First things first: I don’t think TayTay will be at the game but the parents will be! Hurrah!
T’was a fairly entertaining Sunday if I say so myself-let’s dig in.
Fallout:
-Nice Bench You Got There: Mind if I have a seat? This is Milf Lover’s third sitting down in just over a calendar year. Is this another, “He just needs to figure things out and he’ll be back” scenario? Nope. Finally Saleh has seen the light so Siemien is holding the tablet when Tim Boyle starts sucking. I’m guessing you’ll see Trevor soon enough because the 29 yr old Boyle puts the ‘barely adequate’ into journeyman. He’s not a pocket escape artist and his yards per attempt in three starts and 16 appearances sits at 5.1.
-The 4-6 Falcons (2nd in the NFC South!) are determined to get middling results the rest of the way by putting middling qb Ridder back under center. There just aren’t nearly enough good qb’s to support this league.
-Whiff of Joe Judge: “I have full confidence…in myself as the playcaller. So you can stop asking that question.” Telling reporters to shut up is certainly the sign of a man completely in charge/on top of a situation. (I don’t want to be fair to the bum but the Chargers wr’s dropped 4 passes that I saw)
-We’ve used this space to talk about Tomlin’s weird mofo but what about Stefanski’s? How did the Browns get to 7-3? They seem more like 4-6 to me. Watson wasn’t setting the world on fire before his injury, he was actually kinda lousy. And then yesterday Down To Run ugly-ed up the place something fierce and yet got the W. I guess something always has to stink in Cleveland.
To The Game!
Eagles/Chiefs:
-If you don’t have a fantasy guy in this game you’re likely straddling last place in your league. (I very nearly resemble that remark)
-Good Old Stat Updated: With his team resting for a week (regular and post-season) Andy’s record now stands at 31-6.
-Of course look for the “Brotherly Shove”. It gets quite a bit of attention but any play in any sport that is 90% successful should be highlighted.
-Trench Warfare: The Eagles o-line is 2nd (PFF tells us) in pass-blocking efficiency but Chiefs DC Spags mirrors that-his unit is 2nd in pressure rate at 28.2%. It’s defending the run which is K.C.’s problem.
-Top Heavy (but not like Marika): No Chiefs ball-grabber aside from Kelce and Rice have over 280 yards receiving. That means that the 3rd leading receiver averages 31.1 yards a game. Oof!
Go get ’em!
Toney and MVS can’t catch shit but somehow this drive is working off of DPIs and illegal contact penalties.
Yes, “somehow”
Taylor Swift about to write a new hit song called ‘Why Hassan Reddick Sucks”
Improvement!
https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/38946050/adrian-beltre-joe-mauer-chase-utley-baseball-hall-fame-ballot
Hurts has looked really slow on some of these read options. Not sure what’s up.
Whispers about that knee owie getting louder.
Me, a Dallas fan:
Good. If my QB dies, all other QBs must die!
Is ESPN showing live shots of Taylor Swift?
Isn’t she killing her fans in South America?
I know. The question still stands.
Worse…
https://thehardtimes.net/culture/taylor-swift-tells-swifties-its-almost-time-to-shed-their-physical-bodies-and-ascend/
When did Swift start drinking the MAGA-aide?
T. Swift is pretty hard-core Blue. Kind of surprised the MAGA-cult hasn’t started demanding that she be investigated for Satan worship. Or, as normal people call it, “urging her fans to vote.”
one of the very few things theyve got right is keeping their mouths shut about her…for now
As is Travis. My joke was they were the only Demmycrats on Farmers Only.
John Mellencamp lives in a small town.
He’ll officiate their wedding.
lol @ one of the d lineman of the iggles trying to intercept the spike
chiefs with a legit D has some late 90s niners vibes
*80s
damn, so old im getting decades messed up
that was barely even a pick
(me, looking at my index finger suddenly covered in blood)
as somebody that works at a cement plant, this happens WAY too often
Why? All the dust and whatnot?
yep, that shit hardens a bit in your nose after an hour or so. even a snot rocket feels like shooting a bb
-Redshirt’s Date
TayTay’s Dong with the TD
No guys, this game has not been fun. It’s been shit.
so basically the int just moved the ball back 20ish yards for kc and have em try again
DEFENSIVE STRUGGLE
but enough about Andy Reid’s girdle!
Why would fans be watching the game at their hotel? Wouldn’t they have traveled to the hotel to see the game in person?
Alright I’m in Chicago, no way I can make it through this much family time without a serious amount of hooch.
Good thing there are more bars than grocery stores!
Sometimes both!
Great watch for the neutral this. Accidentally bolded but leaving it.
huhHey now!!!!
Are you an all star?
Well, get your game on
Go play
Suddener change!
Gotta love college ball. UConn up 10 on Texas with 21 seconds left and Texas is calling timeouts.
Did the venue in Río sacrifice enough Taylor Swift fans to guarantee a Chiefs win, or will they have to hand out salt tablets and tell people it’s MDMA?
Not enough sacrifice. My people can take care of the rest.
Great game. Time for a smoke.
AJ Brown has some grip strength, yo.
Like Jerry Sandusky in a Penn St shower.
What the flying piss was all that?
A GG Allin memorial celebration?
MNF version of Release The Kraken. No sign of Tay Tay here, either.
I will give you TWENTY AMERICAN DOLLARS if you go out and poop on that ice.
