Your Regular NFL Sunday Football Open Thread

Hey, welcome back! After last night’s failed Lemonade Experiment (the sugar-centric hangover this morning, god!) I don’t feel like doing this but obligations are obligations.

To The Games!

Steelers/Bengals:

Cincy will start a guy (Jake Browning) that sounds like an early Industrial Age process. I come from a long line of Jake Browners-it’s not done anymore because carriage technology has progressed so rapidly. A positive change in scoring fortunes for Pitt will allow everyone to do what they’ve always wanted which is to Blame Trudeau! Er, Canada.

Jags/Texans:

Stroud has thrown for 300+ in 5 of 10 and in three straight. What to do vs a Jacktown team that gives up an average of 254? Y’all should be fortifying your team with a Tank Dell is what you should do. If the Texans win this shootout (calling it) they’ll be atop the division and have the tiebreaker. P. Girlfriend is 1-4 and owns a 4-7 TD/INT number against this team.

Bucs/Colts:

[throws up in mouth a little] Indy? A playoff frontrunner? Well, they’re 5-5 and have the league’s easiest sked down the stretch. Do Better, NFL! I don’t think Irsay’s heart or his dealer could survive a playoff game so something has to be done. Kidnap Minshew maybe? Cade Otton came good when I had to stream him a few weeks ago and should again given the Colts inability to defend the position.

Saints/Falcons:

New Orleans needs some help in the passing game and with Thomas out (naturally) the answer is staring them in the face. Carr and Shaheed, when they do hook up, create an 88.8 QBR number which is top 20 in the league. Ridder gets another go at starting because Arthur Smith has coached himself into a corner.

Pats/Giants:

This one’s for all the (draft pick) marbles! If the Giants lose their odds of getting a top 2 pick rise to 47%. If the Pats take the L their number rises to 37%. Such excitement! Play your Stevenson’s and Zeke’s and don’t think twice about it. On the other hand, these teams can’t generate anything (DeVito’s cromulent outing last week aside) offensively so it should become a Stalled Drive Celebration.

Panthers/Titans:

A run-happy team vs another that has given up a league-high 17 TD’s to rb’s? Yes please. In deeper leagues you may even entertain playing the future, Tyjae Sharp. He’s splitting carries and gets the passing down work. Just a matter of time. Say a prayer for Bryce Young-the guy must want to close the book on this season and start a new chapter in ’24.

See you in the comments.

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King Hippo

Urge to nap or play Footy Manager? Rising.

litre_cola

Can you take my kid to his athletics cult? I would love a nap.

King Hippo

fuck it, it’s Canadia. He can just wander off unsupervised.

King Hippo

it’s just public shaming at this point

Redshirt

Yay! Gameclocks are broken in Cincy!

Petronel

With in-depth play-by-play analysis of the malfunction!

Petronel

On the bright side, it’s good to see that whoever programmed the chyron display for CBS made the clock display optional, for just such a situation.

Redshirt

Alright! Timeless game!

Gatoraids

not the real video link
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Redshirt

(crosses out song to post until they fix the clocks)

King Hippo

One for Scotchy y Hippo there WOO

King Hippo

(I need many MOAR of those from CJS)

jjfozz

Ice skating bumper cars, something a Cincinnati native could enjoy.

King Hippo

Prison Girlfriend ain’t afraid of a little contact in the box!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Man, I could sure go for a little contact in the box.” – Deanna F., Mississippi

Horatio Cornblower

/Lowratio perks up

jjfozz

Oldest Fozz is writing algorithms to predict how to bet.

When I was 19 I was drinking beer in the woods behind a burned out shopping center.

litre_cola

Back in those days Porno was on VHS and magazines! Like real men enjoyed it!

Redshirt

…or in between the A/B switch on the cable box. You couldn’t see the races, but damn it, it taught you to be skin color blind!

Redshirt

Bengals…lead?

Redshirt

Good Burger 2?! Bring back the strikes!!!

jjfozz

THIS STEELERS BENGALS GAME, I CALL IT CINCINNATI CHILI BECAUSE IT LOOKS HORRIBLE AND LEAVES A BAD TASTE IN MY MOUTH

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I turned it off and am watching an episode of Cabinet of Curiosities instead. After that, I’m thinking music.

jjfozz

Well, I’ve burned through Emily in Paris, so I feel kind of empty inside

Brick Meathook

Go to Hard Times Cafe on King Street in Old Town Alexandria and get a Cincinnati Chili all the way (5-way). You might change your mind.

King Hippo

Hard Times was the only thing I liked about living in NoVa

litre_cola

BC Dick and I made skyline while very high and absolutely loved it.

