Your NFC East Divisional Banger (and Open Thread))

Who will earn the right to lose in the conference finals to the Niners? That’s the question being answered this evening. Two truly horrid fanbases come together (present company excepted of course) to boot!

To The Game!

Eagles/Cowboys:

-This certainly seems like another game where Philly’s pass D gets exposed like a Kissinger on a mortuary table. (bad image, scotchy, Jesus!) CeeDee and even EeeFgee will get into the action. Dallas is the more complete team but the things that the Eagles do well they do very well.

-One thing I like about both teams (within reason) is their ability to put points on the board with splash plays downfield.

-Dallas Goedert is back after being on the Ouch Report for three weeks. Philly’s pass game now has a threat in the middle of the field and that should give Smith and Brown a little more wiggle room.

-If Dallas wins tonight they’ll be on top of the division but if each team wins out Philly takes it based on a better conference record. Weird. I like the latter’s chances more because they have yet to play the Giants so that should be two W’s right there and they have the Cards as well. Dallas has the Bills and Fins coming up after this in consecutive weeks.

-Another flaw that the Philly possesses is that their red zone D is ranked 29th in the league.

-Given the way they’ve run up the score on several teams, I’m a bit surprised that the Cowboys “only” rank fifth in total yards gained.

It’s all yours now.

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Horatio Cornblower

Mahomes and Reid doing themselves no favors in that post-game press conference. Toney was clearly offsides. There’s literally no argument to be had there except you didn’t get your usual “special little boy” treatment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’d think that Andy Reid at least would have learned that too much special treatment spoils the child. Specifically his own child, who almost killed a little girl.

Redshirt

Of all the arguments you can make about questionable referee calls, this is the wrong hill to die on. If it was a toe, maybe, but he wasn’t even in the neutral zone, he was past the entire line of scrimmage.

Horatio Cornblower

You couldn’t even see the ball, for fuck’s sake.

Redshirt

This may be the first year in a while where there isn’t a team that is an absolute favorite. Even the top seeds and perineal contenders have flaws or glaring issues.

fleshwound_NPG

and it appears the hottest team headed into january…the cowboys

a team coached by mike mccarthy

Game Time Decision

Just means that the playoff loss will just be that much sweeter when bluebuny does something stoopid to lose the game

WCS

STEELERS GAHNTA SUPERBOWL

Honestly, there’s a hint of 2005 to this season. So, yeah. Just embrace it now.

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Redshirt

A potential Super Bowl run derailed by an unfortunate injury to a Bengals QB? Checks out. Unless the Football Gods have plans to smite both Joe Shiesty and Jake Feisty as a penance for the Bengals resurgence. If #6 goes down in a Steelers-Bengals postseason tilt, I’m betting it all on Pittsburgh.

If its gonna happen, I may as well make some money off of it.

Doktor Zymm

My eyes can be green sometimes, and I just switched my hair to a very dark blue, so I feel very matchy with my blackwatch tartan flannel robe.

Brick Meathook

Here are some shoes you might like:

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Doktor Zymm
Last edited 11 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Brick Meathook

I have these same shoes in the engineer’s boot model and they go with my reiver tartan duster quite well.

fleshwound_NPG

yea, if the cowboys dont win the superb owl this year, a year of mediocrity everywhere in the league, its never gonna happen again

Doktor Zymm

Can we make this binding? Cuz they probably are nawt gonna win the Owl

Horatio Cornblower

That’s the right call, since the pick is within one yard, but hoo boy, the officials picking up flags on two of the three Dallas TDs, in Dallas, is going to make WIP something else this week.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apologies for jumping the gun last week folks, but TODAY is the real Patriots Schadenfreude Day.

It also seems to be the day when the public turns against the Chiefs for their incessant whining about the officials failing to bend the rules in their favor for once.

Redshirt

Yeah, say what you want about the Patriots, but they weren’t whiny. Brady may’ve cried for a Roughing the Passer any time a defender got within five yards of him, but (to my knowledge) he never had to be held back on the sidelines and go bitching into a microphone.

hippofant

Wait what, Brady being held back while yelling at a receiver is classic Brady. Maybe not over an offsides penalty, but….

Redshirt

I’m either confused or the media successfully gaslit me. I thought Mahomes was being held back from the referees. If it was Tomey, I think his teammates would’ve held Tomey down while Mahomes ground-and-pounded him into the turf.

Senor Weaselo

Evening, folks. A rare cancellation means I got the night off, so I went to see Senorita Weaselo play Messiah.

