Your First NFL Football Open Thread

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Hey guys, it’s time to do that thing again and we have a full complement of tilts to do it with. Why does not a single team have a bye at the halfway point of the season? I’ve not a clue.

To The Games!

Pats/Fins:

Hopefully this gets ugly early which would mean New England has to fight from behind which they are ill-equipped to do. One way for Miami to get ahead is to continue to employ screen passes-they’re very effective doing so and guess what, the Pats are the very worst in the league at defending that play. Though the latter is good at playing the run, can they stop a bulldozing Fins squadoo that churns the yards out at 163 on average and 6.3 per?

Jets/Giants:

Dueling dumpster fires it is! (though both are coming off wins) Don’t be surprised if The Mother Lover has another good game because he excels vs man coverage and the Giants swing that way more than only five other teams. Also in the Jets favor is that they get both starting corners back from injury-so take your finger off that Wan’Dale Robinson ‘start’ button. You should play Waller though because the Jets can’t defend the tight end and Darren has cobbled together two good games.

Jags/Steelers:

From the Hard To Believe file: Cal Ridley hasn’t caught a pass over the middle of the field yet this year. Jacksonville has given up nearly 2,000 yards thru the air after seven games-luckily for them, Pickett would be the very last pick were you to be playing flag football in your back yard. Etienne should have a day vs Pitt’s 28th-ranked run D.

Falcons/Titans:

Gah! Both these coaches are stuck in the 80’s and are ranked 25th and 29th in scoring per game so expect this to be the horse-racing equivalent of a ‘mudder’. Expect to see cowardly punts on 4th and short and three yard passes on 3rd and 5. That’s just what Smith and Vrabel do these days. Hopefully the pre-game watercress sandies don’t trigger a Bijan tummy ache or migraine.

Texans/Panthers:

Houston is .500 somehow (maybe it was that ambush of Pitt?) and the passing game is on point. Their Expected Points Added while throwing is .14 but while running it craters to -.12. Stroud has been increasingly sending balls Schultz’s way, including looks in the endzone in three straight affairs. Stream Time!

Rams/Cowboys:

Dallas has a 10-game home winning streak and the Rams are somehow 2-1 on the road with a 3 point loss at Cincy as well. They continue to be a hard out because Puka and Cooper dominate the middle of the field-you can’t stop both of those chain-movers so take your pick. There’s quite a bit to mock McCarthy about but his 11-5 post-bye record is not one of them.

Vikes/Packers:

Oof! Minny has yet to score a rushing TD. Their game hope? (not plan, hope) It’s to score early and often and Green Bay just might capitulate, given that they’ve been outscored 63-6 in the 1st half of their last four games. Rb Jones is out so Dillon gets another chance to prove that he’s not a washed up washerwoman.

Saints/Colts:

Minshew Mania giveth and taketh away-the O has produced a more than respectable 58 points (acceptable) and 8 turnovers. (not) That latter stat needs some serious correcting but can they alter that vs a Saints D that has generated 12 takeaways so far? Will mouthy emo qb Carr call out his wr’s on the field again? No wonder the passing game is suffering. Carr has had back-to-back 50 attempt games. How has that gone? Every qb that has thrown 50+ balls this season (nine of them) has lost.

Eagles/Commies:

Beware the big play-Philly has 29 20+ yard plays and Washington has given up 34 so far. (AJ Browns ears are ringing right now) Will Howell survive the season? He’s been put on the ground 40 times already and as we’ve learned by seeing Dimes get crushed over and over again, the law of averages is going to catch up to him. And if it doesn’t he’ll have been sacked 100+ times by season’s end. AJ has five straight games with 125+ yards-if he gets another he gets the record.

Get out there!

 

 

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jjfozz

Do I have another drink and make driving to pick up a pizza interesting, or tell my kids tough shit?

jjfozz

So my mother in law’s family – ignorant Trumpers who are “Christian” as long as you’re white – are having their fall fest today. i told my wife, “Yeah, not going.”

I’m happy, not because I didn’t have to go, but because I won’t have an aneurysm hearing people talk about how Biden was behind the current Palestinian – Israel war.

“He did it to get Jewish votes.” That’s an actual quote from those fucking dingbats.

Col. Duke LaCross

Why didn’t they just declare this Jets v Giants game a tie at the end of regulation? Feels like making it go to overtime is a Geneva convention violation or something.

fleshwound_NPG

at this point, im pretty sure that treaty thing doesnt exist anymore

Horatio Cornblower

Fox just switched me, a CT resident, from a Giants-Jets OT game to the beginning of the 49ers-Bengals game.

I mean, I’m probably better off, but it’s still a weird decision.

Redshirt

Overtime in New York? Wasn’t 60 minutes enough punishment for the viewing audience?

fleshwound_NPG

now the whole nation getting “bonus” coverage

fleshwound_NPG

yay, local cbs kicking the ny toilet bowl aside for bungles/niners coverage

Horatio Cornblower

I came home from the gym and turned the TV on and saw the coin flip for OT. Thought the game was just starting.

