaTruthers (or Boris) have any insight on if DK is gonna go? That 415 start means if he’s a late scratch, I have to roll with Mattison.

Redshirt

I suddenly love soccer, but I can’t understand why.

2Pack

Because Chicks dig it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why love bomb when you can sing about your

https://youtu.be/FhO_jnKl4pk?si=WS-F8ZbNnn8MLyIV

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