A friend of hers was going to go see it too, but he had a The Cult moment. Another group was also playing Messiah at the college campus, in a different hall, at the same time. And he went to that one instead and realized it when he couldn’t see Senorita in the 1sts.

Horatio Cornblower

Guess your friend doesn’t realize that there’s only one true Messiah.

Game Time Decision

There can only be oooonnnnneeeeeeeee

Horatio Cornblower

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Doktor Zymm

I would pay tens of dollars to see Dallas fuck up a tushpush here

Horatio Cornblower

I was frankly dreading that.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, dive over the line. This isn’t rocket science.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[dives over a line] – Jim Irsay

Horatio Cornblower

There’s no way Jim’s ever gone over a line.

Horatio Cornblower

The Falcons took AJ Terrell right before Cee Dee Lamb.

fleshwound_NPG

a good cowboys player named fergusoncomment image

Horatio Cornblower

FORD: OUR TRUCKS CURE DEMENTIA!*

*this statement has not been approved by the FDA, and in fact they told us we couldn’t use it, but if we listened to those pussies none of you ever would have experienced the joy of the Pinto.

BugEyedBoo

You’d better get your shit checked, because it was a Chevy that was curing Alzheimer’s.

Horatio Cornblower

Ah shit, you’re right. I fucked up my logos.

Welp, off to the ice floe with Bill’s wife for me!

jjfozz

Jesus christ i hate that commercial. fucking loathsome.

Doktor Zymm

Woo, it’s a trick!

Horatio Cornblower

I knew they were going to fake that, although I thought it would be a direct snap and run.

Horatio Cornblower

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LemonJello

In what order am I supposed to watch that trilogy?

Horatio Cornblower

THE COLOR PURPLE: THIS TIME WE’RE SHOWING THE LESBIAN STUFF!!!

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can’t get the color purple without going a little blue.

Doktor Zymm

I CALL THIS GAME THE KENNEDY CENTER BECAUSE IT’S FULL OF FLAGS

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Horatio Cornblower

Dammit Thom Brennerman, what did we te…Oh. Oh, flags. Carry on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That last angle made it look like it’d have been good from 70.

Horatio Cornblower

Kid’s got a leg.

So does Scotchy, but we don’t talk about that one.

Last edited 11 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
clint greasewood

Chargers-Raiders upcoming this Thursday.

fleshwound_NPG

first ever negative integer scorigami upcoming

Horatio Cornblower

/schedules combination root canal/colonoscopy for Thursday

King Hippo

The Easton Stick Clippers, no less!

fleshwound_NPG

hockey 3 on 3 overtime after a 3-3 tie. then the kickers go to a shootout

Horatio Cornblower

We’re on pace for 32 flags this game, which is what we all tune in for.

King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

Hm, not much sleep plus not eating or boozing until 90 minutes ago and then binging a bit makes Zymm a sleepy. Tempted to go watch in bed, but it’s possible that the nest of pillows and blankets on the couch is actually more sleep-inducing

jjfozz

I really wanted to post on the Iggles subreddit, but I got banned last week. Fuckers.

Horatio Cornblower

I look forward to “what is a hold” becoming the new “what is a catch”

WCS

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LemonJello

FLAGS FOAR THE FLAG GODS!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

This was pretty cool.

https://twitter.com/ChrissieEvert/status/1733960571031089649

/Evert is fighting cancer, for those who don’t know.

TheRevanchist

Going to miss her coverage at the AO this year.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I won’t tell the Dr. Mrs. because it would cause her great consternation deciding who to root for.

Horatio Cornblower

Yikes. Did Evert kick her vacuum cleaner?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She really can’t stand her announcing. She feels about her the way I used to feel about Joe Buck.

(I’ve softened a bit on Buck in my old age. These days I just want to see him off the air, not, uh, some of the other things I’ve wished upon him)

Last edited 11 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower

3rd and 16! Quick, NOBODY COVER SMITH!!!

Horatio Cornblower

I probably outweigh Devonta Smith by a good 30 lbs. and a hit like he just took would snap me in half. At a minimum I’d have to use my lips to crawl off the field.

Horatio Cornblower

Shouldn’t the fact that Lane Johnson was clearly holding Parsons there negate the also nearly obvious hands to the face Parsons was doing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCK YES! I FOUND THE SPANISH AUDIO SETTING ON MY TV! NO MORE COLLINSWORTH!

