Your Non-Morning NFL Football Open Thread

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Enough of those silly games overseas. What’s wrong with the USA besides almost everything? (I kid) Fantasy monkeys call this a ‘Bye-mageddan’, being the silly people we are. Six teams are taking a break and they are Cincy, Dallas, the Titans, the Jets, Carolina and Houston.

To The Games!

Browns/Colts:

Deshaun’s status as questionable covers a helluva lot of ground. His rotator cuff is trending as mending so my guess is that he’s behind center. Cleveland probably won’t need much from him given that his D (phrasing) has risen to the occasion. They are top 5 in pretty much every category except for turnovers. Moss and JT should get bottled up and I don’t think Minshew has enough weapons at wr to get the job done.

Bills/Pats:

The rot on offense runs deep in N.E. Remember when the hiring of Bill O’Brien was going to fix all those problems? Naive times indeed for Pats fans. Rb Stevenson somehow has -85 yards rushing over expectation and three ball snatchers are in the bottom five according to a metric that tracks their ability to gain separation. Not helping? The D has a mere 3 turnovers to date.

Commies/Giants:

Howell looks to be a good streaming option today so he’s a temp on my Freezer Vodka team. The Giants are bottom 10 in yards allowed per attempt and TD’s allowed thru the air. Dimes didn’t take any reps all week so Tyrod is a go.

Lions/Ravens:

He’s playing really well but things are lining up against Goff-away on the road, outside, vs a team that brings a ton of pressure and has the most sacks. And it’s not as though it’s one guy wracking them all up, the 24 sacks are distributed among 11 players. If Detroit gets the W they’ll be 6-1 for the first time since 1956. Standing in the way is Lamar’s record against the NFC-15-1.

Raiders/Bears:

So curious to see what a Bagent looks like in a collapsing pocket. This might end up being The (Maxx) Crosby Show, minus the mind-erasing elixirs. Davante Adams should get back on track target-wise after complaining about his workload. One issue. Who’s throwing him the ball-my vote goes to AOC (Aidan O’Connell). His critics say that he’s a bunny-hugger off the field so I think Hoyer’s the dude today.

Falcons/Bucs:

Ridder threw for 300 yards last week! (he also tossed 3 picks) But wait! Tampa didn’t score an offensive TD or generate a turnover last week! Still, did anyone expect either of these squadoos to be .500 or better at this juncture? Arthur Smith’s ‘run all day and play solid defense’ is being undermined by their -6 turnover differential. Safety Bates is doing all he can with 3 picks and 2 forced fumbles but he’s just one guy.

Do your thing.

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Mr. Ayo

Hey, Devante, if you want the ball you got to catch the ball when it’s thrown to you.

Col. Duke LaCross

Jaylon Johnson finally doesn’t commit some kind of infraction and plays good defense on a deep ball and gets called for PI anyway.

King Hippo

Aaron Jones will play(ish), DK Metcalf will nae.

Redshirt

You can take the QB out of Cincinnati but you can’t take Cincinnati out of the QB.

Mr. Ayo

The Falcons will never make sense.

King Hippo

DESMOND RIDDER, y’all

fleshwound_NPG

THIS BAGENT LEMME TELL YA I CALL JAVELIN BECAUSE HE IS RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD TANK

Redshirt

Meanwhile at a nearby MASH unit, Tank Commander Fields throws a bedpan through a window due to Sgt. Bagent completely disregarding the battle plans and his orders.

Col. Duke LaCross

D’Onta Foreman, a healthy scratch from weeks 1-5.

Brocky

And a fantasy pick up for me last week 😊

King Hippo

Why do the Gigantes even employ Sterling Shepard?

Doktor Zymm

I am gonna nap so hard. Maybe 2 hrs sleep on plane, and another couple hours of light sleep in the morning with far less caffiene/fake meth equals sleepy zymmn

Redshirt

I thought it was illegal to jump over lineman on an FG attempt. Am I mistaken?

Mr. Ayo

It’s legal if you don’t touch anyone whilst leaping.

Redshirt

Okay, then Myles Garrett is not human.

BugEyedBoo

Not allowed to use them to boost yourself. I guess doing that Superman stunt was allowed.

Redshirt

(flashback to an 5th Grade Science Class)
“…and that students is how gravity works.”
“To heck with you! I’ll play by my own rules.”
“You’re a fool, Myles! A fool!”

Gatoraids

David Lee Roth guest referee

Redshirt

“Bijan Robinson isn’t feeling well” per the Falcons. Neither are some fantasy owners.

fleshwound_NPG

it appears im still taking my sunday nap, because most of these scores do not make any sense

WCS

Garrett himself is directly responsible for half of The Pauls’ 24 points.

Horatio Cornblower

Are you telling me that DeShaun Watson is once again scoring with someone else doing all the work?

Horatio Cornblower

oops.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Mr. Ayo

Holy shit, Myles Garrett. MVP indeed

Redshirt

Myles Garrett. Good at football.

WCS

Myles Garrett is still pretty good.