People who shop at Whole Foods are the same fuckfaces that give Mercedes for Christmas gifts
Although in Chicago they have cheaper better booze than the 7-11
Reminds me of a joke my friend posted on Facebook during the super bowl last year:
As someone who doesn’t care about football, I thought I was being clever by getting my grocery shopping done during the big game.
Then I realized I went to whole foods by accident and realized my mistake”
I’m more of a Lazy Acres guy these days.
How rich does a couple have to be for you not to be like, “What the fuck do you mean you bought a Mercedes without telling me?”
This Hurts kid is decent
Yeah, I like him. They just got lucky there, that was almost a Deadly Doink.
Basketball seems to be pretty popular in Belize. Their season starts in January though
Rage rising.
You can bond with Rikki over the Chiefs being bullshit!
The beast dog did this to me yesterday by slamming her concrete skull against my face.
Oof
You’re missing the “W”.
I dunna get it
My dad legit thought one time out Rottweiler had given him a concussion
He rolled over to the side of the bed at the same moment the dog jumped up on that side.
In his words “I fucking saw stars”
My lotta Lab used to regularly try to murder me. He just got excited, not a malcious bone in his body. I went to the ER once, for a badly sprained wrist. I should have gone when he tripped me up and I landed on my hip. I still feel that, it’s been years.
Horse skulls are also hard but a lot bigger, one of my barn friends had to go to urgent care and got 12 stitches
My thesis adviser owned a farm, and a horse stepped on his foot in the early ’90s. I imagine that hurt.
That’s why you wear closed toe boots around horses. Not steel toe though, those’ll cut your toes off. It’s not really too bad as long as they don’t break your big toe
I too have taken a dog skull to the dome and it never stops hurting.
Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating. It stops, but it takes quite a while.
So, good boy!?!
She is the oddest, goofiest dog I’ve ever owned. A complete and total batshit crazy Lab.
That is an absolute horseshit spot.
Agreed
Everybody knows they’re brothers, but ppl forget that the Green Kelce got suspended for a whole year in college football, probably for getting a discount tattoo. What a loser!
As long as it isn’t a russian prison tattoo made with cigarette ash and urine
I thought it was the Red Kelce, for weed. Makes me like him more!
Um, I was told you couldn’t run on Philly.
No, no. You shouldn’t run IN Philly
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JuLH0Hiueho
I’ve never understood the “thin as tissue” rain covering. Jesus, spend $40 and get a fucking raincoat.
OMG TRAVIS IS PLAYING AGAINST SWIFT
4ta y 15! My graphics are translated!
A sack by Reddick
(also a description of Geronimo’s scrotum)
Tres clever
Is the most common blood type in KC Chicken or Beef Gravy?
BBQ sauce,
Gravy is Indianapolis
Flacco not going to the Browns, they put salt on his mashed potatoes.
“The finest road salt money can buy. We borrowed it from a road crew in Akron!.”
-J. Haslam
Migraine nap was excelente. Still holding #4thPill for this fine fixture. YAY, FITBAW!!!!!
I’ve got heroin
I am listening…
Skyrizi sounds like an entry in the Urban Dictionary.
“I was going with molly, but then someone hooked me up with some dope skyrizzi.”
That’s exactly how it was discovered.
ARROWHEAD STADIUM IS LOUD! DID YOU KNOW THAT? HOLY FUCK ON A LOLLIPOP! IT’S LOUD!
Can someone do a hip drop on Kelce? If not, just shoot him with a musket?
Oh someone has Bad Blood towards him.
He’s never ever ever getting back on the bandwagon.
He wears short skirts, while I wear t-shirts. He’s cheer captain and I’m in the bleachers
Is the American Thanksgiving sports week under-rated? Some people say yes.
College basketball, both men’s and women’s really get going-tons of tourneys
NFL: GB/Det, Commies/Cowboys, Niners/Seahawks on Thursday and then the Fins/Jets matinee on Friday
CURLING!
HOCKEY!
/there may be some other kicking sports of interest as well
Since we’re going to all the repeat offenders of NFL Narrative, here’s fish being tossed around, in Philadelphia, and anti-vaxx/Kelse all in one:
Someone else figure out how to get Jerome Bettis and Detroit in there.
6-5 Grimace Touched My Butthole has no piece of this!
Because you killed all my 8-3 Scrotal Recall players.
a man gots to have a code
DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE KELCES ARE BROTHERS?????
The last name was a giveaway for me.
Gone down a rabbit hole with the new Pres in Argie. He is something special.
Seems horrid, don’t wanna dig any deeper than that.
YARP. I have hit my human atrocity limit.
He has an alter ego….General Ancap, who sings…
Steve Colbert loves to just pop into places.
oh dear god
I can’t believe an ancap is in charge of something. Should be interesting
Did you know that there are 2 brothers playing against each other in this game? – R. Fitzpatrick, Harvard Alum
Fitzpatrick has two brothers playing?
*briefly considers making a bros before hos joke about Tay Tay*
*is too lazy*
[glances up from practicing free throws]
“No kidding?”
– Jimmy Graham, former college basketball player
“No kidding?”
-J. Bettis, fondly remembering his Detroit upbringing
Just had a lovely nap and all ready to see if they watch football in Belieze or if I’m going to have to location spoof on my laptop!
What’s that? Still an hour to go? Guess I’ll go take a walk by the sea wall or something. Might try to find one of these Beliken beers I’ve seen ads for
Beer obtained, rice, beans, and chicken stew ordered
that’s not chicken . . .
Aw, I just retired my Belikin Beer t-shirt earlier this year.
I like Beliken. And Belizean chicken stew. Jealous!