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Redshirt

¡Vuelve aquí, bastardo!

clint greasewood

As a Bills fan if we lost that game to a fucking lateral on the day Frank Wycheck died I would honestly believed that this team is cursed. As of now I’m on the fence.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, still cursed

This was just so something horrible can happen in the wild card

Last edited 11 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

‘Hey, you know we’re in Arlington, right?’
‘oh shit, sorry, THERE IS NO FOUL ON THE PLAY’

Horatio Cornblower

Overruling holding calls on a Dallas TD, in Dallas?

Yes, that will cure the talk about the NFL getting in bed with gambling sites being bad for the game.

King Hippo

Jerral met the linesman’s price, it would seem

blaxabbath

It’s amazing how Dallas, despite having a classic look/logo/colors, manage to come up with bad uniform combo after bad uniform combo every year.

I assume it’s just to have new trash to sell their dipshit fanbase (present company excluded) every holiday season.

fleshwound_NPG

“we eventually got it right. let’s celebrate a few times a year when we got it wrong.”

Horatio Cornblower

1). I hate these Dallas helmets. They look like some ceramic totchke (sp?) you’d find when cleaning out your hoarder aunt’s living room.

n.) I watched the end of Bills/Chiefs. Good to see that Mahomes is the crybaby I’ve long suspected, and also that the only thing McDermott is worse at then selecting topics for motivational speeches is clock management.

LemonJello

If you have your appendix removed, do you get all the ice cream you an eat afterward?

/asking for Coach McCarthy

King Hippo

they probably put his opiates into iced cream gallon tubs

WCS

That was the only way the medical team was able to coax him into getting the operation.

WCS

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King Hippo

If somebody barrels into BlueBunny tonight, we will get some real exorcist-calibre screams

fleshwound_NPG

“HE DIDNT SAY GO BIRDS, TRADE HARPER.”

-WIP callers tomorrow

WCS

I miss FakeWIP Caller.

fleshwound_NPG

still tweeting, or xeeting, or whatever it is

WCS

Yeah, but that’s enough for me to go back to Space Karen.

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fleshwound_NPG

i randomly lurk, but will do no more than that anymore

Horatio Cornblower

I remain on there because the sports talk is so much better, but I block all the ads as a truly pathetic form of protest.

Doktor Zymm

None of the NFC east teams like each other, just hate each other slightly more or less

Horatio Cornblower

I loved how the announcers spent the whole pre-game in the first Cowboys-Eagles game talking about how the teams hated each other, then in the background of the postgame there’s Jason Kelce and Zach Martin laughing, hugging it out, and exchanging game jerseys with each other.

Doktor Zymm

Most of these players weren’t even born yet when the whole division was good and the rivalries were full on

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

After seeing the very objectively correct call that cost the Chiefs a touchdown along with Mahomes’ reaction to it, it would be very gratifying if the referees union decided to give him the Scott Foster/Chris Paul treatment for the rest of his career.

fleshwound_NPG

goodell would NAWT allow such treatment to such a golden goose, no matter how funny it would be

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve developed a pet theory that Scott Foster never actually had anything personal against Chris Paul, he just made a bet with the other officials that he could completely torpedo a random superstar’s career without the NBA saying a thing, and they drew Chris Paul’s name out of a hat.

litre_cola

Hello from Rankin Inlet, Nunavut.

Go Birds.

King Hippo

I put on a green shirt and everything. In the name of Charlie Kelly!

King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

Woo! You made it!

ballsofsteelandfury

Flying out tonight?

fleshwound_NPG

“I know my 9/11 hijacker quote was out of line, and I am sorry for that. Anyway, back to the game. In that 4th quarter Josh Allen was just like the Germans in WWII; all gas and no brakes. Our defense really pulled a Stalin in that 4th and starved Kansas City like they were Ukraine.”

-Sean McDermott

Doktor Zymm

Today in “Sean McDermott Learns a New Word” – ‘Holodomor’

clint greasewood

Live look at Mahomes talking to Toney after the game

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIzItfdrhvM

BugEyedBoo

I own one of those pinball machines that you can see at 0:47. Nitro Groundshaker.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nitro Groundshaker” sounds like something you could name one of Mike McCarthy’s farts after a particularly protein-heavy meal.

Mr. Ayo

Back back nights to Release The Kraken!

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Doktor Zymm

I feel like the NGCP will drop at least one game down the stretch with that schedule. I just hope this game doesn’t suck since I expect it to be, as Scotchy says in the title, a total banger

fleshwound_NPG

damn, jerrahs facelift(s) dont fuck around

ballsofsteelandfury

And the volume goes on mute… NOW