Horatio Cornblower

When that kid hits the transfer portal Dabo will lament his lack of loyalty.

Horatio Cornblower

I just had the best nap.

No point here, just wanted to say that.

King Hippo

Once you are past 40, or definitely 50 – a good nap is the best thing that can possibly happen to one.

Gatoraids

“Are you sure you weren’t woken by the screaming of the Tits, Clarice”
-D.Hopkins waiting for Wills game 2

Doktor Zymm

Goff is only one letter off from Ooff

herodotus450

And only one Enigma Machine crank away from Bart Starr. Weird.

Doktor Zymm

Can Bagent Ave Maria? WHO KNOWS BUT J PETERMEN CANT

Doktor Zymm

IT IS BAGENT BEDLAM

King Hippo

The REDEMPTION of White Mac??

Brocky

More like belichik’s plans to tank for a better draft pick went over his idiot owner’s head

WCS

Johnathon Taylor’s holdout might not have looked SMRT at the time, but he looks great today.

King Hippo

He was just waiting for Irsay to get back to dragon-chasing. It was a calculated bet.

King Hippo

I call your Waller advice and raise you MY “take both Falcon backs” wizardry.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BLAPT is the god of NFL audio, so in addition to things like blocked punts, other incidents like the ball hitting the parabolic microphone are also within his sphere of influence.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

don’t forget when pylon cam gets KNOCKED THA FUCK OUT!

King Hippo

Now that my fantasy leagues have embraced modernity, I have no goddamned idea who kicks placements for like 2/3 of the league.

BugEyedBoo

It’s kind of a big fat who cares, isn’t it? They all can kick 50+ yards pretty regularly.

King Hippo

Yeah, unless you have the yips or are Justin Tucker – anyone will do.

Doktor Zymm

I might walk back home after this beer foar NAP. Although early slate turning out better than expected

King Hippo

Ah, my old friend “daytime hangover” from similar escapades! But my body and brain hate me, I bet yours think you’re pretty KEWL.

Doktor Zymm

They’re at least tolerant of my hijinks

King Hippo

I am telling y’all. MYLES GARRETT, NFL MVP

WCS

/monkey’s paw curls

Redshirt

Are you a witch?!

WCS

SHAN’KLOR is still pissed off about Arizona State’s offerings last night, and just took it out on the Clots.

Horatio Cornblower

Refs absolutely fucked them on that non-PI call late. Can’t imagine it had anything with the PAC-? wanting to remain relevant in the play-offs discussion.

LemonJello

Why would NCIS have an office in Sydney? There isn’t a permanent US Navy base or presence there. Hawaii 5-0 run them out of Pearl Harbor?

herodotus450

NCIS: Five Eyes

King Hippo

The coaching staff in Tampa doesn’t get enough credit. Media groupthink was “it was all Brady” but they’ve got BAKER MAYFIELD running the offense better.

jjfozz

With the addition of this spicy garlic butter sauce, Papa John’s pizza has earned the name “hot garbage.”

WCS

comment image

They lost Kevin.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t recall exactly, but I think I predicted the WFT might be swept by the NFC East so I assume Los Gigantes are just fufuilling my bidding

Brocky

So me Padre bit the bullet and got a trial subscription to fubi.

Unfortunately we’re on a delay, and I can’t turn off the play by play on my phone because of fantasy

King Hippo

He looks quite spry, and y’all are clearly fighting harder for Tyrod.

King Hippo

When Balmer gets it all in synch, they are beastly. Just can’t be consistent with it, but it’s amazing to watch (at its best) for the neutral.

Doktor Zymm

Let’s go Buffalo, to near extinction at the hands of white dudes from the east

Gatoraids

glad my need to speculate on JSN this week caused me to drop the lions D this week at last minute

WCS

Rut-roh! NAWTY words from the Stillers pre-game radio guys!

(In reference to something about the Rams’ offensive line)
“Oh, I don’t give a shit about that…. er, I mean, sorry, I don’t…”

comment image

jjfozz

Years ago Billick was on a radio talk show live and clearly said, “Heinz Field is a piece of shit.”

WCS

Takes one piece of shit to know and understand another.

Doktor Zymm

Fuck Lions reverting to being the Fuck Lions

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am so glad the Bears already have a win this season so it’s not possible for their win over the Raiders to be their first.

Brocky

C’mon, you always remember your first piece

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ginny made that abundantly clear.

Doktor Zymm

Holy scxhisse, Marcedes Lewis is still alive

Brocky

My dad said the same thing last week

King Hippo

if you wanna throw to my Marcedes boy!

Last edited 1 year ago by King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

What’s with the dots on the back of the thighs of Bears pants?

Doktor Zymm

Is it for grip? Or chemo targets?

King Hippo

“preventative chemo” should be the new horse de-wormer for CRITICAL THINKERS

Doktor Zymm

Espeshially for the dreaded HAMMY CANCER

King Hippo

TEH SILENT KILLER TEH LIBS DONT WNT U 2 NOE ABOUT

jjfozz

Sniper?