Judging from what the announcers are saying, I’m not sure the teams playing have realized that it’s started either.

Doktor Zymm

I feel like it would be kinda fun if they did something to make onside kicks more like a 7% or 8% play rather than closer to 1%

LemonJello

DDUUUUUVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

theyre gonna almost clinch that division before thanksgiving

fleshwound_NPG

does tittykisser make his move on that lady ref post game y/n

LemonJello

Maybe.

MILF Hunter Z? Without a doubt.

fleshwound_NPG

dont think she has a kid. but when she does, you bet he floodin those dms

Doktor Zymm

Well, color me surprised that the Commies made it even slightly competitive! This one was permanent markered as ‘L’ as soon as the schedule came out

ThePirateSloth

lol, KPT … Kenny Pickett Time.

Come on, now. Sir.

jjfozz

I failed to get a picture of a Ravens fan this morning, but I will try to paint with words.

Ravens hat
Lamar jackson jersey
faded purple camo shorts
white socks with ravens logo
white Nikes, raven themed

His wife was carrying a Steelers chair

Doktor Zymm

No ‘House divided’ t-shirt? Smh

jjfozz

They appear to be the common garden variety Baltimoreans – good people with horrible fashion sense.

Don T

I declare my allegiance to Will Levis, Finance MA, solid son-in-law material.

BugEyedBoo

There’s the Truth Biscuit we all know and love. JFC.

fleshwound_NPG

that warm, soft, bouncy, well rounded coverage

LemonJello

Titty Kissed Turnover! DUUUUUUVAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!

Don T

Falcons uave more men in the box than the IDF.

fleshwound_NPG

mmmm thats some good tittyception

jjfozz

I don’t look at the dings, scratches, and tears on my car with misty eyes about memories. I shake my head and curse my children and every asshole on the road.

Commercials are shit.

Don T

“That door corner from the mall’s parking space on Dec. 23, after a day of work. No rust for 5 years, praise Baby Jesus

jjfozz

“Whoa, that huge streak of dirt, sticks, leaves, and mud from the front of the hood to the back of the car, I must have been hammered while driving back roads to my parents’ house.”

I had a lot of explaining to do when my parents woke me up and showed me the car.

I lied so hard I pulled a muscle.

Don T

No outside blood or hair, better come with a warrant fuzzo!

hippofant

I get weepy at all the depreciation.

fleshwound_NPG

reminding everybody that he too is from the shitty belichick coaching tree

jjfozz

Harrison with an ole move on Watt.

Don T

Levis to the tent, Titans to the tank.
Ooooh Malik
[Lighter strikes]

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jjfozz

Huh, big push for this OCD drug.

You could be cruel and make the pills different colors and doseages, and then include a pill organizer that doesn’t have enough compartments.

Redshirt

Damn it, Steelers. Quit doing the impressively good hustle plays! When I think good on you guys, my soul burns.

fleshwound_NPG

TITTYDOWN

Gatoraids

Tannehill watching Levis today and checkin to see if Tennessee has red flag gun laws

Redshirt

“No, officer. He was stealing my job. Its justified.”

Don T

Levis to Hopkins. Again! Ave, Gamblor, yours is the power and glory, amén.

Gatoraids

those throw back unis powering the tits

Don T

Perky look fo sho

Gumbygirl

Ugh.

LemonJello

DDDDDUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL

King Hippo

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Last edited 1 year ago by King Hippo
LemonJello

Which QB is in for the Stillers?

Hint:
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jjfozz

That is marvelous

fleshwound_NPG

Diora Baird, for those that want to know

fleshwound_NPG

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ArmedandHammered

Her Playboy pictorial was faptastic!

WCS

And Uncle Jack is now out with a “rib injury.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DEADLY HOUSEHOLD: [are leaving for vacation in a few days]

DR. MRS. DEADLY: Let’s go grocery shopping!

jjfozz

Just finished “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Amazing.

Redshirt

Jordan Raanan
@JordanRaanan
Tyrod Taylor out with a rib injury. He’s been taken to the hospital for further evaluation. #Giants

Well, that ain’t good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Proper stretching is why I’ve never had a rib injury.” – Coach Reid, interlacing his fingers and cracking his knuckles

ThePirateSloth

I want to punch every single announcer who keeps fucking saying Tush Push in the gotdamn throat.

BugEyedBoo

How about Brotherly Shove?

jjfozz

The Gay Play?

hippofant

the butt plug?

King Hippo

I calls it the Rolling Tank and will continue

jjfozz

Looks like Matthew Perry’s career . . . is all washed up. See you in hell.

King Hippo

Dr. Mantis Tobaggon!

2Pack

Thanks for the do over FG. The derp is strong with these guys.