/ducks can being thrown at head

King Hippo

el TractorcitoDOWN for mas loyal hombre de los Puerto Rico!

jjfozz

Menopause is a wonderful thing

King Hippo

I have hot flashes all the time, really helps me connect with my inner #SpiritGoddess

jjfozz

Can I move in with you until about 2030?

jjfozz

Folding pizza in half should be a capital offense

BugEyedBoo

Get that Detroit-style pizza, and folding isn’t an issue.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man I could really go for some of that right about now.

Brick Meathook

I’d never heard of Detroit-style pizza until I went there in September. That was the greatest piece of pizza I’ve ever had, and I’ve had ’em all over the world.

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Gatoraids

Calzone will not be tolerated

Fronkenshteen

If you took the Over on Tommy DeVito’s passing yardage today, Wan’Dale Robinson is not your fri’end.

Spur

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Gatoraids

your liver is also probably not your friend either

King Hippo

oh man, I’d say “hated by one’s liver” is polling over 90% with this crew!

Fronkenshteen

“You’re right. Guy’s a dick. DeVito is dealing, though!”

-my liver

Spur

How old is this guy?

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2Pack

Been slingin em professionally since 1911

Brick Meathook

Are those lieutenants operating that thing? “See, this piece goes here, and then you turn this piece (I think), and then you pull on that metal part there . . .”

King Hippo

Baker Mayfield does nae squat 600 lbs (especially after today)

Spur

I dont understand why a player doesn’t jump cleat 1st onto the Eagle pile. That would end that shitty play. Also, they Eagles always false start on the play and its never called.

Redshirt

…and Browning just pulled a TE Tim Tebow. Fantastic

King Hippo

GIVE IT TO WHITE, MAN!!!

litre_cola

We are due!

litre_cola

More of an ass man but am all in on the Tits D today

Redshirt

We’re about one or two weeks away from Belichick pulling a Constanza with the Lombardi Trophies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TOuK47jjck&pp=ygUcc2VpbmZlbGQgd29ybGQgc2VyaWVzIHRyb3BoeQ%3D%3D

Redshirt

Alright, time to see if we “NextManUp-ing” or “Tanking”.

litre_cola

I get a lot of U W coverage here and he was quite good in college.

Redshirt

He’s not lacking in confidence. Fans are trying to spirit bomb him into an Alternate Universe Joe Burrow.

King Hippo

I can die happy if Dr. Mantis Toboggan and The Enduring Purgatory of White Mac end in a nil-nil draw.

Spur

Bunch of shitty games this morning. Might just fart on my Sirianni voodoo doll until gane time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why you would stop at kickoff.

King Hippo

RedZone time. Piss off, Ashley Young

Spur

Saw A&M workshopped Mark Stoops as HC overnight and the people revolted.

King Hippo

Bonfire Cult would have eaten him alive.

Spur

Even by Texan standards A&M people are weirdos.

King Hippo

One of my #BFIB supporter buddies lives in Houston, and he agrees with your assessment. Says Texas Tech are as close as anyone gets to “normies.”

litre_cola

My buddy is a prof there. He is leaving at the end of the year to go to U of Virginia due to what you are saying.

King Hippo

Wahoowa is also a cult, but mostly a harmless/amusing one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy crap did you folks know that Lenny Kravitz was once an opening act for The Cure?

https://www.theverticalfiles.com/the-ticket-stub-project/feb-22-1992-the-cult-lenny-kravitz

2Pack

You mean the Cult?

Spur

Morning Folks

Horatio Cornblower

When the opposing team is leading you away from the ref so that you don’t get a second yellow and thrown out of the game that really has to make one question your value on the field.

King Hippo

uh huh (see comment below)

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve never seen anything like that. McGuire and at least one other guy gently pushing him back like “Hey, we need you on the pitch, buddy”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t understand, if they were going to create a fictional team for a Canadian broadcast, why have it be from Houston? They should have made it a bunch of plucky upstarts from Saskatoon or something.

Dunstan

I don’t know, the Houston Ruff Riders has a nice ring to it.

Horatio Cornblower

I would think Muff Riders would be a more fitting tribute to Houston.

Horatio Cornblower

New FIFA 24 ad showing Erling Haaland kicking a kid through a brick wall just in case the Premier League gets any ideas about going full Everton on Man City.

LemonJello

I thought my keycard to the Clubhouse stopped working. Turns out, I was trying to use my Sea Pass from the cruise to get in! Thank Baby Jebus for the unlimited drinks package!

But now I’m back and ready for some fitbawl!

Horatio Cornblower

“Well that’s too bad, because all we have here are the Patriots and the Giants!”

-The NFL

LemonJello

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King Hippo

Ashley Young is terrible. Dyche’s obsession with him is my only complaint atm.

litre_cola

Only 1? It’s festivus season!

Horatio Cornblower

He’s about to put you down 2-0 with that trip.

King Hippo

It’s becoming a very large complaint, mind.

Redshirt

https://comicbook.com/powerrangers/amp/news/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-the-return-reveals-first-look-at-new-green-ranger-olivia-hart/

Only in comics can you fully ship Tommy-Kimberly and not on Saturday morning TV where you have to dance around how Green and Pink makes Olive, er Olivia.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pimento Loaf Power Ranger

Horatio Cornblower

Eli Manning has strong opinions on this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OLIVIA MANNING: [exasperated beyond belief] All right, Eli, repeat after me. Whenever I am about to start peeing…

ELI MANNING: Whenever I am about to start peeing…

OLIVIA MANNING: I will pause and ask myself…

ELI MANNING: I will pause and ask myself…

OLIVIA MANNING: “Am I dreaming right now?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(based in an almost-but-thankfully-not-quite true story from Rikki’s own previous evening)

Redshirt

(Peyton snickers as he prepares another cup of warm water)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank you for making me almost spit take with a mouthful of oatmeal.

Dunstan

Was Kimberly the one played by Amy Jo Johnson? Because if so, I only shipped her with myself.

Redshirt

Elsewhere, the OSU faithful is trying to burn down the Oval, but not realizing you can’t burn down flat grassy plain.

Horatio Cornblower

Look Sam, the ASU female students have shifts to work down at The Landing Strip and the males need to check in with parole. Don’t act all holier than thou.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to amuse myself by imagining that all the liquid spots on the bleachers behind him are urine stains.

Horatio Cornblower

imagining?

Fronkenshteen

uh…wow

King Hippo

yeah, I can’t even bitch about that’un. Just…wow. Like ye said.

litre_cola

Goal of the season

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower

Not sure how other Arsenal fans feel, but I’m really enjoying seeing Emery’s success with Aston Villa. Guy deserves it.

2Pack

This never ending black Friday sale bouncing from store to store chit Wifey has been putting me through is just begging to get my azz bounced from the LDBC. Stevie Wonder Christmas playing now.

Brick Meathook

DO IT

BugEyedBoo

That’s total fuckin’ nonsense right there.

(says the guy who drafted him with the first pick in the draft)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good thing he didn’t say that about Daily Fantasy Sports or his house would have burned down due to an “electrical fire” at the exact same time a black bag team from NFL Security would have been in the area for unrelated reasons.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m frankly surprised Dak didn’t get his legs broken Thursday after his “don’t gamble” speech the week before.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Way to reveal your bias against white billionaires with the anti Irsay talk.

/s

Horatio Cornblower

Good idea. No way her latest production isn’t terrifying and going to come back and bite you in the ass. Literally.

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blaxabbath

Good enough!

2Pack

She’s 41. Marika is 44. Shop and compare people.

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Redshirt

Good advice. I’ll have both and compare and contrast. This may require several tests.

2Pack

Sum quality cray cray MILF right there Buddy.

Redshirt

She both the combination of an young Amish going through Rumspringa and soiling her wild oats before going full Amish as an adult and the dangers of allowing a mentally ill person free-reign with no abusive oversight.

Horatio Cornblower

This is pretty much spot on.

ArmedandHammered

Looks like a match.com pic, the desperation to be loved plus the craziness come through loud and clear.

2Pack

You never go Spears Bro.
/ as he goes all in Spears

King Hippo

I…really didn’t need Rachaad White to be gimpy for this week. Yikes.

litre_cola

I have him in 3 of 4 leagues. #metoo

King Hippo

Rotowire sez it’s basically a nothing burger, which settles me down a bit. I could start Cort Sutton, but against #ThePauls that seems #suicidal.

Last edited 11 months ago by King Hippo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Samesies. I need a big game from him…

Redshirt

That’s why I stopped gambling on sports. When I gamble in a Casino, I always play the long game, lose small but survive until I win big and then bail out before the odds come back around.

On Sports Gaming, I’m always chasing the homerun bet, turning to plausible parlay bet that would net a return of 50%-150% into nigh-impossible odds.

King Hippo

It will be legal in Cakalaky come 1 January. Perhaps I will dip my toe back in if that means it’s easier to get moneys out (before I tilt) and I don’t have to re-learn that Bitcoin laundering step.

Brick Meathook

I found that massive consumption of opiates makes gambling more fun.

King Hippo

It’s really the dress FOAR all seasons

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What kind of world are we living in when Jags/Texans is the most intriguing game of the bunch? I bet in one of those alternate universes where the Axis powers won there’s still at least a halfway decent game on, like the Dusseldorf Wolfsrudel vs. the Nagasaki Senshi or something.

Redshirt

Today’s matchup between the New Duisbergh Steelers and the Losantiville Germans would still be interesting.

King Hippo

I sure hope you’re right about CJS. Maybe 6 TDs and I have a shot.

ALSO WOO!!!!! EAT SHIT FAT MACK

Redshirt

Hey, it could happen again!

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